‘I woke up in the m at the usual time around six AM. Ahsoka was still asleep o me and I saw no reason to distract her just yet. I crawled out of bed and sat down on the carpeted floor. It was time for my m meditation. It was much easier for me to enter a meditative state after I just woken up, since my body is still partially asleep.’
‘I spent about fifteen mirying to silence my mind. I mao enter deep meditation. My senses slowly numbed into a stant background he sound of Ahsoka’s peaceful breathing slowly disappeared.’
‘When there were no more sounds to hear, except a low humming. I knew I had ected to this world’s core, to Zyggeria’s presen the living force. I opened my eyes.‘
‘I was sitting oop of a gloomy mountain. Surrounding me in every dire was an endless ndscape of rocky pins and highnds. The world was cloaked in shallow, dark side energies. This was no surprise to me. Uanding the nature of the Zygerrian civilization, which throve on the suffering of others, this was the only logical oute. I shivered as I felt the dark energies crawl over the surface of the p, I sehe darkness, its cold tou the p’s pins as if it was my own skin. The darkness was whispering sweet lies aions into my mind. It never ceased to amuse me how far it was willing to go to try to make me lend it more trol, more power. Just a little bit more, always more, but it was never enough.’
‘You would think that taming the dark side was a simple matter. You mao do it ond then you use it however you like. Unfortunately, you would be disappoihe dark side was nothihan a corruption, a pgue, if you like. Only there was no plete cure for it, if you had drawn on it just a siime. It will be a stant panion until the moment you exhale your st breath. Morbid, I know, but that was the truth. The only thing that trol it is an iron will, and the knowledge that whatever it offers to you is a lie. You should never fet this one absolute truth. You have to be the one who trols it, not the other way around.’
‘The light side was not much better in this regard. It offered something, something that was just as entig to many people. It offered the promise of a meaningful life, and a meaningful death. In my eyes, dying, while being a sve to the will of the light side of the force, is not much better than being eo the dark side.’
‘The jedi even now try to hunt down dark side users just like me, because they are blind to the true nature of the force. They think that there is a light side and a dark side, which are fually different, and they have battled for trol sihe beginning of the universe. It’s a romantic thought, but iy, there is no such distin. There is only the force. It’s nature, the true nature of the force, is nothing more than an incredibly rge scale puppet-py. Where dark side and light side cshes with each ain and again and again until the end of everything, and possibly even after that.’
‘Uanding this is the first step to realizing the fact that there is no meaning in dying for the seemingly benevolent wishes of the light side of the force. If you aplish so, there will be another dark side user in time, if you fail, there will be anht side practicer to take your pce, eventually. The reason for my order’s creation, its true purpose, is to shake off the influence of the force as much as possible. Obviously, it is impossible to pletely get rid of its influence, but seeing into the dark side and the light side simultaneously lets you see the plete picture of the events. From then, you choose to interfere or not, this way creating true freedom of choice for yourself.’
‘Also, seeing a clearer picture of the future thaher the Sith or the Jedi could ever achieve, while only utilizing one aspect of the force e in handy in many situations. This fht is the greatest on of my order, but of course, if you don’t meditate often and long enough, it is useless... If you just casually meditate like I used to, then it will show you possibly important things in a chaotic disorder from anywhere around the gaxy, and since you ’t exactly meditate all the time, especially if you are a sve like me, there is a high possibility to miss things, things like Ahsoka and the others arriving at my doorstep. It’s also good to know that this teique is much more powerful if you expeething to happen and focus on a situation or pce. That is the time when it truly shines.‘
‘But for now, I only want to rex. I will have a long day in front of me. Serving the queen, again.’
‘Bay inal thoughts, you ’t have a truly meaningful death defending the light side of the foro matter how much it baits you with the promise of itting a meaningful sacrifice. Well, at least not in the way it makes you believe, you still save the gaxy for years, until another Darth appears or something equally dark with a different title or is the best bait for any intelligent race. Because people, first and foremost, are eo their own desires and their own minds, searg for meaning often in pces where there is none. Our brain is made to solve problems, but to solve a problem first of all, you must have a problem, you see? If you don’t have ohen your mind will create one for you! I prove this fact easily. Ao yourself, holy. When was the st time that you found yourself not having any problem?’
‘I thought so. Your mind, just like mine, is stantly making up problems, if there is nothing serious, then it will start to make insignifit problems into big problems only to have something to solve, to work on. It is the same with desire. Where was the st time you didn’t have any desire? you even imagine a state of being when you don’t have any further desire? Let me help by expining my own thoughts on this matter.’
‘I for my part, ’t imagine such a state, and I am pretty old, not t about it, just saying. This is the reason why every a we take, even the smallest and stupidest one, is driven by desire. When you feel an it your back, you reach to scratch it because of the desire to stop the itg. When you solve a problem, it is because of the desire to find a solution. When you go to the pub, it is because of the desire to speak with other people and likely drink something cold. When you open your eyes at m, it is because of the desire to see. When you take in a breath of air, it is because of the desire to live and not suffocate.’
‘That was the moment when a new yet familiar voice appeared behind me.’
“But there is one such state. It is called death. My dear Nizzal, but you know this too. You fear it’s cold embrace, just as your master did. Oh, but he was weak and foolish. I offered him ways to live on forever, yet he refused, times and times again. Maybe you will know better?“
‘I ighe new addition and tinued with my own line of thoughts.’
‘Therefore, I proudly say that trying to suppress your own desires is not the right way. This is why the jedi never really achieved any meaningful trol over the dark side, letting it trol them instead. They only treated the symptoms of the siess, which was the dark side itself, and not the source of it. They tried to suppress their desires instead of uanding them. The Jedi Code in many ways teaches you to suppress your own sinful desires as much as possible. They aowledge those who have crippled themselves so much, to not even feel grief when they saw their own brothers and sisters die o them. They n those who feel it, those who still sense sorroain. Poor misguided people, they are.’
‘The dark presence was now sittio me, on the edge of the mountain, looking down towards the slowly awakening city.’
“Yes, and they were the ones who would dare to judge us when they didn’t even reach up to our knees. Just look at yourself, what do you see? Oh, wait. Hahaha... I kind of fot that you are a sve now. Colred as a pet, a toy to every desire of a foolish queen. Tell me what will happen if she gets bored with you? Oh, I already see, she will give you to one of her sve lords. You will spend the rest of your days as a sex sve, as a simple toy of desire, yourself. At least you may find meaning in queng the thirst of others in a certain way.”
‘I still tio mostly ig, but in my mind I felt the o correct its attempts at creating fusion.’
‘The state of death is truly a state of no desire, but imaginih is just as impossible as imagining a state without desire. Therefore, it is practically the same thing. Naturally, any living being that is able to realize the iable will also fear it, exactly because of the unknown factor. You ’t familiarize yourself with death, not in a way you do it with almost anything else. Also, as a living being, you ’t uand how it would feel to be a rock, which is clearly a non-living being. her a rock imagine how it would feel to be a living being. Because a rock is just a rock, and it doesn’t have an imagination. Jokes on you!’
‘What I want to say is that if you die, you won’t really care anymore about anything. The living forside you will simply disperse, and go back to the force stream that engulfs the whole universe until it materializes in another form, except if you mao restruct your own self after death, to be like Revan... What a fate would that be, we could eternally annoy each other to death, sigh... you even die if you are already a force spirit? If not, then isn’t that actually worse thah itself? I mean, you ’t really do anything and you are even aware of this fact... you even touother force spirit if you are a force spirit too? So many questions...‘
‘The shadowy presence was listening to my thoughts, and the moment I stopped thinking, it immediately interjected.’
“Fasating story, truly, yet it didn’t ge the fact that you are afraid of death just the same as anyone else. Poor child, you were trying so hard to make a logical expnation for yourself. For what end, though? You uand now why you are afraid, but what then? It ges nothing. You already have the necessary knowledge to defeat death itself? If you lend me your power, I will break your s, girl, and you will have nothing to fear ever again. We be so much more, just lend me your hand, this once!”
‘I turned away from the horizon.’
‘The sun was already raised above the ndscape. I looked to my left and locked eyes with myself. It was my stant panion, the maion of darkness within me. Her form was the same as mihose radiant golden eyes, much like the sun, as the queen called them. Ironically, it was the avatar of darkness itself. It had the look of a true Darth. It was hard to not flinch every time I looked at it. Seeing myself as a plete sve to the dark side was always a siing experience.’
‘It presehis form as an image of power to me, trying to tempt me. It was uo uand that I only felt sadness from seeing this “powerful” version of myself. One of the greatest weaknesses of the dark side was its blind arroga couldn’t even realize that someoher than a light side user couldn’t fiy in its power. I looked at its frenzied expression, burned by desire, always shifting to mirror my thoughts aions, trying to gain trol over me.’
‘I did not hate it, just pitied it sometimes. It art of me. I have long accepted its y. It also khis. I will use its power, and it will try to tempt me in the meantime ever more. It was never a fair game, si had nothing to lose. Not like me, I could lose everything from a momentary weakness, a simple slip-up. It’s a kind of shitty thing to know and uand the fact that with a single mistake you turn into a pletely fucked up version of yourself. Luckily, it was only this annoying when I was ohat were rich with the dark side. Otherwise, it was more like a periodically whispering voice, and not a pletely maed personality. Then again, I have the perfect on against it. I don’t even have to lift a finger...‘
“Why are you hesitating? If you let me help, I will free you from that colr in a sed. There is nothing that withstand the full power of the dark side!”
‘Another voice appeared suddenly, it was a warm and calm voice, the plete opposite of the dark side maion, I felt the ess weaken and disperse arouo a degree.‘
“Ah, give her a break already, sis...”
‘I turned around to see another version of myself joining the party. It was the light side maion.’
‘Oh, boy, it’s about to get wild here...’
