Note: All measurements of time, mass, and distance have been transted into a more easily readable format for your convenience. (Also known as I don't want to have to come up with whole new names for months, weekdays, miles, pounds etc. and the story likely wouldn't profit any from the extra confusion either.)

  May 25th, 1527 M.A. (Marstollian Age) (Approximately two years before Safara first meets Fenrir)

  Well, today has been an experience. I hardly know where to start. The scouts finally found the goblin den that's been terrorizing this area yesterday, and we assaulted it at sunrise. The early stages of the assault proceeded as usual. Predictably, once they realized they were under attack all their fighters boiled up hungry for a fight, so it was a simple matter to lure them out into the open and then mop them up. Honestly, if they just made us come to them, they might have been able to inflict some casualties in the close quarters of their warren, but I guess it's a good thing they're so stupid, since it means we only need a small company to deal with even a rge den.

  After the initial fight was over, we entered the den itself to deal with the remnants, all the ones who were too cowardly to fight, and the females and half-grown spawn. I still feel bad about having to kill the tiny ones, even as hideous as they look, but Cillian is right. They're like an infection. If we don't cut them out entirely, they'll just spread again and cause more destruction and pain. As is protocol, once we subdued the main cavern, we split into squads for the smaller warrens which you can always find branching off the main chamber.

  Things went about as usual until we found one of their breeding chambers. Ugh, it still makes me shudder to think about it. They had captured several of the women from the nearby settlement, and from the looks of things, they hadn't stopped raping them ever since. All of them were heavily pregnant with the little monsters, and were ...leaking their... ugh, their ...essence, from every orifice. The worst part, though, was their faces. They actually looked happy. Content, and satisfied. There's no way anyone could enjoy that, right? ...Right?

  June 16th, 1527 M.A.

  We're only about a day from port, or so the captain tells me. I have to admit, I'm excited to see Ellevandra again. It's only been about four years, but I'll be gd to sleep in my own bed again.

  But I'm not sure how I'm going to look my mother in the eyes after what I did st night. I... masturbated again. I couldn't help it. I can't get that goblin den out of my mind. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help but wonder how it would feel to be in one of those women's pces. They just looked so... happy. Did it really feel that good? Goddess help me, I should be sickened and repulsed, but there was just something about their faces. Maybe once I'm back among my books I'll be able to forget about it. I hope.

  June 23rd, 1529 M.A.

  I finally met the captain of the company today. I can't help but feel he's been avoiding me, considering we've already been on the trail for three days. I get it, I don't really want to be here either, but there's no need to be rude. If it really is succubi we're tracking, it might very well prove wise to have a mage along, regardless of how useless he thinks I am now.

  He does kind of make me uncomfortable, though. There's something about the way he talks about our objective. It's like he's excited to get a chance to kill something. It's probably just my imagination, but something about him is unnerving to me. I don't think I mind if he avoids me.

  July 21st, 1529 M.A. (The morning after Safara first meets Fenrir, before the funeral)

  I'm in so much trouble. The day before yesterday we cornered the succubi in an old abandoned castle near the top of the pass, and then yesterday morning we began the assault. But just as we had them all rounded up in the great hall, this gigantic bck wolf-like monster appeared out of nowhere and attacked me. He was so fast. I couldn't hit him, even with my fastest ice shards. He knocked me out, and while I was unconscious he sughtered the entire rest of the company, and he didn't take so much as a scratch while doing it.

  When I woke up he made me heal the succubi. He's strange. Terrifying, but almost handsome in a way. He has this commanding presence that seems to fill the room, and when he looked right at me it felt like he was looking into my soul. His eyes are unlike anything I've ever seen. When I watch him, I can't help but feel as though he could go toe to toe with a Saintess, and win. That's utter nonsense, the Saintesses are practically invincible, but I can't shake the feeling that he could be the next Demon King if he wanted to.

  He gave me food to eat st night, and I think he held me in his arms throughout the night. Then when I woke up, he mocked me and pretended as though he were only holding me so I wouldn't freeze. I know he had some other reason. Monsters don't just do kind things for others for no reason.

  I don't understand it. I can only think of one reason he'd leave me alive, but it's already been almost a full day. What's he waiting for? I know he does that sort of thing, he did it to several of the succubi st night. It's not as if I could stop him, he could probably kill me with both hands tied behind his back, and I know he finds me attractive. Does he think I'll break and beg him for it? Does he know I gave in to my urges yesterday evening? I don't know how he could, but he knew my name somehow earlier, and there shouldn't have been any way for him to figure that out.

  This is maddening! Just do it, and get it over with, you big stupid monster! With those enthralling eyes, and that beautiful bck fur, and those muscles, and that deep strong voice...

  No! No, I can't fall to his wiles. I am a high elf. I am stronger than this!

  ...It did feel good to be held by him though...

  July 31st, 1529 M.A. I think. I'm not entirely certain what day it is.

  We leave for the capital tomorrow morning. The me of a week and a half ago would be overjoyed. This would have been the perfect opportunity to escape. He has to know that, but he doesn't seem to care. It's as if he knows that I don't really want to leave anymore. And it's true, I don't. This past week should have been the worst experience of my life, but somehow it's been one of the best.

  It certainly hasn't all been good; the succubi hate me, and I can't bme them after what I've done, but Fenrir doesn't seem to hold my past against me, even if he should. He threatened to hurt me at first, but now I sort of wonder if he really would have. He's always kind to us, even me. And when he puts his arm around me, I can't help but feel as if everything's going to be okay, like he can just take all my problems away.

  But then sometimes I remember his face when I first woke up after my fight with him, and even still it terrifies me. It's a sobering reminder that as kind as he is, he is still the one who killed an entire Vigil company, who by himself went toe to toe with two full grown yeti and won. He is dangerous, beyond anything I've ever seen before. I'm convinced that even the Saintesses would have trouble with him.

  But even despite that, I'm not going to try to escape. I don't believe he is really evil, and I'm not sure it would matter if he were. I owe him too much to betray him now.

  No, if I'm honest with myself, it's that I can't bear the thought of leaving him. I guess that means I've fallen to the dark side, and everyone back home would wash their hands of me if they knew. But if that's the price I have to pay, I guess that's okay.

  It's really messed up that I'm more okay with earning the disapproval of everyone I know than I am with disappointing him. I really am a disgrace of an elf.

  TheBestofSome