Year 0 Month 5 Week 3
—Ding—
The sound of the elevator opening greeted a rather uncomfortable squirrel. As another man in a suit scrutinized Zephyr, a creepy smile was on his face. Don’t follow me into the elevator. Don’t follow me into the elevator. Stepping in the man followed. Dammit.
This was supposed to be a normal delivery, and until now, it had been. Now, it was turning into what most of his jobs had become. Weird. He could see it in the man’s eyes that he would request something off the path, and Zephyr would probably agree. For some reason, these people see him as some form of party clown. That wasn’t even an exaggeration; a firm literally hired him to show up and perform for an office. It had been humiliating on both sides since he had nothing to entertain them with.
They seemed obsessed with pushing his boundaries more and more. What was worse, he never knew which jobs would be normal until they were over. If Zephyr didn’t need the business and since the clients didn’t blink an eye at the staggering price they were charging, maybe they’d stop, or say no.
Other than the creepy look, the man hadn’t said anything, then they hit the floor, and the man stepped in front of him.
“Hey, you’re the squirrel guy, right?”
Knew it. He thought before sighing, “It’s Ratatoskr, but yes.”
“That’s from...” The man snapped his fingers, searching.
“Norse mythology.”
“Yeah! Didn’t he bring messages up and down the tree to different worlds?”
“I think they were insults between Nidhog at the bottom of the tree and eagles at the top...at least that’s what Wikipedia says.”
“You should really know your own legend you’re based on.” He said sternly.
Did he want me to give the entire mythology of Ratatoskr? Other than video games, he really didn’t know much about it. He’d tried to look it up, but there wasn’t much on the squirrel that he could find, except that he was a troublemaker and had a horn. Supposedly, he might have hated the world tree, using the insults to drive Nidhog—the dragon—to devour the roots faster, and the eagles to tear off branches. That was all he could find concretely, and he wasn’t going to add the horn to his ears and tail that would confuse people. He said none of that, just a flat. “I should.” Wishing the man would get to the point.
“So, do you live up to the legend?”
Zephyr’s mind froze as he thought of the horn and wondered if this was an entirely different kind of encounter, one entirely inappropriate. Zephyr leaned back, inching towards the door.
It had not been the inappropriate encounter he feared. After a brief scare and odd discussion, he found himself on another delivery—he charged triple— on the second floor, handing an envelope to a man behind a desk.
He raised an eyebrow, “What’s this?”
Zephyr holding back a smirk, “A message from the top.”
“The top?”
“Of the building.”
Zephyr stood there waiting, watching the man set the envelope down. The man behind the desk started to look uncomfortable. “OK. You can go.”
Zephyr shook his head. “He asked for a response.”
With that odd statement, the man picked up the envelope and read. He paused, looking from the envelope to Zephyr back to the message, and laughed.
“You're really leaning into this whole Ratatoskr thing, then. Insults up and down the tree?”
How do all these people even know who the Norse squirrel is? Yes, that was exactly what he was doing. The guy—Derek—had asked Zephyr if he was willing to hand deliver an insult to his colleague and then respond. It was funny, but he did feel a bit embarrassed doing this, especially when he stood there waiting for the other guy to respond. He just stood there as he wrote a response and folded it into a little envelope. Is this a high school now?
“My response.” He handed him the note. As Zephyr took it, holding out another hand.
“One delivery, one crystal.” It was their policy.
The man rolled his eyes as he pulled a small crystal from nowhere. Looking slightly winded.
Zephyr did not realize how big a can of worms that one delivery was. For the next few hours, he ran up and down the same building, insulting various people with notes or words. One even asked him to sing, and things only seemed to escalate. Everyone in the building wanted to do a delivery.
When he called Cara, his dispatcher, she laughed and told him to keep track. Then, she’d write up the invoice for him. Since he had no other deliveries that day.
At some point he went on autopilot, just moving from one office to another. Zephyr wasn’t even sure how he was able to track down some of his recipients people. Following vague instincts he didn’t know he had. Instincts he trusted more and more as he constantly went up and down the building. Like a squirrel going in a metal and glass tree. He had lived up to the legend today.
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#
—Hum—
The sound of the old cathode monitor dimmed as the footage played. A man in a suit sits at his desk while sipping his coffee and working on his computer. The footage speeds along, showing the man in his daily work, eating his lunch, and doing exactly three push-ups before looking much too satisfied.
Everything was completely normal as the footage slowed, as the sound of the man typing clickity-clack became the only sound in the room. Before he took out his phone, which was just barely visible, and an oddly legible one, if one looked closely at his phone, one could see him looking up a milkshake place that had recently opened. He wasn’t paying attention when something fell onto his desk from off-camera.
—Thunk—
The sound of cardboard hitting wood reverberated as the man jolted.
“What?” He spun around, searching for whatever had made the noise, when his eyes landed on the small package on his desk. “What the?” His face was confused and shocked. “That was definitely not there before.”
Cautiously, the man circled the package on his desk. Before searching for where the box came from. Finding nothing, he checked under his desk, then, looking up, he saw nothing. The man was only growing more confused and weary of the package. After five minutes of nothing, he stepped to his office door. The camera stayed focused on the office as voices could be heard from just outside the camera frame.
“Kyle, did you drop a package off?”
“No.” A younger voice answered from off-camera.
“Did someone come into my office?”
“No, sir, there hasn’t been anyone today.” There was a slight pause before he continued, “And your next appointment is another hour later.”
—Fwish—
In the office, another object flew and landed on the package.
“Thanks, Kyle.”
The man stepped back into frame before noticing the new object on his desk. “The hell?” He stepped forward, picking up the little paper origami squirrel.
“Ghosts. I have damns ghost delivering packages and origami squirrels. Wait, is that the Squirrel guy waving?”
#
—Earlier—
Zephyr stands in Sabeen’s office as she has devised a simple yet convoluted plan—another one. “Sabeen, I’m confused. What exactly do you need me for?”
“So the plan.” She was practically buzzing as she explained, “I have this package, which mistakenly got delivered to me.” She added coyly.
Zephyr could see the shifty look in her eyes. “You know opening up someone else’s mail is illegal.”
Without missing a beat, she said, smirking, “Never opened it. In fact, I am just delivering it back to him.”
Zephyr stared, wondering if he should stop working with this crazy woman; all her deliveries were getting weird, and she seemed to have some odd vision of him and what he did. Like she was trying to get others to see him as something else. Zephyr was also convinced she was half the reason the others were sending him on other strange deliveries. However, at this point, he would be lying if he weren’t dreadfully curious about her end goal. Which was why his next words were, “Go on.”
“Ok, so we take the package and place it under one of the roof tiles.”
“How are we going to get into his office?”
“I have a key to his office.” She said off-handedly that it just raised more questions. “I’ll place the package a few days before the delivery. Then, using a camera I have in his office.” Zephyr eyed the woman, wondering how illegal this was already, as she went on. “When he is sure no one is in the office, and he’s not paying attention. I push this button.” She holds a tiny little remote with a big red button. Something that looked right out of a cartoon, complete with a curly antenna. “The box lands right on his desk. Then we wait and push the button again, and an origami squirrel pops up on top of the box. Then you stand outside his window, wave, and run off.”
“What kind of convoluted oceans eleven weird heist B.S. is this?” That just made Sabeen laugh slightly unhinged. Was that his signal to slowly back out of her office? These people have too much free time and money. “And all I’m doing is waiting in a window to wave and walk away?”
“Oh yeah.”
“And there will be nothing dangerous or illegal in the package?”
“I can’t guarantee that. I didn’t order it.”
“And the origami squirrel? You know I don’t do anything like that.”
“Oh, you should, in fact, I have a bunch already made, you just need to fold them. I sent them over to Cara already. And Killian was ecstatic about the idea.:
Those, too, are going to go crazy over it. He let out a tired sigh, Am I really doing this? “And why do you want me to do this with you?”
She rubbed her hands together menacingly, “Because you are a local legend, and I want to make it bigger. Also, have you seen yourself lately?”
“Huh? What do you mean? I’ve seen myself.”
“Really? Cause here.” She turned and pulled a floor-length mirror closer.
For the first time in a long time. The Squirrel got a good look at himself. He was still a bit overweight, but you couldn’t tell since he was covered by his oversized gray poncho with gold, silver, and copper trim. His messenger bag underneath and a large hat. That was all the same, and then there were tons of quests floating around him, glistening or glowing, reflecting off one another, giving him an otherworldly glow. A set of bright crystalline ears and tail, looking nearly solid. He looked like something from a story. He liked it.
“Ok. Still weird reason. When do you want to do this?”
“Oh, its already set up. So today.”
#
— On a screen somewhere. —
“Haha”
“Mommy, watch me!”
The sound of children’s laughter filled the screen as soft soothing music played. The camera focuses on a little boy waving to his mom, and cuts to her waving back. She sits on a bench and begins to talk with another parent next to her. The boy excitedly runs off, alone.
The child runs as other kids chase, but suddenly, he stops staring at something, his eyes seeming distant. The music begins to shift into something slower, darker, heavier. As he stands there, more excited children seem to freeze, and they all stare at something off camera, the music growing more sinister.
The mother of the boy walks in frame, concerned. “What’s wrong?”
The boy doesn’t even look at his mom. He just points at something off-camera. When the mother turns to look, her eyes widen as she stands and tries to get all the children’s attention. “Alright, everyone, take a step back.” She then gestures the kids away. Her face was afraid, and her smile was forced. Trying not to panic the kids.
“Mommy! WHAT IS THAT!?” The boy was practically shouting in a flat monotone voice.
“A rift.” The music is still slightly ominous, but shifting back to the soft inspirational tune.
The child had exaggeratedly wide eyes and putting hands up as if to ward it off. “MOMMY THOSE ARE DANGEROUS!” the child shouted, sounding robotic, the mom barely wincing at the volume.
“That’s right! And you all did amazing, not touching it.” They shifted all the kids to a bench, and the mom and a few other parents were standing with her. “Now, what do we do when we see a wild rift?”
All the kids answered, “Get an adult!”
“And if there’s no adult?”
“911”
“Then who do you call?”
“555-555-rift!”
“Now you’re all responsible!”
The screen froze on the mom and group of children smiling looking into the camera, as a the number 555-555-rift appears at the bottom of the screen and a deep mans voice speaks, “Keep your friends and neighbors safe, if you see a wild rift, call emergency services or 555-555-rift. Again, that’s 555-555-rift.”
Then the voice sped up quickly, adding, “Paid for by the Adventure Guild Society.”
* * *
