“I Am To Stay Outside.” Windstopper asked an hour after dinner. The attendants always brought far too much food for even five men to eat, but this time, since I was sharing with my new bodyguard, every plate they took away was picked clean. Windstopper had a prodigious appetite as well as prodigious strength. And I now realized that my quarters – the “Residence of the Ever-Burning Lamp” the card had called it – had a +0 to economics. I might not collect any income from any lands here like my father was probably doing right now, but at least I didn’t have to pay to feed this goliath of a man.
“No, you can go wherever you like,” I responded, once the attendants were gone. “I just can’t have you inside my room this evening.”
“Why Not.”
“Because I’m expecting- well, hoping for a guest.”
“Should I Let Them In.”
“No. You should go somewhere else.”
“I Should Not Let Them In.”
“No. You should let them in, then go somewhere else.”
“Where.”
“Anywhere you like.”
“I Would Like To Go Here.”
“Anywhere but here.”
“I Will Stand Outside The Door.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
I shrugged. “Ok. But if a woman comes, please let her in.”
“Ohhhh. Why Did You Not Say It Is A Woman. Your Father Trained Me For This.”
“Trained You. I mean… trained you?”
“I Am To Wait Outside And Cover My Ears And Not Come In.”
“Works for me. Just don’t send her away, okay?”
“Oh. Kay.”
I tried to dive into my reading once Windstopper was safely stationed outside, but when I unrolled my first scroll, a stack of papers fell out.
I picked them up and leafed through them, my annoyance mounting into horror then shifting to confusion.
***WHAT AN ACHIEVEMENT!***
TITLE: START WITH THE CORNERS
DESCRIPTION: An opposing warlord set a trap for you, but you solved their puzzle and survived unscathed. Well done! Maybe try not stepping into the trap in the first place…
***WHAT AN ACHIEVEMENT!***
TITLE: THE BARKING DOG
DESCRIPTION: You spoke out of turn in a meeting or war council in front of someone more than ten ranks above you! They could have you flogged for that.
***WHAT AN ACHIEVEMENT!***
TITLE: BRASH ENOUGH TO BE BEHEADED
DESCRIPTION: You spoke out of turn in front of someone more than TWENTY ranks above you! You do know how this ranking system works right? Next time try harder to keep your head… or you won’t.
***WHAT AN ACHIEVEMENT!***
TITLE: RED-HANDED USURPER
DESCRIPTION: You've participated in a plot to depose a clan head, king, or Emperor… and succeeded! Congratulations! I’m sure whatever you gained from it was worth the people you killed in the process. And remember: it's only treason if you mess it up.
***WHAT AN ACHIEVEMENT!***
TITLE: BONDED
DESCRIPTION: You’ve managed to convince someone from a lesser rank to devote themselves to you utterly. Just don’t make it weird, ok?
***WHAT AN ACHIEVEMENT!***
TITLE: NEXT IN LINE
DESCRIPTION: You've been named as the heir to a throne or the seat of a great clan. Don’t celebrate just yet. Statistically speaking, there are far more heirs across history than there are coronations.
As I sifted through them again and again, I couldn’t help but feel as if there was someone out there who knew far, far too much about the things that I had done. But at the same time, some of them didn’t make sense. Had I stumbled into an opposing warlord’s trap?
I suppose the Grand Marshal’s maze of pillows in the Hall of Benign Virtue could count, but then why would the prankster not say as much. In fact, the language of all these notes appeared to be much more general than specific to me. Perhaps there were other warlords receiving the same missives? Perhaps someone wanted us all to know that the things we did in pursuit of power were being chronicled somewhere, even if they might be hidden from official history?
A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.
Many of the ‘achievements’ I had received had been critical. But some had been good, specifically the one about forging a bond with someone, even if Windstopper was far too trusting of his new liegelord. I wondered what I had done to earn such ‘devotion.’ Was it the fact that I had given him a name, or the fact that I had shared my food with him? Surely a simple order from my father wouldn’t have earned the type of ‘utter’ commitment the message had alluded to…
Eventually, my thoughts were interrupted by a muted voice in the hallway.
“Go Right In.”
Windstopper’s voice was clear, and the other sounded like a woman, but I couldn’t be sure. Lady Ding had said ‘they' – assumedly the Minister of Pleasures – would probably send someone else tonight. I didn’t know what I’d do if it were anyone other than Lady Ding. By Heaven! I didn’t know what I’d do if it was her!
I quickly stuffed the papers back into the scroll and rose as the door opened.
And there she was. Suddenly my heart was hammering in my ears as if I had just been thrown from my horse mid-charge.
“Lady Ding!”
“You were expecting me?” There was an edge to that pretend voice and I knew I had already done something wrong.
“Um. ‘Expecting’ is the wrong word.”
“The wall of muscle outside would suggest otherwise. Unless he’s under orders to admit any lady into your room at any time.”
“Not at all. I… I had hoped that I would see you again. He’s under orders to let you in, specifically.” I thought back to my exact orders to Windstopper and realized that wasn’t exactly true.
Lady Ding seemed to be weighing me. Eventually she smiled, sickly sweet, which I didn’t take to be a good sign. “I am at your disposal, my lord. You have only to ask for me.”
“Yes, but-”
“Hush, my lord.” Lady Ding was completely devoted to her game again, not for my benefit, no doubt, but for the watchers in my walls. In fact, I thought the fact that she got down to business so quickly was because she had caught my inadvertent lie, and now she just wanted to get her job over with.
Even so, as she crossed the room, and placed a finger to my lips, my heart began to pound. My mind knew what she was doing, of course, but I was having a hard time convincing my body this was all an act.
She brought me down upon the same couch – a bit more gently this time than a kick to the chest – and she went through roughly the same routine as last time. I found it hard to keep my own breathing steady as she began panting and making the sofa creak. The sounds that she made were… very convincing, and I could only imagine that I would be very outmatched if it ever came to the real thing.
As her act came to a close, there was utter silence from beyond the wall.
“Again, my lord? Are you sure you are ready so soon?”
I barely contained a snort of laughter, but it seemed to fit with Lady Ding’s act, so she simply carried on.
“In that case, I will make you a special tea that will ensure your stamina.”
This second act of supposed lovemaking took longer, and Lady Ding made sure there was the occasional flash of limbs, garments or pillows cast in full view of the paneling’s spy-hole. By the end of it, I wasn’t sure where I was supposed to look or how I was supposed to sit, and I was completely incapable of stopping the beads of sweat from prickling the collar of my under-robe.
Eventually, there was a creak of wood within the secret chamber and the same whisper of a click that told me the watcher was satisfied that Lady Ding had performed her duty.
It was another few heartbeats before either of us spoke.
“So,” said Lady Ding, somewhat out of breath from the elaborate simulation. “You say you wanted to see me again. Why?” She was now using her true voice, one deeper and more alluring to me, as opposed to the lilting, slightly squeaky one so many men seemed to favor in concubines.
“You mean aside from the performance?” I asked with a twist of a smile.
“Mm. If you enjoyed that so much, you would have jumped at the real thing.” She had stolen the scroll from my couch again.
My heart stopped as the papers outlining my recent crimes fell out and I almost snatched them from her hands. I wasn’t quick enough. But as she turned the papers over, I saw that they had all gone blank, just as the others had.
She shrugged and placed them to one side.
With so many recent ‘achievements’ all stacked together, and with no text now to draw my attention, I realized that there were subtle differences in the paper itself, as if some of these notes were more rare or valuable. I committed myself to studying them more later. And, should I get one of these strange notes again, perhaps I should examine them more closely before the writing disappeared.
For now, I was focused on not letting Lady Ding slip through my fingers, as it seemed our second meeting had gotten off to a terrible start. She had decimated my vanguard and her opening salvo had left me reeling. I decided on a direct approach but the way she was positioned behind her book as she was, I felt I could fall back and regroup, reorganize my thoughts if needed... If I fell back fast enough.
I cleared my throat. “To be quite honest I’m not sure why I had hoped you’d visit again. I’ve never enjoyed the company of women who were duty-bound to be with me, and I can only imagine you’re not so keen on the practice yourself.” I rubbed my chest where she had kicked me. “But perhaps a person can’t survive with only ink for company.”
“You were lonely. Isn’t that sweet.” She turned the scroll mechanically, but I got the sense that it was only to maintain a pretense of disinterest. At least that’s what I hoped. “Though I wonder how one can be lonely, with such a vigilant protector at their door.”
“Windstopper is a good man, and loyal to my father…”
Her eyes flicked up over the scroll, and when I didn’t continue, she finished my sentence for me. “...But he’s not quite a match for you, is he?”
“Are you saying you are?”
“No, little sparrow. It’s you who are not quite a match for me.”
I could only smile. She was right.
In any case, it appeared my strategy was to be direct, entice her out of her fortress, and then keep pace with her as best I could… though that was a difficult task.
I shrugged. “So,” I said conversationally, “what else can I do with you?”
The look she gave me over the scroll was so dark, it could have made a monster quake. “Do with me?”
Ok. Fall back.
“DO with me?”
“Um, not like that. I mean… What else could we do that wouldn’t seem suspicious? I mean, it’s only early evening, and no one could believe that we’d be in here all night making love and I’ve been reading all day and…”
“You are aware this is not a game for me. I am duty-bound to be here.”
I said nothing. She could say no. Well, technically she wasn’t supposed to, but the woman who had kicked me in the chest, made me sleep on the couch in my own quarters, and kept stealing whatever I happened to be reading – probably because I had been reading it – would have no problem telling me to go… um, entertain myself.
Instead, she slapped the book down as if I had finally succeeded in breaking her concentration, and sighed, “It is not uncommon for a lord to walk the palace gardens with a concubine.”
She was making fun of her own act again.
“Sounds nice,” I said.
“Go on then, get dressed if you must. But I’ll not have you wear a sword in my presence."
