Helena never said how she was going to find me after, which could mean many things. One, she could know where I was at all times, or two, she could simply know where I would go. Could she see the future? Maybe she could, for all I knew.

  I threw a pebble into the river, just to see the ripples. At least something was in my control. The sun was getting higher in the sky, and it was warming my skin if only a little, for the wind was soft, but cold.

  You should stand up already. I thought. Either find a hideout, or go to Aurora.

  Either way, I needed to be careful of where I went, and where I didn’t. I couldn’t risk going home and Helena finding out. And there was the fact that even if I went home, the place where I longed to be the most. I didn’t know what I could possibly say to my parents.

  There were no words to explain what had happened, for I barely understood anything myself. And seeing them would only put them in danger.

  And then there was the little problem that if I couldn’t go home, or talk to mom and dad, then how would I get us all out of Aurora? So I remained where I was, hugging myself against the wind. Silently plotting our escape.

  If only my dad, or even Emilia were with me, they would help me figure out what to do. I sighed at the thought of my friend, and what could possibly be happening to her at that moment, all because I had been too slow. I was still angry at her, but I was also worried. I hoped she was still alive. I really did.

  I wanted to believe I had been a good friend to her, but it was a lie. I didn’t even ask Helena about her. Maybe she could’ve told me where Emilia was, or if she was safe. But I decided not to, and now I had no way of knowing.

  I threw another pebble into the river, this time letting it rest for a few seconds on my palm before I did. It vibrated softly, as if singing. I sighed again.

  It hurt to know that I hadn’t been able to help Emilia, because I was sure she’d do anything to help me. That’s the way she was, caring and selfless. All the things my mother wished I was. But I wasn’t anything like her. And in reality I wasn’t her friend at all, even when she had been mine. The only reason I started talking to her was because I wanted to get to know her older brother, Demian.

  And all because it was said that Demian Rigel was a thief. And not just any thief, but one that stole from the richest to then give it all to the poor. That last part was probably just some silly lie that only foolish, romantic girls would buy, and yet, I hoped so badly for it to be true. Because I had wanted him to teach me how to steal. I had wanted to be part of his crew, if he had one. I hoped he would’ve seen why I’d needed it, and help me.

  It all had been a stupid dream, and yet it had been my best bet. There had been no other way to have gotten the money I needed, not even if I’d tried to save all I could. We never had any of it to spare.

  In my mind, I saw myself doing it, really doing it, taking from whomever I wanted to buy us a new life.

  I didn’t fail to realize how much of a hypocrite I was. I hated the thieves, the killers and the rapists that infested my home city, and yet I was willing to turn into a criminal myself. But I wouldn’t have stolen to buy expensive things or jewels, but to keep my family safe, and I cared about them much more than I cared about anyone else. And now I couldn’t even be close to them.

  I had been too late.

  If I had talked to him sooner, if I had dared. But no, I’d decided to wait. I’d wanted to be sure the rumors were true, and now I was here.

  This is why this happened to you. Because of these kind of thoughts, you fool. I thought.

  I yelped and threw another a pebble into the river, then stood and started pacing, water drops falling from my tangled hair and onto my back and shoulders.

  It doesn’t matter, you can’t change the past, so don’t waste your time. I thought, trying to calm myself. You have your future still, all you need is to be smart from now on. Really smart.

  My mother always liked to tell everyone at church that her daughter was hardworking, strong willed, and resourceful, but not once she referred to me as sweet, patient, or good-hearted.

  Was that a bad thing? It had to be, and I wished I could’ve been better. I wished I could have been more like the daughter she’d wanted me to be. Then I thought that if I could figure out a solution, it would have to involve Emilia.

  Maybe if I rescued her, whatever sins I had done in my past to deserve what was happening to me would be forgiven. Then everything would be alright. There had to be a reason for me being where I was at that moment, that’s what I wanted to believe. I touched my neck where my grieving star would be and made a promise. I would rescue Emilia, and give her back to her family because I was sure that’s what she’d do for me, and what was right too.

  And then I thought I had my answer.

  I knew well how protective her brothers were of her, even when she wasn’t their blood. They loved her, and they’d do anything for her.

  And as I walked alongside the river, and back to Aurora, I started thinking about what I would say to them. I didn’t want to risk her family, but I couldn’t do it all by myself. I hoped she’d forgive me. And I hoped I wasn’t making a huge mistake.

  This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.

  *

  As I hid behind a tree, I watched as three men carried their nets and their fishing equipment. I was in a part of the river where it split in two and one of those streams fed one of the many lakes in the forest.

  There weren’t plenty of fish there, and many used it for practice or just as an excuse to spend some time away from the city. Even I had gone there with my parents a few times, although we mainly just sat under a tree and ate and watched the people there, or the birds and the frogs.

  At that moment, I found melancholy to be not such a bad feeling. But I needed to keep moving, and this time I had to be more careful, since I was getting closer to the city and there was going to be more and more people. So I mainly moved behind the trees and stayed clear from all the paths that led to the city, while at the same time trying hard to keep them on sight.

  *

  And like that, the day had come and gone and I had made it into Aurora, but I was yet to find the strength to move. The cold kept me in place, and I didn’t have any wish to move. I already had a plan, a course of action, but whether I liked it or not, I had needed to stop and do some things first, and that had broken my momentum.

  I had needed clothes, for one, so I had gotten myself a new coat (new for me, that is). It reeked of tobacco and cheap perfume, but it was long and thick and it shielded me from the cold, and it also covered my bloody gown and my naked legs from any curious, wandering eyes.

  I had been careful to remain unseen as much as I could whilst entering the city, sticking to the shadows and keeping my head down at all times, it was said that many cities in the country were surrounded by tall walls and heavy gates guarded by police men, but lucky for me, Aurora wasn’t like that, because here, most people wanted out, and not it, so there was no point in building walls. So I was pretty much alone on the streets with the exception of the few people making their way home from work. Everything was quiet but my nakedness had made me feel so anxious, it was the only thing on my mind. Thankfully, I had found the coat next to a trash can. A stray cat was already checking it out, but I needed it more so I took it.

  Then the plan was to rest for a few minutes, and once I had, I would get going, and yet I had remained in the same place for more than a few hours. I guess it was because I felt safe here, unseen. But the truth was a little more complex.

  My mind needed simplicity, and it needed it badly, so I tried my best to give it silence, and as much stillness as I could. So the second thing I did after getting the coat was to climb someone’s wall, and hide in a room in their house, that at the time was empty.

  Things quickly changed though, for I could hear muffled sounds coming from downstairs, and a laugh or two. For what it looked like, the room I was in had never been used. For it was yet to be finished. It didn’t even have glass in the windows, and the floor was covered in a thick layer of dust. I knew I should leave, but I couldn’t, not yet, because there was something I wanted to understand.

  There was a new feeling in me, and I didn’t know what it was. It wasn’t fear or anger, or resolve or madness, it was all of them, together, fused and unraveling and filling in every space available in my soul. Also, something else was starting to grow inside of me, and it was feeding from it all, and it felt familiar and a little like home. So I remained there for a while, trying to figure out what it was.

  In the end I knew. It was envy.

  Life seemed to be so easy for some, it was ridiculous. I never knew easy, not even as a child, and yet I wished for it, prayed for it, always. But now my neck was naked, and I had no one to pray to. And that made me angry, being this alone made me furious. I had been led to believe that someone was watching, that someone cared, but all those lies fell hard to the ground, and they had shattered my world.

  How deep do their lies go? I didn’t know if I wanted to know the truth. All I wanted was an escape.

  How unlike me.

  I thought and I laughed a laugh that sounded more like a desperate cry. It had been silent, barely audible, but so heavy it made me stop as soon as I started. It was as if tears were hiding behind it and they were trying to come out. But I couldn’t let them.

  My life seemed to be made of unfulfilled wishes and foolish plans. I felt like a little kid more than ever before, now that I knew how big and scary the world truly was, and how unprepared I was to face it.

  I inhaled in a long, deep breath, and rubbed my hands against my closed eyes. I could sit there for all eternity, and it would change nothing. I had to move.

  I had to.

  And yet, I didn’t.

  Part of me believed that if I didn’t move or make a sound, the world wouldn’t see me, and so I would be safe, but that wasn’t even a choice. For I was here, and I had fought for that right, even before those “angels” had tried to kill me.

  My life was different now, so what? All I had to do was to keep fighting just like I’ve done so far. Easier said than done, of course, but I could do it, I knew I could.

  And so I looked out the glassless window of the room I had entered to hide.

  The space I was in was only a room, half finished, half covered in dust; its corners filled with bags of bricks and cement.

  It looked a lot like me, I guess. The walls were there, so were the ceiling and the floor, but it wasn’t quite complete. Everything that was needed to finish it was already there, a promise of what it could be once everything was put together. But in the meantime, it simply rested. It simply dreamed of all the possibilities. It simply waited for someone to come and complete it.

  And wasn’t that what I’ve done all these years? To wait?

  Wait to have enough money, wait to feel brave enough to ask for help, wait until the day was perfect, or my humor, or the weather.

  Well, that time was over. It didn’t matter if it had been my choice or someone else’s. I needed to pick all that was inside me and bring myself together, finally. So I closed my hands tight, and braced myself to face Aurora again, and its new dangers. And so I jumped out of the house and landed without making noise, an easy task due to my new abilities, or so I guessed, and walked into the empty streets, already sunken deep into the darkness of the night.

  *

  It was odd, how different things looked once sunlight didn’t touch them anymore. All the brick houses looked colder, the flowers growing in and around their walls were colorless and sad. Even their doors felt uninviting, and so well shut they might never open again. Their many locks checked over and over to make sure not one was forgotten. I knew it well, our homes always had to become a fortress at night. It was the only way to remain safe.

  And it wasn’t until then that I noticed that many windows in this District were behind bars. Many of the thick metal bars twirled and moved and melted into each other, making it all seem more for decoration, rather than what it actually was for, the chance to keep your life and all your things safe.

  I knew these streets, I’ve walked through here before, but it was as if I was seeing them for the first time. All those black ribbons on the doors, all those stars painted beside them. All that grief for lost loved ones, and all that need for protection, for salvation. For someone to come and change it all.

  I breathed deeply and walked through those streets once again. I knew it wasn’t about being fearless; it was about ignoring the fear up until it grew silent enough deep at the back of my thoughts, deep where I couldn’t hear it anymore. Deep where it didn’t matter.