The cosmos, usually a serene canvas of starlight and swirling nebulae, convulsed. A tear in the fabric of reality opened up, an iridescent vortex pulsing with raw, untamed energy. It was a chaotic symphony of colours, a hungry maelstrom of cosmic forces.

  First to be devoured was Loki, the Norse god of mischief. He'd been in the middle of setting up a prank, involving Odin’s ravens and a vat of fermented mead, when the vortex snatched him. One moment, a grin; the next, a tumble through fractured realities.

  “By the beard of the Allfather!” Loki sputtered; his voice lost to the roaring energy. Illusions flickered and died, the vortex’s power overwhelming his magic. He was tossed, his form stretched and distorted like taffy in a cosmic giant’s hand.

  The vortex, now feeding on its first conquest, swirled faster — hungrier. Hermes, the fleet-footed messenger of the Olympus gods, was its next target. He’d been delivering an urgent message from Zeus to Poseidon (missing trident, misplaced thunderstorm), when the vortex snagged him like a fly. “By the winged sandals of Mercury!” Hermes exclaimed, his voice a high-pitched exclamation. Speed was useless against the vortex’s pull. He tumbled, his winged staff, the caduceus - a staff entwined with two snakes, spinning, sandals flapping against cosmic currents.

  But the vortex’s appetite wasn’t yet sated. It sought more chaos. Its next quarry was Coyote, the Native American trickster spirit. Mid-lesson to a stubborn badger, the cosmic force interrupted. “Well, now!” he chuckled, a whoop of delighted alarm. Shapeshifting failed spectacularly — fur dissolving into feathers, claws reappearing mid-transformation — leaving Coyote tangled in his own chaotic attempts to reclaim control. He grinned, sharp teeth glinting. “Time to see what this thing does!”

  Finally, the vortex set its sights on the great Sun Wukong, the Monkey King. Mid-training with his disciples, the whirlwind descended. “Interrupt the Great Sage Equal to Heaven?” he bellowed, golden eyes blazing. He brandished his signature weapon, the magical staff that could change size and shape - Ruyi Jingu Bang, but the vortex absorbed his blows, growing stronger. He was tossed, golden Armor clanging against unseen walls.

  Within the vortex, the four collided. Loki, disoriented, conjured icy daggers at a shadowy figure. Hermes, senses overwhelmed, lashed out with his caduceus at a furry form. Coyote, ready for a brawl, became a monstrous bear, swinging claws. Sun Wukong unleashed blows with his staff.

  “Who dares attack me, the rightful King of… wherever I currently decide to rule?” Loki thundered. “Show yourself, coward!” He flung a spell blindly into the vortex, muttering, “If it’s Thor again, I swear I’m going to throttle him with his own cape.”

  “Attack you?” Hermes cried! “I’m obviously the one under attack! You’re clearly some divine reject trying to mess with the messenger of the gods!” He ducked as debris flew past, shouting, “Do you even know who you’re dealing with? I could outrun you in my sleep!”

  Coyote, trying to calm everyone down, “Alright, alright, everyone calm down—I’m sure this is all a misunderstanding.” Moment of silence. “Or maybe it’s a very deliberate misunderstanding. And I’ll find out who to thank once I figure out how to bite them!” He scampered to dodge a flying object, growling, “You throw like a human!”

  Sun Wukong growled, “So! An ambush of mortals who think they’re clever, is it? Prepare to face the Great Sage, Equal to Heaven!” He swung his staff wildly, laughing madly as it extends. “Who’s first? Come on, I’ll take you all down!”

  Their powers clashed! Icy daggers, winged sandals, monstrous bear, golden staff, caduceus, illusions. Bash! Bam! Boom! The vortex amplified their brawl into a dazzling display.

  “Great Sage?” Scoffed Loki. “More like Great Fool—I’ve met houseplants with more sense!”

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  “Oh, wonderful, it talks.” Hermes muttered. “As if I don’t have enough problems figuring out who smells like bananas!”

  Coyote called out, “Hey! Don’t lump me in with banana-boy over there. I smell like freedom and freshly stolen chicken!”

  “Enough!” Sun Wukong exclaimed. “You’re all unworthy to even share this vortex with me. I’ll pulverize you into divine dust!”

  “Wait a second…” Hermes finally had enough sense to pause for a moment, “you’re all gods, aren’t you? This doesn’t feel like mortal handiwork.”

  “Gods?” Loki scoffed in his signature arrogance. “Hardly. More like amateurs. Though you have a point—this vortex reeks of divine incompetence!”

  “Hey, hey!” Coyote interjected before Loki finished, “I smell a setup! This has ‘cosmic prank’ written all over it. Not one of you did this?”

  “Tsk!” Sun Wukong finally returned to his senses absently scratching himself and bouncing from leg to leg. “If I caused this, it would be far more spectacular!”

  Then, silence. They paused, panting, eyes wide.

  “Pray tell,” Loki said, suspicion in his voice. “Hermes? Coyote? Wukong? Is that you?”

  “Loki?” Hermes inquired, incredulous. “What are you doing here?”

  “Monkey King?” Coyote asked, shrinking back to his coyote shape. “What’s got you riled?”

  “I could ask you the same!” Sun Wukong retorted, staff shrinking to ear-pick size.

  They looked at each other, realization dawning.

  “We were all pulled in,” Loki said, eyes narrowing.

  “It would seem so,” Hermes replied, thoughtful.

  “Fine mess,” Coyote chuckled, tail wagging.

  “Indeed,” Sun Wukong agreed, golden eyes gleaming.

  They looked around. A blank, white space.

  “Therefore,” Loki said, mischievous glint in his eyes. “What course of action shall we undertake?”

  “I have an idea,” Hermes said, grinning. “A magnificent, chaotic, divine idea.”

  “Do tell,” Coyote said, ears perked.

  “Yes, let’s hear it!” Sun Wukong said, tail twitching.

  Hermes explained, his voice growing excited. Loki, Coyote, and Sun Wukong listened, expressions shifting from surprise to amusement to delight.

  “A race?” Loki said, eyes gleaming. “A divine golf cart demolition derby?”

  “Gods as contestants?” Coyote chuckled. “Brilliant!”

  “Prize and punishment?” Sun Wukong said, grin widening. “Perfect!”

  “But why golf carts?” Loki asked, raising an eyebrow, a flicker of genuine curiosity in his expression.

  “Ah, the golf carts!” Hermes exclaimed, his voice brimming with manic enthusiasm. “You see, there’s apparently some lost paperwork somewhere by the ‘Bureau of Interstellar Hijinks,’ which sanctions a golf cart derby to do something about celestial doilies. Trust me. It makes perfect sense… somewhere…”

  He paused, taking a deep breath. “And the golf carts? Apparently left over from a cancelled ‘Galactic Retirement Community’ outing. So they're just... there.”

  They stared at him.

  “You’re… you’re joking, right? Celestial doilies? I’ve been dragged across realms for... doilies? This is the most ridiculous thing since Thor’s poetry!” Loki said, his voice laced with disbelief.

  “Would I joke about the sanctity of celestial doilies?” Hermes asked, a picture of earnest sincerity. “Besides,” he added with a wink, “it’s wonderfully chaotic!”

  Coyote let out a howl of laughter. “Celestial doilies! By the Great Spirit, that's rich!”

  Sun Wukong's golden eyes dimmed. “A sanctioned event… and I, the Great Sage Equal to Heaven, am to be excluded? This is an outrage!” He slammed the Ruyi Jingu Bang against the white void, and it bounced harmlessly. “I demand to participate!”

  “Unfortunately, Monkey King,” Hermes said, his voice laced with a hint of apologetic amusement, “the decree specifically states ‘divine or trickster-like nature.’ Your… immense power might be considered an unfair advantage. It would disrupt the optimal doily placement analysis.”

  Sun Wukong’s shoulders slumped, his usually vibrant fur seeming to lose its lustre. “Disrupt… doily placement?” He muttered, clearly crestfallen.

  “However!” Hermes exclaimed, snapping his fingers. “There is another way you can contribute! We need a racetrack, a truly magnificent course worthy of this divine demolition derby! And who better to design it than the Great Sage Equal to Heaven?”

  Sun Wukong’s golden eyes snapped back to life, blazing with renewed energy. “If the Great Sage Equal to Heaven cannot race, then I shall make a track so treacherous, so divine, that none will dare to forget its designer!” He began pacing, his tail twitching excitedly. “We will have loops! And jumps! And… and a river of molten star-stuff! And perhaps a maze guarded by celestial spiders!”

  “Celestial spiders?” Coyote asked, his ears perking up. “Now that sounds fun!”

  Loki, despite his initial scepticism, couldn't help but grin. “Molten star-stuff? Hermes, you’ve outdone yourself. This is going to be glorious.”

  Hermes beamed. “I knew you’d all appreciate the… administrative brilliance of the Bureau of Interstellar Hijinks.”