Barbara, 1978 | El Paso, Texas | Pre-Awakening

  Rumors were sweeping through the compound as fast as the promise of her return; my daughter, Mary Ann. A few of the girls and a boy disappeared when she was 11, or at least that’s what my husband, Stacey, had insisted on four years ago. Someone must have kidnapped them, he’d said, feigning sadness. I remembered sitting, staring, useless as i was, listening to him tell me that my daughter was gone and feeling like i’d died inside. I glared at my reflection in the mirror of my vanity; i could hardly stand the sight of myself. Even after she was gone, i did nothing. I sat and felt sorry for myself instead of doing anything that wasn’t absolutely worthless. I grew numb. Now everything i’d refused to feel for so long was flooding back through me.

  I fell in with this cult, this ridiculous scam, in my desperate search for love and acceptance. Stacey was the leader, and in my naive youth, my life full of neglect and abuse, he’d convinced me that this horrific lie was the way out. I was the youngest of his wives and had only had one of his children, the others had had many. The truth of what this whole thing was came crashing through my denial, my rationalizations, the day she disappeared, the day my child was gone. For the past four years i slowly figured out what Mary Ann had realized just before she was gone. Who was she now? Why would she come back to this Hell?

  I stood aside for so long, i watched Stacey and the other wives abuse these children, i watched them con the cops who attempted to investigate and even backed up their wild stories, making sure we would never be arrested. I let this happen, i made this happen. These thoughts flooded my head as i saw the first glow of the flames. I jumped up, looked out the window and gasped. It was a circle of fire, apparently wrapping around the entire structure, and there were people standing inside of the circle facing us, looming. A lot of people. I whirled around and saw Stacey and a few of the other wives run out of our chambers, muttering to themselves about getting everything they needed before the fire got to the structure itself. I snorted in disgust. Who cared about the children who lived here, all that mattered to these “god-fearing people” were their material possessions. The thought of the children made me suddenly frantic. I put my shoes on and walked quickly toward the door, but i heard a commotion and screaming from the hallway. When i turned the corner, i saw the kids running for the exit, they were all happy, cheering! I was bewildered. The older ones were leading a few of the younger ones out of the compound; i wondered where the rest of them were and began looking around, then i saw Stacey. As they were running by, he fell to the floor and yelled at them.

  “You will pay for this with your souls! Thou shalt not disrespect thy father! How dare you! You will-“

  “Nothing! We will, nothing!” One of the teenagers aimed a kick right into his stomach. Stacey looked up at me angrily.

  “Help me!” He snarled.

  This wasn’t a man of God, this was pure evil. Using God to manipulate and hurt people was not of God. I watched the children escape, so many of them with scars from lacerations on their bodies from past “discipline.” That was it.

  “Shut up!” I screamed. He stared at me. I kneeled and slapped him with every bit of strength I had. My hand stung.

  “Know your place, woman,” he spat. I looked down at him and stood up straight. I made eye contact with one of the older boys, nodded once, then backed away.

  “This is my place.” I rushed off to make sure everyone was out. Behind me, i heard Stacey screaming at the kids as they continued their attack but i didn’t stop. The smell of smoke was getting stronger and a hint of gasoline was in the air. I went through the halls and saw a few more kids running toward the exit. “Everyone, get out!” I yelled, but appearances can be deceiving. Eyes started peering out of rooms, and i noticed an odd calm that i hadn’t expected from anyone in this place at this moment. I realized that i didn’t see a single adult. They were all younger children, and they were waiting for something, someone. They glanced at me as they waited, then i heard howls coming from where i’d left Stacey. The kids beamed and howled a reply. They poured out of their rooms, backpacks on, leading more little ones out. What was this? I watched curiously as they passed. One of the younger girls scowled at me and i felt my heart break. This was my legacy; these children.. they hated me. I looked down. Who was i? What had i become? I cringed but followed them.

  Stolen story; please report.

  When we were outside, i watched them run into the waiting crowd; it was made up of several people, a few older adults, several young adults and quite a few teenagers. They had a few pickup trucks and several of the teens and bigger kids jumped in the back of them. There were some people on horseback and a couple of the horses were pulling carts. When the smaller children came out, the teens guiding them helped them put stuff into the carts then they all started loading the small children into the trucks.

  This was all impeccably planned.. they were so strong, so brave, and i felt utterly useless. I couldn’t see any of the other adults from the compound, maybe they had fled… or worse. I swallowed. I heard a noise behind me and started. A few older teens i’d never seen came out of the compound and nodded to the crowd as a golden horse skidded to a halt nearby. A girl jumped off of the horse and walked toward me. A slight glow flashed across her features and i realized who it was.

  “Mary Ann..!” My daughter. She was so different, her very presence made me feel alive and even hopeful, a feeling i hadn’t known in so long that i almost didn’t recognize it. I felt my hands tremble.

  “My name isn’t Mary Ann, my name is Tess.” Her golden-brown eyes flashed in my direction then locked on mine; they were filled with fire and dreams, her red hair glimmering in the light of the flames.

  She was so strong and more beautiful than i could have ever imagined. My lips wanted to smile– the joy i felt was overwhelming– but the shock of seeing her left me utterly frozen. Her energy gave me the urge to run away sobbing, begging someone, anyone, to forgive me for the atrocities i’d committed in the name of God, the hate i’d spread, and the fear in the children’s eyes every time they looked in my direction, wondering when i’d feed them to wolves to protect my own skin. She was every righteous thing i ever wanted to be, standing in front of me. I felt tears pouring down my cheeks as i stared in awe.

  “Leave,” Mary Ann growled. “Don’t ever come back!” She lit a match and dropped it, the flames spread in mere seconds, the compound would be gone by morning. As the new fire spread, i noticed a red spark. At first i thought the fire was doing something odd, but then i saw three ethereal figures appear and begin flashing erratically behind Mary Ann, projecting dim but noticeable red light. I narrowed my eyes, trying to get a better look, but they were like a TV station that the antenna couldn’t quite pick up and they were fading fast. My eyes darted around the figures, then back to her face.

  She was right, she wasn’t my daughter anymore, she was something else, something better. She had picked up a mantle that i should have been brave enough to bear, and, for her, this was just the beginning. An errant thought of myself walking into the fire and letting it all go flashed through my mind. I shook it off. I could have stood there and burned to death, but that would be pathetic, a coward’s answer to what i’d done. No, i had to do more than just lay down and die. I had to change, and i had to fix the things i’d broken, or at least try.

  The ethereal figures flickered out of existence as glowing red threads dimmed and turned black. I nodded to her then turned and ran. When i looked back, Tess and everything else had vanished.

  [Inspirational Song | Sabaton, "To Hell and Back"]