“I'm going to offer some courses,” said Lady Evelyne resolutely, "simply to change the general manners here and thus the public image for the better. We urgently need to work on our image. Once again, nobody likes us here in this bracket. And since the etiquette lessons didn't work out, I think some practical-oriented courses would be the right thing to do."

  “What did you have in mind?” Black asked with interest from the kitchen table.

  "Course 1: Mindful murdering. Course 2: Torture sensitively. Course 3: Insulting with respect."

  “I'm taking all three!” Black called out immediately, "please sign me up for all three courses right away so I can still get a place. They all sound really exciting and like I'd enjoy them."

  “Sign me up too, please!” Ivy quickly got in touch, "Course 2 for me. I can already do ‘cruel torture’ and ‘particularly extensive torture’, but ‘sensitive torture’ is a skill I'm still missing. I really want to get it!"

  “You in particular will need the courses,” sighed Lady Evelyne with a sideways glance at Black.

  She looked up suspiciously: “What's that supposed to mean?”

  “Look - if you had killed Kir Bear mindfully back then, instead of in this somewhat - very direct, less affectionate way - then things would certainly have gone better and the players of 641 would still like you today!”

  “I don't think 641 would still like me if I had murdered Kir Bear mindfully instead of directly and with little affection,” Black replied piqued.

  “It might also have increased the acceptance of the others.”

  “I don't think anything I would have done at the time would have increased anyone's acceptance of it, no matter how mindfully I went about it!”

  "Well, you don't know that. You haven't even tried."

  Black put her coffee cup down with a loud bang, "Besides, how was I supposed to be mindful? Should I have asked her permission and her consent to do it first?"

  Lady Evelyne grinned. "That's the noob version. The professional version is more about attitude."

  “Damn,” Black cursed, "it sounds like I'm going to have a hard time learning this. But I'll give it a go. Sign me up for the courses, will you? For all three, please."

  “I don't want to take a course,” Neigh grumbled, "that's as stupid as the idea of singing at GW1's final party. Do we have to do that? Besides, we can already do the respectful insult thing, Thundy praised us for our behavior in SC the other day."

  “That was compared to the Lost Reaper,” Dimented chuckled, “compared to the Lost Reaper, everyone gets praised for his manners.”

  Lady Evelyne pushed the dishes aside and put several large folders on the table: "Has anyone here taken care of the coronation ceremony on the last day? We only have a week left, we urgently need to start planning!"

  “Aaaaahhhhhh...” the Thunder brothers present all said together and tried to sneak towards the door as inconspicuously as possible.

  “Stay here!” shouted Lady Evelyne, "I need all the help I can get. Who took care of the preparations last time - Josi, I think?"

  “He's not here,” said Thunder Boo hastily, “shall I go and find him?”

  "You stay there! Otherwise you'll never come back. I need you too. Do you know where to get the crown? What was it like in the last bracket with Mink? Do you get the crown from TGM?“

  ”I think so,“ Thunder Boo said somewhat helplessly, ”you can get the picture frames and nameplates and speech bubbles for S2 from them too. I think the crown was delivered by TGM on the day itself. But I'm not sure anymore..."

  “You don't know anything,” Lady Evelyne sighed in exasperation, "you're really not much help. There's a huge event with a bunch of guests, and you're just sitting around being completely useless."

  Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

  “Hey, only Kodaxx is useless, not us!” protested Lipsyte, "we're helping out! But we're more - spontaneous. And nobody really remembered how it went last time, I think we were all drunk."

  “Yes, exactly,” Neigh agreed, "and Thunder doesn't care about all the pomp anyway. He'll be playing frisbee with the crown and stuff like that."

  “I remember,” said Lady Evelyne gloomily, "it was exactly the same last time. There wasn't even a red carpet, we had to get one in a hurry. Mink ran off in the middle of it, and then there were these little dogs instead of the jewels as the main prize..."

  “Yes, from Slow Pain!” exclaimed Ivy delightedly, "where are they all anyway? Well, I still have mine, but where are the Chihuahuas that were named after Mink, Kodaxx and Thunder?"

  “The Muslim cat ate them,” grumbled Lipsyte, "he was chasing dogs and elephants all day yesterday. The Chihuahuas were the appetizer."

  “Anyway,” Lady Evelyne intervened again, "it would have made sense to offer an etiquette course in preparation for the event. I mean, you have certain obligations and all that. Greeting the guests of honor from the other cities and all that."

  "Aren't we just going to punch them in the face? Like we always do?" asked Lipsyte hopefully.

  "No, damn it! This is the closing ceremony. People are polite and friendly to each other there!" scolded Lady Evelyne.

  "Exactly! Mindful! Sensitive! Respectful!" Black added from the background with great seriousness.

  "That sounds like light! Love! Peace!“ grunted Neigh, ”I hope you're not serious!"

  "We could roar it on the battlefield on the last MD. As a soundtrack to a triple raid. I think that's a wonderful idea," Ivy said ecstatically.

  “It's a crap idea!” growled Neigh, “Just like all this etiquette bullshit!”

  “Well,” said Lady Evelyne smugly, "there will be a banquet with several dishes. With chandeliers and white tablecloths and thirteen different types of cutlery at each place setting on the table. And it might have been a good idea to practise eating with it beforehand. In the right order."

  Lipsyte dropped the piece of cake he had just shoved into his mouth straight back onto the plate. “Thirteen different types of cutlery?” he then croaked.

  “I can't eat with thirteen different types of cutlery!” complained Neigh.

  “I can't even eat with one type of cutlery!” complained Krypt, "I always eat with my hands and then stuff it straight into my mouth. What's wrong with eating with your hands?"

  “Nothing at all, bro,” Neigh reassured him, "it's all right. It just looks funny sometimes, like the other day with the chili con carne, when you reach into the pot with both hands and then hit yourself in the face with all that stuff. But the direction is right, the food has to go in your mouth."

  “Exactly!” confirmed Lipsyte, "only Candy always stuffs everything up his ass. Like this cucumber the other day. I think he gave it to Josi afterwards."

  Josi, who had appeared in the open doorway in the meantime, had a coughing fit.

  “Thirteen types of cutlery,” the lady repeated mercilessly, “to be used in the correct order.”

  “Do you know what I find strange?” Neigh said venomously, pointing at Evelyne with his index finger, “that you can memorize thirteen different types of cutlery and the order in which to use them, but not a single formation!”

  The lady pursed her lips in annoyance. "I've been learning one thing since I was a child and the other I've only been learning for a few months. So there's nothing strange about it!"

  “She's completely bonkers!” Neigh whispered to Lipsyte, who was sitting next to him, "Probably grew up in a castle or something. She's always sorting the gold boxes, which ones she clicks and which ones she doesn't. I mean, who does that? Only crazy people!"

  “Anyway,” Evelyne continued, “it's not my problem if you embarrass yourselves in front of Gio and co. at the banquet.” She began to sort the lists in her folders.

  “Gio and co. won't dare make a single stupid remark about us at the banquet,” Krypt giggled, “we've kicked their asses so hard for weeks, they'll leave it alone.”

  “Correct,” said Lipsyte with satisfaction, "and if one of them even makes a face at us, we'll just zero them again at the banquet. All of them!“

  ”Five different types of glasses. For the different wines with the different dishes," explained the lady as calmly and relaxed as if she hadn't heard a thing.

  “Cool!” exclaimed Lipsyte, "I'll smash them all on the tabletop and then I'll push Lil Arrow's face into them. He's got an ugly face anyway, you couldn't make anything worse with him."

  “The thirteen types of cutlery and the five types of wine are coordinated?” Thunder Boo croaked in horror.

  “After all, thirteen types of cutlery also means thirteen knives!” Lipsyte tried to look on the bright side, "that means I can kill thirteen of you cunts and everyone gets his own knife. Hey! That's mindful!"

  “Absolutely!” Black immediately agreed, “that's mindful and very respectful if you kill everyone with his own knife instead of bluntly and unhygienically using the same knife for everyone.”

  “If you ruin my white tablecloth with blood and grease stains, I'll kill you,” Evelyne explained calmly, "I would only get the blood stains out in a water bath with ice-cold water, the grease stains only with boiling hot water. That's totally contradictory. So I'd rather take the boiling hot water bath for you and shove you in there."

  “Hey!” protested Lipsyte, "here we go again like in GW 1, huh? That's not mindful at all!"

  “He's right,” Black agreed with Lipsyte.

  “If I add a fragrant bath additive to the boiling hot water bath, it's mindful,” the lady noted, "I have a very delicious smelling rose petal bath salt. That does the trick for mindfulness."

  Ivy clapped her hands and leaned back in satisfaction: "Book all three courses for me too, please. You've convinced me. That sounds exactly to my taste."