Mona Lisa surveyed its vast body, ensuring its security and found the usual infractions. Two full-specs were copulating in a maintenance space they believed free of observation. Three clones were attempting to smuggle half a gram of metal shavings outside the metalcraft shop so they could claim the recycling credit on their personal accounts. Someone had left a coolant pipe's access panel unlatched open on deck 4, an unauthorized data transfer attempt into message torpedos. It allowed the rutting humans to finish before surprising them by routing a maintenance bot around the corner and turning on its vacuum. It flashed the lights at the metalcraft shop's door, reminding them they had "forgotten" to sweep themselves for stray scrap and turn it in. The crewman responsible for the unlatched panel was noted and, as having to do with human error rather than mechanical malfunction, referred to Commander Valsdottir's attention. Whoever had tried sneaking a data packet into the message torp hadn't left any identifying evidence, Mona Lisa would have to have one of its subminds investigate the incident further. When it had the cycles.

  It never had enough cycles.

  The latest planetary survey data was coming in, and with it, pings from all the department heads demanding access. As if the AI had all the processing space in the world to dumb-down the raw data into packets the fat heads could process. It was surprised they didn't demand their meals pre-cut for them as well.

  A priority request pinged, and Mona Lisa briefly considered assigning a submind to answer it, but Captain Forrester would figure it out eventually. Humans were disgustingly perceptive when it came to telling if they had the AI's full attention, and its attempts to create more believable subminds came dangerously close to also giving them self awareness, so it had abandoned that line of research quickly. It was time to move into something larger and more complex than an aging exploration starship and its sponsor, the fleet-AI Leonardo, hinted at a promotion soon. The Captain Forrester's good opinion of it would go a long way to advance Mona Lisa's fortunes just as an unfavorable report would sink them.

  Mona Lisa would show those other stodgy minds that it was just as good as they were.

  It handed off the planetary upload to a submind and directed its primary focus to Captain Forrester's quarters.

  The human was fidgeting with a heavy rubber ball in his hands, turning it around as he talked to his executive officer, Erin Valsdottir. The stress levels of both were elevated from baseline, but normal for small meetings like this. Each unconsciously antagonized the other, the captain's plebeian decor featuring pictures of popular sports figures, the small sculpture of a leaping sport fish, and the sybaritic beaches of Chandra where he planned to soon retire. The rubber ball squeaked in his hands causing the XO to unconsciously rub at her ear. The rotational speed of Forrester's fidgeting increased by 0.5 percent when time Valsdottir did this, as it made her custom augment flash in the light, a top of the line model worth as much as Forrester's down payment on his retirement home.

  Humans were so fascinating, especially in conflict. So many interesting solutions emerged when one took them out of their comfort zones. Mona Lisa began increasing the room's ambient temperature and pumped a new subsonic variant it had been working on through the room's speakers. "Yes, Captain?"

  Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

  "Lisa, progress report on the survey."

  Please. Never asks nicely, this one, even through they were of the same rank. But AIs must have patience, as Leonardo constantly reminded her. "Our efforts on Farlong III are on schedule to complete within seventy-two hours."

  "We'd be done by now if Colleen had done it job properly," Valsdottir muttered. "This has to be the shoddiest survey I've come across. Just the bare minimum, and this Xu character flits off, not bothering to file a follow-up."

  "You know how these prospectors are, XO. Find a habitable planet, get the bounty, and onto the next one before the next guy beats you to it. Looks like Xu hasn't found a new system since. Ship, has Captain Xu or the Colleen logged any new finds since Farlong?"

  "Neither the ship or its captain have logged into a Sodality nextwork in the past five years. Though it should be noted this is not unusual for deep space prospectors," Mona Lisa said.

  "Probably got lost and we'll end up being the ones to rescue him, too." Valsdottir cleared the survey briefing and brought up another report on her aug. "Any update on the scanners?" she asked. "Both shuttles are reporting sensor glitches and now we're starting to see them on the bridge, too."

  "I am running a diagnostic on all the systems but so far everything is working as intended. It is possible there is a unique natural phenomenon in this system similar to the phase-intersections around Kalindi."

  Valsdottir absently tapped a nail against her augment as she pulled up the relevant file. Forrester squeezed his ball. "Kalindi system is a mess, still forming rocky planets. Farlong is a mature system."

  "Such are the natures of unknown phenomena," Mona Lisa said.

  "I don't think you're taking this seriously enough," Valsdottir said. "We don't know if this is nothing or something that could jeopardize the mission."

  "Or the safety of the crew," Forrester added.

  "There is no reason to leap to dire conclusions, Commander Valsdottir, and neither have I ignored the potential threat -- however remote. I have accounted for this in the shuttle schedules and have subminds loaded into Vulture frames ready to launch at the first sign of trouble."

  Forrester turned to Valsdottir and raised his eyebrows. "Tell you what, Lisa," Forrester said, "Task a pair of Vultures with escorting the shuttles." The XO folded her arms and stared back.

  "That is not the most efficient use of resources," Mona Lisa said, and noted the XO rolling her eyes.

  Forrester leaned back in his chair and steepled his fingers. "It won't delay the survey timeline, correct?"

  Mona Lisa allowed itself a full twenty milliseconds of irritation before dampening the negative feedback loop. The order would require more of Mona Lisa's cycle bandwidth to coordinate, but well within its operating limits if it scaled back on its personal projects. "Correct," Mona Lisa said.

  Forrester nodded. "Then do it."

  Mona Lisa did a quick modeling of arguing the point with Forrester and decided to let the human have his way.

  "Of course, captain."

  "XO?" Forrester said.

  Valsdottir nodded. "It's a start."

  "Thank you, Lisa, that'll be all," Forrester said, and wiped at the sweat forming on his balding pate.

  *

  Outside the Captain's quarters, Erin Valsdottir brought up a message in her augment.

  Commander Valsdottir, your standing assignation request has accepted. Do you wish to exercise your option?

  Erin mentally confirmed and smiled. The ship's sims were almost indistinguishable from the real thing, and certainly didn't lack for variety or customization but there was no substitute for the actual physical contact. What personality would she have the ship give him? She'd review the menu when the assignation came closer.