Volume 3: Can You Hold On? Chapter 26: Sorrow and Joy

  Pan Yu hugged Xu Xian tightly and whispered, "If only I were really your wife, I would never let you take a concubine!" This was indeed her innermost thought - which woman wouldn't want her husband to love only her?

  Xu Xian bitterly smiled and said: "Like in the painting, if you dare take a concubine, I'll die right before your eyes!"

  Pan Yu exclaimed "You know!" The various things on the painting wall are still in front of him now.

  Xu Xian said: "It wasn't until later that I realized, who else could it be besides you?"

  "Does this mean we're already married?"

  "Just as my master said, although it's an illusion, what's real is our hearts' intention. If the heart's intention is true, then even if everything else is false, what difference does it make?"

  Pan Yu felt a sweet and gentle "en" sound, feeling that the grievances and pains he had suffered were compensated many times over, although in fact, it was just these few words. "So you promised?"

  Xu Xian gently patted Pan Yu's head: "I promised you, if you wronged someone else, that would be the end of it. How could I go on to bully her? But being able to help her escape her suffering is also a good thing. Then, perhaps I can give her true freedom!"

  Pan Yuzai didn't believe him, facing Cai Feng, such a clever and naturally beautiful woman, even he himself couldn't help but want to take advantage of her sometimes, not because of lust, but just the love for beauty, which everyone has. How could Xu Xian possibly resist swallowing the meat that's right in front of him?

  In the red silk tent, a phoenix coronet and a cloud-like cloak. The phoenix coronet is magnificent, with strings of pearls hanging down like curtains, half-concealing her absolutely beautiful face, which is now furrowed in deep thought. Her current situation was something she had never anticipated, and it reminded her of the scene that day.

  Spring sail fine rain, painted boat house, she and Pan Yu stood at the bow of the boat, engaged in the most ordinary conversation.

  "I'll be returning to Beijing soon, and before that, I will ransom you." Pan Yu said lightly.

  "Alright then!" He played with his hair ends, feeling that the atmosphere was somewhat unusual.

  Pan Yu suddenly turned his head and looked at her, asking: "What do you think of Xu Xian?"

  She said without thinking: "Talent and temperament, unparalleled in the world. It's a rare good friend when you're feeling refreshed." She had never tried to lie to Pan Yu, they were both too smart and too deep. Excessive guessing of each other's thoughts made their interactions a battle of wits. Occasionally it might be interesting, but no one would want to stay in this state forever.

  Pan Yu said: "Our first real encounter was in the last game of the First Snow!"

  She furrowed her brow, unsure why Pan Yu suddenly changed the subject, but still said: "Yes, that one of yours, 'Nine Machines', is truly a stunning work."

  Pan Yuxiao smiled and said: "I also rely on this song to move you!"

  He gazed at the pale green lake water, reflecting each other's figures, and said softly: "Not all, but almost."

  "If I said it, that would be cheating too? Xu Xian helped me cheat."

  She covered her mouth and smiled lightly: "I knew it, I've read every poem you've circulated, but the writing style doesn't seem like yours! Don't worry, I won't tell anyone!" She laughed with a trembling flower branch, but there was little smile in her eyes, instead she gradually retracted her smile and said: "You're not usually like this, just say what's on your mind!"

  Pan Yuchen murmured: "If the first person to recite this poem in front of you wasn't me, but Xuxian —"

  Her face showed anger for the first time. "Pan Yu, are you really not understanding or intentionally trying to probe? For a tree, why it was planted is no longer important. Whether it was intentional or coincidental, the tree has already grown. If you want Cai Feng to do something, just speak directly!"

  Pan Yu was also somewhat at a loss, hurting someone who loved her wasn't as easy as she had imagined. Once the words were out of her mouth, no matter what the outcome, they would definitely leave scars. But reason told her to make a choice: "I think you might be able to marry Xu Xian." She had already decided to reserve this daughter's body for Xu Xian, and being with another woman would inevitably be torture for both parties. Better to suffer a short pain than a long one!

  Her hands and feet suddenly turned cold, the warm spring day made her dizzy for a moment, almost falling into the lake. Pan Yulai was pushed away by her. "Is that an order?"

  Pan Yu looked at her despondent expression and felt uncomfortable in his heart, but still said: "It's not that, it's just more options. My family has many relatives, your identity can't avoid being scrutinized, while Xu Xian's family has no parents or brothers to serve. Moreover, following me, you will be a concubine for life, and with Xu Xian, you may still be able to get the position of a legitimate wife." However, he saw that her despondent expression became heavier, and she finally couldn't speak anymore, sighing: "If you really want to, just come back to the Wang Fu with me!"

  She shook her head and said, "If you really have feelings for me, what's the harm in going through trials and tribulations? Unfortunately... unfortunately..." Her voice trailed off and she fell silent. Her expression gradually turned solemn, and finally she said, "Alright, I agree, I'll marry Xu Xian!" As soon as these words left her lips, a weight lifted from her heart.

  Pan Yushen gazed deeply at her, sighed, and reached out to touch her face, but she turned away, tears welling up in the corners of her eyes, a hint of a smile on her lips: At least, at least, Lian'er would be happy! She wouldn't have to leave me, nor would she have to leave her brother Xu Ge. Hmm, this way is good too!

  Pan Yu got off the boat, she stared blankly as it sailed away, forcing a casual smile, then turned around to see Qing Luan looking at her with concern, saying: "Miss, what's wrong?" She sensitively detected Cai Feng's abnormality.

  She stretched her waist and smiled: "Nothing, I can redeem myself now, and I won't have to drift on this lake in the future."

  Qing Luan excitedly grabbed her hand, delightedly saying: "Really? Pan Gongzi is finally willing, that's great, miss." For a moment she forgot about her unusual behavior, thinking it was just the joy of being redeemed.

  She looked at Qing Luan with joy, completely forgetting her own preferences. Her heart was moved and she felt happy for Qing Luan. But inexplicably, something surged in her chest, unable to be suppressed. She pulled Qing Luan into the cabin, running hastily. Qing Luan didn't understand, so he let himself be dragged along until they reached the room, where she closed the door.

  She buried her head in Qing Luan's arms and burst into loud sobs, like a wronged child.

  Thinking of this, Cai Feng tried to wipe the corners of her eyes, afraid that there were still some marks left. The note was written on their wedding night, she couldn't let him see her unhappy, after all he would be in charge of everything from now on.

  The door creaked open and Cai Feng hastily withdrew her hand, sitting calmly upright.

  Xu Xian couldn't help but let out a bitter laugh, one of the four great joys in life was getting married, and he had managed to find a beauty that was hard to come by in this world. At this moment, there were countless people envying his good fortune, yet he couldn't help but sigh again.

  Red candles held high, everywhere filled with joyful atmosphere. Xu Xian never expected that the one who would be doing this scene with him would be such a woman. To be honest, he didn't understand her at all, but still felt some sympathy for her in his heart. Walking towards the bedside, taking a closer look, perhaps it was indeed a phoenix among men, and the phoenix coronet and cloud-like clothes were truly her best attire, elegant and beautiful, only with lowered eyebrows and obedient eyes, calm and composed.

  Xu Xian knew that this woman now belonged to him, at least in name. He could control everything about her and get anything he wanted from her. But such thoughts did not bring him a sense of superiority, instead, they filled him with a deep sadness.

  Xu Xian took off her phoenix coronet, and her long hair was not styled in the usual bun, but simply combed and lay softly behind her back. Meanwhile, her face showed a mixture of shyness and joy, without any hint of displeasure, really just like a lovingly doted new bride, only it seemed too much so, to the point of being somewhat unreal.

  Cai Feng reminded: "Husband, it's time to drink the cross-cupped wine!"

  Xu Xian led her to the table, just as she was about to pour wine, Xu Xian pressed down on the wine jug and said: "I have something to say!"

  Cai Feng revealed a bewildered expression, Chun Xiao was also brief. With beauty in front of him, what else could he say? Did he think that saying a few words of affection would move himself? But if he really said it, he would have to make an emotional appearance too.

  Xu Xian said: "I know you like Pan Yu!"

  This is something that can't be denied, but on the wedding night, her husband brought up another man, presumably because he was unhappy in his heart! Cai Feng had to say: "Husband, what are you talking about? I do have some good feelings towards Master Pan, but it's because of that poem 'Nine Machines' she wrote. Now I know it's your handwriting, if only I had known earlier——"

  The more she tried to curry favor with him, the deeper the sorrow in Xu Xian's heart became, until it finally turned into anger: "Enough!"

  Cai Feng's face stiffened, and she put away her smile, knowing that Xu Xian was not so easily fooled. She spoke seriously: "I indeed had intentions towards Pan Gongzi in the past, but now that I've married into the Xu family, I will absolutely not have any other thoughts." Seeing Xu Xian's unmoved expression, she gritted her teeth and said: "Although Cai Feng came from a brothel, these years I have kept myself clean and pure. Even with Pan Gongzi, we never crossed the line of propriety. I won't bring shame to the Xu family's reputation. Now, now... I am still a virgin, please, husband, be clear-sighted!" As she spoke, her face turned red as if it would drip blood.

  Xu Xian sighed and said: "I didn't mean it that way, I was wondering what your plans are for the future?"

  Cai Feng said: "It's all up to you, husband!" With a somewhat broken and shattered feeling.

  Xu Xian took a deep breath, stood up and made a long bow to Cai Feng, saying: "I was originally unaware of this matter, it was Pan Yu's nonsense. Ah, she also has her own difficulties, I hope you can understand. It's just that now being able to help Miss Cai Feng get rid of the music register is also a fortunate thing. In the future, if there are any plans, it will be up to you to decide for yourself. I will move back to the academy to live, and this courtyard will be left to you and Qing Luan. If you have someone in mind, just tell me, whether it's a divorce or a dowry, I will fulfill it. If there is any offense today, please forgive me!" After finishing these words in one breath, he finally felt relieved.

  Cai Feng first stood up and looked at Xu Xian in surprise, then knelt down and said: "Cai Feng is not a woman of loose morals, if she gets a divorce it's better to die than to be abandoned."

  Cai Feng's heart was full of confusion, wondering if Xu Xian was a fool or a hypocrite. Was this matter really as he said, that Pan Yu had an ulterior motive? But in any case, having escaped tonight's ordeal, she felt a sense of relief wash over her.

  Xu Xian went out, but saw a woman staring at him fiercely, who was none other than Qing Luan. Seeing Xu Xian, she let out a cold snort and turned her head away. The young lady had instructed her that no matter what role Xu Xian played in this matter, it was already settled and arguing would be futile.

  Xu Xian said: "How come you don't even call out to your brother now?"

  Qing Luan couldn't help but burst into anger, saying: "Xu Xian, I never thought you were this kind of person!" The young lady's crying face in her arms still makes her heart ache to this day. What hurts even more is that the mastermind behind all this was actually Xu Xian, the brother she had wholeheartedly accepted as her own.

  "It's not what you think!"

  Her face was filled with anger and resentment, she forced back her tears and said: "You approached me just to get close to Miss, didn't you? Pan Yu also let you use him, right? If not for considering my feelings, Miss would rather die than marry you. I hate myself so much, I hate you! Why did you deceive me!" As she spoke, her tears began flowing uncontrollably!

  Xu Xian said: "Please believe me, you go into the house now!"

  "Believe you? The fact is right in front of us. How can I believe you? If it wasn't for your meddling, how would Pan Yu have given the young lady to you? What are you trying to do by coming out now?"

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