"Can I just crawl out of my fucking skin now," Severus groaned with a shudder, dark eyes round with horror as he scanned the fifth Snape/Granger fanfic.

  "Severus! Language," Albus snapped.

  "Are you quite certain that we aren't dead and in hell," Bellatrix Lestrange asked as she stared at the final page of a screen play called Cursed Child.

  "Almost...well nearly," Albus replied. "Rita Skeeter is at times a convincing writer, but her death scenes are quite bad."

  "Yes, I never bought any of them," Regulus Black, who had made them aware of these fanfiction things, said. Regulus had lived hiding among the Muggles for several years, so he was, in many of their not-so-humble opinions, far too aware of all things Muggle.

  "Oh great gods, here's one that says we were once friends, Mr. Grindelwald," Albus said, an expression of polite horror frozen on his face.

  Gellert Grindelwald, sitting two computers down snorted. "You should see the one I had to skip where we were quite a bit more than that." Albus choked and Grindelwald's smile grew, for this verbal duel he'd just won.

  Seven wizards, that most believed to be dead, sat in a large Muggle library in London where there were enough public computers for all of them if they were polite and took turns. Powerful wizards were far more difficult to kill than reports would have it.

  "That's such a good Bellatrix cosplay!" The girl who'd just spoken stood behind Bellatrix's chair, a look of wide-eyed admiration on her face, her purple hair standing in spikes. The black leather jacket she wore had spikes too.

  Bellatrix blinked. "Who are you?"

  The girl laughed, clapping. "So good! I mean your face is far thinner than the actress in the movie, but the hair and dress are right!" She glanced to the two chairs that flanked Bellatrix's own and the men seated on them. "Who are you playing as," she asked a little doubtfully.

  "Um... No one," Rabastan said, carefully confused.

  "Her husband," Rodolphus glared, putting a heavy arm around Bellatrix's slender shoulders.

  The girl seemed to be annoying Bella and he wanted to be supportive.

  The girl's doubtful expression grew. "Voldemort," she asked incredulously. "Oh are you like supposed to be him before he started looking all snakey?"

  Bellatrix groaned, gesturing at the computer screen before her. "You've obviously read that cursed child rubbish! It wasn't like that! One should not confuse utter worship with sexuality. It's stupid and low class."

  "And they're no longer following Voldemort," Albus Dumbledore spoke up. "They are attempting to reform and supportive people are always helpful."

  "Oh, Dumbledore," the girl squealed, turning away from the Lestranges as if they'd never been there so that she might fawn over a bemused Albus.

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  Severus was beginning to slide down into his chair in hopes that the girl wouldn't notice him, but the movement must have gotten her attention for she zeroed in on him next.

  "Professor Snape," she squealed. "I mean not as hot as the actor, but I knew who you are playing. I think it's so nice how you redeemed yourself by loving Harry's Mum."

  "Didn't really know her," Severus muttered. "Why the hell would anyone that would like James Potter like me as well? It's ridiculous! The girl only spoke to me once in her life in our fifth year when she pretended to defend me to annoy James while they played their cat and mouse game. Until that rubbish fanfiction thing, I'd even forgotten her Mudblood name."

  The girl blinked, looking at him as though he'd quite lost his mind. "Um, it's not a fanfiction. It's a movie."

  Severus shot Regulus, who was supposed to be an authority on such things, a confused look, but Black only shrugged thin shoulders and shook his head.

  "Who is the pretty blonde," Spikes asked, peering at Grindelwald, who was regarding her openly as though she were an alien from three planets down.

  "He's Grindelwald," Bellatrix said.

  "Oh no," The girl with the spikes said regretfully. "He got it all wrong." Turning to Gellert she gave him a kind smile. "Sorry, but you look nothing like Mr. Depp. You really need to change your hair. Like cut it off and..."

  Gellert Grindelwald shuddered, holding up a hand to silence her. "No thank you."

  She shrugged. "Have it your way, but no one will know who you're supposed to be."

  Grindelwald gave a tight smile. "That is perfectly fine."

  The girl drifted away, leaving them to their reading of the fanfiction sites on the Muggle Internet.

  "Why do they put people into couples that don't even like one another," Grindelwald complained. "For example, Blaise Zabini would never shag Granger. He believes too strongly in purebblood values, and they don't even speak. And Pansy...she's too ugly."

  "Why must you be so unkind, Mr. Grindelwald," Albus demanded with a frown.

  Gellert shrugged. "You call it unkind, I call it honest. You call it kind, I call it fake." He chuckled. "So you see, we'd never work as a couple."

  "That's...quite fine with me," Albus said, struggling not to choke on his raw horror.

  "To be fair, everyone in the wizarding world has shagged Granger in these fic things," Regulus said with a shudder. "Even those of us with pureblood values have apparently left them behind just for her for some reason which is never quite explained."

  Regulus glanced over at Grindelwald with an amused smile. "And we all know why you're touchy concerning what you read of Mr. Zabini."

  Grindelwald shrugged. "I merely understand what it is like to have one's character ruined by fiction."

  "Considering your crimes, I doubt fiction could do much harm," Albus Dumbledore muttered not quite under his breath.

  Gellert shot him a haughty look, but opted to ignore him in favor of the fiction he was reading about Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort getting it on for some reason. The thing was rather well written and very funny, considering Voldemort quite likely hadn't had a sexual bone in his body.

  It was then that Severus Snape let out a blood curdling howl. "Someone actually has me shagging Potter!"

  "Which Potter," Rabastan Lestrange asked with a smirk.

  Severus shot him a withering glare.

  "Actually I did see a few fics where you were with all three of them," Regulus told Snape apologetically.

  "At the same time," Albus gasped.

  Severus choked. "This is not funny!"

  Rabastan chuckled. "Yeah, it kinda is."

  Ignoring Rabastan, Severus turned to Regulus with a malicious glint in his dark eyes. "Well as it happens, I've read a few paragraphs of a fic that has you actually making up with your bloody brother just because you realize that Voldemort was evil."

  Bellatrix let out a strangled scream of horror as Regulus's jaw dropped.

  "But why? I mean he's still a git. What's not following Voldemort anymore got to do with that?"

  Severus shrugged. "Don't ask for logic."

  "Hey," Rabastan crowed suddenly. "What if we write one! We could all pitch in! Let's give Potter a harem! That would be epic!"