AN: Just a short update until I finish The Scholar's Tale's main plotline. Afterwards, I expect to focus more on this and my other projects.

  * * *

  We need to talk.

  ?

  I'd warned the human to be prepared if our zmeu ever began a discussion with those words, but that had been almost a joke. David was so goddamned stupid he actually believed we and the woman would ever be apart, ha!

  Far as verbal sparring went, this was the equivalent of gutting newborns. Which was fucking hilarious, especially if you left enough of them to shriek, but the excitement had nothing to do with the challenge. That wasn't the point.

  "No, this is the point," you'd say, holding up whatever you'd shanked the mewling thing with.

  Anyway, I was not supposed to be at the receiving end of those words, except by proxy (being attached to David in a strictly literal sense). So when Mia started with that, I tried to do something other than ask what she meant, which would've been pathetic, or stare at her, which she might've felt threatened by.

  The thought of hurting her even by mistake - no, not even; I could never want to hurt her - made me almost hate myself, but that was as alien a feeling to me as fear. Still I was not pleased with myself, a sensation almost as alien.

  I was, after all, perfect.

  I'd invited Mia to talk into my mindscape so as not to waste time, because she was humble enough to refuse having existence stilled for her convenience, which I would've gladly done. The bastards squirmed too much for their own good, damn them.

  Speaking of, I almost wished I'd fidget like lesser beings might, because just standing in place while looking at Mia probably did not seem that inviting to her.

  'We're going to meet with Constantin's parents,' she went on. But just because I couldn't bring myself to care about the ape couple that had spawned the cross-clutching moron (but I was repeating myself) didn't mean I'd forgot. 'I'd like to clear the air beforehand, so we don't have any outburst there.'

  One reason I enjoyed my cosmic awareness was that I knew when something bothered Mia, though, of course, i was too classy to spy on her thoughts. Besides, just because I could never have enough of her didn't mean I was some desperate coward clinging on her whenever possible. I just shared my existence with one.

  'What do you mean?' I asked, then softened my voice. That sounded far too interrogative. I didn't demand things of her, because I didn't need to.

  That was one of the many good parts of being in love. I didn't even have to ask for what I wanted, since Mia understood and soon made things right.

  Because of the implication. That is, she didn't want to upset me any more than I wanted to sadden her, which was incredibly impressive on her part, since matching me in any sense is impossible for most of the dregs that call creation home.

  'Is something wrong?' I asked next, smoothly.

  ?Her astral self sat on the boulder she'd allowed me to conjure for her, in my half of the mindscape I shared with the human. I'd wanted to rip the damned moon from the sky and make her something deserving, but she'd demurred.

  I'd never been so jealous of a rock.

  Mia rubbed one eye with the heel of her hand, legs crossed as her tail wrapped around the stone. While she went barefoot most of the time, since her endurance and the heat she could produce nullified most dangers, she'd made herself some boots for the visit, since she didn't want to look unserious.

  Whatever the hell that even meant.

  Zmei's feet were closer in shape to some reptiles' than a human's (thus necessitating unusual shapes for footwear) which meant that they usually seemed to be balancing themselves on their toes and the balls of their feet. This, combined with their looks and belligerence, meant that, most of the time, they seemed ready to beat the shit out of people.

  Once more, I was reminded of the fact that Mia wasn't strong enough to genuinely overpower me. It broke my rotten heart, as always, but she'd repeatedly refused power from me, or...anything else, really. Even though she deserved everything. And if that wasn't enough, she just needed to tell me what she wished and I'd make it.

  A couple of cigarettes appeared in her hand, but halfway to sticking them in her mouth, she sighed and dismissed them, making the thought-shapes fade as easily as if they'd appeared.

  I disliked the thought she needed anything other than me to be comfortable (that would suggest I was not up to her standards, which was impossible, as I was flawless), but she knew what she liked. I should've been proud of her, I suppose, for not being an addict. Maybe a compliment was warranted.

  'What's even right with you?' she muttered, shaking her hand as if to remove ash; a gesture obviously prompted by the aspect of what she'd summoned.

  ?'I'm sure you can tell me plenty about that,' I replied, smiling at the joke. Mia was the only person who could say things like that to my face without being hurt beyond oblivion's power to end, and I was glad she got to enjoy herself.

  But the look she gave me was flat, her eyelids - both the scaled ones and the thinner, transparent ones underneath - unmoving.

  My smile faded.

  'Do you...no, have you ever believed, for one moment, I'd give you the time of day if not for David? You're a package deal, so I'm putting up with you - for now.' She should've sounded sarcastic. She should've made a joke at the "package part". She didn't, and hadn't.

  Darkness retreated from my fangs as I tried to beam at her. It looked more like a grimace. 'You can't possibly mean that, baby. You know I love you.' She'd reached out with her arcane sense enough times to probe that, if mundane evidence wasn't enough.

  She closed her eyes, a cigar appearing between her lips. When she opened them, the secondary lids covered her scarlet orbs like yellow film.

  Funny. I could've sworn she'd shuddered at the reminder of my love. But that made no sense. Anyone sane would've been ecstatic at that, though. of course, only she deserved it.

  The translucent lids retracted, showing weary eyes. 'And how do you think that makes me feel? Forget being lusted after by serial killers or dictators or freaks like Zeus, you...' she said no more but gestured at me in a way that would've got anyone else's arm ripped off.

  ?But what upset her?

  I took a knee in front of the zmeu, grabbing her hand with both of mine. 'I don't understand. What did I do to displease you?'

  She looked ready to hit me, and I almost hoped she'd go for it. If there was such an easy solution to her rage, she was welcome to take it out on me.

  Mia didn't answer. Instead, she stiffly said, 'Take your hands off.'

  'Mia? I-'

  'Get your goddamn hands off me. Or have you finally stopped pretending you care what I want?'

  I almost leaped back, and had I been alive, my insides would've been churning. 'I have never pretended and you know it. You're the only person I've ever cared about.'

  That tiredness deepened. "Exactly.'

  I wanted to rip at the noose around my neck. How had I done wrong by my woman? What did she want?

  I bet she'd finally got sick of existence and regretted that I hadn't destroyed it. That damned Yahweh's cocksucker must've driven her into this slump, the bastard. I always knew he should've remained trap in that madhouse, raped by a weakling strigoi until his guts burst.

  Maybe we were finally aligning? Maybe she'd let me annihilate them, for her? Not that I needed the encouragement, but it was welcome.

  Seemingly sick of my silence, she grabbed my head in both hands and shook it. 'Stop playing stupid. You know I could never love a monster like you.'

  Void, she could even make cliched lines like that sound beautiful. How lucky was I to have her? 'But you do love me, Mia,' I retorted. 'I can sense it.'

  'I love what you could become. I...' Her laugh was a small, sad thing. Whoever had left her like this was going to learn the infinity of reasons immortals avoided me whenever they could. 'Shit. I always told myself I'd never be one of those women who are only in it to change you, but here we are, I guess.'

  ?'You want me to change?'

  The flat stare was back. 'You...no, you know what? We need to find you a name. Just calling you "you" or using nicknames is stupid.'

  'I've been thinking about going by the Rope,' I admitted, 'or the Noose.'

  'Or maybe don't bother. If I asked David to destroy you, the only thing you'd be called is "gone."'

  Maybe she expected me to reel back from that, but I knew better. She loved me far too much to even think about getting rid of me.She just didn't know it.

  'He couldn't destroy me.'

  She arched a red eyebrow, the only hair on her in this form. Her human form had more than enough where I liked, but this was a different kind of beauty. I'd never really been into bald chicks before her (though, as linear time went, I hadn't been a thinking being the), but that was a thing of the past. I guess her crest, the orange spikes rising from their leathery ridge, kind of looked like a small mohawk, one that only covered the top of her head, but she'd have been gorgeous, crest or no crest.

  'No? When he was about to let creation end, me included, what exactly did you do to stop him?'

  I turned my head, glaring at nothing. That had been a period of strange lethargy, the one time I wished the human had been less eager to spread ruin.

  'Or maybe you didn't love me enough,' she added. 'Not enough to try and stop him. Was it that? Or were you just too weak?'

  My fangs ground against each other. 'Stop, Mia.'

  'What? It's one or the other. Admit it.' There was a kind of vindictiveness in her gaze, for no reason I could discern. 'You're a monster, like you've always been eager to show - or you're too weak to oppose him.'

  'I said stop it, woman.'

  Her other eyebrow went up as well. 'You sound like you're about to knock my fangs out. Am I going to hobble to some battered women's shelter after this?'

  'No, no,' I said, as gently as I could, almost whispering. 'You know I wouldn't lay a finger on you unless you wanted me to - for any reason.' I smiled as disarmingly as possible at her. How had she even got that impression? She had to know I'd never... 'I'm sorry if you think I snapped at you. That wasn't what I wanted.'

  'You're sorry I think...what, like I'm too stupid to tell the truth? That it?'

  I almost bit my tongue off. What had got into her. 'Of course not, darling. Please, tell me what you want.' This was as close as I could get to begging, even for her. She deserved a dignified spouse, not some sniveling loser. 'I'll be quiet and let you think. But please tell me what's the problem, and I swear I'll make things right.'

  She puffed a few times, the cigar's end almost as bright as her eyes in the darkness of the mindscape. 'Like you don't bloody know. How about the lack of fucks you have to give about anyone who happens to get in your way, whether they wronged you or not? Without David - or me, if you want to keep lying that I'm this moral compass of yours -, how many innocents would you be slaughtering, or worse?'

  'As many as needed,' I answered bluntly, still not seeing her problem. Did she not understand no one beside her was worth anything?

  'And you think I'd like that?'

  '...But why would you care?'

  'Because,' she smirked, 'unlike you, you hollow thing, I have a heart. And don't tell me I don't understand the urges that drive you.' She pointed a thumb at her broad, muscular chest, her expression becoming self-deprecating. 'I hail from a proud species of thieving, murdering rapists.' She let her arm fall. 'Or that's what we'd all be, if we were like you.'

  I didn't get it. She wanted to get in touch with her instincts?

  Her eyes pinned me in place. 'Because that's what you are, aren't you? You're just a bundle of impulses David hasn't cut out of himself yet, but there's still time. There's still plenty of time.'

  Listening to her, you'd almost think she wanted me gone.

  'Fuck, stop giving me that look.' Half of her cigar became ashes as her inner flame flared, smoke puffing out of the slits above her mouth, like nostrils without a nose. 'I bet you're jacking yourself off to how amazing you are and how I make no sense. Drop it.'

  The author's tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

  'Fuck, stop giving me that look.' Half of her cigar became ashes as her inner flame flared, smoke puffing out of the slits above her mouth, like nostrils without a nose. 'I bet you're jacking yourself off to how amazing you are and how I make no sense. Drop it.'

  I was in no mood to upset her further (even if there really was no reason for her to be displeased at all; I mean, she was mine), so I decided I'd focus my attention on her rather than on my greatness. Luckily, she was just as captivating.

  'In fact, since you're being so obliging,' someone might've mistaken her tone for sarcasm, but there I'd never failed to please her, just like how I succeeded in all my endeavours, 'why don't you tell me why you're even into me?' Her eyes were angry, accusing. But why? 'It can't be my personality, because I know you think anyone remotely decent is a moron who deserved to die or be taken advantage of. It can't be my looks because, unless you're looking for something exotic and nothing more, like some fuckboy fetishising other species, I know you have better alternatives.' Her huff burned the rest of her cigar away. She conjured another one, with two more appearing her her other hand. 'So be honest for once. What do you get out of this?'

  I couldn't help but frown. 'David and I-'

  'Don't tell me you're just along for the ride.' She held up a finger, looking queasy. 'Don't tell me you're forced to go along with what happens to him. I don't force myself on people.'

  I winced, understanding her discomfort. 'No, it's nothing like that. MIa - listen. I know you might be tempted to think I'm some sort of other, evil person sharing David's body, but I'm not, any more than your instincts are people distinct for you.' I moved closer, wrapped my hands around her wrist. 'Do you understand, love? I'm not some replica of David but without his good parts. I'm him at his most sincere.'

  That was what some people couldn't get without sharing a strigoi's thoughts. Things like me weren't some external parasites wrapped around their minds and spirits. We were them, when they weren't lying to themselves. And if most of us rampaged and tortured whenever they could...well, you didn't return as a strigoi because you died at peace with the world.

  I smiled up at her. 'And understand this: David might not always admit it to himself, but he knows I'm a part of him, not some enemy from the outside.' I sighed, already feeling my reputation collapsing though I hadn't spoken yet. 'And though he struggles to decide whether I'm really a person or just a really loud series of intrusive thoughts, he knows I can think and feel. And if he thought I am under duress when we make love, he'd either stop doing that or get rid of me. Alright?'

  She nodded, sniffed. She hadn't touched her new cigar yet despite lighting it. 'You still haven't answered me.'

  I pointed at it. 'How about this? Not that long ago, you couldn't think straight after half of that.' I held up my hands, since she clearly wanted me to get to the point. 'Now, I'm proud of your growing endurance,' did that sound too lewd? Not what I was going for at the moment, really, 'but what I want to say is, I've never felt more appalled than when I contemplated taking you while you weren't in control of yourself.' I paused as she closed her eyes tightly, wrenching the next words out of my throat. They hurt just as much as when we'd first thought them. 'I've never felt more disappointed in you than when you tried to coax us into bed then, either.'

  I stopped speaking again, for longer. 'You know, if you want to deck me, I absolutely could've phrased that last part better.'

  Mia snorted, a small sound, at least compared to how deep her voice was usually. 'Mistakes were made. But we can talk about that afterwards. Are you going to say what you see in me or not?'

  I spread my arms. 'I really don't know what you expect me to reveal, woman. I love you.' I laughed. 'A mortal would say, why ask why things fall when dropped, but gravity is nothing compared to this constant. I love you, as much as that fool above and at the front of our mind. Only thing he's ever been able to match me in.'

  I let my arms drop. 'You've always been good to us, without expecting a fraction of what you deserve in turn. You've never hurt or looked down on us for no reason. never tried to get into our good graces out of fear or to advance yourself, like every other pockmark on the face of existence.' I drew fingers around my neck, letting the shape of the old threads glow. 'And you put us back toge-'

  'David's god did,' she cut me off, but she didn't sound as upset as she'd had earlier. She was wrong, though.

  I shook my head. 'No. You don't know how that creature works, Mia. Without enough power to handle what it channeled through you, it would've never worked. And without enough skill, forget about healing our body. You'd have destroyed it beyond recognition.' I really shouldn't have needed to point this out. Did she really believe anyone could've acted as that glorified desert godling's vessel back then? 'Now, I won't lie and say you somehow reached your full potential in that moment through the power of true love. I dislike bullshitting you. But even the shadow you glimpsed was enough to restore us, and for that and everything else, I thank you.'

  She'd gain access to her true power as soon as possible if I had my way. I didn't care how many corpses she had to climb over to get there. I'd pile them up for her myself - she deserved nothing less.

  'Now, what I was getting at it with the cigar...I'm happy you're becoming used to think like that, for our sake as well as yours.' I gave her a sympathetic look. 'I know how much you hate the thought of being coerced or having your mind altered. Rest assured, we're never going to let that happen to you.'

  Mia drummed her chin with a few fingers. 'Can I ask you a couple questions.'

  Mia drummed her chin with a few fingers. 'Can I ask you a couple questions?'

  'They'll make three with this one.'

  I pretended to squeal when she grabbed one of my ears.

  'Don't get smarmy with me, punk.' But her eyes were warmer than they'd been this whole discussion. 'Now, I'm sure you want 'em too cuz you'd never put up with David making you contribute to this sort of thing, but when we have kids...' She rubbed the back of her head. 'I mean, it won't be soon. Even after David does what he's planning to make it possible for undead to have children, I'll probably be thinking about it for a while. But after the deed is done, I mean, do you think you'll...be able to love them? Like you love me?'

  Now it was my turn to give her a deadpan look. 'Mia. You know me better than to think I'd agree to have children I didn't think I could love.'

  She looked aside, her new cigar between her fangs. 'Look, I'm just asking because it'll take me a while before I see them as more than tiny roommates, ok? Zmei don't love from the start, we're not wired like that.'

  What, and other people were wired to love their babies from the start? But I refrained from rolling my eyes.

  'I just want them to have a parent who can treat them properly before I get used to them, alright?' she finished.

  'Yeah, yeah. Just set your worry finder back to "stud" and keep them eyes on me, sugar.' She looked thoroughly unimpressed at the leer, which I knew was guaranteed to make practically every species' female swoon. Another sign of her growing endurance. 'What's the other question?' Probably not "Will you fuck my brains out right now?", since the answer to that was implied given it was the two of us.

  Shit. It better not be about the power gap between us. If I used that as a standard for what chick I wanted, I'd have all the romantic prospects of a stork in a frog pond. Void, that was such a dumb question, no matter who was asking it.

  Sometimes, I felt like every half-baked journalist with the balls to interview us pretended to be concerned about either that, or how we'd allegedly robbed the cradle hooking up with Mia.

  "Listen," I'd tell the idiots while wondering how the bleeding fuck they'd escaped the special needs shelter, "we didn't take one goddamn look at her in the sense you're implying before she was an adult. Do you think we're that desperate? Do you think she'd stand for that, and we'd go against her if she did?" Oh, but the former power dynamic! The age gap! So when were they going to start condemning other paranormals for sleeping with people centuries or millennia or eons younger than them?

  More than the hypocrisy, I really didn't get what offended them so goddamned much about the fact we'd been her teacher. Were we interested in her during said period? Use our position of authority over her in an inappropriate way? Then what was the problem?

  Oh, I knew David would never stop kicking himself out over that time he'd thought about how he didn't mind buff women while checking her out. But, and I knew this better than him because he was a self-loathing loser with negligible amounts of confidence while I was the perfect being, there couldn't have been less lust involved in that thought process.

  I mean, yes, people mistook strigoi's obsession with showing control and power over others as lust because they raped so often. But their bodies were dead, and their libido went the way of their senses of taste and touch when they died. It took a serious amount of mental changes before they were able to think people were beautiful in any other sense than purely aesthetically, much less get turned on.

  Said a bloody lot about creation that a species like that had better chances of appreciating people for who they were rather than how they looked than most others did.

  But I digress.

  Now, as I waited for Mia's second question, I reflected on what she hadn't said during her first one.

  "Will our children be in danger from you?"

  Had anyone else implied that, they'd have stopped being able to ask for death before I was halfway through with them. But I understood her worry, of course. She was to be the mother, and - in her view, though she was mistaken in this regard as well - not an ideal one.

  Mmhm. Maybe I should've told her I'd be the reason the brats would never be in danger. I couldn't imagine hurting them any more than I could imagine hurting her, or failing to protect them from outsiders.

  There was no way to misunderstand that, right? It was better than "I'd never let them die." Foolproof. Damn, why wasn't my genius praised more often? I bet so many of those who only existed thanks to me saw me as some mass-murdering yokel, but I'd show them when I slaughtered them all.

  'What else did you want to know about?' I prompted Mia.

  Sadly, I thought as I ran a hand through my hair, not even my lover could comprehend how I could be so handsome. But unlike the puzzled, jealous masses, she would get to experience me.

  Mia puffed steadily, for several moments, before she replied, 'You know, I actually thought up some more questions since you started answering. If you don't wanna-'

  'No problem.' I waved her off. 'Go ahead,' How could I miss this chance? I could listen to this woman reading a phonebook.

  'Alright. I guess I'd like to hear how happy you are with this...Quintessence project. From that book.'

  Her mouth twisted unhappily, as it did whenever she brought up anything related to the Unmoved Mover. I shared her mood, though because of the opposite reason (and wasn't that more proof of how beautifully we complemented each other?); rather than offended at the Awakened Maker's perceived lack of altruism, I was once again feeling the familiar irritation sprouting from David wanting to help people beside our love.

  'Well, it's not like I could stop the human,' I said, then stopped being facetious. 'Shouldn't you be rejoicing, Mia? I know you think the Mover should do more. Bringing everyone up to its level would make you happy, no?' Though she didn't spend as much time urging others to participate in charity or the like as she did brooding over that.

  As if picking up on my musings, the zmeu said, 'I don't think you can blame me. It's one thing when your time and energy are as limited as your resources. Not solving problem that would take all of a thought from you just means you're a dick.'

  'What about those who do not want to be more than they are?' I asked, though I knew well that David had plans to bring them around.

  Dark red smoke began curling around Mia's head. 'It could've made everyone like it from the start, if it loves life and growth so damned much. I read its notes from Transcendence. A "labour of Love" wouldn't trigger a collapse into the End.' Her eyes sharpened. 'What about that? Aren't you worried that, unless everyone wants to advance because they love developing rather than a thirst for power or gods know what else, everything will wither away?'

  I held up a hand. 'Babe - we've got it. Trust me.'

  David, stupid bleeding heart that he was, had several cards up his sleeve, not that the game had moved onto its next phase. In fact, it would be nearly a decade before the next piece was born, and millennia until the keystone was wrought.

  I only understood his reasoning in a vague sense, and I could not say I fully agreed with it. Killing one person, or a few, to preserve the many, only interested me because Mia enjoyed interacting with others, so it made sense to save as many as we could, as often as we could, so she wouldn't get bored. Not to say I'd end her to preserve the insects that swarmed across existence and their meaningless lives. David might think he would, but I knew he'd never let things deteriorate to the point Mia's death was a necessary sacrifice; he'd to everything in his power to ensure that need never arose. It was one of the lines he wouldn't cross.

  "At some point, you become so twisted you stop living and merely keep surviving. And survival isn't worth some atrocities."

  Not to say that I wasn't eager to get into an endless fight with the Mover or the thing that had once been DEATH's Fourth Keeper, out of boredom. That would rend everything around us, so if I managed to put Mia somewhere safe, within our being, I would go at it with pleasure. David had contemplated clashing with them, and I was privy to his preparations. The lives of our charges were less than specks of dust compared to the potential of that eternal battle.

  'The truth is, Mia,' I continued, 'that, outside of that, there is only stagnation. It might not look like that, to most people, but...'

  'And you aren't concerned at all about people becoming peers with you?' she asked, tauntingly.

  I smiled thinly. 'You must remember that simply Awakening wouldn't make Creators truly equal to their current leader, or David, or the Lovelorn. The Mover is Awakened, yes - but to a being like it, that's merely an incomplete label. No other Maker has Awakened like it has, nor would most of them have both the desire and the will to make sure everyone Transcends. It's that creative drive that makes it a Quintessential pillar, the foremost expression of the Ultimate One's Force Dynamic.' I held up three fingers. It didn't take a genius to guess who the other two pillars were, though they, obviously, did not represent stability and destruction because of how creative they were. That wasn't in the job description.

  I smiled thinly. 'You must remember that simply Awakening wouldn't make Creators truly equal to their current leader, or David, or the Lovelorn. The Mover is Awakened, yes - but to a being like it, that's merely an incomplete label. No other Maker has Awakened like it has, nor would most of them have both the desire and the will to make sure everyone Transcends. It's that creative drive that makes it a Quintessential pillar, the foremost expression of the Ultimate One's Force Dynamic.' I held up three fingers. It didn't take a genius to guess who the other two pillars were, though they, obviously, did not represent stability and destruction because of how creative they were. That wasn't in the job description.

  ?'But if they did become your equals, you wouldn't feel threatened at all. Right?' She pretended to cough.

  'No,' I ground out. I wasn't that bloody insecure, dammit. 'I wouldn't. Didn't you say you have at least one more question?'

  'Yeah, but I think you're getting bored of this subject by now.' She looked down. 'So, remember when I said I wouldn't mind if David slept around when I wasn't with him? You know, in case he felt lonely?'

  'You're taking that back?' I didn't mind, but I'd need to make things clear to him if that was what Mia wanted.

  'Nah, nah.' She rested an elbow on her thigh. 'It's just - I guess I'm curious - but how do you feel about it?'

  I considered my answer. 'You don't have to worry about David going behind your back just because he's an ugly fuck with no prospects besides you continuing to take pity on him-'

  'Dude,' she interrupted drily. 'You look basically the same. And trust me, he's much easier to be around than you' Eh. She didn't mean that. 'And you gotta be dumber than a bag of hammers if you think one of the strongest guys in existence, who masterminded its salvation, has no prospects.'

  'Mostly gold-diggers and scared women looking to appease him,' I retorted. 'It's not at all the same as what we have with you.' I cleared my throat, spoke quickly. 'To resume what I was saying, David faces much greater temptations in pursuit of his duty than a chance to blow off some steam with whoever he happens across.'

  'I'm not worried about him cheating.'

  i shrugged. 'Just making sure we're level, sweet cheeks. Anyway, yeah,' I shuffled in place, as close to uncomfortable as I could get while being as amazing as I was, 'I...you're not the only woman I find hot, obviously, I'm not blind.' One of the dumbest facades many humans and several other species put on was that they no longer saw the appeal of anyone besides their mate once they began courting each other. Sometimes, it was to appease said mate. But if you started banging an insecure, jealous loser with an obvious possessive side and control issues, it was on you. 'But that's superficial, I assure you. I don't care about anyone else like I do you,' I promised her.

  Mia's eyes were pleased, and I caught a hint of a smile as she looked down into her lap.

  After waiting long enough, I added, 'That said, if you wanted to shapeshift into certain women I definitely don't have in a tier list, I-'

  'Don't test your luck.'

  But she sounded close to laughing. She must've caught the joke: it wasn't a tier list. Yet. Just a list.

  It coincided with David's a lot, not that he spent much time thinking about what he now saw as old crushes. In a way, it was almost relieving to know that I wasn't the weird side of the psyche, the one with questionable tastes.

  Look, not to set myself up for a "Looks female enough" joke, but there was a certain appeal to be found in the smooth bodies of some golems and other sexless, genderless beings. And if some chicks could shapeshift to grow some parts most women lacked, or shift others away, well, curiosity didn't hurt.

  But that ultimately didn't matter, because above all, we were only really interested in being happy with Mia. But that didn't mean that part about her changing form had not been serious.

  It was ridiculous to think about, but to some people, things like that were more important than anything else.

  Mia snorted when I mentioned that. 'Everyone has their issues. Anyway, you don't gotta worry about me going green-eyed on yeah, ok? Just make sure to tell me what's going on beforehand,' her voice hitched slightly, 'or at least after, don't knock anyone up, and we're golden.'

  Completely reasonable. There was another thing, but it went unspoken, for it was unnecessary. While many people yapped abut the heart being impossible to command, Mia and I, and David too, obviously, knew we'd never fall in love with other people. There was no one else who could gain and hold our interest like that.

  'Can I ask you a question of my own?' I pretended to scowl at her when she agreed. 'Say, scales - why do you know so many guys besides me, huh? And why do you spend time around them? What are your motives?'

  'Obviously, I'm gathering men for my supervillainess harem,' she answered archly. Luckily, I wasn't one of those pathetic man-children whose balls fell off when he noticed his woman knew men other than him. Mia's heart didn't have room for anyone besides us.

  In fact, maybe by appealing to her love, I could... 'Say,' I twiddled my fingers, 'if I set you up in a nice fortress and brought you the shrieking remains of whoever catches your fancy once a day, would you-'

  'Don't even thinking about it.'

  'Aw, bummer.' In the next moments, Mia informed me that she'd never seen a sight as cursed as me trying to pout, which I took as the compliment it obviously was, and we sat in companionable silence for a while. I conjured a chair so Mia wouldn't feel awkward about not standing.

  'Huh.'

  I raised my eyes to her. She'd gone through a quarter of her current cigar. 'Something up, Mia?'

  'Talkin' about relationships...' She dispersed the smoke halo around her head with a wingbeat. 'Was just thinkin'...Constantin and Rivka-'

  'Nothing serious yet,' I assured her. The priest had brought the ghoul along because it was a family outing, which was the reason our biological parents were also coming. But she was a "lady friend" at the moment, and they hadn't so much as held hands yet. Which I found baffling, because in his place, I'd have been drilling her like an oilfield already, and forget any stupid hang-ups about (yes, he really called it that) premarital intercourse. 'But it will happen.' I shrugged again, a surge of tenderness that was doubtlessly David's bleeding over into my emotions. 'Good for them, I suppose.'

  ?Mia grinned toothily. 'So. When are you gonna start calling her Mom?'

  The mental image was so awkward my eyes almost crossed. 'Probably never,' I admitted. 'Would feel too damn weird, and not just because she's younger than us. It's just, you know.'

  ?Mia's grin widened. 'Sure do.'

  'Yeah, well, you check out everyone if they're at least nice to watch leave. In my case, it's utterly involuntary.'

  'What is?' she asked mischievously, chuckling when I grumbled. 'You know, Ying Lung once told me that most people are into monogamy because they don't have enough love for more than one person.'

  I almost told her I was like a black hole for love, so she didn't need to worry, but that would've sounded even stupider than it did in my mind. Whatever. Ying was to polycules what Diogenes was to barrels, as in always, uh, in the middle of his.

  Ok, two dumb comparisons. Point was, the dragon could do whatever he wanted, the members of his harem could do whatever they wanted (I guess it only counted as one's harem if one person was involved with everyone else, which the relationships consisting of couples and handfuls of people that usually formed between the dragon's lovers didn't qualify as.

  'Don't worry about Rivka,' I told Mia gruffly. 'We'll all get along. Don't expect anything weird.' I could already tell my zmeu was preparing her stockpile of stepmom jokes. But I would endure.

  'I ain't worried.' The scales around her eyes crinkled slightly, overlapping smoothly. 'And I'll welcome whatever chubby additions she brings to the family.'

  Yeah, the ghoul was likely to go for that once she got the option, I thought as I rubbed my beard. 'Thought babies don't grow on you right away,' I remarked.'

  'I said I won't instantly care for mine like a human mother would,' Mia replied. 'Doesn't mean I can't find them cute.'

  * * *

  David existed across countless macrocosms, in the Ur-City's Pillared Palace and a myriad other places at once - one of the perks of the job, though he didn't use it to its full potential. An infinitesimal fraction of us was on this trip, while the rest performed their own functions.

  At the forefront of our mind, I appeared at his side, leaning to rest an elbow on the backrest of what resembled his throne in DEATH Keep - or at least that was what a mundane human would've perceived. 'Talked to the zmeu,' I began, 'not that you don't know.'

  'Good for you, Rope.' David didn't so much as glance at me. 'And here I was beginning to think you're too immature for that sort of thing.'

  Rolling my eyes would've only proved the bastard's point, so I didn't. Besides, the next admission felt like it took all my power to grit out, 'I'm...glad it happened.'

  Not about all of it, but it was better that we'd talked. And she'd given me something interesting to ponder, as a parting shot.

  'Don't think I'll talk him into ditching you, for the time being.' Her red eyes had flashed to mine as she'd looked over her shoulder, moments before leaving the shared mindscape. 'If nothing else, David can use a voice like yours in his head. Keep pushing him. Try to make him take the easier path, the crueller one. It should help him focus, when he's on the job.'

  She was not wrong, in terms of how many of our interactions went. But I didn't do that for his sake. I was not some testing tool, existing only to measure his resolve.

  I was my own person, in every way that mattered. And even if Mia hoped I would change for the "better", and lied to herself that she couldn't love me as I was, that wouldn't change.

  * * *

  AN: Man, it feels weird to write protagonists who aren't aware of their flaws and self-deprecating. People like David's strigoi side are arrogant and oblivious enough to be funny (see the yokel line), but I don't think I could write someone like this unironically, at least not for long. I'd be tempted to make them look bad every other scene.