“Onwards… *hic* Baldwin!” Lou shouted from the back of his cart where he lay, his world both spinning and rocking at the same time as he watched the stars disappear before him and be replaced with a thick canopy of tree limbs.

  “Ah, I didn’t know your pony’s name,” Benny called back with a smile. “It’s a good name for him.”

  “Thass true…‘Liver… named him for me.”

  “Liver?” Benny frowned as he reached the darkened slope that led to Lou’s house.

  He didn’t trust his eyes enough to navigate the cart and pony down in the dark.

  “Yeah… Ol-iver… Kelly man.”

  Hesitating once he registered who the monk was talking about, Benny looked at the back of the speckled pony who waited patiently for his driver to make up his mind.

  “Oliver named him, did he?” Benny’s eyes drifted down idly, a small smile softening his face. “The two of you really have gotten close,” he voiced aloud softly.

  “I don’t know about close!”

  Benny jumped as Lou’s loud voice blustered near his ear.

  The monk was starting to clumsily climb over the back of the cart to sit beside him.

  “He didn’t even tell me he was leavin’! An now… an’ now Maureen Kelly wants me to marry him!”

  Benny’s head snapped around as he stared in open shock at the monk. “Wait… Oliver told his mother about his preferences? And… aren’t you a monk? Monks can’t get married.”

  Lou swayed in his seat, confused about Benny’s reaction. “What do you mean…? Monk’s marry people all the time!”

  Benny opened and closed his mouth, utterly flummoxed. “No… I… I am almost certain that monks don’t marry.”

  “Then who would? The priests? There are too many weddings in the whole world!” Lou declared while drunkenly sweeping his arm around himself.

  Scratching his head, his mind a flurry of chaos, Benny licked his lips then angled his body to face Lou more directly.

  “Brother Lou… did Maureen Kelly really say you and Oliver should get married?”

  The monk jolted. “What?! Oliver an’ I getting married?!” He then hiccuped so aggressively that he fell off the driver’s bench onto the ground.

  “Oh gods… Brother Lou, are you alright?” Benny hastily leapt down from the cart and rounded the pony.

  “Yeah… S’fine. Really, oh. Blood. Is fine.”

  “You’re bleeding?!”

  Lou managed to get himself back onto his feet, then promptly fell over again.

  Caught between wanting to laugh and being concerned, Benny bent over to try and see in the dark forest foliage where the drunken monk had fallen.

  “Brother Lou? Are you able to get up on your own? I can’t exactly see where you… ah!” A stone on the ground had caught Benny off guard when he tried to inch closer to see better, and found himself tumbling down to the earth, half landing on the monk.

  “Oof,” Brother Lou wheezed.

  “Sorry!” Benny did his best to try and stand back up, but he himself wasn’t entirely sober, and so he ended up hitting Lou a few extra times.

  “S’alright! Accidents happen!” the monk crowed back good naturedly.

  When the two had finally righted themselves into sitting positions, Benny glanced at Lou in the corner of his eye in the dark and let out a quiet laugh. “Gods, Brother Lou, you really can’t hold your ale.”

  Lou started laughing, then he laughed a lot harder. “I used to! Back before comin’ a monk… I could drink like this almos’ every night!”

  Giving another laugh of disbelief Benny shook his head. “I find that hard to believe.”

  “Is’ true! Liam got me into drinkin’, then even after he was gon’ I kept goin’ to the pub.”

  “Who’s Liam?” Benny mused conversationally as he clasped his wrist over his bent knees. Now that they had settled on the ground, he didn’t see an imminent need to move… Though he still wasn’t sure where Lou was bleeding… Ah well. The monk didn’t seem all that bothered.

  “Liam… he was… Nevermind.” Lou sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Oliver left an’ didn’t say anythin’ before going.”

  Benny stiffened then glanced at the monk, his unreadable expression hidden in the dark.

  “Just how often were you seeing Oliver?”

  “Every day!”

  Benny sat up straighter, his eyebrows rising. “Gods… I didn’t know he liked you that much…”

  “He likes to annoy me,” Lou grumbled irritably. “It’ss probably why he didn’t say anything before he left. He’ll probably laugh ‘cause I’m bein’ so unreasonable.”

  Benny didn’t respond at first, instead he took a minute of quiet to process the monk’s words, his feelings still well hidden.

  “Should we take you home now, Brother?”

  “Mhm,” the monk managed to sound before a yawn from him crested the quiet.

  Getting back up onto his feet, Benny offered the monk his hand and hoisted him up, only there was a sticky, slimy feeling in Lou’s hand…

  Looking down at his palm, despite it being dark, Benny could still see that his hand was completely covered in blood.

  “W-What? Brother Lou y-you should’ve said if you… if you were… hurt this bad…” Benny swallowed with difficulty, he was feeling incredibly woozy.

  “Huh? Ah… right, forgot about this. Sorry, feel free to wash your hands at-” Lou didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence before Benny crumpled to the ground in a dead faint.

  *

  The smell of toasting bread and bacon… Being completely warm… The quiet…

  Benny didn’t want to open his eyes.

  He hadn’t had a peaceful morning since his father was alive.

  Then, moments from the night before gradually began to nudge themselves into his consciousness.

  Lou farting in the pub, everyone laughing… The drunken soldier that had at first caused a scene finally acquiescing to leaving after he finished howling. The monk drowning his embarrassment in ale… Driving him home… the blood.

  Benny’s eyes snapped open.

  He found himself slumped in an old armchair that smelled damp and musty, his feet freed of their boots, were propped up on an old ottoman, and he was covered with a wool blanket before an empty stone hearth.

  The sounds of someone tending to a pan of sizzling bacon encouraged Benny to gradually straighten, and turn to look back. He then found himself staring into the monk’s kitchen where he stood wearing a shirt and trousers while preparing breakfast.

  Benny hadn’t ever seen him without his robe on, and he found himself be surprised by how ordinary Lou looked.

  Standing, Benny set to folding the worn, rose colored blanket, noting a small hole near one of its corners as he did so.

  Making his way over to the kitchen space, Benny cleared his throat politely.

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  “Morning, Brother Lou.”

  The monk glanced over his shoulder with a smile. “Morning, Benny! I hope you slept well. Sorry about the bloody hand last night. I washed it off for you the best I could.”

  Bobbing his head in thanks, Benny smiled. “I appreciate that. I’m sorry for inconveniencing you, Brother. I had meant to help you get home safely.”

  Lou gave him a sheepish glance. “I’m the one who should be apologizing. I… Yesterday at the tavern, I was not myself.”

  Benny gave a small laugh while sidling up to the cooking table where two plates were already set out, and a fresh pot of tea sat atop a towel in a brown clay pot.

  “It’s alright, Brother Lou. Though you may want to see the town doctor about your digestive issues.”

  The monk suddenly looked as though he wanted to make his way out of his front door and cast himself into the river at the reminder of his impressive, and unfortunate, impromptu flatulence.

  “I will… keep that in mind. Anyway, what are your plans for today?”

  Ah, I’ll have to go home soon, move the sheep to the south field, then probably check on my mother. What about yourself? Are you working on your sermon for tomorrow?”

  Lou nodded idly to himself. “Yes. I’m thinking of making it about Tivera.”

  “The god of performers?” Benny asked in surprise while Lou set to doling out their breakfasts.

  “Yes. He is one of the gods with a difficult background to decipher. It’s been a point of debate ever since he ascended to godhood.”

  “He is one of the only gods to have once been human, right?” Benny clarified while accepting the plate the monk offered him.

  “That’s right. Back in the twelve year war between Berra and Reckish, he was the one that the people worshiped for ending the conflict. However it is said he also angered the two gods as their priests turned their backs on both Berra and Reckish, and subsequently were exiled from the temple as a result.”

  Benny listened interestedly as the two men made their way to the table.

  “Most of the holy texts suggest he had fallen into madness during the war, but some believe Zeviras had brought light into his mind as a way to help mediate the end of the war.”

  “What do you think, Brother Lou?”

  The monk took in a deep breath that he let out while stepping over the bench to the table and seating himself down. “I think… that Tivera is juvenile, and petty.”

  Benny burst out laughing. “Isn’t speaking ill of any of the gods a crime as a member of the temple?”

  “It isn’t a crime if it’s the truth,” Lou grumbled irritably, then abruptly froze.

  Truth…

  Humor…

  His eyes grew lost in thought.

  “What is it?” Benny queried while plucking up his buttered toast and taking a delightful, crunchy bite. The floury deliciousness was comforting and rejuvenating all at once.

  “Tivera… Part of what made him so dangerous despite his outlandish performances, was that his jests had an underlying message of truth. Humor was a means of gentling its harshness, yet it is also a powerful form of persuasion. Take last night for instance, Henry Gordon didn’t agree to leaving the tavern until after my… er… outburst.”

  Benny choked a little on his food as he averted his gaze and thumped his chest a few times for good measure.

  “I guess as ridiculous as the god is, he really is just trying to make all of us better, and maybe have a laugh or two along the way,” Lou concluded, his stare still distant.

  Benny smiled at the monk. “It sounds like it’ll be a great sermon tomorrow.”

  Snapping out of his reverie, Lou smiled back at his guest. “I hope so. I’d hate for Franny Kelly to be displeased.”

  Succumbing to his laughter, Benny found that he soon was battling against a piece of bacon coming out of his nose.

  As the two men continued their conversation over their breakfast, the first pattering drops of rain could be heard against the windows of the monk’s home, though it went unnoticed for another half hour as the two enjoyed each other’s company.

  Lou was even able to forget about the fact that he was in the midst of a trial for a while… though that did not last long.

  *

  Lou blinked at Tivera.

  The god stood with his arms crossed, his face turned away, and his nose pointed haughtily into the air.

  “Hello Tivera… Did I figure out the purpose of your second trial? That humor helps deliver truth?”

  The god turned around, putting his back to the monk like a dog who had just been told that he wasn’t permitted to eat the gristle off the roast.

  “Is that a yes…?” Lou slowly approached Tivera while peering around his empty chapel.

  It was still a strange and almost eerie sensation to peer around his chapel and have it look identical… as though he were truly there, and yet it also be untouchable for a mere mortal.

  “You ruined the third trial I had planned by figuring that bit out! And to make it worse, you failed the second one!” Tivera burst out exasperatedly as he threw his arms in the air. “I’ve never met a more irritating priest!”

  “I’m irritating?! You have a lot of bells to be able to say that to– wait, did you say I failed the second trial?”

  “Yes! So now I have to lock up one of your powers again, and let me tell you– it’s a lot harder to unlock them the second time around!”

  Lou’s jaw dropped.

  When he didn’t make any kind of response to the god’s words, Tivera couldn’t help himself, he peeked over his shoulder, but was alarmed to see that Lou was grinning…

  And he looked utterly terrifying.

  Tivera blinked. “It’s rare for me to be disturbed by someone’s smile but… well… here we are… Have I broken your mind, little priest? I must admit that everyone was expecting it’d be Bilsib to do such a thing, but this could give me a little more credibility amongst the other gods I must say!” Tivera beamed, deciding that regardless of the demonic grin Lou was giving with his dark green eyes stretched wide, and the left one twitching occasionally, all was well.

  The monk started to laugh.

  Tivera slowly slid back a step.

  “Your… Your second test was supposed to teach you to not take yourself so seriously… but I can see that maybe… I should have picked a different one… for… you…”

  Lou had succumbed to hysterics, his laughs echoing loudly in the chapel in an almost ethereal way. The walls began to shake, making Tivera look up to the ceiling that was beginning to disappear, but it wasn’t amidst the slow creeping white light of his own doing… It was fading…

  “Just what is happening?!”

  Lou had tears rolling down his cheeks as he fell to his knees. “All I need to do is to fail my tests! Then the temple will have to refuse to make me a priest! Or simply leave me be!”

  “W-Wait, you… You are that adamant against being a priest?! I thought you were just scared of your trials!” Dawning horror filled Tivera’s face. “Oh… Oh no… This might be bad…”

  That was when, from the heavens above, Reckish’s bellow roared down shaking every inch of the chapel while Lou disappeared completely from the godly realm.

  “TIVERAAAAAAAAA!”

  Now, go enjoy a cup of tea, or coffee, or another fun beverage.

  Sit back, and remind yourself that you're doing the best you can, and you of all people should understand what you are and are not owed. Take your time judging yourselves, you're the only one who has the right to do so, and it's important to be fair about it.

  Cheers you beautiful beans,

  Delemhach