Barty squinted at the signpost. It was, indeed, slightly crooked, leaning at an angle that suggested it had either been installed by a drunken gnome or had simply given up on standing up straight in this bizarre reality. The signpost boasted several directions, each pointing towards locations with names that sounded vaguely threatening yet strangely mundane: "Goblin Gulch," "Forest of Mild Peril," "The Enchanted Bakery (May Contain Nuts)," and, finally, "Village Square."

  The Existential Chicken, perched on Barty's shoulder, clucked softly. "The village square. A nexus of commerce and fleeting social interactions, all ultimately leading to the same inevitable oblivion."

  Barty patted the chicken’s head awkwardly. "Right, well, let's find this Agnes and her map before we all succumb to the crushing weight of existence, shall we?"

  The village square was… bustling, in a distinctly low-key sort of way. A few oddly dressed individuals milled about. One was wearing full plate armor while attempting to juggle what looked like enchanted turnips. Another was meticulously polishing a lute that seemed to be emitting faint musical sighs.

  "Observe, Bartholomew," the Existential Chicken murmured, its red eyes scanning the scene. "The vibrant tapestry of meaningless activity. Each individual striving for fleeting goals, unaware of the cosmic joke."

  Barty spotted a woman standing near a stall overflowing with what appeared to be glowing mushrooms. She was middle-aged, with a severe bun and an aura of profound weariness. Barty had a hunch.

  "Excuse me," he said, approaching her cautiously. "Are you by any chance Agnes?"

  The woman sighed, a sound that could curdle milk. "If you must know, yes. Agnes. Quest-giver extraordinaire, purveyor of mildly important tasks, and currently, desperately in need of my spectacles."

  "Spectacles?" Barty echoed.

  "Yes, spectacles!" Agnes snapped, her voice surprisingly sharp. "The enchanted ones! They allow me to see the subtle auras of magical items, which is rather crucial when you're dealing with adventurers who can't tell a potion of healing from a vial of goblin snot."

  The Existential Chicken ruffled its feathers. "The illusion of sight, another construct to navigate this ephemeral plane."

  Agnes glared at the chicken. "And who, pray tell, is your feathered friend?"

  "This is… Kevin," Barty said quickly, improvising. "He's, uh, my emotional support poultry. He helps me with the existential dread."

  Agnes raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Right. Well, 'Kevin,' your human companion seems to have ears. Perhaps he can assist me. My spectacles have gone missing. I suspect a mischievous sprite. They have a penchant for shiny objects."

  The quest log updated.

  NEW SUB-QUEST: Retrieve Agnes’s Spectacles (Difficulty: Easy-Moderate)

  "A sprite, huh?" Barty said. "Where would one typically find a mischievous sprite?"

  Agnes sighed again, rubbing her temples. "Usually around sparkly things. The fountain in the center of the square is a good place to start. Or perhaps the stall selling enchanted gemstones. Honestly, they could be anywhere. Sprites are notoriously… sprite-ly."

  Barty looked around the square. A rather ornate fountain bubbled in the center, its water shimmering with an unnatural luminescence. Nearby, a gnome with an impressive beard was indeed hawking gemstones that glittered with an inner light.

  "Alright, Kevin, looks like we're going sprite hunting," Barty said to the chicken.

  Existential Chicken: "Hunting? Another act of aggression in a world already rife with conflict. But if it leads to the acquisition of knowledge, perhaps it is a necessary evil."

  They approached the fountain. Several people were tossing coins into it, presumably making wishes. Barty peered into the water, but saw no sign of spectacles, only a few tarnished coins and what looked suspiciously like a discarded sock.

  "Any luck, Bartholomew?" Agnes called from her stall, her voice laced with impatience.

  "Just a sock," Barty replied. "And possibly someone's lost dreams."

  The Existential Chicken hopped off Barty's shoulder and perched on the edge of the fountain, dipping its beak into the water. "The fleeting nature of wishes… like bubbles, they rise and pop, leaving nothing but wetness behind."

  Barty decided to try the gemstone stall. The gnome, who introduced himself as Fizzwick, had a wide, toothy grin and eyes that sparkled almost as much as his wares.

  Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.

  "Greetings, traveler!" Fizzwick chirped, holding up a large, amethyst geode. "Care to acquire a gem that whispers secrets of the universe?"

  "Actually," Barty said, "we're looking for a pair of spectacles. Enchanted ones."

  Fizzwick's grin faltered slightly. "Spectacles, you say? Hmmm, haven't seen any. Though, sprites do have a fondness for shiny things. Perhaps one took them?"

  "That's what Agnes thinks," Barty said.

  Fizzwick stroked his beard thoughtfully. "Well, if a sprite has them, they might be hiding them in their nest. They usually build them in secluded, sparkly locations. The Whispering Waterfall just outside the village is a favorite spot."

  The quest log updated again.

  NEW SUB-QUEST OBJECTIVE: Search the Whispering Waterfall for Agnes’s Spectacles.

  "The Whispering Waterfall?" Barty repeated. "Sounds… damp."

  Existential Chicken: "Waterfalls. A constant reminder of the relentless flow of time, eroding all in its path."

  Agnes, who had apparently followed them, sighed dramatically. "Of course they're at the Whispering Waterfall. Why would anything be easy in this forsaken reality?"

  "Well, I guess we're going to a waterfall," Barty said, trying to sound enthusiastic.

  The journey to the Whispering Waterfall was uneventful, save for a brief encounter with a squirrel that seemed to be hoarding an unusually large number of acorns and glared at them suspiciously as they passed. The Existential Chicken, however, provided a running commentary on the futility of hoarding and the eventual decay of all material possessions.

  The waterfall itself was quite picturesque, cascading down a rocky cliff into a small, misty pool. The air was damp, as predicted, and the sound of the falling water was a constant, rushing roar.

  "Alright, Kevin, keep an eye out for anything sparkly," Barty said, scanning the area.

  Existential Chicken: "Sparkles. A superficial attraction to fleeting light. Much like the fleeting joys of life itself."

  Barty began searching the rocks around the pool, peering into crevices and under damp moss. He found several shiny pebbles, a lost button, and a particularly reflective beetle, but no spectacles.

  Suddenly, Kevin the Existential Chicken squawked and pointed with a wing towards a small cave hidden behind the waterfall. The entrance was partially obscured by a curtain of water, creating a shimmering, rainbow-like effect.

  "Sparkly," Barty said. "Good eye, Kevin."

  He cautiously approached the cave entrance, the roar of the waterfall deafening. Taking a deep breath, he plunged through the curtain of water, emerging into a small, damp cavern.

  The inside of the cave was surprisingly well-lit, thanks to a collection of glittering objects scattered around. There were shiny coins, bits of glass, polished stones, and, perched on a small pile of these treasures, a tiny, winged creature with mischievous eyes – a sprite. And clutched in its tiny hands were a pair of ornate spectacles.

  The sprite looked up, startled by Barty's sudden appearance. It chittered angrily, clutching the spectacles tighter.

  Mischievous Sprite (Level 5) - HP: 20/20

  "Well, hello there," Barty said, trying to sound friendly. "We're just here for the spectacles. Agnes needs them to, you know, tell the goblin snot from the healing potions."

  The sprite just glared at him and let out a series of high-pitched squeaks.

  Existential Chicken: "Negotiation might be futile. Sprites are notoriously attached to their trinkets. Perhaps a display of dominance is required."

  Barty gulped. Dominance? He was wearing mismatched socks and his only combat skill was "Advanced Spoon Handling."

  He tried a different approach. "Look, little guy, those spectacles aren't really toys. They help someone. Maybe we could trade you something shiny for them?"

  The sprite seemed to consider this, tilting its head. It then pointed a tiny finger at a particularly shiny pebble Barty had picked up earlier.

  "You want the pebble?" Barty asked.

  The sprite nodded eagerly, its eyes gleaming.

  Barty shrugged. "Alright, deal." He tossed the pebble towards the sprite.

  The sprite dropped the spectacles and snatched the pebble, examining it with glee. Barty quickly grabbed the spectacles.

  QUEST OBJECTIVE UPDATED: Retrieved Agnes’s Spectacles.

  "Excellent!" Agnes's voice echoed from outside the cave. She must have followed him.

  Barty emerged from the waterfall, slightly wetter but victorious. He handed the spectacles to Agnes, who snatched them with a relieved sigh.

  "Thank the heavens," she said, putting them on. Her eyes widened slightly as she looked at Barty. "Good heavens, Bartholomew, are those… ducks on your socks?"

  Barty flushed. "It's a long story."

  Agnes shook her head, but a small smile played on her lips. "Never mind that. You retrieved my spectacles. I am… grateful. As a reward, I offer you a choice."

  A notification appeared.

  REWARD CHOICE:

  

  
1. Potion of Minor Healing.


  
2. Slightly Used Leather Bracers (+1 Defense).


  
3. Information about a local rumor.


  

  Barty considered his options. The potion of healing seemed practical, the bracers offered a stat boost, and the rumor… well, rumors could be interesting.

  Existential Chicken: "All are temporary distractions from the inevitable heat death of the universe. Choose wisely, for even in meaninglessness, efficiency can be appreciated."

  Barty, remembering his earlier quest for coffee, chose the rumor. "I'll take the information."

  Agnes nodded. "Very well. There's been talk in the village of strange occurrences at the Old Abandoned Brewery. Whispers of… unusual brews and even more unusual patrons. Some say it's haunted, others say it's where the local goblins go to unwind after a long day of menacing travelers."

  The quest log updated again.

  NEW SUB-QUEST: Investigate the Old Abandoned Brewery (Difficulty: Unknown)

  "An abandoned brewery, huh?" Barty said. "Sounds like my kind of place."

  Existential Chicken: "Alcohol, a temporary escape from the burden of self-awareness. A fleeting respite before the cold embrace of oblivion."

  Agnes sighed. "Just be careful, Bartholomew. And try to find some matching socks. It's unsettling."

  Barty, with Kevin the Existential Chicken still perched on his shoulder, nodded. His quest for coffee had taken a bizarre detour involving pants, philosophical poultry, and mischievous sprites. Now, an abandoned brewery beckoned. He had a feeling his life in Glorious Questoria was only going to get stranger.