CHAPTER 10

  Terrence’s date plans turned out less elaborate than he led me to believe, thankfully. Even better, we didn’t go alone. Both Alejandro and Brad joined us with their dates, two girls from the prep school I already knew. Brad took Lily, and Sophia, another Madison native, went with Alejandro.

  At eleven on Saturday morning, Terrence rang my doorbell. Brad, who turned out to be a junior, drove a minivan with Lily in the passenger seat. I’d seen those two holding hands regularly around the school, and it always intrigued me. I couldn’t imagine a more unlikely pair.

  Lily usually wore glasses, which combined with a surprisingly deep voice, tall, lanky form, and pretty face to create a librarian style at odds with her bouncy personality. Brad seemed to follow her around, practically comatose. Hunched and pudgy, he suffered from a severe case of acne, and his nasal, high-pitched voice didn’t help.

  Despite all that, the couple shared one thing in common: a total lack of propriety. Public displays of affection appeared to be their favorite hobby. They kissed as we approached the vehicle. If Alejandro and Sophia started making out, that would make things extremely awkward.

  Luckily, when Terrence opened the back door of the vehicle to let me in, I found the other couple split between the middle and back row. Sophia smiled at me and patted the seat next to her. I sat and buckled up while Terrence climbed into the back with Alejandro.

  Terrence muttered annoyance about being separated from his date, but Alejandro—who later told me in perfect English to call him “Alex”—suggested we’d be more comfortable this way. He didn’t sound pushy or overbearing like Terrence, and though the shorter boy griped a little more, in the end, Alex got his way.

  I appreciated it. The drive into Tallahassee took about an hour, which gave me time to get to know everyone better. Sitting next to me, Sophia spoke the most. She asked how I felt about attending the prep school and expressed jealousy that she didn’t get into the medical program. It turned out, of the six of us, only Terrence and I made the cut.

  “Well, don’t be too jealous, the homework is pretty insane, and with the internship, I don’t have much of a social life right now.”

  She laughed. “Yeah, doesn’t sound so great. But still, you’re super lucky.”

  I found myself liking Sophia and wondered why we never became friends. Oh, that’s right, I grew up in my own world with just me and Micah. In a small town like Madison, the kids split into little groups, making their own friends, and living in their own bubbles. But maybe that happened everywhere.

  “How’s Micah doing after… you know?” This time Lily spoke, turning to face me from the front seat. My friendship with the boy wasn’t a secret, but they likely didn’t know I lost one of my best friends when Rachelle died.

  Shoving down my grief, I said, “I think he’s doing better. The homework and internship might be kicking my butt, but it’s probably a nice distraction for him.”

  Chuckles filled the car. “I’m pretty sure he does the homework in his sleep,” Terrence said, and the others nodded and laughed.

  “Seriously, I don’t get how a kid that smart isn’t already a doctor.” That’s all Brad said the entire drive.

  I laughed with them, but my heart twisted. “Well, he may be a genius, but he’s still a kid,” I said, covering for my friend. Students and teachers alike loathed a know-it-all, and though Micah never complained, watching how he acted in every class period, I could tell he tried to avoid attention. Though not exactly shy, the boy learned to be quiet at school. He probably just wanted to fit in. Like everyone else.

  Whether Sophia could tell the topic made me uncomfortable, or didn’t care to talk about Micah anymore, she changed the subject, chatting about some new TV series she enjoyed. I hadn’t heard of it. My sister’s cartoons were about the only thing ever playing on our TV.

  Though long, the trip passed pleasantly, and before I knew it, Brad pulled into a parking spot at a restaurant. Once inside, Terrence requested a booth, but Alex quietly said, “A table is better. Then we don’t all have to shift around if someone needs to use the bathroom.”

  “Good point. We’d actually like a table.”

  The waitress nodded and said it would be a few minutes. While we waited, Brad and Lily spent their time whispering and kissing. Terrence suggested they get a room, and the larger boy slugged him hard on the shoulder.

  “Don’t be crass, Terry,” Brad said. “Lily is a lady.” It would’ve been difficult not to laugh at those words, spoken in the nasally voice of the overweight nerd, but an unexpected sincerity in his tone made me pause.

  Terrence pretended not to be in pain—only rubbing his shoulder when he didn’t see me watching—but didn’t make any more jokes about them either.

  I enjoyed the food, and the conversation continued as it did in the car. The awkwardness of being among strangers dissolved. It helped that I’d been acquainted with Lily and Sophia my whole life, and they were kind enough to treat me like an old friend, but more, it became obvious with each passing minute that even Terrence’s friends barely tolerated him, yet happily included me in the group.

  By the time we finished our meal, I felt bad for my date. He wasn’t a bad kid, and could be a pretty smooth talker, but that charming demeanor often turned to impatience and overt criticism. The others seemed used to it, though. Anytime the boy’s attitude darkened, or his words turned rude, they either ignored him or used some clever humor to shut him up. It did the trick, and Terrence quickly returned to his casual self, trying to use his silver tongue to make himself the center of attention again.

  I had to admit, my own mood didn’t offer much better company, though for a completely different reason. My mind kept wandering to Micah. He and James went to Lucy’s swim meet today, and I couldn’t help worrying. At James’ birthday party, it became clear Micah hadn’t gone unnoticed by other girls. The drive this morning made that point again. Even unavailable Lily had Micah on her mind. It might be her caring nature to worry about an old acquaintance who recently lost his mother, but it might be more.

  He may not be actively seeking a girlfriend, but plenty of girls kept their eyes on him. Lucy, the teen supermodel, might not be one of them—she seemed to intentionally ignore him most of the time—but I wondered how long that would last. I reminded myself for the thousandth time why I accepted Terrence’s invitation to Homecoming: to gauge Micah’s interest in me.

  So far, the plan had backfired. If Micah was jealous, he didn’t show a hint of it yet. How would I know what that looked like?

  “Tylwynn?”

  I blinked.

  Sophia smiled as she held the door open for me. “You alright?”

  “Yeah, sorry, just distracted.”

  “I hadn’t noticed,” she teased.

  The next activity on the agenda took us to a miniature golf course at a fun center on the north side of the big city. The muggy air and cloudy sky threatened rain any minute.

  We made it to the third hole before drops began falling, but the light sprinkle didn’t stop us. I, for one, appreciated the weather. While warm, the rain also felt refreshing, and hopefully hid unsightly sweat spots.

  The boys took the game seriously, unlike us girls. Before long, Sophia and Lily chatted about random topics, all but forgetting to golf.

  “Oh, hey,” Sophia said after picking her ball out of the fifth hole, “did you hear about the wolf they found in town?”

  “Oh, yeah!” Lily chimed in. “I couldn’t believe it. How scary is that?”

  “Scary?” Terrence scoffed. “Wolves aren’t scary.”

  Remembering my first encounter with Apollo at night in the woods sent a shiver down my spine. I doubted the short boy would’ve fared better. “I saw it,” I said, grabbing everyone’s attention.

  “Seriously?”

  “What did it look like?”

  “I heard it was huge.”

  I nodded. “Oh, yeah, bigger than Terrence.”

  “That isn’t saying much,” Alex said, Brad and the other two girls laughing with him.

  “I mean a lot bigger,” I continued, not wanting to offend my date. “It was the biggest wolf I’ve ever seen.”

  “So, how scary was it?” Sophia asked.

  “Actually, Terrence is right. It wasn’t that scary. Well, maybe a little at first, but it was actually really tame. They took it to the Seacrest Wolf Preserve. You can go see it if you want.”

  The group discussed the possibility of taking a day to visit the animal to give Terry, as they all called Terrence, a chance to prove his bravery. The conversation turned my thoughts to James.

  When would he visit Apollo? Did he want to? It occurred to me it might be too painful for him. I didn’t understand the strange connection they shared, but I couldn’t deny it either. It was as if James lost a loved pet that day. Or a friend. I recalled when Micah left Madison.

  For a time, his absence left a hole in my life. Playing at his house; hanging out in the woods; doing homework together; all suddenly ripped from me. For days, I ached just to hear his voice. When Rachelle sent my mother pictures of them, that ache resurfaced. As months passed, I missed him more wistfully than painfully. I looked forward to seeing him again, and planned for that far-away someday, but also got used to living my life without him.

  Then he returned as suddenly as he left, and once again ascended to the central focus of my life, but in a different way. I didn’t always enjoy his company anymore. It stressed me out more often than not. Maybe James didn’t want to see Apollo again. Maybe it was easier imagining the wolf living a happy life without him.

  In a way, I got it. Even today, my imagination swirled with fears of Micah watching Lucy swimming. Not a particularly healthy—emotionally or mentally—focus, but what could I do about it? I loved him. I wanted him to love me back. But what if, hanging out with Lucy today, he fell in love with her? My mind wandered again, crafting worst-case scenarios, and before I knew it, we reached the last hole.

  The rain didn’t get serious, but it didn’t let up either. Between misty rain and sweaty heat, I had a soaked shirt and frizzy hair. My mood didn’t fare much better, but I could only blame myself. Why couldn’t I stop thinking about Micah and simply have fun with my new friends?

  The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

  Friends. Sophia, Lily, Brad, and Alex were fun to be around. I liked them. My opinion of Terrence hadn’t changed. A nice enough acquaintance, but not friend material. Still, I didn’t regret accepting his offer because it led to friendship all the same.

  Yet knowing I’d be with my new friends didn’t get me excited for the final part of the date. After another hour in the thankfully air-conditioned car, Brad dropped me and the other girls off at our homes to prepare for the dance. In two hours, they’d return to pick me up. I spent nearly half of that time in the shower.

  Washing the sweat off my body was refreshing, but once clean, I sat and let the water run over my head and down my arms, legs, and back. Relaxed, my imagination drifted to the night ahead of me.

  The small cafeteria of the school decorated with banners and balloons. Air thick with the beat of the music and stench of sweat. Lily and Brad lost in their own world, slow dancing despite the upbeat music, oblivious to everyone around. Jealousy. I wanted that with Micah. Sophia totally let loose. Alex unsure of himself for the first time all day. Same. I didn’t dance. A new smell stung my nose. Hot air from Terrence’s breath on my cheek. He leaned towards me, puckered lips pressing into mine. Flinch. Push away. I didn’t want that. He grabbed my arms, trying to kiss me again.

  I jerked as cold splashed on me. The shower ran out of hot water. Did I doze off?

  It didn’t take long to finish getting ready. I’d never been one to wear makeup regularly, but I made exceptions for special occasions. I used a little tonight and put on the black dress I wore to Rachelle’s funeral. Instead of getting me a new one, Mom altered it for the dance, shortening the sleeves to the elbow, and skirt just below the knees.

  I couldn’t complain, she recently bought me two new swimsuits. Still, it bordered on too modest, and I knew I’d stick out. I might’ve considered buying a new one myself but didn’t care much about this dance. Not for Terrence.

  Stay.

  I blinked. A chill shivered through my chest. I brushed it aside, certain the stupid dream from the shower brought on the odd sensation. Besides, I owed it to Sophia and Lily not to ruin their night by causing drama, and could only imagine how annoying Terrence might get if I ditched him now.

  With plenty of time to spare before they picked me up, I considered calling or texting James to see how things went with the swim meet but decided that would undermine my efforts. Micah was supposed to be thinking about me today. I didn’t want him knowing I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I ate a light dinner to calm my nerves and helped Aedelin with math until the doorbell rang.

  “Ding dong. Skip the last song. Are you going to a dance?” My sister set down her pencil and considered me while tapping her lips with a finger.

  “Yes, Aedelin. That’s why I’m all dressed up.” I nearly added a “duh”, but she interrupted.

  “Stay and help me with math. It’s stinky.” Her eyes wandered around the room as she hummed an odd tune.

  “Wait until you get to calculus,” I muttered as I left her room.

  She giggled and sang, “Lulululululu!”

  Terrence wore a dark blue button-up shirt, black slacks, and a black bow tie. With his short hair combed to the side, he almost looked handsome. Mom took a picture of us—standing shoulder to shoulder—and hugged me goodbye. Dad said not to be home late but didn’t embarrass me with any veiled threats toward my date.

  “Girl,” Terrence said once I closed the door, “you make modest sexy.”

  I laughed. “You’re too kind, Terry.” How did he always seem to know exactly what to say to make me feel better?

  His smile turned to a frown. “Hey, if I don’t get to call you Wynn, you don’t get to call me Terry.”

  “Fair enough.” Too bad. Terrence’s charm vanished the moment you dug below the surface. That didn’t mean I couldn’t try and give as good as I got. “You clean up nicely, Terrence. The bowtie suits you. Bold. Unique. Short.” I said the last word with a wink, and he laughed.

  After a quick drive to school, the evening was off to a good start. The lobby had a booth set up for students to take photos, with a tripod for using their own cell phones. While we waited in line, I peered into the cafeteria.

  An eerie coolness settled over my shoulders when it occurred to me the banners and balloons decorating the room matched my dream exactly. It must’ve been done yesterday, and I subconsciously remembered. Music thumped through the dimly lit air, couples and groups of friends dancing awkwardly.

  When our turn for pictures arrived, I realized my mistake. “I didn’t bring my phone. I don’t have pockets.”

  “That’s what boys are for, silly,” Sophia said, holding her hand out to Alex, who produced a phone from his jacket and handed it to her.

  She promised to send us all copies of the pictures she took, then directed us on how and where to stand, taking a couple of silly photos and one basic, before handing her phone back to Alex. Just as well I didn’t bring mine; I wouldn’t be comfortable letting Terrence hold onto it for me.

  Leave.

  Stupid paranoia. Stupid dream. The boy was into Lucy, he wouldn’t kiss me.

  Sophia and Alex led the group onto the dance floor, the girl fearlessly letting loose. Her blonde ponytail bounced and flipped in the air as she moved to the music. Lily and Brad joined her. Alex danced conservatively, which I didn’t expect, though that’s how he’d been in my dream. Then there was Terrence.

  Brave to a fault, his ego offered no space for what others thought of him. Still, it meant he could be himself in a way I found unexpectedly attractive all the same. He danced enthusiastically, enjoying himself, and, admittedly, making it fun for me too.

  Even during the slow songs, when his hands gripped my waist, and mine sat awkwardly on his shoulders, I felt more comfortable than expected. He kept up a casual conversation, asking about my hobbies, and favorite everything, expressed admiration at my artistic tendencies, and demanded I show him my drawing skills sometime. I half expected him to try and get too close and familiar with me, but I blamed those concerns on the discomfort which kept resurfacing, no matter how often I managed to shove it down.

  For one slow song, Sophia suggested we switch partners. By now, Lily and Brad barely paid attention to anything but each other, so I partnered with Alex and Sophia with Terrence.

  As we danced, Alex asked about my night.

  “Better than expected,” I said. “No offense to anyone,” I hurried to assure him. “You guys are awesome. I just don’t like dancing.”

  He laughed nervously. “Yeah, me neither.”

  “I noticed.” We spun slowly, awkwardly. “Are you and Sophia having fun?”

  “She’s amazing. I can’t keep up.”

  I nodded dumbly as a familiar sensation bubbled through me. My palms sweat. My cheeks burned. Just a little. Heart stuttering, I glanced at my feet to make sure I didn’t step on his. When our eyes connected, and we both quickly looked away, my breathing sped up, just a hint. I knew this feeling. No point lying to myself. I liked Alex.

  Not to the same extent as Micah—not even close—but the two boys shared several qualities. Alex had been a gentleman all day. Quiet, but not silent. Gentle in his teasing, and kind in his actions. Though naturally tan, with dark hair, and brown eyes, he matched Micah in height. And handsomeness. Almost.

  For the first time in my life, I wondered if I wasted my energy on Micah, and not because he didn’t like me the way I wanted him to. For the first time, I considered there might be someone better for me. Maybe it was a waste to chase Micah, even if he did like me? The idea contradicted everything I believed to such a degree, I actually laughed out loud without realizing it.

  “What’s funny?” Alex asked.

  “Oh, sorry,” I said, blushing. “It’s nothing, just something I thought of.”

  “Something stuck in my teeth?” he teased, making a silly face, and running his tongue rapidly across his teeth.

  I laughed again. “No, no, you’re fine. I hope—” I started to speak without thinking. Too late to stop without making things more awkward. “I hope we can do this again sometime.”

  “Yeah, it’s been fun.” He smiled at me.

  How did he take that? Did he think I meant I wanted to dance with him again? Or go on another date with their group? Which did I mean? My cheeks blazed. What did I do to myself?

  The music stopped before we spoke another word. Alex let go of me and asked Sophia if she wanted a drink. Terrence said he needed to use the bathroom and left. A drink sounded like a good idea. My heart needed dousing. I followed my new friends to the refreshment table.

  As we approached it, Sophia turned back to me and whispered into my ear, “You two are pretty cute together.”

  What? Did she mean me and Alex? My cheeks burst into flames again, but I turned to whisper in her ear, “Not as cute as you two, I’m sure.”

  She shrugged. “He’s nice.”

  “I’m not really sure he’s my type,” I lied, trying to convince us both. Crushing on someone other than Micah never happened before, and I didn’t know what to do about it. Considering the possibility of liking Alex somehow felt like cheating on Micah. Love was stupid.

  Once we reached the refreshment table, I quickly grabbed a cup and drained it. The sweet and tangy lemonade cooled my throat. I focused on the taste to distract myself, but anxiety once again soured my gut, stronger than it had all night.

  Leave.

  I threw my cup away and turned around. Sophia and Alex moved to where our little group hung out and I followed them. A new song started playing when we got back to our spot, and goosebumps covered my arms as I recognized it.

  Leave.

  The loud, fast beat thumped through the air. Sophia popped and weaved to it with abandon. Alex tried to mimic her movements, though even less enthusiastically than a few minutes ago. Brad and Lily clung to each other, slowly spinning around as if no one else existed. I wanted that with Micah.

  Deja vu struck me with such force, I inhaled sharply. The stench of teenage sweat wafted through the air. This couldn’t actually be happening.

  Leave.

  Sensing as much as remembering what came next, I turned to get away and bumped right into Terrence.

  “Hey,” he said, breath hot on my face. It stank.

  “Sorry,” I mumbled.

  “It’s fine, no problem,” his natural frown deepened, but he leaned in close. “Are you alright?”

  “I’m—” I stopped; hands pressed against his chest as he leaned closer. “Yes. No. I don’t know.”

  “What’s going on?” Alex stepped over, Sophia close behind.

  “Is everything alright?” she asked.

  Terrence stepped back. The three of them stared at me with genuine concern.

  “I—” I what? I saw this all happen in a dream earlier? I knew Terrence was about to kiss me? “I don’t feel good.”

  Sophia put a comforting hand on my shoulder, but my words backfired.

  “I’ll take you outside to get some fresh air,” Terrence said, offering his arm.

  The other two nodded.

  “No!” I responded automatically. Loudly. I did not want to be alone in the dark outside with Terrence. “I mean, I think I should go home.”

  “What? Are you serious?” My date’s false concern broke, utterly failing to hide underlying annoyance.

  Alex gave him a gentle shove. “She doesn’t feel good, Terry.” A startling amount of force tinted his tone. Hot blood rushed to my cheeks as he stepped next to me. “We can ask Brad to take you home if you want.”

  “Don’t bother them,” Terrence said, clearly putting on his fa?ade of charm for the thousandth time that day, “I’ll walk her home.”

  “A ride would be great,” I said, ignoring the shorter boy.

  Alex nodded and turned to get Brad.

  Terrence’s jaw twitched.

  “I’m sorry,” I said to Sophia. “I hate to ruin everything.”

  “Don’t worry about it, Tylwynn, we’re all friends here. Besides, it’s getting late. There’s only, like, thirty minutes left.”

  I nodded, grateful for her understanding, but my stomach churned. I managed to force myself to check on Terrence. His frown grew more sour than usual. “Sorry,” I muttered, but he just shrugged.

  It only took a minute for the group to decide they’d all go home. I ruined the dance after all. And why? Because of a weird dream? And yet, I couldn’t get over the way things turned out exactly how I’d seen. Almost. I couldn’t bring myself to believe Terrence would’ve actually kissed me. He didn’t like me that way. I knew he didn’t. It didn’t make sense.

  Still, during the short drive home, the sense of relief I narrowly avoided something terrible calmed my stomach. Even if Terrence managed to ambush me with a kiss, would it be that bad? Sure, I reserved my first kiss for Micah, but if it wasn’t mutual, then it didn’t count as my first anyway. Besides, if Terrence tried, it would’ve been a convenient excuse to avoid him forever.

  Shaking my head, I put the thoughts behind me, but the unnerving surrealness of event lingered. It must be my overactive imagination. I always concocted worst-case scenarios; it was only a matter of time before one mimicked reality.

  As I climbed out of the car, the others wished me to feel better. I once again apologized for ruining the night, but they told me to stop worrying about it. Even Terrence, as he walked me to the porch, said, “You didn’t ruin anything. It was a great date. Just take care of yourself. I’ll see you Monday.”

  I nodded and reached for the door.

  He grabbed my other hand. “Tylwynn…” Timid for the first time I could remember, he took a breath, then asked, “would you mind if I kissed you?”

  My blood froze. The world spun. “What?” I couldn’t believe it. He did want to kiss me.

  “A little goodnight kiss?”

  I shook my head. “No, Terrence, I don’t feel well.” I tried to pull my hand away, but he tightened his grip.

  “Come on, it’s just a kiss. No big deal.”

  Yanking my hand out of his, I twisted the doorknob. “It’s a big deal to me,” I growled through clenched teeth, then went inside and slammed the door.

  I stood in the entryway, hands shaking. No big deal? What was his problem? Why did he want to kiss me? Did he like me after all? Had I actually imagined up the future? The whole experience swirled through my head. Dad appeared from around the corner.

  “Hey, you’re home early. Everything alright?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, just started feeling sick. I’m going to bed.”

  “Oh boy, hope you don’t have that flu again. Don’t need you moping about for another week,” he teased.

  Forcing a smile, I gave him a hug.

  He squeezed me tight.

  Once in my room and wearing pajamas, I climbed into bed. Between making new friends, unexpectedly finding myself attracted to one of them, the weirdest case of Deja vu ever, and Terrence topping it all off by being a complete jerk, I just wanted the day to end.

  More than ever, I wanted to be with Micah. Near him. How badly I wanted to call the boy and complain, but I still hoped to get something out of this date. Well, even if he didn’t express jealousy, at least I made some new friends. It might be worth it for that alone.

  I settled for getting to school extra early Monday morning to tell him how much fun I had. I’d tell him Terrence tried to kiss me and watch his reaction. I didn’t dare imagine what might happen next.