“So, you’ll do whatever I ask without question?”

  “As long as I don’t get dirty… I-I mean, as long as you forgive me!” Nate quickly changed his toon at Zolys frown, “I really messed up there and I want to make it out for you!”

  All men to attention! Altruistic Nate passing by! What? Dana’s task? Skill training? You people disgust me! We are paladins of virtue here!

  “Fine.”

  “Seriously? You forgive me? Just like that?”

  “We’ll see about that after tonight, Nutjob.”

  “I am kind of in a hurry though… I mean, sure pal! Whatever you need!”

  Zoly nodded thoughtfully, and raised to go, leaving a half full plate over the table. Uric frown at his back.

  “I am glad you are trying to mend things with him, but… umm… how do I put this… you shouldn’t go with everything he asks…” the plump kid stuttered.

  “What…? Why…? is he…?” Nate eye’s widen in realization, “Is he some kind of perv or something?”

  “Selene, no! Why would you think that?!”

  “W-well, you know how kids are… they explore and…”

  “Oh goddess, why!? What’s wrong with you?!”

  “Hey! I don’t like it either! But I didn’t skip my grades fast enough to avoid C.S.E.!”

  “What does any of that even mean…!? No, listen to me Nate! Zoly is my best friend, but he has problems… Problems I swore under Selene not to share with anyone, not even mother Dana. You must be verry careful of what he asks of you, because I am afraid it’ll be something dangerous.”

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  “Like what?”

  “Like, uh… Like verry serious stuff, you make an oath to the gods not to talk about!” he huffed and stuffed his face with gruel.

  Nate shrugged. He was the adult here, whatever Zoly threw his way he could handle… unless it required him to get filthy, or get trapped in a small place, or touch bugs, or rodents, or people. But anything else he could deal with because, whatever else Dana might believe, he was the verry picture of a functional adult.

  Nate nodded resolutely, taking a spoonful off his plate and wincing at the greasy, flavorless gruel. He had skipped lunch partly out of his earlier self-recrimination episode, partly because he was appalled by the kitchen’s hygiene standards. He was starting to regret his decision now.

  “Porige for breakfast and gruel for dinner… maybe Dana wasn’t just joking when she said this place’s finances could be threatened by a few burned kitchen tables…”

  “Hay mister!” a chipper voice broke him out of his revery.

  “Hay you…! uh… what was your name again?”

  “Laura!” the little girl smiled, sitting her stuffed bunny between them and stretching her arms for Zoly’s abandoned plate. When she saw she wasn’t going to reach it, she fired her best puppy dog eyes at him.

  Nate rolled his eyes and pushed the plate her way with one finger. The girl attacked the food with gusto.

  “You know that has someone else’s drool, don’t you?”

  She just shrugged at him.

  “Hay Laura. How is little Bunbun doing?” Uric raised his face from his plate to smile at the little girl.

  “Mister Bunbun is a grown-up man!” She huffed indignantly.

  “Sorry, sorry! I didn’t mean to offend Mister Bunbun.” Uric chuckled with good humor.

  “Is fine, Mister Bunbun is verry short for his age.”

  “Well, as long as he doesn’t take it personally.” The chubby kid nodded, “By the way, Laura, is rare to see you away from the girl’s table. Did something happen?”

  “Oh!” her eyes widen, “That’s right! I have to warn Mister that Gretta is…”

  “Nutjob!” a red headed girl Nate didn’t knew screamed, standing form her table and marching towards him.

  “Is she talking to me? Wait, when did that become my nickname?!”

  “That’s Gretta…” Uric gulped.

  Gretta was a big girl. She was a head taller than Nate and twice as wide. She walked up to him and glared him down.

  “W-what can I help you with?” Nate tried.

  “This is for making Mother Amanda cry!”

  And that is the story of how Nathan Brooks, self-proclaimed functional adult, got utterly trashed by a twelve-year-old girl.