A pounding on my door startled me early the next morning. A quick glance at the clock told me I hadn’t overslept. I threw the covers back and called, “Come in,” as I unlocked the door with my mind. Mac barged into the room, a slightly manic, slightly panicked expression on his face.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, instantly awake and alert.

  “We are going into lockdown. Testing has been canceled today. I don’t want you leaving this hotel. Do you understand me, Natalia?” Mac nearly shouted at me.

  “Of course,” I stammered. “What happened? Can I help?” I asked, immediately going into Operative mode.

  “No, I cannot risk you getting involved right now. I am not entirely sure of the situation myself. Coalition forces attacked the Rittenhouse in Bethesda early this morning. Our people were able to capture several of the insurgents, but we’ve sustained heavy casualties,” Mac answered gravely.

  “What?” I exclaimed.

  An attack? The Coalition hadn’t risked an attack in Agency territory since the war ended. And an attack so close to the nation’s capital was unprecedented.

  “We are still learning the details. We don’t know what they took, if anything. We don’t know what they were after.” Mac averted his steely eyes, a telltale sign he was lying.

  Whatever The Coalition had been after, Mac knew exactly what it was. I wanted to call his bluff, but I didn’t dare—not when he was already so worked up.

  “You said you captured some of their people?” I asked. “I can help. I can interrogate them,” I said, already pulling clothes from my suitcase.

  Mac’s face softened slightly. “No, Natalia. At least not yet. I want to keep you safe, out of harm’s way, until we are positive we have captured all of Crane’s forces that are still in the area.”

  “But…but I can help,” I repeated lamely.

  “I know, Natalia, but you are a prime target for them after your escape from Nevada and your discovery of one of their spies. I cannot risk your safety right now,” Mac explained. “Promise me you will stay here at the Hamilton. It is heavily guarded and everybody is on high alert.”

  “Will you come back and tell me more when you know?” I demanded, hating to be rendered so useless.

  “Promise me,” Mac ordered as if I hadn’t spoken.

  “I promise,” I said meekly.

  “I’ll find you when I return.”

  With that, Mac turned on his heel and exited through the still-open door to my room. He didn’t make it far before nearly colliding with Erik in his haste. When I took in Erik’s attire—full on, head-to-toe riot gear—I panicked.

  “Make it quick, Mr. Kelley,” Mac barked at him.

  Erik nodded.

  “Are you going out there?” I demanded, both scared and miffed that Erik had been chosen.

  “Yeah. I heard it’s chaos. The Director is sending all the combat-trained Operatives he can spare,” Erik replied, looking uneasy. His thoughts were racing a mile a minute and fear and pain radiated from his mind.

  “Then why won’t he let me come?” I asked.

  “You would be an obvious target. It’s too dangerous,” Erik said, echoing Mac’s earlier words. “I’ll find you as soon as I get back,” he added.

  I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. The hard plastic of his outfit dug sharply into my body as I pressed against him.

  “Be careful,” I whispered.

  “I will,” he promised, his lips close to my ear. “I love you.”

  Helpless, I watched Erik jog from my room in the direction of the elevator. Fear and confusion washed over me as I stood pondering why The Coalition had attacked a medical research facility. And why now? TOXIC had been so worried Crane would attack in anticipation of Penny’s execution, but her death had come and gone without incident. It made no sense. Before I could think too much more on the subject, my third visitor of the day appeared in my doorway.

  “You’ve heard?” Cadence asked anxiously.

  “Yeah, just now. Mac came by and made me promise to stay in the hotel,” I replied, sitting in the chair Erik had occupied the night before.

  Cadence stood awkwardly in my doorway, so I beckoned her inside. She smiled gratefully and joined me at the small table.

  “I volunteered to go, but I was told to stay here, too,” she said, shaking her head.

  We sat for several long moments in uncomfortable silence.

  “Do you want to get something to eat?” she asked finally.

  I wasn’t hungry. The thought of food made me nauseated. But I didn’t want to be alone and even Cadence’s company sounded appealing just then.

  “Sure,” I agreed. “Let me get dressed.”

  The dining room buzzed with news of the attack, but nobody seemed any more informed than we were. I followed Cadence through the breakfast line, piling food on my plate without noticing what I selected. We picked a table in the corner and I pushed my food around on the plate without actually consuming a single morsel.

  The long seconds turned to even longer minutes and, eventually, into hours. No one came into the hotel and no one went out. Cadence and I sat in companionable silence in the dining room along with the other Operatives who hadn’t gone to Bethesda. When the smartly dressed waiters changed the food on the buffet from breakfast to lunch, we remained stationary. But when dinner came and went without any of the Operatives returning, I couldn’t sit still any longer. I was itching to do something, anything.

  “Want to go to the gym?” I asked Cadence.

  She jumped a little at the sound of my voice. Neither of us had spoken in hours.

  “The gym?” she asked quizzically, her dark eyebrows arching upward.

  “Yeah. I can’t sit here. I’m going crazy,” I muttered.

  “He’s going to be okay,” Cadence said softy. “They’ll all be okay. Most of The Coalition’s men were probably gone by the time our people arrived.

  “I know,” I agreed, giving her a weak smile. “But sitting here with all these other frantic minds is making it hard for me to think rationally.”

  The TOXIC Operatives gathered in the dining room were all projecting strong emotions and while I couldn’t actually hear any of their thoughts, I could feel the heaviness of their minds, and it weighed me down.

  “Meet you down there in ten?” Cadence asked. She stood and stretched. Her joints gave an audible pop, grateful to move again.

  “Yeah, ten,” I agreed.

  Cadence and I didn’t speak while we worked out. I didn’t have the inclination to spar with her, so we each did our own workout. I spent the next several hours taking out my frustrations on a punching bag that had never done anything to deserve my wrath.

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  By the time I left the gym, the skin over my knuckles was split and bleeding, but I barely noticed the stinging pain. Back in my room, I showered and dressed for bed in a haze. I didn’t have a medi-kit, so I called the front desk and asked for more towels to wrap my hands.

  While I waited for the delivery, I engaged the metal case holding my injections in a staring contest. I narrowed my eyes, mentally unhooking the clasps holding the case closed. Breathing in and out through my mouth, I summoned one of the needles and a bottle of the suppressant. With the syringe securely in one trembling hand and the vial in the other, I prepared the injection.

  Then, before I could lose my nerve, I jammed the tip of the needle into my bicep and depressed the plunger. Since I hadn’t managed to hit a vein, the drugs would take longer than normal to calm me, but for my first solo administration, I was just happy I’d gotten the needle into my skin at all. I lay back on the bed and closed my eyes, waiting for the chemicals to take effect.

  Just as the calming sensation flooded over me, the towel delivery girl knocked on the door.

  “Come in,” I called, mentally opening the door.

  “You ordered towels, ma’am?” a tentative female voice asked.

  “Yeah, just put them on the table,” I replied, keeping my eyes firmly shut. “Thank you,” I added as an afterthought.

  “You’re welcome,” she said softly.

  The almost imperceptible sound of the door closing marked her exit. I willed the towels to me and wrapped the soft fabric around my cracked knuckles.

  My brain was in overdrive, my concern for Erik dominating my every thought. I doubted that I’d be able to fall asleep, but I must have because I nearly screamed when I felt a light touch on my face. Panicked, my eyes popped open. The bedroom was pitch-black, warm breath tickled my ear, and a familiar body pressed against my back. Relief flooded through me when I sensed Erik’s presence.

  “You’re back,” I breathed, twisting my arm behind my head to cup his cheek.

  He winced under my touch. I rolled over to face him, a pang of fear shooting through my stomach when I took in the huge purple bruise surrounding one of his eyes. My gaze traveled south. His bottom lip was split and a thin row of stitches ran the length of his jawbone on one side.

  “What happened?” I exclaimed, drawing my hand back.

  “A couple of Crane’s men hiding in a storeroom jumped me,” he answered hoarsely.

  “Are you okay?” I asked, reaching to trail my fingertips around his swollen eye.

  “They messed up my pretty face, but otherwise I’m fine. Can’t say the same for them.” Erik’s turquoise irises were haunted with the memory of the assault.

  “You still look pretty good to me,” I said, leaning to kiss a non-bruised portion of his cheek.

  “What happened to you?” he asked, noticing the bloody towels wrapped around my hands.

  “Punching bag,” I said sheepishly, unwinding the makeshift bandages and throwing them over the edge of the bed.

  “Hate to see what that punching bag looks like,” he teased. While his tone was light, the heaviness never left his features.

  “It needed a couple stitches,” I said solemnly.

  Erik pulled me into his arms and I settled in against him. Despite the easy banter, Erik’s mood was dark, dangerous even. Sadness, fury, and pain swam through his mind, swirling together in a tidal wave of turmoil. Physically, he was with me in the bed, but his mind was miles away, still at Rittenhouse.

  “It was awful, Tal,” he sent after a long minute. “They bombed the facility. Everything was on fire…. People, buildings…. Everything.” Erik’s mental voice was so disturbed, it broke my heart. He put on a tough act, but I knew he felt things more deeply than most.

  “What did they want?” I asked.

  “I don’t know. By the time we got there, it was chaos. I could barely tell who was on our side. I can’t even describe what I saw,” he said.

  Erik might not have been able to describe the horrific images he’d witnessed, but he didn’t need to. His mind was open, vulnerable, and I could see the scene in his head. I wished I hadn’t.

  The sight was gruesome, bloody, and there were blazing bodies everywhere. The flames consuming one half of the facility were an odd bluish-green. Dying people, ours and theirs, screamed in agony as their lives were cut short. Gun shots rang in my ears and more bombs rained down from overhead. Explosions rocked the earth beneath my feet and I gripped handfuls of Erik’s shirt to steady myself, like the bed was actually quaking. My nose filled with the nauseating mix of chemicals, sulfur, and death that hung in the air. The fear and pain that radiated from the Operatives’ minds seemed to overwhelm me even now.

  My heart ached at the massive loss of life that had taken place earlier. Suddenly, Erik’s promise of “forever” seemed unlikely. He could have been a casualty of the battle.

  “I’m sorry,” I sent because I didn’t know what else to say.

  “I’m just glad you weren’t there. I couldn’t have handled it if you had been.” Erik kissed me gingerly on the forehead.

  “I should’ve been. This is what I trained for,” I replied defiantly, my agitation at being left behind causing my temper to ignite.

  “I’m too tired to fight with you, Tals. Just let me hold you tonight,” he pleaded.

  I let it go. I knew how Erik was feeling. He’d killed two of his attackers and while he usually put on a good show of not letting stuff bother him, I felt the impact his actions were having on him. He was also thinking about how easily he could have been one of the many Operatives that had lost their lives. I shared his pain. If something had happened to him, I don’t know that I could have handled it. I’d lost too many people in my life and the loss of another person I loved might be the tipping point for my sanity.

  We lay there wrapped in each other’s arms for several long minutes. Erik kept his eyes trained on my face, but he wasn’t truly seeing me. His mind was bursting with the appalling images he witnessed. The pain and regret were eating away at his heart and I wanted to ease his suffering.

  “So, you’re going to risk angering Mac and sleep with me?” I teased, trying to lighten his black mood.

  “He’s too busy to care about us right now. He went to Tramblewood to witness the prisoners’ interrogations,” Erik sent back, still staring through me to the scenes burned in his mind.

  “So we don’t have to worry about any unwanted interruptions?” I asked mischievously, speaking aloud.

  “I just wanted to spend the night with you. I didn’t come here for that,” he replied, a faint smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

  Erik’s eyes were still haunted, but when I slid my hands under his shirt to rest on his chest, he beamed. The cut on his lip cracked a little wider and I winced, feeling the physical pain of his injuries.

  “Erik,” I began, softly kissing the good side of his jaw, “we might not have forever. Things are becoming more dangerous, more complicated every day and you are the only thing in my life I’m sure of.”

  Instead of answering, Erik tipped my chin so that our mouths met. The kiss was tender and loving. I kissed him harder, urging him to respond in kind. At first, he seemed hesitant, mentally debating whether I honestly meant what I said or if my sole motivation were just to make him happy.

  “I love you, Erik,” I sent. “I want this. I want you.”

  Erik didn’t need any more encouragement. He worked the strap of my tank top slowly over my shoulder, running his tongue across the hollow between my shoulder and clavicle. Shivers of anticipation ran up my spine, and thrill coursed through my veins. I tilted my head back against the pillows as Erik trailed kisses across my throat. His teeth closed around the other strap of my tank as he gently rolled me onto my back.

  The hands at my waist slowly rolled the hem of my shirt north, and I extracted my fingers from his chest to raise my arms over my head. Our gazes locked briefly. I nodded in response to his unspoken question.

  “Don’t do this for me. Do it because you want to. I can wait,” Erik whispered, his breath tickling my ear.

  “I’m doing it for me,” I said, because that was true.

  I wanted Erik to be happy and to erase the horrible scenes from his mind. But more than that, I wanted us to be together in every way possible. I wanted to share everything with him.

  “Good.”

  Erik kissed my cheek tenderly before sliding the tank the rest of the way over my head and tossing it on the floor. I watched as he slowly removed his own shirt. Erik’s eyes never left mine. His gaze was soft and loving and I knew he was here with me now. His mind was open; I felt and heard every thought and desire.

  My breath hitched in my throat when he hooked his fingers inside my shorts, slowing sliding them down my hips.

  “You are so beautiful,” he sent and I even believed him because I could see myself through his eyes.

  It wasn’t the first time he’d seen me naked, but he still stared like it was all new to him. I’d never thought I would be comfortable having someone, even Erik, just stare at me without my clothes. But I liked the way his eyes traveled the full length of my body.

  Erik took his time exploring every inch of my bare skin and every fiber of my being tingled when he touched me. I ran my fingers through his hair, biting down on my lower lip so that I wouldn’t whimper like the never-been-touched school girl that I was. When the sounds did escape, they seemed to boost Erik’s own desire.

  Erik didn’t ask me again if I were sure. He didn’t have to. Just then, I couldn’t have kept my thoughts to myself if my life depended on it. He made me feel beautiful, loved, and best of all, safe. In the back of my mind, I was aware that he was using my talents to put me at ease, but I didn’t care. Despite my bold declarations, I was extremely nervous.

  Somewhere along the way, Erik removed his jeans, and when he pulled back long enough to meet my eyes, he was only wearing his boxers.

  “Take them off,” I croaked, nodding to his waist.

  Erik’s bruised and beaten face broke into a huge smile and he hastily complied. I stared at him without shame; I’d never actually seen a naked guy before. I was mesmerized. Erik moved slowly over me, momentarily paralyzing me with the intensity of his loving gaze. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his lips to mine.

  “I love you,” I whispered against his mouth.

  “I love you, too,” he sent, kissing my lips.

  Erik was gentle and patient. He left his mind unguarded and the feelings of love and warmth that radiated from him made the entire experience that much better. When it was over, I clung to him, wishing that the bliss would continue indefinitely. We didn’t talk much, but there was no need. When I finally succumbed to sleep, I was confident that no matter what tomorrow brought, I would get through it because I had him.