I hate myself. That is all that I could feel for some time. That is all that occupies my heart. Through and through I only wished judgement on myself. But I was too much of a coward to do or throw anything away. I wonder if I can ever get over everything I did. But I know that is only a selfish thing to say and want. I must suffer. I must pay the cost of what I did. Of betraying the image of what I was to her. I wonder what she thought of me at the very end. What were her final thoughts of the person she held dear turning into this kind of man? I Will never know. I am too scared to know.

  ^^^

  The noise was too loud. It kept ringing. She was too tired to open her eyes and stop it. It kept ringing. She groaned and wondered where she was. opening her eyes while the noise kept getting louder and louder as she started getting more and more conscience.

  “Shut up…I’m up already.”

  She forcefully slammed the alarm and sighed in relief of the absence of that damned loud noise. Rubbing her eyes and looking at the clock. There were still more than a couple hours before school, but she was too tired to go. Yet she stretched her arms and got up. Still half asleep, she took a quick shower and put on the uniform. Sighing as the memories of how comfortable junior high’s uniforms were. She knocked on the door next to her room while yawning.

  “Himari, wake up don’t you have classes? Trains are gonna be full soon...”

  A few moments later the door opened. The girl’s hair was disheveled, and drool was still on her chin. She giggled at the familiar sight of her sister every morning. Her sister wiped her mouth and stretched before sighing at her.

  “Must be nice being a morning person, Akane…”

  Akane turned her back and started walking downstairs.

  “You’re in college sis. Try to be a little responsible…”

  She entered the kitchen to find her parents together. Kissing both on the cheeks. Her father spoke up as he sat first at the table.

  “Good morning, Akane. Got everything you need?”

  She nodded and sat next to him. She already checked everything last night making sure she was ready for the first year of the final semester. Akane wasn’t excited for the start of the semester. Her first year was really boring with only a few memories that weren’t books and libraries. She was hoping that at least this final semester would have something exciting in store so she can say “I had a good year.”

  Her sister came down yawning and tired. Yet her face couldn’t show it under that make up. She always wanted to learn from her sister. She thought maybe that they woke up this early, her sister could put on some light make up for her.

  “Himari can you help me with make up after this?”

  Himari looked at her sister with a soft expression. She sat down next to their mother and spoke up.

  “You finally want advice from your big sister? I’m so happy I could cry.”

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  The family spent some time together as they ate breakfast. Before the sisters went upstairs and got ready. It took around 30 minutes before Akane was done. She looked in the mirror in admiration of her sister’s work.

  “W-Wow…your work is reeeally good, Himari!”

  Himari put her hands on her waist in pride at her little sister’s compliment. She knows her little sister only puts so little effort on her face, so it was nice seeing her looking this graceful. She grabbed her Akane’s cheeks and spoke as she looked at her from the mirror.

  “Poor guys in your class…they’re not ready for a face this pretty.”

  Akane looked down in embarrassment at Himari’s words. She had to admit that she was a little happy looking this pretty. Most of the time she would only put on very light make up then go about her day. So, this was a nice change. The light red eye shadow went well with her brown eyes and that’s what she loved most.

  Shortly after, the sisters went downstairs and Akane was showered with praise by her parents until the moment the bell rang. Her sister fixed her hair and said goodbye to her and their parents. Akane knew her sister’s boyfriend was waiting outside to pick her up. Most of the time she goes by train but since they spent a lot of time eating, cleaning, and putting make-up her sister must’ve asked him to pick her up. It was reasonable since her college is about 45 minutes away. Then she realized she might also be late, so she said goodbye to her parents and started her walk to school. The sun was warm and gentle today so she thought this must mean today will be a good day. That’s the king of girl Akane was. Always so optimistic and light minded. Preferring to believe in stuff like that other than anything reasonable.

  The train was cramped but luckily, she found a seat next to and elderly. Both were talking to each other while waiting for the next stop. The moment the doors opened she left. She saw a lot of students in the station. Some with their friends, some obviously planning to ditch, and one boy asking for directions. She thought he might be a transfer student. It was weird that someone might transfer this late into the year, but she didn’t give it much thought before walking out of the station. Once she got out, she saw a familiar face walking up to her,

  “Akane, good morning!”

  Her best friend was waiting for her there just like she said she would. Last night, they spent hours talking about the new semester and many other things before going to sleep.

  They now walk together in silence. Realizing that saying everything last night was probably not a good idea since they don’t have anything to say now. But it wasn’t long before Akane spoke up.

  “Chi, I heard that your club is left with only 4 members. Wasn’t it like 8 last semester?”

  Chisato had a solemn look on her face before answering,

  “R-Right. Third years quit so they can focus on their entrance exams. They finished them this month, but they still have one more semester, so they want to focus on that. But well, I'm sure we'll get many new members next year."

  Akane had remembered how busy her sister was with her exams last year. She would isolate herself inside her room or always be in libraries and cram school. The thought of her inevitable fate in less than two years sent a chill down her spine.

  ^^^

  Familiar faces greeted the two girls as they walked into the classroom. One of which was a bothersome voice that made Akane sigh as it reached behind her.

  “Akane! It’s been so long since I last saw you. You don’t come to visit chi-”

  Before he could finish. Chisato shut her brother up. He loved teasing Akane since she was easy to tease, and his big sister knew that, so she always acted like a shield to Akane from her little brother.

  “Alright now go away, Akio. We were talking.”

  He sat on an empty seat Infront of Akane. Putting his face on his arms as they rest on the chair.

  “Now that Tanaka’s gone, maybe I’ll convince Ms. Akiyama to transfer my seat here.”

  Just as she was mentioned. Ms. Akiyama opened the door and got in. A familiar boy following behind her. His eyes cast down and his walk stiff. As Ms. Akiyama introduced him as a new student, he looked up at everyone and spoke with a quite voice.

  “I’m Atsuka Saito. Please treat me well…”