“Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of the Creator, and in the face of this company, to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony.” Father Harvey beamed at the happy bride and groom and the congregation of guests. “If anyone can show just cause why they may not be joined together,” Harvey continued, “speak now or forever hold your peace. Although please keep in mind that I’m not responsible for whatever Sozahauni does if you say ‘I object’ right now.”

  From his spot next to the groom, Sozo gave an innocent shrug. “Hey, I just don’t want anyone to ruin my only cousin’s special day.”

  Harvey sighed. He waited an obligatory few seconds, and when no objections were forthcoming, he continued, “Nico, will you have this woman to be your lawful wedded wife? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her in both sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?”

  “I do,” Nico declared, eyes shining.

  “And do you, Magdalena, have this man to be your lawful wedded husband? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him in both sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?”

  “I do,” Maggie pronounced, beaming from ear to ear.

  “Then by the power vested in me by the Creator and Its holy servant the Imperatrix, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

  Maggie leaned forward and Nico threw his arms around her. As he twirled her around, her sleeve snagged on the bouquet and a thorn scratched her hand. A single drop of her blood splashed against the altar. As soon as it landed, a portal appeared and several massive tentacles seized Nico. The groom was torn away from the bride and dragged through, screaming.

  The entire congregation stared in silence for approximately five seconds.

  Then they all started screaming too.

  “My husband!” Maggie wailed. “How could this have happened?!”

  “Indeed!” Father Harvey seethed. “An unholy altar in the house of God! I knew I shouldn’t have trusted the last vicar to use the tithe money to buy something consecrated, rather than whatever altar he could find for a bargain. It’s a scandal! Pure sacrilege! A—” he glanced at Maggie and Sozo. “Er, I mean it’s quite a shame about Nico. I hope he’s okay.”

  Maggie seized Sozo’s shoulders. Mascara was running down her face like black tears. “Sozo, how could this have happened?!”

  Sozahauni looked from her to the sickly light of the portal. “Shoot,” he said, examining the altar, “there’s a lot of magic baked into this thing. It typically takes years of ceremonies and sacrifices, but an altar can be made into a ready-made portal keyed to a specified realm. After that, it just takes one drop of blood to open it up.”

  This yielded more wails from Maggie. “Nico, no! I’m coming to save you!” she cried, reaching for the portal.

  Sozo stepped in front of her to block her path. “Whoa, whoa, you’re not jumping through any strange portals, unless you want to end up as the centerpiece of some unholy ritual. I’m a trained occultist. I’ll find Nico. He’s my cousin, anyway.”

  Maggie blinked. “But he’s my husband.”

  “Then I’ll find him with minimal damage.” He clasped her hands in his. “Maggie, I need you to calm down the congregation. Especially your in-laws. They disapprove of you enough already.” She had the good grace to replace her tearful expression with one of offense. “And Harvey,” he looked at the forlorn priest. “Please try to get this altar consecrated. I doubt this portal will be open for much longer, but it would also be a good idea to keep an eye on it until it closes to make sure nothing nasty slips through. I can make my own way back.”

  “Of course,” Father Harvey nodded.

  “Excellent. I’ll be back in two flaps of an angel’s wings.” He gave a quick salute and then leapt through the portal.

  It took Sozahauni a few moments to get his bearings. He was still in a church, albeit a larger one with walls covered in marine iconography. He was still next to an altar, luckily one that was neither covered in blood nor that had a screaming person strapped to it. The only major difference was the people.

  In unison, the fifty robed members of the congregation turned toward Sozo. Eyes gleamed beneath cowls, and candlelight soaked into the sea of black cloaks. “Well don’t let me interrupt anything,” he said before bolting out the door.

  Once Sozo had dived into the relative safety of an alleyway and had assured himself that he hadn’t been followed, he took a moment to collect his thoughts. He was still stuck in a strange dimension full of crazed cultists and tentacled monsters, although he was no stranger to either of those threats, and he still hadn’t found Nico. “If I was a missing groom who’d been dragged into in a strange new realm, where would I go first?” Sozo wondered out loud. His eyes drifted across the street, where a lone figure in a tuxedo was hurrying along, looking very much out of place. As he slipped into a fisherman’s shack, a pack of cultists jogged past, clearly searching. “Well, at least I’ve found him.”

  You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

  As Sozo waited for the right timing to sneak across the street when no cultists were present, a scrap of newspaper floated into the alleyway. Taking a deep breath, he briefly glanced down at one of the headlines: Prosperity from the Deep! It made him pause enough to pick up the paper and skim through the article. “Following another booming year of trade…increased negotiations with our neighbors from the Pacific…the upcoming wedding of our honorable consul and our very own Lady Justine.” The rest of the page was dominated by a photograph of a pretty young woman standing next to a gigantic horseshoe crab. “Huh, I guess love is in the air today.”

  Unceremoniously, the paper was discarded and Sozo made a beeline for the shack, seeing that the way was finally clear. He knocked gently on the door. “Nico, I’m here to rescue you!” he hissed.

  There was a brief pause. Then, “Sozo?” The door opened and Nico pulled him in. “You have no idea how good it feels to see someone without a cowl. Please tell me you have a plan to get us out of here.”

  “Yeah, I’m working on that.” He had fished a red crayon from his coat and was busy drawing a circle on the ground. “Unless you happen to have a holy altar in your tux, though, we have to do this the slow way. I need to draw the ritual circle and calibrate it to the right realm, unless you fancy a jaunt through the Toymaker’s workshop. Believe me, I don’t recommend—” He was interrupted by a loud banging on the door. “Shoot, I’d hoped we might have a little more time.”

  Nico held his back against the door and gritted his teeth. “Could you focus a little more on getting us out of here?”

  “Believe me, I’m trying.” He winced as the door gave another jolt. “Okay, um, do you happen to have a crucifix on you?” It worked best on supernatural beings, but the Creator’s power was present across all the realms. At the very least, it would give the cultists pause, and perhaps that would be enough time for Nico and Sozo to escape.

  Nico unclasped a small gold cross from a chain around his neck. “This work?” he asked, holding it out to Sozahauni.

  Sozo glanced up. “Yeah, but please point it at the cultists and not at me!” He hastily scrawled another few runes in the ritual circle as the door jumped off one of its hinges. “I believe we’re out of time.”

  As the cultists poured in, Nico took a stance in front of Sozo and held out his crucifix like a shield. “Back off, foul cultists! By the power of the one true God, you will not spill our blood in your demonic rituals!”

  The cultists indeed hung back. One of them scratched the back of his hood. “Excuse me, but what?”

  “I said back off, cultists!” Nico yelled. Sozo continued to scribble furiously behind him.

  “But we’re not cultists,” one of the cultists piped up. “We’re pious Christians. Did you not see the icon of Saint Cecilia?” Nico’s eyes followed her finger to the tiny figurine of a sea urchin among the fishing supplies. The urchin was dressed as a nun.

  Nico gripped the crucifix tighter. “But you don’t…”

  “Or our church?” another cultist asked.

  He glanced out the window at the church, which he now realized had a crucifix among the cyclopean architecture. The figure on the crucifix appeared to be a monstrous jellyfish.

  “But…but why are you wearing hoods and cloaks?”

  “I guess it’s a bit unorthodox, but we like it as a reminder that outward appearances are meaningless, whether we’re people of the land or sea. All are equal in the eyes of God!” another cultist proclaimed, his eyes shining.

  Nico backed up and leaned over to Sozo. “I think we may have been very, very wrong about these people.”

  “I think you may be right,” he whispered back. He stood up and gave a sheepish grin. “Ladies and gents, it appears we have had a grave misunderstanding. You see, we thought you were a pack of cultists, intent on sacrificing us to some demon.”

  The lead cultist chuckled sadly. “It’s an unfortunate stereotype about us humans, but I don’t deny that it’s merited. I wish more of us could follow the teachings of our neighbors in the sea rather than forming insane cults and worshipping demons, but I suppose we just have to lead by example and hope that others follow.”

  Sozo nodded solemnly. “I know what you mean.”

  “Agreed. But it’s nice to see another pious Christian!” he said brightly.

  One of the other cultists tugged at the leader’s sleeve. “Um, Father, there’s still the small matter of them disrupting our sacred service by opening a portal in the middle of our church. And it looks like they were in the middle of drawing a ritual circle. Even if they can hold a crucifix without being struck down by its holy power, how can we be sure that they aren’t demons?”

  The lead cultist stroked his beard thoughtfully. “I suppose we do have that to contend with.” He deliberated for a moment. “Well, if you don’t mind being doused in holy water, that should clear the matter up.”

  Nico started to grumble about how he wasn’t about to ruin his expensive tuxedo, but Sozo elbowed him sharply before he could reply. “You have no idea how easy we’re getting off,” he muttered.

  About five minutes later, the two men were back in the church at their home world, standing inside a ritual circle. Both were utterly drenched. “Nico!” Maggie cried, hitching up her white dress to run to him. She threw her arms around her husband, who heartily returned the embrace. The guests crowded around him, either trying to assist him or peppering him with questions about what had just happened. The wedding would be the talk of the town for a few days, but everything was on track to be okay.

  Amid the chaos, Father Harvey jogged over and helped Sozo up. “Are you alright?” he asked with concern.

  “No, but I’ll recover. I love successful adventures.” He rung some water out of his shirt. “I’m going to change into something less drenched, but let’s say we head to the reception hall afterwards and grab a few celebratory beers?”