Ren turned to see lava spirits rising, the sky turning red, and Kaifu's molten body forming in the smoke.
He whispered:
"...I done fu—"
~~~
After a few seconds though, Grandpa Kaifu (seemed to) calm down.
The lava spirits solidified again and returned back to Kaifu.
And speaking of my molten grandpa........
He now had a cool ass headphone now.
||MORTAL! WHAT DOST THOU WANT?||
Ren, somehow undestanding the tirade, replied ever so timidly:
"Yeah, uh, Grandpa Kaifu? Can you understand me now?"
Kaifu boomed:
||Indeed, this device upon mine ears dost translateth thy debased tongue for mine understanding! NOW PRITHEE, WHAT DOST THOU WANT?||
Despite the polite speech, Ren swore he saw bloodlust in our Kaifu's (eight) eyes.
Ren IMMEDIATELY prostrated.
"GRANDPA KAIFU!!
I, the most wretched, most ignorant fool to have ever sullied this sacred earth with my footsteps, do humbly and tearfully repent the unforgivable transgression I have committed. My actions, steeped in folly and arrogance, are an affront to your divine presence—nay, to the very heavens themselves. I am not worthy to speak, nor even to exist in the shadow of your incandescent might.
A thousand deaths would not suffice to cleanse my shame; ten thousand lifetimes of groveling would not be enough penance for this grievous sin. I offer neither excuse nor defense, only my trembling form and sincere remorse.
With uncountable bows and a heart crushed by guilt, I fall prostrate before your glory, begging that your holy wrath be stayed.
Should you see fit to erase me where I kneel, I shall not resist—only rejoice that your fury be sated.
Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.
But if your mercy, vast as the fire within the mountain, might grace me once—only once—then I vow upon what little honor I have left to serve, obey, and never again err in your sacred presence."
(nah fr, this came outta nowhere)
Ren did not look up, hoping for a quick death.
Still, he slooooooooooowly looked up.
And saw.......
Kaifu vibing to 'FE!N' ??!!
Indeed, the banger was blasting out loud on Kaifu's neon blue headphones.
Kaifu was RAVING to the music.
Ren felt like laughing.
Oh boy, he felt like laughing.
But he did not laugh.
He was still prostrated, remember?
So with a trembling voice, he called out:
"Grandpa Fei— uh, I mean, Grandpa Kaifu?"
The music paused.
Kaifu glared at tiny Ren.
It seemed that the UNIVERSE wasn't pleased at all on being interrupted from its divine music session.
In a million decibel voice, Kaifu yelled:
||MORTAL!! I BESEECH THEE, STATE THY FAVOUR!!!||
............okay NOW Ren was cooked.
Ren, still prostrating, prostrated harder.
"Look, Grandpa, I'm REALLY sorry for having interrupted you, but can you please make Mt. Fuji erupt for me? JUST once? PLEASE?"
Kaifu stopped raging.
Ren stopped shivering.
The wind stopped blowing.
Kaifu stared at Ren.
And...........
........smirked.
Ren had a bad feeling about this. (of course he should)
And then......
Kaifu started laughing.
||BEHOLD— THIS FOOL'S FATE IS SEALED. HE IS COOKED, CHARRED, AND SERVED UNTO DOOM'S OWN TABLE!||
Ren's soul left his body. (for the eigth time, if you're counting...)
Kaifu continued:
||VERY WELL, I SHALL REND THE MOUNTAIN ASUNDER— YET THOU MUST STRIKE A BARGAIN FIRST."||
Kaifu's laugh grew louder, shaking the skies, shattering clouds, and probably rupturing three tectonic plates.
||THOU HAST MADE THY REQUEST... AND I, KAIFU, SHALL GRANT IT.||
Ren dared to hope.
||BUT FIRST— A TRIAL. A SACRIFICE. A TEST OF THY WRETCHED MEAT-BALL FORM.||
Ren paled.
"...wait what now—"
Kaifu raised his molten arms.
AND THE MOUNTAIN.
WOKE.
UP.
A deafening KRKRRRRRRRRRRRRK echoed across Japan as Mt. Fuji cracked open like a giant demonic egg.
Lava FOUNTED into the sky. Firestorms spiraled out of the crater like demonic Beyblades.
Flaming debris rained like hell's own confetti. Yokai screamed in ten different languages.
The train SCREECHED.
||ABANDONING MISSION. GOOD LUCK, PEASANT.||
Ren was alone.
Still on the mountain.
Still very, very mortal.
A boulder the size of a fridge WHIZZED past his face.
Ren blinked.
"...nope."
AND HE RAN.
Down Mt. Fuji.
At breakneck speed.
Dodging lava.
Leaping over craters.
Rolling under flaming trees like he's in a damn Temple Run DLC.
A fire tornado ROARED behind him.
YES.
AN ACTUAL FIRE TORNADO. WITH TEETH.
Ren screamed. Loud. Uncensored.
Not even pretending to be brave anymore.
Bird yokai zoomed past him going:
||WE'RE ALL GONNA DIEEEE!!! ||
Trees combusted on contact. The earth opened. A tanuki got launched into orbit.
Ren's shoes MELTED off.
His soul was clinging to his body like:
'NOOOO I DON'T WANNA GO YET—'
Kaifu's voice echoed above:
||RUN, LITTLE MORTAL. RUN LIKE THY LIFE DEPENDS ON'T... FOR IT DOTH!!||
BOOOOOOOOOOOOM.
Mt. Fuji exploded behind him like the world's angriest pinata.
Ren didn't look back.
He couldn't.
He was too busy sprinting down Japan's deadliest mountain turned volcano ...
...in his socks.
