||Denial is a river in Egypt but you’re not Cleopatra, BITCH!||
Ren dove forward, headfirst into a mirror that shimmered like his last functioning brain cell.
And everything shattered.
~~~
Ren's currently rocketing out of a demon mirror like a glitchy PS2 character.
He SLAMMED into the floor of... oh.
Oh no.
THE HALL OF UNSPOKEN ARGUMENTS.
Everything’s quiet. Uncomfortably quiet. Like-the-car-ride-after-your-parents-fight kind of quiet.
The walls? Dripping passive-aggressive goo. The air smelled like that weird tension when someone says "I'm fine" but you know you're minutes away from catching hands.
Above him floated giant unsent text bubbles:
"You never listen to me"
"I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed"
"This could've been an email"
"We need to talk"
Ren, facepalming:
"...I'd rather fight another demon pigeon."
SUDDENLY—
Suddenly, a vibe shift happens. The lights flicker.
Spotify starts playing "As It Was" in the distance.
And then...
HE ARRIVES.
THE EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE CENTIPEDE (EUC)
This thing is HUUUGE (and maybe thicc). Like, titanic ex energy.
Wearing business casual, bluetooth headset locked in.
It’s texting four people.
Committed to none.
Each centipede segment has a red flag sticker:
"I'm just really busy rn"
"I ghosted you 'cause I liked you too much"
"You deserve better"
"Haha I don't do labels"
"I’m in therapy (lying)"
The sacred wig? Nestled in its ick-core, tangled in receipts from gaslit friendships.
Ren took one look and:
"I don't need a therapist. I need holy water."
But frfr, Ren thought he should try to 'talk it out' like a civil dumbass.
But wait.
Before he embarrasses himself harder than a Facebook mom trying to use TikTok, we get a group huddle.
The Yokai Squad assembled like the most cursed version of the Avengers.
They all crouched behind a crumbling emotional support pillar, whispering like teens about to summon Bloody Mary with a Ouija board.
Ren, excitedly:
"Okay, new plan. I go in. I talk to him. I appeal to his— y'know, centipede-y humanity. Maybe he's just misunderstood."
Jorogumo nearly dislocated her jaw from how hard she side-eyed him.
||Oh sweetie. That bug ghost dragged your self-worth into the seventh layer of cringe and you're still trying to be nice? That's not diplomacy. That's delulu.||
Nurarihyon snorted into his martini of tears.
||Talk it out? What are you, a therapist with a death wish? This is the Realm of Denial, not an episode of 'Fix My Life: Yokai Edition.'||
Aka Manto didn’t even turn around.
||You're gonna walk in there and get spiritually ghosted so hard, the afterlife's gonna block your number.||
Ren waved them off.
"Guys, c’mon. He stole the wig, yeah, but maybe there’s a reason. Trauma. Sad backstory. Daddy issues. I can connect with him."
Jorogumo clicked her fangs.
||You're about to connect with disappointment and a centipede’s mandibles. That’s what you’re about to connect with.||
Nurarihyon shrugged.
||We’ll prep the 'I Told You So' cake. What flavor you want, humiliation or despair?||
Ren glared.
"Both. Frost it with bad choices."
He stepped into the spotlight, ready to emotionally negotiate like a B-tier anime protagonist with unresolved issues.
~~~
Ren reached up to the Emotionally Unavailible Centipede:
This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
"Hey... uh. So. That wig. I kinda need that. And maybe you need closure? Wanna chat?"
The EUC blinked.
All 400+ eyes blink out of sync.
It gave Ren the look of a man who sends TikToks but never replies to texts.
The EUC replied:
|| Oh. That? You can totally have it. I just... need time. I'm working on myself. ||
Ren, apalled:
"YOU'VE BEEN WORKING ON YOURSELF SINCE THE EDO PERIOD BRO."
But Ren tried again.
Like a clown.
A well-meaning, squishy, clown:
"Listen, I've been avoidant too. I get it. We don't always say what we mean because we're scared of being seen. But you can't just steal from people and call that growth."
EUC, literally:
|| Wow. That's crazy. Anyway, I'm gonna go ghost for a bit. ||
It scuttled away....
...Leaving behind a single expired therapy coupon.
The ambient music shifts to that lo-fi girl crying into her tea.
Ren is 3 seconds from combusting into a ball of raw, cringe-coded shame.
"Y’know what? Screw this. I have been YEETED through emotional trauma, possessed by a spicy pigeon, married a tanuki against my will, and now THIS??”
He pointed dramatically at the Emotionally Unavailable Centipede, who was reclining midair on a floating therapy couch like a pretentious ghost therapist on sabbatical.
“YOU STOLE MY WIG, GHOSTED MY EMOTIONS, AND LEFT ME ON READ IN MY OWN MIND!”
The EUC raised one disinterested leg, slowly, as if lifting a burden too heavy with centuries of not giving a single shit.
|| You're being really intense right now. ||
And then—
POOF.
It BLOCKED HIM.
Like, literally.
VANISHED in a cloud of sandalwood-scented incense and weaponized emotional detachment.
A tiny floating pop-up appeared midair like a cursed iOS alert:
{You have been emotionally restricted from viewing this toxic entity.}
Ren stood there, stunned.
Like someone just untagged him from his own trauma.
He let out a scream so raw, so existentially feral, birds in the entire hemisphere exploded mid-air.
One crow actually combusted into feathers and unresolved father issues.
The ground trembled.
His knees gave out like they were subscribed to a seasonal depression package.
He collapsed to the floor in a heap of existential defeat.
Emotionally.
Mentally.
Spiritually.
Wi-Fi signal gone.
His brain? Buffering.
Soul? Error 404.
Dignity? Haha, never heard of that.
Sad violin started playing. Somewhere, faintly, a heavenly choir sang like it was the last episode of a CW drama.
A ghostly camera panned upward.
"In the arms of the angel...."
Cue black-and-white flashbacks of Ren smiling at the wig. Ren crying over the wig. Ren chasing the wig through a burning forest.
The wig, unbothered, moisturized, living its best life.
Nurarihyon took a slow sip from his martini and whispered to Jorogumo:
||Told you that dumbass was gonna get ghosted harder than a LinkedIn recruiter.||
Jorogumo sighed, silk fluttering around her like a dramatic fashion show.
||Should we rescue him or let him marinate in his own shame first?||
Aka Manto pulled out a tiny violin.
Like actually pulled one out.
||Let the cringe season.||
Cut to Ren, twitching on the ground, mouthing the words:
“I just wanted my wig back.”
~~~
Something snapped.
Ren woke up dramatically, with fire in his eyes:
"THAT'S IT!"