Let me apologize for st night. Things got out of hand. Caruncle was exhausting, everyone was tired but most people were acting way overboard for no reason, and, well… whatever. Let’s just forget about it. Let’s talk about something else. Someone else.
I’m an imaginative person. You turn that way after death. I can imagine thousands of stories about the people I meet, but this morning, I followed Evelyn.
She was in the garden of the Dominguez estate, where she lived at the time, drinking coffee with Felicity. Felicity sat across from her, a book in hand, flipping pages without reading. A maid had just left a tray of cookies on the table—an intricate mosaic table, the kind with so many patterns that if I stared at it too long, I’d get lost in the shapes.
“I was meaning to ask you how the party went this weekend,” Felicity said, fshing one of those too-sweet smiles.
“Oh, let’s just say I wasn’t the star of the night.” Evelyn sighed dramatically, stirring her coffee.
“Oh, my. What happened?”
“The people there and I… didn’t quite agree on what made a dance enjoyable.”
“Oh, what are you saying, madam?”
“I’ll tell you ter. I need to discuss something with Felicity for now. You may go.”
“If you say so. If you need me, you know where to find me.” The maid disappeared into the house.
Felicity wasted no time. “So, what did they say?”
“The guard at the assembly hall said they hadn’t noticed anything I should be armed about.”
“They didn’t let you in.”
“No. They told me to talk to my fiancé instead. Apparently, he ‘has a pce at the hall’ and should ‘know what to do.’”
Felicity rolled her eyes and flipped a page in her book. She plucked a cookie from the tray and took a bite. Evelyn, still lost in thought, barely touched hers.
That morning, she had seen her father arguing with a councilor from the Basilian Empire. The topic? A potential mutiny—Lucianians rising up against their Basilian rulers.
“I don’t know what my father is thinking,” she said finally, “but I know he won’t risk another situation where we have to flee the country and leave everything behind again.”
“What about you?” Felicity asked, watching her carefully. “I mean…”
“I know what I’ve said. If we have to leave again, I don’t know if it’ll be better or worse. But running is something I don’t want to do twice.”
“I thought you liked traveling,” Felicity smirked.
“Yes.” Evelyn took a sip of coffee. “Maybe I just don’t like him, that’s all.”
Felicity didn’t answer. She broke another cookie in half, then looked back at Evelyn.
“Are you still worried about what Caruncle said?”
Oh, here we go. Always Caruncle. Always him. I sighed and sat on the table, pretending to steal one of their cookies.
“How could I not be worried, Felicity? How could I not be?”
“Do you think he’ll break the engagement?”
“No. I don’t think he would.” She exhaled through her nose. “But I feel like I should.”
Felicity raised a brow. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I’m not marrying a queer.”
Felicity stared at her. She opened her mouth, then closed it, as if tasting the words before deciding against them.
“I’m worried about what kind of father he’d be.”
“You think he’ll run away if it’s too much for him?”
“I’m afraid he’ll do something drastic,” Evelyn whispered.
Felicity chuckled but stopped when she noticed Evelyn gnawing at her nails.
“Don’t.”
Evelyn dropped her hand, but her fingers twitched.
“And what he said st night… Before we arrived, we were talking. He said that what he’d tell us would help me understand him more, but now I’m more confused than ever.”
“That he likes drag? As far as his family’s concerned, they’re all devout to the Divine. He couldn’t publicly allow himself another retionship with a man, but—”
“No. That’s not what I’m worried about.”
“Hmm?”
“I’m not worried about him being a homosexual.”
“What do you mean? He said he wanted the life of a broad.”
“He said he was in love with me.”
Felicity snorted. “And you believed him?”
“Why wouldn’t I? I’ve been with him long enough.” Evelyn threw her hands in the air, voice rising slightly before she caught herself and gnced around the garden to make sure no one else was nearby.
“You’ve said he avoids you.”
“Yes, I have.”
“So either he wishes to be a broad, or he wishes to be with you, but he can’t really wish for both.”
“Yes. I understand that.”
Felicity set her book down, unimpressed. “I think you need to calm down. I doubt he’ll break the engagement, so don’t try to call it off yourself.”
“You mean he’ll get back on his feet.”
“No, most likely, he won’t. Probably never will.”
Evelyn narrowed her eyes. “Are you saying I should tie myself to a man who’s lost half his marbles?”
“I’m saying there might be a silver lining—” she gestured vaguely “—a quiet life, with someone less likely to assert himself.”
Evelyn scoffed. “That’s supposed to be a silver lining?”
“You’ve told me how afraid you are of ending up with a man who can’t keep his hands to himself. A man who’d treat you like furniture instead of a wife.”
“That man’s anguish is as palpable as any other’s, and I don’t have the strength to deal with the neuroses of another man.”
“He’s spineless. Tell him to roll over and die, and he’d probably do it.”
“Yes. That’s what I’m worried about.”
“What for?”
“I think he’s going to anchor himself to me.”
Felicity shrugged. “That’s what an engagement is.”
“I mean him.”
“Well, better for you, isn’t it? He’s not the type to have an affair.”
“I don’t know if I care about that anymore.”
I was still sitting on the table, but the thrill of it had long since faded. I used to test my luck, wondering if someone would ever notice me. At this point, I would have welcomed the embarrassment. Anything was better than being ignored forever.
“He’ll lead a quiet life, won’t he? No ripples in the pond. Not the sturdiest branch, but then, you never did fancy climbing too high.”
“I don’t think he’d agree with your idea of a quiet life.”
“Wouldn’t his family send him to a doctor?”
“That wouldn’t be convenient for them. A scandal would dey the engagement.” She sighed.
“What if they send him after the wedding? You’d be left managing his family’s assets—and yours—alone.”
“I don’t like what you’re implying, Felicity.”
“Excuse me, then, Evelyn, I was just speaking my mind.”
Evelyn stirred her coffee, gaze drifting to the garden. The gallica and damask roses stood in neat rows, but beyond them, the bushes were unimpressive. She had tried to bring new varieties back from Abrego once, but the seeds were confiscated at the border, and the few flowers that survived the journey withered before they could take root.
“Besides,” she said, voice quieter, “he’s still convinced something is coming. Something in the city.”
“Well, he’s hysterical. That’s to be expected.”
“He’s hysterical, but he knows something.”
Felicity raised a brow. “Do you think so? I’m starting to suspect he just wanted attention.”
“Valentin didn’t seem to think so.”
“Then maybe Valentin’s the one who’s dug up something on him. That would make the most sense, wouldn’t it?”
“I don’t know. And this is starting to give me a headache.”
“You shouldn’t let yourself get worked up over this. These sorts of things come with the territory.”
Evelyn exhaled slowly. “He said his father was pnning something.”
“He did, didn’t he?”
“Do you have any guesses?”
“An affair.”
“Hmm… you might not be wrong.”
“Of course not. How could I be?”
Evelyn didn’t react. She simply stirred her coffee again, absentminded.
“But still,” she said, after a pause, “I don’t like being left in the dark.”
“Do you really want to find out what his father is doing?”
“I think understanding his father might help me understand what’s got him so on edge.”
Felicity smirked. “I think his repressed desire for drag has him more perturbed than anything else.”
Evelyn gave her a dry look. “What if his father’s affair is what started his delusions?”
“Well…”
“Maybe Caruncle’s finally acting against him.”
“I thought he always did.”
“Not really. His father never liked him much, but I don’t think Caruncle ever truly disobeyed him before.”
Felicity leaned back in her chair. “Then perhaps Caruncle is right about something for once.”
“Why?”
“He looks miserable, doesn’t he? But what else do you expect from a man that stubborn about his dreams?”
Evelyn groaned. “Don’t talk to me about dreams.”
“Oh, I apologize. Must I assume your endeavors haven’t worked out either?”
Evelyn’s gaze returned to the garden. “Lucianians don’t seem interested in bluebells.”
Her father had suggested filling the space with local flowers instead. The few roses that remained looked lonelier than ever.
“Oh.” Felicity hesitated. “That is… unfortunate.”
Now, I’ve always liked flowers. Caruncle was amusing in his pathetic way, but Evelyn—Evelyn made me feel at home. I watched her stare at the sky, searching for something she would never find. And maybe that’s why I wanted to stay with her. Even then—even then—I wanted to drown in her mencholy, to let it consume me.
I wanted to forget myself.
A ghost wandering the world without sense or purpose, clinging to a woman who didn’t even know I was there. If I stayed long enough, if I let myself disappear into her quiet sadness, maybe I could forget I was dead. Maybe, just for a moment, I could pretend I was human again.
But I digress.
Evelyn waved a hand, shaking off her thoughts. “Let’s not stray from the topic at hand.”
“You mentioned Caruncle’s father looked cast down?” Felicity asked. She took a slow sip of her coffee, now nearly cold. “I always took him for the taciturn type, but if Caruncle says he’s been acting strange…”
“Anything come to mind?”
“Well, it wouldn’t be wise to ask my family directly, but someone should keep an eye on what Mr. Periwinkle has been up to.”
“I see.” Felicity dabbed her lips with a handkerchief.
“Maybe Caruncle’s paranoia has something to do with it. Or maybe there’s something worse about his family that I need to know.”
“Have you thought of asking him when you’re alone?”
“I will. But I’d rather find out about his father myself first.”
“You want my help.”
“Please.”
Felicity sighed, setting her cup down. “If it worries you that much…”
“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t think it was necessary.” Evelyn leaned forward, taking Felicity’s hands in hers. Her eyes were wide, desperate. “He might just be under the weather, but—I don’t know. I just need to be sure.”
Felicity studied her for a moment, then nodded. “Alright.”
Evelyn turned back toward the house. She could still hear her father’s voice from that morning.
"I get that you’re worried, Evelyn, but let’s leave the serious decisions to those of us with experience, alright?"
She bit her nails, lost in thought.
"Caruncle, I really want to understand you. But why—why in the world would you want to be a woman?"
