“A… human sacrifice?”
”Yes.”
“A real one?”
“Yes.”
“You want me to kill a real human being?”
“Yes.”
I stare at the fossil.
This is…
This is where I should draw the line.
Everything so far, everything Helix has said about wolves and sheep and society and strength… that’s all just been talk. It was easy enough to follow. Harmless. But now… he wants me to take someone’s life. Not for war, not for a coup, not for justice. Just… just to prove that I have it in me to do it.
And the worst part is that I want to.
I want to show him that I’m able to do it. I want to show that I’m truly committed to this. I want to prove to him that I’m strong.
But what about the person that has to die? They won’t get to live the rest of their life. Their relatives will have to deal with losing them. Parents, siblings, maybe even children. I can’t do that to someone. Or, well, maybe if…
“Who should it be?” I ask. Maybe if it’s Seiichi…
”It should not be anyone you know,” Helix replies. “In fact, it should be a complete stranger. An attractive woman, around twenty years of age. It is imperative for the ritual’s authenticity.”
Not just a stranger, but a woman. A relatively young woman. I’ll be stealing three fourths of her life. And for what? For…
…well, for godhood. And godhood can, surely, let one do miraculous things.
“If… I kill someone like that,” I begin, “and you help me become a god… can I bring them back to life?”
”No,” he says. ”For two reasons. One is that even gods cannot truly bring back the dead - it is only possible to recreate a clone, and that is not the same thing. The other reason is that it would defeat the purpose of the ritual.”
“...How come?”
“As I stated before, I want you to perform this ritual in order to prove your strength and loyalty to ME. Killing someone, knowing all that it entails, for no other purpose than to appease ME… that is something the Bringer must be able and willing to do.”
Okay. I see. That makes sense.
No, it doesn’t make sense! This is completely insane! This is, like… cult shit! I’m in a cult!
”Be calm, Red. Think about this calmly.”
Wh- oh, right. Yeah. I gave him the right to read my mind at all times. I mean HIM - I need to think of HIM with reverence. Fuck. Gods. What the hell? Why did I promise him -- HIM that I would do all these things? What am I doing? What have I been doing for these past few weeks?
”Calmly, Red.”
No, I can’t calm down. I can’t. This is something that requires alarm. I’m being asked to kill. That’s not normal. That’s…
…Huh?
I take a moment to breathe. My heartbeat gradually slows down. Calm. I’m calm. Like I’m supposed to be.
But I was… asked to kill someone. How can I be…
No, it doesn’t matter. It’s better to be calm, anyway. I can think about things logically.
HELIX wants me to kill for HIM. That’s something I’ve never done. That’s something I don’t want to do. It feels wrong. But I know that if I refuse this, I can’t become the Bringer. And when HELIX can’t get a Bringer out of me, HE and I will have to part ways.
I don’t want that. My life has been so much better when HE is around. I finally feel like I have a future. Like I belong somewhere. Like I’m strong. In control of things. I want to keep feeling like that. I want this… safety to stay with me. But the price to pay is someone else’s life.
How am I supposed to choose? Everyone would tell me to go for the option that doesn’t have me kill someone for some ancient ritual, but… they don’t understand! If I don’t do it, I’m fucked. Without HELIX, things will just go back to the way they were. I’ll be alone, frustrated, violent, and I’ll make my final mistake, getting myself locked up. And I know that even behind bars I won’t be able to stop. My sentence will lengthen and lengthen until I’m an adult, and then I’ll go from juvie to real prison, and shit’s surely gonna be even worse there, and I’ll reoffend yet again, always more, until they shut me in some maximum security prison… and that has to be hell.
Honestly… I’ll probably end up killing more people if I don’t kill one for HELIX now. Prisoners, but still people. People that could be just like me. Fuck, what if someone kills me? I don’t want that.
Becoming a god would probably make me immortal, too…
”It would.”
Hmm. Hm.
”I truly believe that you should listen to ME, Red. Becoming a god is the greatest success one can achieve. It can provide you with anything you need. Does that not sound ideal?”
“It’s just that… it’s…” I swallow. “Killing someone is one of the worst crimes a human can do.”
”I am aware. That is precisely the point. By breaking this taboo, you will prove yourself as something further evolved. Something greater than a human, something higher.”
Something greater than a human. Well, I’ve never been much of a human to begin with. It only fits.
”What is it that you are afraid of, Red?” HELIX continues. ”I promise to teach you everything you need to know to stay undetected. To evade the consequences.”
I hadn’t even thought of the possibility of getting caught. Gods. That’s even worse.
”Do you not have faith in my abilities, Red?”
“It’s not that,” I say. “I don’t have faith in mine.”
”I taught Kohath to hunt,” HE says. ”I taught Kohath everything. I can teach you to hunt, too.”
Hunt.
”Yes. It is much like hunting. I believe you would enjoy it, too…”
Enjoy it. I shouldn’t. People shouldn’t derive pleasure out of stalking and killing other people.
”Why not?”
‘Why not?’
”The people that posit that also posit that you should not derive pleasure out of beating those that have wronged you.”
I grasp my hand. It’s true that I’ve been doing a lot of that, and it’s true that it has felt fucking fantastic. But… all of that was just illusionary. No one was actually hurt.
”They would not care. They would consider you a violent maniac, a ‘psycho’. As they already do.”
I squeeze my fingers more tightly. Yeah. No one would really think any less of me if I killed someone. They already hate me. Why would I need to play by their rules?
”Exactly.”
No, it’s… I don’t know. This is still… something that is so strongly demonized.
”I understand. The idea that killing is unforgivable is quite strongly instilled in the modern man. But you remember Kohath, do you not? How the Helixian Kingdom came to be, how much death it took? How you cheered for the death of the old king? Is this so different in the end?”
Fuck, I hadn’t thought of that. All the people that the Helixians killed… were real people. They had real lives that were cut short. The king included. But I didn’t care. They were just… words to me. Characters in a story. But they had to have been real. Just like everyone else who ever died in the history books we’ve read.
When I think about death on such a large scale, though… one more death doesn’t seem like that much.
”If it helps, you can think of the woman you will kill as another casualty of war. She is someone who must die for the Helixian Kingdom to return. As I cannot bring MY kingdom back without a Bringer I know to be strong and loyal, and this is the way I ascertain you are the one… it is a necessary death.”
Necessary…
Is it necessary? What is it that requires such strength and loyalty?
”The ascension process. Strength of the body is required to withstand the physical process, and strength of the mind is to ensure you will use your divine power sensibly. As for loyalty, the process leaves ME vulnerable. I must be certain that my Bringer will not betray ME.”
“I would never betray you, my lord,” I say, without even thinking.
”I am pleased to hear that, but I must be careful. If the process is interrupted, it will be thousands of years before I am able to try it again. While that is shorter for ME than it is for you, I still do not want to wait that long. I trust you, as you are now, would also like to see the Kingdom in your lifetime.”
“I would.” I really would.
What does that mean, then? Am I really going to kill someone to prove my strength and loyalty to HELIX? I mean, that’s insane.
Right?
”Perhaps you should take some time to think about it. Take the rest of the day off and come to me tomorrow morning once you have decided whether or not you are able to commit to becoming my Bringer.”
I sigh. “Alright…”
I pause, and when HE doesn’t say anything else, I get up and leave the room with a quick exchange of goodbyes. I make my way upstairs and go sit on the living room couch.
Well. So much for the cheer of the first day of summer break.
I glance at the clock. I’m gonna have a lot to think about for the next eighteen or so hours.
Light. Warmth. My breathing, my heartbeat.
The light fades and reveals my surroundings - an ancient altar at an ancient temple. The sun’s rays shine in from between the pillars holding up the ceiling.
”How do you feel?”
Helix’s voice. I look around, but the fossil is nowhere to be seen.
“What happened?” I ask.
”The ascension. You are a god now.”
A… god?
I look at my hands. Faint flames of golden light snake along my skin. I feel… powerful. And yet not that different in the end.
”That is because you have not yet changed anything,” Helix explains.
“Then… how do I change things? What should I change?”
“That is entirely up to you, Red. You can change anything you want.”
Anything I want…
I could do all sorts of cool things, I suppose, like blowing shit up with my mind or summoning an army of dragons. But I don’t think that’s what I really want. I just want to… feel better.
”Then will it.”
Will it… I guess I’ll try my best.
I want to feel better, I think, and things begin to change.
The sunlight grows brighter. I notice what’s beyond the pillars - a grassy cliff, the sea and the sky. The grass is impossibly green. The sea is impossibly blue with its seafoam impossibly white, and the sky shines impossibly cyan.
Everything’s beautiful. Everything’s warm. Everything’s calm. Every part of my body is at the highest level of comfort it's ever known. I feel like I could melt away.
”You can make it even better.”
Even better than this…? The thought is almost scary, but I have to try it. I want to feel even better, I think.
My body ignites with golden fire. Tendrils of white light emerge from somewhere and coil themselves around me. Somehow, it feels like a human’s touch. A human’s loving touch, on my arms, on my legs, on my chest, on my face, everywhere. That’s what I wanted. That’s what I wanted even if I didn’t know.
I curl my fingers around the tendrils that have slid into my palms. I can remember. I can remember when my mother held my hand. When she smiled at me. When I was small, so small. Before everything…
Darkness. Silence. It’s gone?
Reality. This is reality. I had a dream. It was only a dream. And now it’s gone.
No, no, no, no, I don’t want it to be gone. I wanted to have it for longer. I wanted to have it forever. But now I just have this dark room and this bed.
Tears form in my eyes and I curl up. I stay there until I realize something.
It’s still possible. Godhood is something that’s actually attainable for me. I just have to… right. Now I remember. I needed to kill someone.
I can’t do that, can I? Or… why can’t I? Why can’t I simply do it when it’ll give me eternal happiness? Isn’t that worth killing for? Isn’t that understandable?
No - why does it even matter if it’s understandable? The only one that I have to justify my choices to is myself.
Yeah. An amused huff escaped my lungs. It’s really that easy.
It’s settled, then. Tomorrow, I’ll tell Helix that I’ll kill for him, and I’ll do it gladly.
Oh, right. I mean HELIX.
In the morning, the doubts came back. But… faded. Like memories of thoughts no longer relevant.
I said yes to HELIX. That I would perform the ritual and become HIS Bringer. HE was pleased and assured me that I had made the right choice. Not wasting time, however, HE went on to list everything that I would need to have and need to do.
First, there was the silencer circuit. I had already drawn it, so that was convenient. However, I would also have to draw something called a ‘transportation circle’ in the room and later, when I was to abduct the victim, draw a matching one near the site in order to magically transport her unconscious body to the room. I was skeptical of this working, but HE promised me that I could test it with something inanimate first, which I did, and saw it to function as described.
Then there was the sedative agent. HELIX and I had to research this somewhat, and what HE ended up deciding on was the spores of sleepcap, a mushroom rather aptly named. It was easy to get from a natural remedy shop and would certainly be less suspicious if someone started investigating what I’d purchased than, say, animal tranquilizer. I tested the spore solution on the neighbor’s dog and it certainly worked. After that, I also bought some vials for handy transportation of the solution.
Then there was the sacrificial board, a human-sized upright board that I had to construct using the few skills I’d picked up from woodworking at school and, more usefully, my lord’s instructions. It took some time, but eventually, the board was complete. A board made of long planks secured tightly together by more planks, with leather straps fashioned out of belts to hold down the victim’s ankles, wrists, arms, legs, neck, forehead… it felt like something out of dark medieval fantasy. Kind of cool in its own way, but definitely hammering in the point that this was an evil occult ritual.
Then there was the stalking.
I started my stalking while I was still in the middle of building the board. HELIX would come along to guide me, travelling in my backpack, still making the fossil lighter. HE and I would practice at first, targeting random people who couldn’t be sacrifices. I got spotted a couple of times, but fled the scene without trouble every time… except once, when I’d really picked the wrong guy to tail. But HELIX saved me by making the guy go temporarily blind, allowing me to make my exit.
It made me remember what it was like to fear for my life. I knew I’d be causing that same terror to whoever would become my victim, except that she wouldn’t be able to escape and go home and go on with her life. She’d be gone, though not before I…
Yeah, HELIX also told me that I’d have to really make it hurt. To carve her open slowly. HE said that it was part of the test. That only someone truly strong would be able to hear the muffled cries of a woman in peril and continue on. Also drink her blood and eat her flesh. That was definitely a reveal. But, well, I figured it wasn’t all that strange in the grand scheme of things. Humans were made of meat just like the animals I happily ate, and HELIX promised that HE would make sure I wouldn’t get any diseases.
Anyway… HE and I eventually started looking for actual targets. Making notes on their routines. Following them. All women, attractive, around the age of twenty. Part of me wondered why I wasn’t made to find and abduct a child, as surely killing a child made you even more of a psychopath than killing an adult, but HELIX read my mind and told me that children are under much more supervision and their disappearance raises more alarm in the community. I was happy I didn’t have to kill a kid, but I could sense that HELIX disapproved. I hoped nothing would come of it.
Something that HELIX did approve of, though, was how I… ultimately began enjoying the process, at least to an extent. Whenever I watched the targets leave or enter their homes or walk by or climb onto a bus, I felt like a lion watching his prey. The feeling always came with the knowledge that it was wrong, or something people considered to be wrong, but that just made it better. Breaking the taboo, feeling the thrill, that twist in my gut and the beating in my chest… and the knowledge that it was all for my lord, my great lord, the Lord of Predators.
It felt good. Really, really good.
Eventually, we found her. A suitable target. Her name was Aimi. Nineteen years old, slim, long brunette hair. Worked as a cashier. Had a few friends. HELIX told me that her disappearance would be discovered quickly, but that it was alright since HE had read the minds of everyone that had seen me and determined no one was likely to connect me to the disappearance.
Once I’d learned her routine and chosen the best time to perform the abduction, I got ready. I made sure the transportation circle in the basement was drawn correctly. In my backpack, I placed chalk, a sponge, a rag, a bottle of water and, of course, HELIX. Under the cover of darkness, I left my house and took a bus to Aimi’s neighborhood, then found the bench she would always walk by on her way home from her friend’s place. There was an apartment building near it with a parking lot, and this lot is where I drew the other transportation circle about ten minutes before Aimi would come, HELIX keeping a lookout for me. I made my way to the bench to wait for Aimi, my backpack at my feet and my heart pounding.
When she came, though, there were others on the street. HELIX didn’t even have to inform me. I had to let her pass by. She paid me no mind.
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There was still a small part of me that was relieved.
But the abduction failing only meant that I’d try again next time. And that I did. The street still had people, so it didn’t work out that time either, but I’d seen the street be empty save for Aimi multiple nights before.
Tonight, the third night I’m trying this, is one of those nights.
Aimi emerges, and there’s no one to be seen. HELIX, too, tells me no one’s coming. I open my backpack casually and rummage through a little bit. I’m just a random guy looking for something in his backpack. As Aimi’s steps approach, though, I grab the vial of spore solution and the rag, dousing the latter with the former. I pretend to rummage around some more, my heartbeat quickening, until she’s just past me.
I spring up. Aimi turns around, but that doesn’t matter - I’m faster. I grab the back of her head with one hand and shove the rag onto her face with the other. She struggles, but I struggle harder. In a few more seconds, she grows sluggish, then loses consciousness.
My heart hammering my chest, I place her down on the asphalt, quickly fetch my backpack to put it on and then drag her onto the grass and out of the streetlights. I continue on to the parking lot, checking that no one’s watching, and place her down in the transportation circle, making sure all of her is inside its bounds. I search her pockets and find a mobile phone, which I tuck in my own pocket for the time being before pulling out a piece of chalk to draw the activating line with. Quickly after, I step back and watch.
The lines of the circle begin to glow with white light. After about five seconds, the light expands in a sort of veil creeping along the ground toward the center of the circle, where it engulfs the woman. The light brightens, then flashes. And Aimi is gone.
I let out the breath I’ve been holding in. Gods, Gods, it worked, okay. And there’s still no one watching.
I take out the sponge and the water bottle from my backpack next. Using them, I scrub the chalk off of the sidewalk, leaving behind at least some white smudges. HELIX told me it was important to do this, not just for covering my tracks, but to keep Helixian spells from being discovered by the public. That way, HE and I would retain the upper hand.
I remember the phone in my pocket. Right. I take it out and take out its batteries. I think that’s enough to keep it from being tracked, but just to be safe, I’ll throw it in the next dumpster I see.
”Well done, Red,” HELIX congratulates me. ”Everything transpired just as it should.”
I nod with thankful thoughts and leave the scene. The imminent danger behind me, I can consider what just happened.
I abducted someone. I ambushed them and knocked them out to transport them somewhere else. That’s a crime, and not the kind of ‘boys will be boys’ crime that has left my criminal record clean so far.
And I’m going to do a far worse crime at home.
It feels… exhilarating.
I find Aimi lying motionless on the transportation circle. Good. She didn’t wake up while I was on my way home.
”The transportation appears to have succeeded without distortions,” HELIX says. The fossil that houses HIM is propped up in a makeshift altar, covered by a cloth in preparation for the ritual. “Splendid.”
I nod. HELIX had told me before that sometimes ‘distortions’ could occur while using the transportation circle, distortions that could displace matter. Were this matter a part of a living creature, it could have terrible consequences for their health. While the risk of it was small, the damage was still considerable enough for HELIX to bar me from ever using the transportation circle to transport myself unless it was the only possible way for me to evade capture or death.
”Now, you should undress and wash the offering,” HELIX instructs, though I would have remembered anyway.
“Yes, my lord,” I say with a nod.
I begin to undress Aimi. Shoes, socks, jacket, shirt, jeans, bra, panties. It gets weird towards the end. I don’t think I’ve seen a naked woman in person other than my mom, and I’ve certainly never touched a woman’s underwear. I’m sure the other boys at school would consider this a momentous occasion, but I’m just uncomfortable. I’m gay, alright.
I get another thought and clear my throat. “My lord?”
”Yes?”
“Does the offering need to be…” I wave my hand. “Specifically groomed in any way?”
”It is not required, but I believe it will enhance the ritual for you if you at least dry and brush her hair after you’ve washed her. No makeup, however. Her natural body must not be covered by anything. The same goes for you.”
Right. Yeah. I’m supposed to be buck naked for the whole thing. She’s going to see my dick and balls. That’s another thing I’m uncomfortable with, but I’m just gonna have to suck it up. And, well, I am going to need to kill her. Showing my junk can’t really be harder than that.
Well, better get to it. I undress, then put on a shower cap, a raincoat and a pair of rubber gloves. If I had a mask too, I'd be like a surgeon - only instead of saving lives, I’m taking one. How quaint. I walk up to Aimi and lift her by her knees and back. I carefully make my way to the shower, balancing between strength to hold her up and precision not to trip on anything, and once there, I place Aimi down against the wall under the showerhead. I take the bar of soap, turn on the water and begin washing her.
Minutes pass with no sounds but the rushing of water and the rubbing of soap. My hands gradually clean every part of her even if there are some parts I rather wouldn’t touch. Outside of that, though, there is something nice about this - getting to touch someone, without violent intent, at least at this point. Feeling the softness and warmth of her skin. I wonder if…
I turn off the water momentarily. I grab Aimi and wrap her in my arms, her chest against mine with only the raincoat’s plastic in between.
I can feel breathing. I can feel her heart beating.
I recall that dream from a few days… no, weeks ago. When I felt what it was like to be a god. When I wanted to feel better, I… got something like this.
Is this what I actually want? Is this what I actually need?
Does it matter?
As long as I am who I am - what I am - and the world is the way it is, this is something I’ll never be able to have. No one is going to hold me. No one is going to look into my eyes with a smile on their face and say that they love me.
That’s why things have to change. And the only way they’ll change is through HELIX.
HELIX. The ritual. Fuck. I got distracted.
I turn the water back on and finish cleaning Aimi. I dry her with my mother’s towel until she’s dry enough, then fetch a brush from upstairs to brush her hair with - also my mother’s. I bet she’d be upset by this. But she’d be way more upset about what I’m going to do today, everything I’ve already done leading up to it. She’d think that I was a monster. Even worse than what she thought I was before. She’d be disgusted. She’d -- no, forget it. You’re getting distracted again.
I bring Aimi back to the secret room and fasten her to the sacrificial board. The straps hold her, and their placements match her proportions well. Good. I fetch a white felt cloth from the desk as well as a sock and shove the latter in her mouth. Even if it’s clean, it probably won’t taste good. But having your body carved open also won’t feel good, so it doesn’t matter. I tie the white cloth around her head to keep the sock secure in the mouth. With the silencer circuit, there’s no concern about her screams being heard, but HELIX said that it would be better on my ears if she was gagged. That, and it adds to her helplessness. Though wouldn’t the ritual be a better test of strength if she was able to plead for her life, and I had to just ignore it? I don’t know. I’m not gonna claim I know better than the Lord of Predators.
I sigh. “Is this everything?” I ask.
”Yes. Everything is ready. You must now only wait for the offering to wake up.”
“Mm.” I pause. “I hope I’ll remember all my lines.”
”I am certain that you will, Red. In any case, forgetting lines will not result in rejection. Only failure to kill her will.”
I nod.
“I shall now withdraw,” HE says. ”I shall return to you once you remove the cloth.”
HE is talking about the cloth draped over the fossil. “Yeah, I know.”
”See you soon, Red. I hope to witness a wonderful performance.”
“I won’t disappoint you, my lord,” I say.
HE doesn’t respond. I guess HE left. Alright. I’ll just kill time now, I suppose.
I drag out the chair from the desk and sit down, looking at Aimi on the board.
I wonder what I would say to her if I could talk to her before the ritual.
Is there anything to be said? ‘Hi, my name is Red, and I’ll be torturing, killing and eating you today. Please don’t piss or shit yourself. That’d really kill the mood.’ Yeah, no. Maybe I’d ramble about HELIX, how great HE is, how she should consider it an honor that she’s going to be sacrificed for HIS glory tonight. That seems appealing. I think I’ve always felt my best whenever I’m serving HIM these past few weeks… or months. I don’t know. I don’t recall the moment I truly became a Helixian.
I’ve certainly changed ever since I met HELIX. It’s almost sickening to think of how weak and ignorant I was at the beginning. But now I’m stronger, both physically and mentally. And I understand the proper amount of respect to show HELIX. I only thought of HIM as a curiosity in the beginning, then a friend. But HE is a god. I can never be HIS equal, even once I become a god myself. HE will always be the one who mentored me, who molded me into a higher, further evolved being.
Gods, I can’t wait to prove to HIM how far I’ve come.
Aimi begins to stir. My pulse quickens and I freeze.
"Mh…" she goes, frowning. I can see the muscles of her limbs tense as she tries to reposition herself, but the straps are too tight to allow for motion. Her frown deepening, she slowly opens her eyes. She looks at me, then her restraints, then at me again.
“Mm-mmhhh!”
This is it. She’s awake. There’s nothing left to be done before the ritual. Except, well…
I pry myself out of the paralysis I’ve found myself in and get off my chair. I drag the chair back to the desk, out of Aimi’s sight, and take off my raincoat, shower cap and gloves. I’m fully nude now, though she probably already saw my junk to an extent through the raincoat’s translucent fabric. But the conclusion I came to before is the same: it does not matter. And a wolf shouldn’t be bashful, anyway.
I take a deep breath, grab the ritual knife - a fine belt knife I bought with HELIX’s guidance and return to Aimi. I feel uncomfortable looking at her, but I’m gonna have to get over that when the ritual actually begins. I get the feeling having HELIX by my side will strengthen my confidence, anyway.
“Mfh! Mmfhh!” Aimi tries, but the sock in her mouth makes it impossible for me to tell what she’s trying to say, if she’s even trying to say anything. I clench the knife in my hand tighter and walk over to the altar. With my other hand, I reach for the cloth covering my lord’s fossil and notice I’m shaking. Fuck… but then again, HE assured me that the only thing that really mattered was whether I managed to perform the sacrifice or not. So it’s fine, right? Yeah, I’m sure it’s fine.
I remove the cloth. HIS presence fills the air. I haven’t felt it like this before… but I suppose HE must be making it apparent for me so that I know everything’s proceeding as it should.
I place down the cloth, step back and recall the words of the ritual before speaking them.
“Welcomed be YOU, Lord of Predators.”
Fuck. I think I got the words right, but the first rah came out wrong. Still, it’s fine…
"I offer to YOU the bounty of my hunt."
A whimper from Aimi distracts me for a moment… but I ignore it. I have to keep going. I’ve made it this far.
“In YOUR name shall I consume her flesh and blood.”
Flesh and blood. Yeah. I’m going to eat her flesh and drink her blood.
“May YOU find pleasure in this feast.”
And that’s it. Those are the words. I think I got them all right even if I didn’t pronounce everything perfectly.
Next up is the… real test.
I turn to Aimi. Her eyes are as wide as can be. She’s terrified. Anyone would be in this situation - waking up strapped to some kind of torture board while some naked guy holding a knife is talking in a language you’ve never heard before.
Part of me briefly wishes I could explain myself. Justify myself. But that’s weakness. A predator doesn’t need to justify himself to his prey.
I step closer. Close enough for her to be within the reach of my knife. She tries shaking her head, but her forehead strap prevents it. She’s pleading. She’s begging. But it doesn’t matter. Nothing she does matters. What matters is what I’m about to do. I’m about to take this knife in my hand and slice her belly open with it.
I’m about to. I’m about to.
How long can I be ‘about to’ do something?
Not this long. This is too long. I’m not doing it. I can’t do it. I can’t even clearly think of why - all the thoughts that have told me to back down ever since HELIX brought this up are rushing through my mind at once, resulting in a blur. A ball of haze. But that haze is impenetrable.
Fuck. Fuck! I hate you! I hate you, Aimi, you stupid bitch! You’re costing me my future, my immortality, my godhood! Fuck!
“Red.”
Oh Gods. It’s HIM. HE is seeing this. HE is seeing me fail.
”Why have you stopped?”
I… I… I don’t know! I don’t know, my lord, I’m sorry! I just -- there’s just something! Something prevents me from doing it!
”That is your weakness, Red. Your lingering weakness. But you cannot simply surrender to it. You must destroy it.”
HE makes it sound so easy. And it should be. I should just lift the knife and stab her. I know I’m physically capable of it. But the thought of doing that feels… so dangerous. Like I’m about to touch fire. Like I’m standing on the edge of a chasm, and I’m supposed to jump.
If I do what HELIX is telling me to do, there’s no return. Nothing I ever do will make things go back to what they were. Aimi will be dead. Nothing will bring her back. Nothing will un-make me a murderer.
What if it’ll eat at me? What if I’ll feel guilt - real, proper guilt - for the rest of my life? My lord would surely reject me for being so weak, too. And then I’ll have killed Aimi for nothing, nothing at all.
”This is foolish.”
I’m sorry, I’m sorry --
”I do not want apologies. I want you to carve her open.”
I look back at Aimi. I think she can see my hesitation. Her look has become a tiny bit curious in the middle of all the fear. Then she… she stares at me… in some kind of way. Some kind of way that’s saying… ‘do the right thing.’
She’s desperate, of course, but the straw she’s grasping at really exists.
Would she forgive me if I let her go?
”She would not. She would run to a neighboring house, she would beg them to let her make a call, she would call the police. And then you would be imprisoned.”
Fuck… that’s true. She’d probably do that. And then I’d be in jail for the rest of my life, the thing I’ve been trying to avoid this whole time…
”You must do this, Red. It is her life or yours.”
But if I were to feel guilt… YOU would reject me, wouldn’t YOU?
”It is pointless to dwell on that.”
YOU would. YOU would leave me. YOU wouldn’t… YOU wouldn’t accept me. YOU…
You don’t really care about me.
”That is not true.”
I’m only a pawn. A slave.
”Red.”
I’m just a tool for you to bring back your kingdom. You don’t really…
“Red.”
I freeze.
I turn around.
Kohath is there.
The tall, muscular, bronze-skinned man. The yellow-eyed, bearded man. The king of the Helixians.
His face is unreadable. What is he thinking? Is he disappointed, too?
"Red…" he begins. But there's another voice behind his words. That of Helix.
Right, of course. I never knew Kohath. I only ever knew Helix's recreation. I only ever spoke to Helix with a costume on. But what is Helix trying to tell me with this?
"I am a primordial being," he says. "I was not born of this material reality. I was merely thrust into it, forced to create vessels for my soul to make sense of it."
Yeah, I know that.
"The being I am now is a product of millions of years of trial and error. Most of this time I spent as creatures of the sea. Asocial creatures. Creatures with no need for the concept of… friendship."
Yeah?
"When I grew more intelligent and learned the ways of humans and other social species, I understood the evolutionary advantage of friendship, but… I could never feel it myself, Red. I learned to foster these relationships, yes, but I never truly experienced the bond."
So… I was right. You don't care about me.
"Not quite."
Huh?
"It is true that I cannot feel precisely that which you desire of me," he continues, "but I am still able to care about you." He smiles. "You are my pupil, Red. I wish for you to succeed."
But… if I fail…
"If you were to fail," he says, "I would still care about you. I would still want you to be content."
Wouldn't you just want me to bring you back to the cave? Why would you care about me after that? What would you even do for me?
"You asked me if I would reject you in the case you were to perform the sacrifice and be riddled with guilt," he says. "I would reject you, yes, as the Bringer, but I would not leave you to fend with your guilt alone. I would wipe your memory of the whole sacrifice."
Wipe my… memory?
"Yes," he says, smiling again. "No memories, no guilt. It will be as if it never happened."
I look over my shoulder at Aimi. She's been watching quietly, confused.
"She does not matter. She is no one. She is a missing person's report at best. To you, she is a complete stranger. A victim of a dangerous world."
That's…
I swallow. "I really wouldn't… remember anything?"
He shakes his head slowly. "Nothing at all."
"So I'd only… have to bear the guilt for…"
"Yes. Only for as long as it took you to return me and all my artifacts to the cave. After that, you would be free."
Free.
"But you would still be living in a world that has no place for you," he continues. "You would still wither and die."
Right. Yeah.
"So, would it not be most sensible to at least attempt to avoid this fate?"
Avoid that fate… by becoming the Bringer. Becoming a god.
I want that. I want that to happen.
"Then make it happen," he says -- HE says.
HE places a hand on my back and guides me to turn around to face Aimi. She's still in distress. But it doesn't… feel like it matters. It feels like she really is no one at all.
I feel HIS hand grab mine - the one with the knife. HIS touch is warm, but warmer yet is HIS breath as HE leans into my ear.
"It is easy," HE murmurs. "Just raise the blade…" HE guides my hand to raise the blade up to Aimi's belly. Aimi whimpers. But she is no one.
"...and cut," he says, letting go.
Something in me surges. A desire to do as HE commands. A desire to make HIM proud. A desire to surpass my limits.
I find a grin on my face. I can do this. I can actually do this. This is easy. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it now!
I grip the handle of the knife tight and press it forward and down. Aimi's flesh splits, and she screams.
Oh Gods. Oh Gods. What am I doing? What am I doing? I'm killing her. Killing her! I'm doing the worst thing a person can --
The picture changes.
Blood crawls out of the wound. Droplets forming, submitting to gravity, sliding down. Colors of sunrise in their trail. Silent while the woman cries.
It's so vibrant. It's like the green of the grass in that dream, the blue of the sky. But it's red. Shiny. Glowing.
I want it.
More. More. I need more…
I squeeze it. There’s not much. There’s very little. It’s run out. I wish there were more, like there was at the start, there was so much, but now it’s empty -- I bite, but there’s still so little, dammit, I need more!
I rip at it with my teeth, but the taste is barely there. No, this is scraps. I throw it away. It splats down somewhere, empty, meaty. But it’s too stringy to eat. But I don’t want it now, now I want blood, more blood. Her body has to have it.
I lunge at the woman. There’s a pool of reddish fluid inside her torso. I almost dig in, but remember to sniff. Oh, ugh, that’s not good. This blood isn’t pure. It smells bad, it must taste bad. But there’s a lot of it. Why did it have to mix with the bad fluid? It's ruined…
Where to go for more blood? I lick the edges of her wounds while I decide. It's good… but I want more. And faster. But I drank it all from the heart. That’s the blood organ. There was a lot of blood. Where else is blood? I want to think, but my mind is so hazy…
“Red.”
That… who…
Oh, Kohath. Or… HELIX. My lord. Yes, my lord is here. Oh, no, I'm being disrespectful. I'll show HIM how much I respect HIM.
I turn around, get on my hands and knees and bow.
"Thank you," HE says. "But I only wish to congratulate you for passing the test."
The test? The… test…
…right. I needed to kill someone… and…
I raise my head and look at HIS face, then turn around and look at what I'd been eating from.
A woman's body, torn and leaking blood, hangs against a board of wood. Messy brown hair falls upon her frozen face. Her abdominal cavity has been opened with rough cuts, displaying her organs. Some of the organs seem to be missing, and I suddenly recall the way they felt in my hand. How I tugged at them, how HE told me HE would help, and they came free, like a ripe fruit from a tree. How one of them throbbed in my grasp before I removed it. How I tore at it with my teeth, how stringy it was, how HE helped again… how much blood there was inside.
I look back at the organ I'd been eating before. A ripped up heart.
I tore out her heart…
…and it felt wonderful. It felt right. I don't know if anything I've done has felt as right as that.
"There has always been something inside you."
I look at HIM.
"Something that the people around you have suppressed."
Something…
"But I saw it. I awakened that seed from its dormancy, allowed it to gestate. And now… it has finally been born."
Born.
"Welcome to the world, little beast."
Beast. That's… that's what I am. A beast. A predator. A wolf. A Helixian - a real one.
And, most of all…
"MY Bringer," HE says, grinning.
A grin finds its way onto my face as well, and I laugh.
When it was time to clean everything up, I felt sad about getting rid of Aimi's body. I'd worked hard - with the priceless help of my lord, of course - to catch her. I wanted to preserve at least something.
My lord, fortunately, considered that acceptable. In fact, HE thought that it would be encouraging for me to keep a… trophy. I had to pause when HE said that as I realized what I'd done was serial killer shit.
But I really only thought it was cool.
For the trophy, I decided to take her tongue. I would have liked to take her heart, as it was my favorite part of the human body, but I didn't want to keep a torn up mess. Her tongue felt like the best second choice when I considered how the tongue allows humans to speak, to really have a voice. It was a metaphor for her agency, her self, her soul. The next most intimate thing after the heart.
I found a jar to put it in, but I didn't have any liquid to preserve it in. My lord promised to keep it from decaying before I could get my hands on something suitable, though. I hope I can figure it out soon. I don't want to be a bother to HIM.
After removing the tongue, my lord guided me as I chopped the body up for easier transport. More blood left the corpse, and I had to keep myself from getting distracted by it. I did get the job done eventually, but man, I really wanted to just lick that all up. And that was pretty odd. I'd tasted my own blood out of curiosity when I'd been younger and found its taste unpleasant, but now, it tasted amazing. I asked my lord what was up with that, and HE said that it was a gift from HIM to me. I was very thankful.
I gathered the chopped up body into some garbage bags and, again assisted by my lord, brought them to a clearing in the woods where I drew a Helixian disintegration circle to get rid of it. And I mean all of it. It was pretty impressive - no trace of it remained. Like it had never happened. But it did. And I would work to remember as much of it as I could for the rest of my life, which I now knew would be eternal.
I got back home about an hour ago. My lord dismissed me and told me to get some rest. I've been lying on the living room couch since. The TV is off. I'm comfortable just replaying the day's events in my head.
It seems silly now that I ever stopped to doubt my lord, or that I might have been doing something wrong. As I lie here now, I know with absolute certainty that I made the right decision.
I know something else, too.
I know that I have to do this again.
THE END
Whelp! Thank you so much for reading until the end and being patient with me. As discussed before, this series will now enter a hiatus that will last as long as it takes for me to write the sequel to the main story and polish it until it's suitable to post with minimal edits. This will likely take a long time, but rest assured that the end result will have been written with utmost care and love.
The Bringer, which will conclude Red's story once it's out.
