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Chapter 9: Why Dont You Clam Up

  The kids arrived in stages. First was Olivia, running with the speed of fear. She slammed into Matt, who let out a pained ‘oof’ as his daughter impacted against the still-bleeding wounds on his torso. But that didn’t keep him from wrapping her up in his arms and returning the hug she was giving him.

  Dinah was next, the only non-family member, she stood a short distance away, hands fluttering awkwardly like she didn’t know what to do with them until Allie opened her arms and beckoned her forward. Then she too dashed forward for a hug, and had it returned in kind.

  Finally were Isabel and Lucas together. Lucas was carried piggy-back by his older sister, his left ankle bruised and already starting to visibly swell. They both looked like they wanted to slam into hugs like the other two girls, but were prevented from their carrying arrangement.

  Matt smirked and picked Olivia up, marched over, set her back down next to Isabel, and wrapped both of his other children up in a fierce hug that wound up squashing Olivia between them.

  She made one soft ‘ack’ noise, but otherwise did not complain.

  “Okay,” Isabel said finally as the hugs were released. “That was a giant crab. Like, an actual giant crab. Can I just ask, what the hell?”

  “Ask it while we get off the beach,” Allie said, coming up beside them and giving quick hugs to the rest of her children. “There might be more of them.”

  “Ack! Lucas slapped his hands over his eyes. “Mom! Put some clothes on!”

  Allie smirked. “My poor traumatized hijo” she said in a fake syrupy voice. She chuckled and undid her makeshift flail, letting the rock fall to the ground then stopped and stared at the gore-soaked stretched-out shirt.

  “Here,” Matt said, pulling off his own shirt and handing it to her. It wasn’t in much better shape, but at least she wouldn’t look like she’d just visited the dunk-tank at the slaughterhouse with it on.

  “There,” she said, tugging on her husband’s shirt. “Is that better?”

  “I’m not looking,” Lucas said, hands still over his eyes. “Bel, does Mom have a shirt on now?”

  “Yes buddy,” Isabel said, rolling her eyes. “You’re safe now.”

  “Uh, guys?” Olivia said. “Why is that rock glowing?”

  “What?” Lucas’ hands came off his eyes and looked around wildly. “Glowing rock? Where?”

  Matt followed Olivia’s pointing finger to the rock his wife had used in her shirt-flail. It took him a moment in the light of the sun to realize that the dark stone was, in fact, glowing with a soft blue light.

  “That wasn’t doing that before,” Allie said, stepping back away from the rock.

  “The crab is glowing too,” Dinah said in a quiet voice.

  They turned to look. The body of the crab glowed with the same blue light, only brighter and pulsing in regular intervals.

  Matt glanced back down at the rock. It was starting to pulse as well at the same rhythm as the crab. As he stared at it, the pulses came faster and faster until it was practically a strobe light.

  “Everyone back away,” he said, and everyone on the beach jumped at the bark in his voice. He led by example, grabbing Olivia’s hand and retreating from the glowing rock like it was an unexploded bomb. Which, for all he knew, it might well be.

  The patter of feet slapping against sand filled his ears as his family fell back up the beach towards the jungle, all eyes still glued to the glowing rock and crab. The pulses were coming so fast it was hard to tell where one started and another stopped.

  Some kind of countdown, Matt’s brain interpreted. But a countdown to what?

  He got his answer a split second later when both crab and rock gave off a sudden blinding flash of light. When it had cleared away, the rock and crab were still there, dull and ordinary as they should have been.

  And in front of both of them, suspended in midair, sparkling, and spinning gently as though on the end of a long string, were… Coins?

  That’s what they looked like, anyway. Small silver discs that sparkled in the rays of the sun. There was some kind of etching or writing on them that Matt could see from here, but was unable to make out clearly.

  “We are definitely not in Kansas anymore,” Matt breathed.

  “Really?” Isabel said, her voice a little squeaky and breathless. “The giant crab monster wasn’t your first clue?”

  “Is that magic?” Olivia asked, her eyes wide and staring at the coins. “Like, real magic?”

  Matt met Allie’s eyes in a quick glance. Magic isn’t real, was his first thought.

  Neither are giant crabs and storms that take the watch off your wrist and the shoes off your feet but leave everything else alone, was his second.

  “Should we go and get them?” Lucas asked, still staring at the coins. “I mean, they’re silver, right? Maybe wherever we are uses those as money.”

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  Wherever we are.

  “Oh my god,” Olivia said, her voice cracking in excitement. “Oh my god, I know what this is! I think I know what this is!” Mom, dad, go get the coins!”

  “You know what this is?” Dinah asked, blinking at her friend. “How could you know what this is?”

  “And just what do you think this is?” Allie asked, eyeing their daughter.

  “It’s… Oh for… Here, it’s easier to just show you.” And Olivia darted out from between Allie and Matt and jogged towards the coin hovering above the rock.

  “No!” Allie and Matt said at the same time and jerked forward after Olivia. She was quick and lighter on her feet, especially after the crab battle, and was almost to the coin when Matt’s hand closed around her wrist and jerked her back almost off her feet. Allie was only a step behind him, and he turned and dragged Olivia back with the motion, essentially passing her wrist into her mother’s grasp.

  And as he did so, he apparently came close enough to the coin.

  He felt something cold and round settle into the palm of his free hand, and he looked down just in time to see the coin he now gripped start to glow. The glow rose in intensity quickly, and then the glow spread to his hand, down his arm to the elbow, and shot up and across his flesh in one fast burst.

  “Matty!” He heard his wife yell in fear.

  “Stay back!” He stepped away from them, feeling a strange warmth start to build in his abdomen as the light intensified.

  Dear God protect me and my family. The prayer went out just as the warmth erupted and spread out into the rest of his body, rushing out to his extremities like somebody was pouring not-quite-hot-enough water over him in sections.

  And then with a strange ‘pop’ feeling, the light and coin vanished, leaving him standing on the sand wide-eyed and crouched defensively.

  “Matt, are you okay?” Allie’s voice brought his head back up. “Are you hurt?”

  “No, I don’t think–” Matt blinked as he realized the truth of his words. The wounds on his torso were no longer bleeding. No longer hurting, as a matter of fact. He stared down at his chest, completely unmarred. “What in the world?”

  “I knew it!” Olivia crowed.

  “Olivia Winnifred Albright,” Allie snapped. “Explain yourself right this instant mija.”

  Matt felt something crinkle in his hand, and looked down to see a small scroll nestled in his palm where the coin had been. He blinked. When had that gotten there? Almost absently, mind still reeling from the miraculous healing, he broke the seal and unfurled it to read.

  The words were in no language he’d ever seen before, but somehow as his eyes settled over the flowing alien script, he knew what they meant.

  Sort of.

  Welcome [Personage]!

  Thou hast taken thy [gangly] steps upon the road of [fish]! Thy first [cranberry relish] lays dead at thy feet. Claim now thy [coriander] and thy boon from the list conferred upon thee.

  This scroll shall be thy [kumquat]. Stretch forth thy hand to seize it any time thou doth wish to consult it. Within, thou shalt find record of thy deeds and thy [fashionable glasses].

  Thy current Renown is: [gerbil]

  Thy current [mesquite barbecue] is: Unworthy Worm

  Thy current rank in the world is: Lowly Peasant.

  Complete quests to earn [mesquite barbecue], vanquish foul [cranberry relishes] to gain fortune and renown, and above all keep thy heart strong and thy mind clear, Sojourner, for the road that lays before thee.

  “What does it say, dad?” Olivia was suddenly right there, pushing her head in front of his face, trying to get a look at the scroll. “Did you get any cool powers? Did you–Hey, where did it go?”

  The scroll was gone from his hand, as though it had never existed in the first place.

  “Olivia!” Both Matt and his daughter winced at the crack in Allie’s voice. They both turned to see her standing with her hands on her hips and glaring pure murder at them. “Just what in the name of all the saints are you talking about?”

  “It’s easy, don’t you see?” Olivia was practically beaming, her blue eyes shining. “You and dad defeated a monster, and now you’re getting the money and experience for doing it!”

  Matt blinked, and was copied a split-second later by Allie. “Money and experience?”

  “Oh god you two are so old,” Olivia huffed. “Didn’t you ever play RPGs? Dungeons and Dragons? Come on, that was during your time, right?”

  “Wait, really?” That was Lucas as he and Isabel came trotting up. “Seriously Liv?”

  “Yeah, I think so!” Olivia said to her brother, grinning wide. “I mean, look at what’s happened. It makes sense, right?”

  “What are you talking about?” Allie all but shrieked.

  “We’ve been Isekai’d!” Olivia pronounced triumphantly.

  And was met by four completely blank stares and one wide-eyed one from Lucas.

  “Did you hit your head or something?” Isabel asked, raising an eyebrow.

  “No! Well, I mean, probably. That’s how this kind of thing works!” Olivia started gesturing excitedly as she talked. “It all makes sense! We were hit by that big boat, and we probably died, and now we’ve been reborn in a fantasy world where we can forge our own destinies and climb up the power tree and level up and get all sorts of cool gear and like take over the world and stuff!”

  Half-remembered fantasy books with images of monsters and sword-wielding knights resting on Olivia’s bookshelves flashed through Matt’s mind, and he felt disbelief rising in his chest. “That’s kind of far-fetched, isn’t it?” he asked gently, not wanting to upset her too much right now.

  “Dad, you just killed a giant crab with Mom. And now all your wounds have been magically healed by a coin that materialized out of thin air over the weapon you guys used to kill it.” Olivia met Matt’s stare head-on. “What about that doesn’t scream ‘fantasy world’ to you?”

  “I’m sure there’s some kind of explanation–” Matt started to say, then stopped as he caught movement out of the corner of his eye, near the surf line. He turned and watched blank-faced as a clam walked out of the surf–yes, on two actual stick-like legs like something out of a cartoon–and up the beach towards them. It stopped in front of Matt and opened its own shell, revealing the pink insides of the clam and a small scroll nestled therein.

  Matt stared.

  The clam jiggled up and down, bouncing the scroll closer to Matt.

  As if in a trance, Matt reached down, took the small scroll from the clam, and straightened back up. The clam nodded once sharply, snapping its shell closed, then about-faced and marched back into the surf until it disappeared beneath the waves.

  Matt looked down at the scroll. Scrawled across the seal in that same alien-but-readable writing were the words Choose Thy Boon.

  “So,” Allie said in a far-away voice from behind him. “Transported to a fantasy world, you say.”

  Olivia just looked smug.

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