Ian

  Ian Primerton opened the door to his room in Stoggard Hall. The room was a single—a tiny closet of a room with a twin sized bed. It had a single small window next to the bed. The window was big enough for a box fan if he needed some fresh air. It was unusual for a sophomore to have a single room. All single rooms went to either Juniors or Seniors. However, he had signed on to be a Junior Dorm Advisor not only to pay for part of his room fees but also to help incoming freshmen.

  Junior Dorm Advisors served as floor wardens for a dorm. A Senior Dorm Advisor supervised all the juniors. As a junior, Ian would be responsible for enforcing quiet hours and reporting any suspicious activity to the Senior Dorm Advisor. They also were to be part of the peer support system for students. Since he was assigned to an all-freshman dorm, it would be especially important for him to provide whatever mental and emotional support he could for the new freshmen on his floor.

  He was excited at the opportunity. He wanted to be sure that the freshman living in Stoggard thought of the dorm as their home—their safe haven. He remembered all too well how tough it was to be a freshman. He struggled his first semester being away from home. In retrospect, he had a sheltered childhood. He was not emotionally prepared for being away for college. He could no longer rely on his parents or the safety of his home. His biggest challenge was having to get used to getting himself up and ready for classes without his mother’s help.

  Ian had always been different from his peers. He liked punk rock and loved the fact that the alternative lifestyle was gaining traction in 1994. Ever since 7th grade, he started listening to heavy metal and punk. His wardrobe started to quickly become all black after he bought his first Slayer cassette. In 10th grade, he bought his first black leather jacket and bleached his dark brown hair platinum blond. The first couple of times he did this, his hair turned into straw and then started to break off. His mother finally gave up objecting to his style choices and allowed him to continue bleaching his hair only if he got it done by a professional and only if he swore to condition his hair daily.

  Ian was also gay. Over the summer between his freshman and sophomore year, he fully accepted his sexuality. He started to wear it loud and proud over the summer. He began wearing rainbow buttons on his shirts and got himself a window decal for his car. He subscribed to Out Magazine over the summer trying to get a feel for what it meant to be a part of the queer community.

  This was not the case when he started his freshman year. Ian had always known that he was gay but tried desperately to suppress it all throughout middle and high school. His outward alternative punk appearance offered him the luxury to be freer with his expression. However, he was not ready to admit his preference to anyone when he started Wellington. He tried to remain in the closet the first semester of his freshman year.

  Wellington was not as progressive of a campus as many other colleges. All the old money attitude among the student body did not mix with alternative attitudes. It’s not that homosexuality was forbidden—being gay was just not well tolerated. No one was physically assaulted. However, the intolerance was subtle. It came in the form of excluding openly gay students from the active social life of the college. No fraternity was willing to rush an openly gay male.

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  Ian desperately wanted to fit in without sacrificing any piece of his identity. Greek Life was the life blood of Wellington, and Ian wanted in on it. When he started to rush, he didn’t tone down his look. He still knew that despite his appearance, if he wanted to fit in, he shouldn’t talk about his budding sexuality. It was obvious that he would be overlooked by three-fourths of the fraternities. His punk appearance did not meld well with the conservative country club feel of most of the fraternities. Despite the exclusion, he found three fraternities where he fit in. These were smaller fraternities made up of guys that did not traditionally fit the definition of frat guy.

  One night, Ian drunkenly outed himself to the entire floor of his dorm. He had come back to his room after a secret rush party. Fraternities were not allowed to supply alcohol to potential members. However, this did not stop them from doing so. Ian had consumed mass amounts of tequila and beer at one of the fraternities that was interested in having him as a pledge. He had no idea how he managed to get back to his dorm room. He also had no idea how or why he found himself laying in the hallway on the phone loudly sobbing into the receiver, “I’m gay. I’m fucking gay. I like guys.” His antics woke up the entire floor. Several guys shouted for him to shut up. It was finally one of the Dorm Advisors that calmed him down and got him into bed.

  From that day forward, there was no point in trying to remain in the closet. All the alcohol finally dismantled the one wall that he had built up strong. Word got around quickly. People began to whisper and talk about him behind his back. Some of the guys he had befriended during rush started to laugh at the spectacle he had created. Once, when he was in the communal showers, a couple of guys started to reenact Ian’s outburst. As rush continued, he found the fraternities that were interested in him had gone silent. It may have been because of his drunken behavior. It may have been because of his newly announced sexuality. It may have been because they were afraid the administration would link his drunkenness to a secret rush party. Whichever the reason, Ian felt like the fraternities shunned him, so he dropped out of rush.

  All the intolerance and isolation he faced as a freshman made him want to become a Dorm Advisor. He wanted to make Wellington a more welcoming place. He thought that his struggle last year could help incoming freshman in some way. If he could make the transition easier for just one awkward, struggling freshman, it would all be worth it. Besides, this incoming class had no knowledge of his struggles and of his drunken behavior. It would be a fresh start to make a new friend.

  Ian placed his bags on the floor of his room and sat down on the bed. There was already a packet waiting for him on the bed. He opened the large envelope stuffed with documents. There were copies of phone numbers that would be useful for a junior dorm advisor—the Dean’s number, the police, the hospital, etc. There were a couple of bundles of pamphlets for the university’s counseling services and the health services to hand out to the incoming residents. There was a list of the names of the occupants of the rooms he would oversee for the year. There were also two envelopes stuffed with room keys. One envelope had a large, full key ring. These were the keys he would have to each of the rooms in case he needed to enter due to an emergency. The other envelope had sets of keys that he was to give to occupants once they arrived. He was all set to be the mentor he was hoping he could be.

  He had his door wide open when he saw a guy that looked lost wondering around the hallway. The guy was carrying a large envelope. Ian wondered if this guy was one of his advisees.

  Ian stood up and walked toward his door. The guy stopped and looked up.