My throat is hot and my eyes are getting blurry.

  Drip, drip, drip.

  Touching my face i can feel something wet and i realize that i am crying right now. The wet thing that i was touching are tears.

  I rub my eyes to clear the tears that coming out of my eyes.

  But it was useless.

  It still coming out, The tears still flowing from from my eyes no matter how hard I try to stop it.

  Hicks, hicks

  I started sobbing.

  My eyes is getting red and I don't know if it was because i am crying or because i rub my eyes too hard.

  Hicks, hicks, hicks, Waaaahhh!!!

  A sobbing turned into wailing as i cry my heart out.

  I can't, I can't think of anything right now. I just wanted to let out this foreign feeling that keep that burns my heart as i let out a wail.

  Thud, thud.

  My father is in front of me before i knew it. Even though i can't see him clearly i knew he was also crying. This is the second time i see him crying, the first time was when mother run away from home and left our family.

  That night, I could see him crying, a cry without a sound and when I saw him that night crying, I swore to myself.

  To never let him cry once again.

  Because It hurts! .... it hurts! so much looking at him like that. He should be angry at me, He should just scold me but never should he cry like that ever again. How can my strong and stern father let out his tears, that is something that should be forbidden to do.

  Everything is fine except him letting out his tears.

  Because seeing him like that is hurts me more than anything that I could imagine!

  Ohhh, how can i forgot my oath! How could i forget it!

  I blame those villagers and their mind blowing information, When i heard their conversation my mind felt like it was blown away, together with an oath that i made that night.

  Curse them! I hate!, hate!, hate!, hate! I hate all of you!

  While i curse those villagers in my mind I suddenly feel something warm enveloping me.

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  It was dark, but warm. I can't see anything in front of me but i know that my tears stain my father clothes.

  I raise my head upward. I saw my father with a clear line of tears on his face and my face turned pale.

  I beg my father "Stop that father, please! please stop crying!"

  "It's okay Rai, it's okay. let it all out, let all your feeling out. That's what a children supposed to do, a children should cry when they are sad, laugh when they are happy and yell when they are angry."

  Hicks, hicks.

  I hugged him tighter.

  "Maybe it is my fault" Father looked up

  "I never actually consider your feeling, I never question why you did what you do" He looked at me with a sad eyes

  "But i think finally understand, I finally understand it"

  Father caress my head

  "You just want my attention, aren't you?" father smiled

  Stop it father, I am not that good of a child my intention is not that pure don't actually want your attention, what i want i an exciting adventure, so please! father please stop crying! please just scold me like you usually do!

  "Maybe, It was because Ellena left to early that you don't get enough attention and love that a parents supposed to give you as a child."

  Father sighed.

  "With Ellen gone I turn all my focus toward the farm and neglected both of you"

  "Asher is a lacking in intellect but he made it up with his well spoken action and handsome face. Asher is a blessed person, he inherit all the good looks from his mother and thanks to that people flock to him.

  Father chuckled

  "Especially girls."

  Father caress my head once again "so, even the little bit of sadness left in him was blown away thanks to the girls around him, he really likes them girls"

  "Heh" Father chuckled once again

  My face blushed red from embarrassment.

  "Stop that father! your joke are not funny!" I told him

  Father finally separated himself from me

  "Ha ha ha, maybe, but at least you finally stopped crying"

  Stunned i touched my face and realize that the tears finally stopped flowing from my eyes and all that was left was a red eyes along with a red face.

  Father continue to speak.

  While Asher was fine, you on the other hand was not. You were your mother favorite after all, so when she left you, you were hit the hardest.

  I don't know what to feel when i saw you that day.

  Should i feel relieved because she didn't brought you or should i actually feel sad because she didn't brought you along with her.

  "I feel those two feeling mixed up in my heart and because of that I didn't do anything to you"

  Father clench his hand "because i didn't know what to do ..."

  Father relaxed his hand and for a while both of us keep our silent

  "........"

  "........"

  "I am such a failure of a father" Father was the first one to break the silent

  I shouted with anger "Stop that father you are not a failure, i am the failure you are the best dad in the world!"

  "Ha ha ha, thanks son, that really make me feel better!"

  Father suddenly squat down to my eyes level. He touch my head and said

  "Rai, I know you will be bored working in the field, but please bear with it for while."

  Father stand up and lifted his hand, He moved his sleeve until I can see his whole arm. He smiled and show off the muscle on his arm.

  "Do you know where i got this muscle?" Father asked me.

  I stay silent as i let my father answer his own question.

  "It was thanks to the field work that I have done everyday!" Father said proudly

  Father looked at me with a serious eyes "Treat this as a training for the sake of your journey and when you go on journey later and meet you mother ..."

  Father showed me a grin "Give her! the strongest punch! that you can give!"

  Father face suddenly seem to be getting younger and said something like a kid planning his biggest prank.

  "And said this to your mother, Father gives his regards!"

  "HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHA"

  I can't help as a laughter escaped from both father and my mouth, so I showed him my biggest grin and answer.

  "Okay father, I promise! i will give her the strongest! and the hardest punch! that will knock some sense into her muddled head!"

  With both of us still laughing we bump our fist to seal the promise.