12128 AIG 3H12
Find pretty rocks for Ulric
I clumsily pick up rocks from the asteroids surface. I wonder why I
cannot grab them well.
Is it because I do it for the first time? Because of the zero gravity?
Or because this asteroid has a mostly powder-like surface and these
gloves are larger than my head, obviously not made for grabbing? To
prove my point, I try to grab a rock, the rock receives momentum from my
glove and drifts away, out of my reach. Again. I shake my head. This is
going to take a while.
I am in an EVA suits on some asteroid near Kish 19b. I am on the
asteroid, while Cassi is piloting our small shuttle. It’s a cheap suit,
nothing works autonomously. The suit is enough to learn and do my little
errand. We need rocks for our little garden and Ulric loves it, when we
get original rock, not just some artificial thing from the shop. As if
xe could tell the difference.
Cassi was happy to do Ulric the favour and asked me to help xe. There is
no arguing with Cassi, I tried that in the past, it does not work. A
Pioneer gets what they want from their Heart Family. It is our duty in
exchange for their service. Anyway, after everybody’s morning exercise
xe took me to the local rent dock.
“I need a cheap shuttle, just two spaces for a short ride to the inner
asteroid belt.” Xe demanded from the bot.
The bot showed us a few shuttles available this cycle.
“Cassi, those shuttles are really simple. Like, bare metal only. Look,
even the EVA suits are simple. This one reads ‘only for emergency
evacuation’,“ I pointed out.
“Perfect, we take that one.”
I was speechless. All my EVA’s with Ulric so far had been in normal
shuttles. I never used anything even remotely cheap and, to be honest,
bad like this one. I wondered if the Empire had cut Cassi’s allowance.
“Hop on Ur, this is going to be a simple ride. Just you and me, space,
and a bit of material in between.”
I looked at xe, unbelieving. Cassi was enjoying this ride already. I
felt … well … my feelings were mixed. I trust Cassi and xyrs judgement.
Cassi got first into the shuttle, already warming up the engines. I
followed and strapped myself into the shuttle.
“Why are we not using a standard shuttle instead of this piece of junk?”
“Ur, if you knew how many ships I have both flown and tried to get
outside while being shot at, you would be grateful for this quiet ride.
The ship is absolutely safe, we are always within rescue distance from
the station and unless a comet comes out of hyperspace and hits us, we
are going to be alright.” Xe turns towards the control panel, then back
to me.
“Comets do not come out of hyperspace. Every ship in any imperial dock
up for rent is tested, well maintained and safe to use. Remember that.
Glory to the Empire.”
“Glory tot the Empire,” I mumble. I felt more relaxed. The Empire
provides for us. We do our duties and get privileges for it. We can have
whatever we want. Even rent spaceships. Nevertheless, I wondered.
“Are we low on allowance so that we have to save on this shuttle?”
We had already left the dock and were heading towards a group of smaller
asteroids. Cassi turned her optical receptors to me, starring me down.
“Ur. We are not low on allowance. There is nothing to be afraid, and you
are making this bigger, than it is. Think about it, would we be able to
rent a shuttle that is not suitable for continuous spaceflight including
emergency situations?”
I hesitated. “No, we would not.”
“Do you think I would put you in a dangerous situation just because of
allowance?”
That hurt. “No, of course you would not. You love me and I love you.”
“Good.”
In a brief flash of bravery I added. “And Nona would hunt you down if
anything happened to me because of you.”
Cassi twitched, looked at me and laughed. “Yes. She would. And probably
win.” She was lost in thought for a moment.
“I do have to admit, I took the cheap one to teach you a lesson.”
“Which lesson is that?”
“This shuttle is basically held together by pieces of fur and spit. It
has very limited navigation, propulsion, and life support systems. But
they are enough. Even its Bot is archaic at best.”
The Bot agreed, at least my underarm showed the Bot happily offering us
the limited help it could provide. It could not even speak.
Cassi continued. “We can not always rely on having all the best
machines, ships, and Bots with us. Sometimes, we have to work machines
with our bare paws, fly a ship with minimum means, perhaps even without
electricity. You are a Heart Child, you will not go to the war. But I
want you to at least be able to survive in such a ship. As a future
Vettro you might need to get to another station for research quickly and
without much luxury.”
I looked around. My EVA suit had no remote communication or external
propulsion system. All there was, was a long tether used as connector
and communication line. The life support system was sufficient for 5000c
only. I could always be pulled back into the shuttle by the tether.
Around me in the shuttle, I saw simple systems, a hyperradio for
communications and actual levers to steer the drive if needed. This must
be how our ancestors flew.
“Do you remember the Imperial Decree by Emperox Ninurta?”
“The one about Bot and Marduk being like equals?”
Cassi chuckles. “Yes, but not quite. It says ‘*Every task shall be
doable by Bot and by Marduk, though both may help each other.*’” I had
the unsure feeling there was something missing from this Decree. Cassi
was already continuing.
“This shuttle is an example of this Decree. We can fly it without the
Bots and tools we use in all better ships. In the Pioneers, all of us
are trained on these systems, even the Bots themselves. And you are
lucky, to at least be able to sit in one and learn it the easy way.”
Cassi checked our position. “We are getting close to our target. You are
taking over the approach.” And with that, xe handed over the navigation
to my console.
I felt a rush of blood into my brain, both from excitement and from
fear. Cassi and the Bot helped me, but both did not act on the controls.
It was all me. I never did this before.
“Alright, bring us closer to that one. It seems to have enough rocky
substance. Take care of the orbit of those smaller pieces around it.”
I slowly etched us in between the asteroid and its orbiting rocks. Here,
Cassi gave me terse instructions, nothing short of moving my paws
xyrself.
“Now, let us get you on that asteroid and see if you can find a nice
rock. I will stay in the shuttle.”
I panicked. “You mean, I will go out alone?” My optical receptors got
big just thinking about being all alone out there.
“Of course. If anything happens I can pick you up quickly with the
shuttle or my own EVA suit.” Xe pauses. “If we did it the other way
around, would you be able to help me with the shuttle?”
With a defeating gesture I made my way to the airlock, carefully
attaching my tether inside it. The control panel above the connector
lighted up in blue. When the inner hatch closed, I continued to hear
Cassi over the speakers in my helmet.
“Tether connection is alright. I turned the shuttle so your exit points
directly to the surface of the asteroid. Unless you do bizarre
gymnastics, you will land on the surface. Use your distance laser, so I
can stop the tether when you are close to the surface.”
The outer hatch opened. In the shuttle’s light I could see the surface
of the asteroid, merely twelve body lengths away from me. I carefully
and slowly pushed myself out the airlock. The distance laser was
connected to my arm, so I held it in front of me while slowly moving
towards the surface. The surrounding darkness was breathtaking. Like the
time Ulric and I went to the grave asteroid watching Kish’s rise.
“And there you are,“ I heard Cassi’s voice crackle through the speakers.
This kind of old fashion communication was new to me. It sounded like xe
was speaking into one of the metal planting chambers I was using with
Ulric. Most of all, it sounded like she was far away from me. If I could
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turn around, I would see xe just a few body lengths away, but that would
send me into a rotation or throw up dust. And that dust would stop me
from seeing anything on this powdery asteroid. I carefully move around,
slowly making my way from one rocky extrusion to the next.
The surface is mostly molten rocks partially covered in a layer of
powder. Some of those powder layers are body lengths thick. If I move
into those layers, Cassi will have to pull me out again. I would be lost
on my own.
I find a few rocks that look suitable, but nothing really catches my
eyes. Ulric had said: “Find me something nice, with different
colours.”
“Cassi, I found some rocks. Could you mark their position for me? I want
to look a bit further if there are nicer rocks around.”
“Alright. Keep your remaining life support time in view, though.”
I nearly forgot about that.
“I have about 1400c left. I am still good.”
I continue my search. The speakers crackle again a while later.
“Hey Ur, I got a call from Nona, I will hang up on you for a moment. You
are doing well.”
I hear a crack and the line goes quiet. These moments of complete
quietness are my favourite. Its breathtaking, the immense size and
emptiness of the surrounding galaxy.
I see a rock, it has some green and purple threads going through it,
like somebody stacked plant leaves and flowers on each other, with brown
soil in between. Perfect for Ulric. I carefully move over to the rock
and grab it. My motion is stopped by something. I look to my right side
and see the tether coiling itself around my right arm. I probably moved
too far to the side and now the momentum makes the tether pass by me. I
wiggle to get the tether of my paw. Of course, it coils even more around
the arm. I did not know I had so much line – until I look behind me. The
end of the tether dangles a few body lengths behind me.
“Cassi, the tether, it ripped off!”
No response. Of course, Cassi cannot hear me. All communication goes
through the tether. My rescue line is gone, and I have only 394c of life
support left. This EVA suit is so cheap, I do not even have a jetpack. I
have nothing.
I think about waving my arms, but that would a) make me rotate in zero
gravity, b) make the tether coil around me even more and in worst case
c) push me away from the asteroid some direction away from the
shuttle.
Aleph’s Ass. I need to stay calm. 320c. Cassi should see me soon. Why
did she even have to take that call? Nona could have called later. I
start to panic, but remain still. My breathing gets faster. Not good for
life support.
290c. I place the rock in a bag attached to my suit.
Still no reaction from the shuttle. I still have time. Cassi will see
me. Xe knows how much time I have left. She will see me and rescue me.
Otherwise, Nona will come for xyr. I hope. I think. I start to panic.
200c.
What if Cassi does not see me? I cannot just sit around waiting for my
air to go out. I must do something. But what?
180c.
I go through my options.
Stay here and be rescued by Cassi. Good.
Stay here and not be rescued by Cassi. Dead.
Jump towards the shuttle and catch anything I can hold on to. Good.
Jump towards the shuttle, hit it and fly off. But Cassi will hear my
impact and rescue me. Good.
Jump towards the shuttle, miss it and fly off. Dead.
My breathing gets faster, the panic is growing. Cassi, please, look out
the Aleph’s ass window!
150c.
My rising panic causes me to get a slight rotation. I grab onto a rocky
spire and slow myself down. It takes a lot of effort, all my body needs
to be stopped from moving.
120c.
My breathing is far too fast. I need to stay calm. Breath slowly, and do
something.
110c. Ass ass ass! I am going to die. Ass, I need to stay calm. Breath,
I need to breathe. This has been too long. I cannot wait any more.
Focus. Breathe. I breathe in.
Focus. Breathe. I breathe out.
Focus. Breathe. I breathe in.
100c.
I slowly push myself of the asteroid, towards my shuttle, my place of
rescue. Very slowly, a fraction of a body length per second.
90c.
I get closer to the shuttle. It is going to be a close call.
80c.
I am nearly there. If I stretch my arm, I can grab one of the rails
alongside the shuttle. I make myself as big as possible.
70c.
I grab the rail … and fail. The glove touches the shuttle and pushes me
away from the shuttle before I get the rail. I receive some momentum and
start to rotate. I pass the shuttle and loose all blood to my face.
There is no more panic, I am filled with horror. The glove only softly
touched the shuttle. There was no clunk. No big noise for Cassi to hear.
I am going to die.
65c.
Cassi. Please look out the window. I cannot see much through my tears.
There is nothing I can do any more. I never had the chance to return my
duty to the Empire for the privileges it gave me as a Heart Child.
60c.
This is it. An uncanny silence washes over me. No need to breathe air
too fast. The shuttle is about two body lengths away from me.
50c.
The shuttle is still roughly two body lengths away from me. I press my
face against the suit’s visor to see better. The tether is tense.
Actually, I get closer and closer to the shuttle.
40c.
One body length. Please, Cassi, I know you grabbed my tether. Oh, thank
you so much.
30c.
Something grabs me from behind and pulls me into the airlock. A moment
later we are under pressure. My visor opens.
24c. Life system paused.
“I got you.”
Falling into Cassi’s arms, I cry a lot. Xe has apparently grabbed my
tether and pulled me inside, back to safety.
“Oh, thank you, Cassi. I was dead, I was so dead.”
Xe ruffles my hair and shavings. “No, you were never dead. I was there,
as promised. Otherwise, remember, Nona would have got me.” Xe winks at
me, though I do not see much through the tears.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
We get back to station, I am mostly shivering, crying, but also full of
joy. Cassi is soothing me, speaking softly at me. Soon after we reach
home I am sitting at the kitchen table, surrounded by Cassi, Ulric and
Nona. The other foaling are playing in the side room.
“I found this rock for you Ulric, see the green layers here. They look
like very flat plants.”
Xe takes it carefully, slowly rotating and inspecting it.
“What a beautiful specimen, Ur. I know, you took great risks for it.”
Xyrs calm eyes are upon me, while xe places the rock on the table. I
struggle a bit to find my words.
“The tether got loose. I … I was dead. But Cassi saved me.”
Xe replies with a soft smile, “You were very brave back there. You
fought for yourself.”
However, Nona’s eyes are fixed on me. Like xe is preparing to catch
me.
Xe starts. “Ur. You were very brave indeed, this cycle. And now I need
you to be even braver.” A short pause. “Cassi cut the tether on my
behalf.”
“What?!”
I have no more words. I simply stare at Nona. Nona, my Breeder, the one
person in the galaxy loving me the most. Sending me to death.
“Why? I was dead back there.” My cries turn into sobs.
“Why would you do that to me? I hate you!”
I want to get up, but Ulric stops me. Xe is a Vettro, like I will be,
but far larger than Cassi. Xyrs calm nature is far more commanding than
Cassi’s muscles.
“What? What are you doing?”
“Ur. We have asked a lot of you this cycle.” Again, it is Nona who talks
to me. “You know about my sickness. I am stuck in this body, left to the
whims of my nervous systems. But even under all this meaningless pain,
it is my duty to stay calm, to not panic. I have personally asked Cassi
to cut the tether.”
My voice is brittle, almost faint. “Why? Why would you do that?” This
time, Ulric speaks up.
“Soon, you will face the Rite of Sorrow. Our rites are hard, often
outright brutal. But they serve a purpose. In the Rite of Sorrow, you
will die. But there, in those memories, you have no choice, you can do
nothing. This cycle, you did something. We prepared everything so that
even in the worst case, you would have survived.”
Cassi continues. “Your EVA suit was rigged, the timer was set short of
500c. A friend of mine was on the other side of the asteroid waiting
with another shuttle. I was already in the airlock in my EVA suit, when
I removed your tether.”
“But you were talking with Nona.” My mind is racing and void at the same
time. How could they?
“Yes, my dear Ur. I was. Because if it had been up to me, I would have
helped you far earlier. I am a Pioneer, it is my duty to die for others,
to rescue others, to fight for the Glory of the Empire.”
Ulric nods softly. “You will be a Vettro. Your duty and your privilege
will be knowledge. While Cassi fights with her body, we fight with our
minds. And as you will learn, the pain of knowledge can be even worse
than most of us believe death to be.”
Nona gets into one of xyrs coughing fits, before xe speaks.
“Ur. It is alright if you hate us. It is alright if you hate only me. I
asked both Cassi and Ulric to help me teach you. I have given birth to
you, and you may be my only foal living much longer than adulthood. I
have passed the Rite of Reunion and know how many of my other foaling
are crippled from that never ending war with the Alephians or are
longing for a better way of living. I love you. I love you more, than
you will probably ever understand. It is my duty to teach you to live
well in this world. We have everything, whole galaxies at our disposal.
And we might lose everything to the Alephians. You are still a child.
And to me, you will always be my beloved child. At the same time, I see
greatness in you. You stayed very calm this cycle. You were careful,
only negligent of minor fallacies. Not only that, you were great, my
beloved Ur. And you will be in the future. Every single clap this cycle
was like a death to me. Yet I know that one cycle, you will benefit from
this lesson. The lesson of remaining calm in times of stress, in times
of great risk, when even your live or the lives of your loved ones are
at stake. It is easy for you to hate me. You have all the right in the
galaxies. But I know that you can find your own conclusion to what
happened this cycle. If anyone of us had doubted your chance of survival
at any moment we would have been there for you.”
Ulric and Cassi nod. I am dizzy.
“Nona. I …”
I faint.
