(May 2010)

  There was no better way to end the school day than in the company of the ice queen June Grisanti herself. In preparation, Shilling Daniels had made his way against the flood of exiting students to the familiar locker at the end of the lunchroom hall—displaced and isolated like its owner. With the location staked out, he placed himself against the wall in a perfectly crafted appearance of casual cool: arms crossed loosely, one leg bent against his vertical support, and to top it all off, a devil-may-care smirk that accentuated his budding red facial hair. Surely, he was lady-killer material.

  His target arrived with a mortician’s sobriety painted across her unmoving, pale face. She pretended not to notice him as she transferred some books to her satchel, though he thought he spotted hints of a smile pulling at her thoughtful, brown eyes.

  The silence had gone on long enough. Shilling pushed off the wall with a flourishing kick. Now to lay out some sweet, but platonic vibes. His voice’s cadence meandered like a happy ditty, “Is that a calculus book or are you just happy to see me?” Maybe platonic wasn’t on the mind at the moment.

  Victory was still achieved in the small shake of her head and a scoff. “I wondered how long it’d take for you to demand attention,” her voice hit only a few low, monotone beats.

  “You can only ignore me for so long, June,” he preened playfully. Shilling then shifted to a more casual tone, “So, how’d that presentation go?”

  June shrugged and closed her locker door. “It went fine, I guess. The hardest part was listening to everyone else and their piss-poor attempts. Then again, we only had three days to throw it together, so I blame the teacher’s planning.” Her gaze rarely met his. Maybe she was playing hard to get or was distracted. Her dark eyes only bore into his to ask, “Where’s your girlfriend?”

  “She ditched last period,” Shilling shrugged, “so I’m all alone at the moment.”

  “Tragic.”

  “I know, I know,” he nodded along.

  “For the mirrors around here, that is.” June’s face creased with faint wrinkles around her mouth. “I bet they didn’t see anything but you for a long time.”

  Shilling laughed. It was so rare to hear a playful joke from anyone in Brighton Public School. The usual tune everyone else sang to was of an aggressive jibe, a warding grunt, or outright exclusion. Not to say he didn’t deserve it, but the familiarity without the sting held a special place in his heart. “You know me so well.”

  “Unfortunately.” A smile threatened to peak out, but she forced it down again.

  Shilling examined his friend and felt his heart race. Sarcastic, witty, and challenging to get inside of her head—June was absolutely perfect! How a girl like her could stand a guy like him was beyond his hopes and dreams. Her dark brown, almost black, hair always hung in a straight curtain around her head, with a daring little streak of a dyed sky-blue braid by her right ear. Her outfit was stuffy, but modest: long-sleeved button-up shirts and calf-length skirts. What he wouldn’t give to see her into something peppier and more feminine. Maybe then that rare grin would surface more. Why can’t I stop loving you?

  His giddiness was forced back to reality-accepted levels. June was still off-limits. He had to respect that. He was lucky that he was still on good terms with her after their failed relationship.

  “Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” she droned and followed the streams of leaving students.

  An uncomfortable knot suddenly twisted in Shilling’s stomach. He couldn’t let that be the note they left school on, so he followed. His thumbs hooked into his front pockets and he plastered a wide smile on his face. “You heading to the bus stop all alone and unescorted?”

  “I do most days,” said June.

  “Then allow me to change that.”

  “It’s your time. I don’t envy the dressing-down you’ll get from the little bro for shaking up the status quo.”

  Shilling waved a dismissive hand. “The guy can learn to adapt to nonscheduled things.” He could imagine the bookish indignation of an angry Florin and felt nothing but amusement. His brother really needed to stop and smell the roses more, and who better to teach him that through tough love than Shilling himself?

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  The two of them continued uninterrupted to their destination, as their presence alone seemed to create a tangible barrier of dislike or fear. June had her own reputation for her hidden physical prowess she used against anyone that got too annoying for her tastes. Shilling himself had a knack for finding everyone’s berserk buttons or weak points through normal conversation. Truly they were quite the pair, or at least Shilling liked to think so.

  A spike of guilt reminded Shilling that he had a girlfriend. Dee had her own appeal, not unlike his own “stay away” vibe. She could look across a group of kids and knew how to make them squirm. She was borderline dangerous, but endlessly exciting. He hated that he knew Dee was just a girl to tide him over until June changed her mind. I’ll make it up to her tomorrow. He decided.

  They emerged into the spring day in Brighton, Iowa. Grass was vibrantly green, trees in full foliage, and a whisper of Midwestern humidity increased the temperature to comfortable levels. Other students raced, played, and chatted in the school yard around them. Shilling could observe the people at a glance and add up who he could playfully tease without consequences and who would threaten violence if they caught his eye.

  It was a strange feeling, knowing that this kind of familiarity was running out. Only a few weeks were left in the school year before he graduated and left for another state entirely. What would it be like to start from scratch, to blindly root around to find out who reacted in what ways? And what would June be doing in the year she had left of high school? Shilling didn’t want to think about that too much. The only other person June seemed to have the flimsiest connection with was her classmate called Holiday, though she mentioned on more than one occasion that he was odd. It did stoke Shilling’s pride, though, to know that Holiday wasn’t even considered dating competition. Digging more into their weird dynamic only dragged June’s spirits through the dirt, so he held off on mentioning it.

  Their destination was a short distance beyond the school yard fence. The glass-enclosed bus stop bench was empty. Shilling planted himself down with legs stretched out, shoulders leaning against the glass, and hands cupped behind his head. June settled down a space away, legs firmly together and hands gripping her backpack in her lap. She took up as little space as possible.

  Shilling felt comfortable enough around her to let the silence linger. They simply relaxed and watched traffic together.

  A familiar silver bus revved its engine a few blocks away. June stood up, though something about her seemed to deflate. “It’s going to be another long day…” she muttered.

  His heart skipped a beat. Shilling leapt to his feet, but kept the worry out of his voice, “What’s up?”

  “Same old shit.” Her thin eyebrows drew together. “And my tolerance has been worn thin today.”

  “Anything I can do to help?”

  June’s face resumed its nonplussed appearance. Her eyes bore into his again and she spoke with confidence, “Now that you mention it, I do want to get something off my chest.”

  She suddenly marched into his personal space. Her hand trailed along his cheek and directed him straight into her lips.

  Surprise made his body tense. Then, he instinctively raised his hand to her cheek and pressed gently back. Afraid to come on too strong, he let her make the moves. It didn’t matter that everything in his body yearned for a passionate resurgence in love, she had drawn the line, and she wanted to cross it.

  Warmth from the kiss lasted mere seconds. June leaned back with a disappointingly bored look on her face. She exhaled loudly, then turned for the approaching bus. “Sorry…”

  One word was enough to bottom-out Shilling’s emotional high. His voice shook, “What, was that some sort of goodbye kiss? We talked about this, June!”

  She shrugged, unwilling to meet his eyes.

  Shilling grabbed her shoulder and turned her around to face him. He desperately searched her face for something, anything to give her intentions away. “You can’t be thinking seriously about it, are you?”

  June easily pulled from his grip, a small frown wrinkling her face. “I said I wanted to get something off my chest, not that I’m suicidal.” Her bluntness made him flinch.

  “It sounded a lot like the same thing to me!” His voice cracked.

  The bus pulled up to them, door opening. Time wasn’t on his side anymore. He had to come up with something to keep her safe. “Alright, prove it. Text me every hour on the hour until school tomorrow, alright? Miss one text and I will call everyone in a ten-mile radius to check up on you.”

  “Every hour are you serious?” her voice rose slightly.

  Her almost-glare nearly demoralized him, but he couldn’t let guilt overtake this. He was showing tough love, right? “I wasn’t kidding last time, was I?”

  “No, you weren’t.”

  “I’ll text back each time as well, so we’re suffering together, alright?”

  June’s dark eyes narrowed slightly. “Mitigate it all you like, Shilling, but next time we meet you’re going to have a lot to answer to for this stupid task.” Her fists punched together threateningly.

  He smiled regardless. “Hey, that’s a promise that you’ll see me again, right?”

  “Fine, you pathetic masochist, if it gets you to chill the hell out.” She rolled her eyes as she marched into the waiting bus. In spite of it all, June still waved from a window before the vehicle pulled away.

  Shilling waved back, even after the bus disappeared behind a turn. A desperate sentence crawled through his lips, “I love you, June.”

  Emotions battled in his head, one side championing June’s affection as a sign that she actually could come around for him, that she was just too shy to admit that she hadn’t moved on. His other side argued that this behavior wasn’t encouraging at all, that he had to keep an even closer eye on her. Shilling couldn’t quite place which side would win.

  He sighed and turned back for school. It was about time to find his brother.