It has been a few days since Bartholemus departed. Honestly, I don’t know what to think anymore. Belinda has been excited and trying to be helpful as usual, and most likely due to the fact that I said we could be a family she has been in high spirits. But… I lost control of myself, and honestly I don’t know what would have happened if I didn’t stop attacking. Would I have hurt Belinda? Destroyed the castle?

  The power I got from that transformation was nothing like I could have ever imagined. The downside is, I wasn’t able to control it. While I might be weaker in this form, I would much prefer to stay like this. But even this form is different.

  Belinda and I decided to spread out a little bit and occupy a bedroom near the base of operations. She has a small bed on one end and I have one on the other. The room next to us is the bathroom, and the mirror I am looking at above the magic sink has something looking back at me that I really don’t recognize.

  “Did I really turn into a monster this time?”

  Something to note. The bat that attacked me initially gave me no real answers. The only thing appraise gave me was:

  Atlos (Age: 1,314)

  Level: 64

  I guess it was someone’s pet, and this transformation didn’t have anything to do with it attacking me. The age is pretty impressive, though.

  Everything has happened so fast lately that I haven’t had the time to really breathe and take it all in.

  One thing is for sure now, though. “I guess these horns are here to stay.”

  I ran my hand over my face, the subtle horns growing out of my forehead were much larger when I was transformed. Hopefully it doesn't become even more noticeable that I am some sort of demon-monster thing now. I wonder if all the monsters outside the castle feel this way, I still have my consciousness. I really do love Belinda, as a daughter I couldn’t ask for more. I don't want to cause people pain. I really want to help Ysmiro out the best I can, still. I am not too sure if he would be keen on a vampire demon spreading his gospel, though.

  “Sigh…” I let out a deep breath and walk away from the mirror showing me I am no longer the person I once was.

  Belinda was in the garden picking peppercorns and joba fruit. There were more plants nearby that I never got a look at.

  “Appraise.”

  Turanti Leaf (S)

  Medicinal plant, the quality of this herb is extremely high compared to others of the same type. Can be pressed into ointments or eaten. Has antibiotic properties and can heal infections of all types.

  “Great, so this can be used to heal wounds.” I pressed the leaves between my fingers, the liquid on the leaf immediately dissipating into my skin.

  Basil (C)

  Herb that is typically used in cooking. Known throughout as a Delinian specialty.

  Well, that’s a nice change of pace. Something that I actually recognize easily. While I normally cooked with ground up black pepper in my old life, I loved the taste of whole basil, so I knew immediately what this was. Maybe I can make something nice later on. Behind the garden stood what seemed to be a wheat field. It wasn’t large, but it took up almost a half-acre. “Appraise”

  Bina (C)

  Grain that is used to make breads and pastries. It is normally threshed and ground into flour.

  Sweet.

  “Hey Belinda, want to go for a walk outside?” I asked over my shoulder, still looking at the Bina plants.

  She stood up, mud covering her clothes. “That sounds fun!” She said smiling. “I don’t think I have been outside since we first met!”

  I went back to our little armory that was located on the wall of the room we use as our base and grabbed the Dwarven Mithril Hunter’s Dagger and the Wight Magus Staff. I threw the staff over my back using a strap I made from the deers pelt, and tucked the dagger into a sheath I found. While it didn’t fit perfectly, it was good enough to carry it along with me without using my hands.

  Looking around at the room. The truth of the matter starts to really set in. I am not in my old life anymore. This isn’t a dream. This is my new reality.

  I mean, do I really belong here? Apparently up until this point I have not been able to make a good choice. I’ve turned into a full-blown vampire, I threatened a diplomat… The only good thing I have going good for me is Belinda. Am I not causing problems for her the way I am now?

  I guess it doesn’t matter, she seems happy enough. But that could be a facade that she puts on because she’s afraid. I almost killed a man in front of her, and I sliced a dragon into pieces. I’m a little scared of myself to be honest, I couldn’t imagine what she is feeling.

  I put those thoughts on the back-burner, if she isn’t happy I should be able to see it at some point. Then I can make a decision on what to do from there.

  “You ready?” I asked, looking down at Belinda.

  “Yeah, let’s do this.” She said plainly, trembling a little bit. I wonder if it is me, or the outside that she’s scared of?

  I open the doors, and we walk into the forest.

  To my surprise, nothing attacks us. The only creatures I see as we walk along are fleeting away by the time I notice them. It’s as though they are keeping their distance from us for some reason.

  I wonder if they know I am a monster too. Maybe they see me as a threat.

  Up ahead, I notice something staring at us.

  “A raccoon?” I whispered, Belinda covering my mouth immediately.

  “Shh! That’s a king of the forest!” She whelped.

  King of the forest, huh? I wonder what that is.

  “So what is a king of the forest? What do they do?” I whispered to Belinda.

  “They keep–” Belinda was cut off by the new voice in the conversation.

  “We keep order in the forest where we live.”

  I look up slowly, and the raccoon is right behind us, looking us over.

  “Normally, we don’t get mixed with humans. But you smell different. You aren’t a human, are you?” He asked scratching his chin.

  Okay, I am not going to lie, he is kind of cute. It’s almost like a house pet that learned how to talk.

  “Your guess is correct. I am not a human anymore.” I said confidently back to him.

  “Anymore?” The raccoon cocked his head.

  “Apparently, now I am a demonic vampire.” I said, sounding a little unhappy about that fact. I can’t really help that, because I really am quite a bit disappointed how everything turned out.

  “Hmm… Are you here to kill me?” The raccoon asked.

  “Are you wanting to fight?” I asked. I have no intention of fighting a creature that doesn’t fight back unless it’s for food or survival.

  “No.” The raccoon said plainly.

  “Then no. I have no quarrel with you or any of the other creatures. While I do hunt to survive, I have no joy in killing anything.” I stated matter-of-factly, crouching down to meet his gaze. “My name is Ken, this is Belinda. We live in the castle up the hill there. Drop by sometime if you are ever in the area, I could make you something to eat or drink.”

  “I may take you up on that offer. Be well, Ken and Belinda.” The raccoon started to scurry off when it turned around. “My name is Bellock. I rule this forest.”

  I nodded towards him, then he scurried off into the forest out of our view.

  “He was intense for a little guy.” I said laughing.

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  “Do you understand what just happened?” Belinda asked, wide-eyed from the situation that just occurred.

  “Yeah, we just made a little forest friend I think.” Not really sure what she is going on about. It was a raccoon for god’s sake.

  “That was the king of the forest. The king of THIS forest.” Belinda said plainly, still looking in the direction the raccoon left.

  “I still don’t get the issue here.” I said. I don’t get the big deal here, it looked like he was just happy we didn’t want to fight.

  “Do you understand how powerful you would have to be to rule this forest? That creature is on par with a demon lord of ancient times. It has to be.” Belinda looked up at me, then her face lit up. “AND WE GET TO INVITE IT TO DINNER!” She started jumping around, excitedly.

  Wait… strong as a demon lord? Then why did it just ask if I was there to kill it? There’s no way I could have beaten that thing the way I am now. The reality of what just happened started to settle in.

  “Let’s… uhh– head back I guess.” I said to Belinda. “I don’t think we’ll see any more creatures out here, and I think I got a good enough survey of the land around the castle. I’d like to do some remodelling soon, when we have the time.”

  She gave me a smile with a thumbs up, and we turned around back the way we came.

  As we walked back to the castle, the raccoon’s question still echoed in my mind. “Are you here to kill me?” Then the visions of me killing the dragon played in my head. Maybe whatever I am now is just a boss class monster or something? I am not okay with that. I don’t want power that I can’t control. Going forward, I don’t want to lose my control ever again.

  After we go back to the castle, Belinda quickly falls asleep in front of the fireplace. Instead of moving her, I just cover her up so she doesn’t get cold when the fire dies out.

  I head outside to the courtyard, the racing thoughts going through my head are too much for me to sleep right now.

  If I am a monster, did I already ruin everything Ysmiro set up for me? Did I taint Hulin’s soul that is within me? Is Belinda afraid of me?

  It’s like those movies where someone fights with their darker self and has to overcome their feelings. The only difference is, I don’t have anything to beat to win.

  Knock. Knock. Knock.

  I sit up quickly, my eyes fixated on the front gate where the noise is coming from. Unsure if I actually heard a knock or if my mind is playing tricks on me while I am sitting out here alone, I get up and slowly walk to the door. As I press my ear to the thick wooden door–

  Knock. Knock.

  I slid the small hatch open to see who was outside, but I didn't see anyone. Something like this reeks of a trap. It has to be one. I grab the dagger out of the sheath, and ready myself for whoever tries to run in.

  Then I open the door.

  “Hello– You said I could come visit!” The raccoon shrieked with his hand up in defense.

  “Ah, hell I am sorry Bellock. I have been lost in thought, and it’s nighttime. I didn’t think anyone would be out here that was friendly. Sorry, man.” I placed the dagger back into the sheath and Bellock let out a relieved sigh.

  “Come on in.” I stood out of the way so he could walk in. Oddly enough he walks on his back two legs like a human. I never really stopped to think about it but he can talk too, is that normal for monsters? Kind of hypocritical seeing as how I am one, too.

  We made our way back to the courtyard, where I got a fire going. “Can I get you anything, Bellock?” I asked.

  “No, that’s quite alright. I know it’s late. Creatures like myself are nocturnal, so I didn’t think about it not being your waking hours. My apologies.” He said bowing his head.

  “No need to be so formal, just relax. We are all friends here.” I said waving my hand as if to let him know its alright.

  “Friends?” Bellock cocked his head sideways in confusion. It’s weird, his voice sounds so soothing but at the same time so alien.

  “It’s a phrase I used in my old life. It means don’t worry, be at peace. Sort of.” I said, even though I question if that is a good definition or not.

  “Anyway, I wanted to discuss what your plans are, Lord Ken.” Bellock stated, looking at the fire.

  “Plans? I don’t really have any.” I said, not even looking up. “I don’t even know what I am, much less what it is I want to do anymore.”

  “Strange. Someone of your power can do whatever they want. Or so I would have thought.” The raccoon leaned back in the chair, trying to balance himself upright.

  “The power you probably sense is something I don’t ever want to have to use again. I lose control, sure the sheer amount of power is intoxicating, but it’s also scary at the same time. The girl you met, Belinda, I see her as my child and honestly I am scared that I could hurt her if I get out of control again.” I said, sounding more and more like I am questioning myself again.

  Slowly I shift back into the mode I was in before Bellock came. All of these thoughts racing through my head, I have someone here who can look at it as a being that lives here, so maybe this is my chance. Slowly, I start to open up to Bellock.

  “I see…” The raccoon put his hand on his head. “You would rather live a peaceful existence. As a Paladin for Ysmiro, that might become difficult. While us kings of the forest, who have lived for centuries, know his name and still worship his light, most of the world has forgotten him altogether. Just believing in another god is heresy to the humans of this world, especially the Holy Church, who worships Murak. The penalty for that is death to the more fanatical believers.”

  “I don’t really care about that, to be honest. If everyone who comes is like Bartholemus, I have nothing to worry about.” I say as I snap a twig and throw it in the fire.

  “Really, Bartholemus the Holy Rider? He came here?” Bellock asked, with a look of surprise on his face.

  “Yeah, I killed his dragon when he threatened Belinda. He’s gone now, though.” I said laughing a little. The power scares me, but it did feel good to put him in his place. I won’t let anything hurt those I care about. I spent a lifetime without the feeling of my own family, I won’t give it up now.

  The raccoon jumped off the chair in a look of utter shock. “Yo-you killed his dragon?!” He shrieked. “Okay, alright. Are you wanting to raze the forest?”

  “What? No, why the hell would I do that?” I asked, looking at him. Does he think I just want to burn everything to the ground or something? “Every living creature has a home. Just because the forest is here, doesn’t mean I should change that fact. I might clear a little around the castle, but I have no plans to further disturb the creatures around here.” I stood up dusting off my hands on my pants.

  “Understood. Well, Lord Ken, I will take my leave now.” The raccoon bowed.

  “One sec, let me grab something for you before you go.” I turned and walked to the garden.

  “Raccoons from my old world used to love things like this. I am not sure if you are actually a raccoon, but here.” I handed little Bellock a small basket of joba fruit. I didn’t want to give him something so large he couldn’t carry it, so I used a basket that was originally for holding clothespins.

  “J-J-Joba fruit!” His face lit up with excitement. “These things are almost impossible to grow! Where did you find these?!”

  “In my garden. I have quite a few trees, but honestly we just use them for cooking and drinks. We rarely eat them raw. So my gift to you is that basket. Have a good night, Bellock.” I said, waving with a smile.

  “Before I go…” Bellock started to talk, then got quiet. “The issues you are experiencing are commonplace for those of us who evolve into power we aren’t used to. While your human-side is unhappy with becoming something different, evolution is a part of life. I don’t believe Belinda is actually scared of you, so maybe you should give yourself some credit as her family. I would have sensed it otherwise, and I for sure wouldn’t have come to visit like this.”

  He came closer to me, “Come to terms with yourself, and what you have become. Only then can you be happy.” He said before turning and walking toward the front gate.

  Come to terms with it, he might be onto something. I still haven’t accepted that I am what I am now. Maybe that is the reason why I can’t move forward.

  Bellock stopped before opening the gate. “Are you sure you don’t want to raze the forest to the ground?”

  “Dude, no. Go home and have a good night.” I waved him off, locking the door behind him.

  What is with him and thinking I want to destroy the forest? Honestly, the forest seems to be keeping people away that can’t fly.

  “I need to come to terms with becoming a monster. Maybe even deeper than that, I need to come to terms with everything.” I smile slightly. “I guess he’s on to something.” After a few minutes I head back into the bedroom and fall into one of the best sleeps I have had since coming here.

  “Morning, Belinda!” I say as I open the door, letting in the sunlight.

  Last night opened my eyes quite a bit. Belinda slowly gets up, looking almost like a tiny zombie from sleeping on the floor. Her hair is everywhere, so fluffed up I can barely tell she has cat ears.

  “Want to go sit in the courtyard for a bit before we get the day started?” I ask. She slowly turns toward me and only nods, she isn’t the biggest morning person. I got to hand it to her though, the fact that she got up at all means she is leagues above how I was as a kid.

  After we get dressed and sit on the bench outside, I rub the top of her head while she lays down. “I have a question, Belinda.”

  “Yes?” She said without moving.

  “Are you afraid of me? Am I a monster to you?” Even though I was worried to ask, I just spit the words out.

  Belinda sits up, and looks at me blankly. “You are definitely a monster. In the traditional sense anyway. To me, you're just papa.” She smiles, “Why would I ever be afraid of my papa? You gave me somewhere to live, somewhere to belong. I could never see you as a monster, only as you!”

  I swear, this girl knows how to make me feel better. I got to appreciate Bellock’s advice, otherwise I might not have mustered up the courage to actually ask her how she felt.

  “What’s wrong with your face?” She said, cocking her head sideways.

  I hadn’t realized it, but I was crying. The release of all the negative thoughts I had about both myself and what was happening melted away. I guess it is too much for me to bear.

  “Thank you, Bel.” I said smiling. “I don’t know why, but I want to call you Bel from now on.”

  She smiled brightly back “Sounds good!”

  We sat there, staring at the sky for what felt like an hour. Playing games like guessing the clouds shape, and just having a good time.

  “What is that?” Belinda asked.

  Damnit. I have seen this before.

  A dragon is coming down from the sky. I gently scoop up Belinda, and walk her to the edge of the courtyard for safety. Grabbing my staff, I ready myself for Bartholemus’ return, although this time I have a lot less anxiety about the situation. Since I know what must be done, I am ready to get it over with.

  The dragon gently lands this time, not breaking a single brick. This dragon is quite different from the last one. It is larger by a couple meters, the scales are red, and from what I can tell it is definitely weary of me. As I step closer, it scoots gently back. I don’t want to back it into a corner, so I wait for the rider to come down.

  To my surprise, it wasn’t Bartholemus.

  “Pardon my intrusion. My name is Rojan, General to the Holy City’s army brigade. I came seeking the one who would be this castle’s master.”