Chapter 1: It All Started with Being Cheated

  In the summer, after a brief rain on the vast plain, the rice ears shine in the sunlight, and a faint smoke rises from the village by the small muddy road.

  It was at this noon when I put down my farm work and took a short rest, the church standing on a small hill in the distance rang out with waves of bell sounds.

  This is a final farewell of a soul leaving this world, and it also pulls me back from my thoughts to reality.

  Right opposite, in the shadow cast by the cross, an old man lay peacefully in his coffin, his two wispy whiskers still bristling. The medals on his uniform told of his past achievements to those who came to take a last look at him.

  Honorary High Commander, Provatas Sebalas, he is not an ordinary old man, nor a simple soldier. In fact, as soon as I saw this old guy for the first time, I instinctively felt that he was not simple.

  In fact, anyone who sees an old man riding a horse with a mouthful of shiny gold teeth will have a similar feeling. It's just that the more tragic ones are behind, that is, this old man with a mouthful of gold teeth was flirting with a shepherdess by the roadside at the time, who was young enough to be his great-granddaughter, and the little girl was teased into blushing all over her face. As for what happened to the little girl later, I'm not very clear. Anyway, I only know that every few months, the shepherdesses harassed by him would change shifts.

  His private life is chaotic, his taste is low and vulgar, and his language is rough. However, it cannot be denied that the old man is very powerful. Brave, fearless, a first-class general, this is the most common evaluation of outsiders for the old man; An outstanding cavalry commander, in adversity, calm and unyielding, his sense of victory is rare to match, the command of the cavalry in his hands is the last trump card to win or lose. This is the impression of many generals who have worked with him for many years. In short, this old man should be a rare great general. However, sometimes I think that if the old man was not born too lowly, he would actually be more suitable to be a politician rather than a general.

  Who made this lecherous old man's face so thick-skinned?

  I still remember that when I was nine years old, the old man would say this sentence as soon as he opened his mouth.

  "Women are the most terrifying creatures in this world!"

  The old man's mind was like a storm at sea, unpredictable and changeable. Whatever he thought of, that's what happened. But when this came out, everyone present stared with wide eyes, stunned, unable to react, it was too unexpected!

  The old fellow who had caught everyone's attention was not going to let such an opportunity slip away.

  "You also know what I'm like now." It seems that the old man has a certain self-awareness of his image in people's minds, "I wasn't always like this. In the past, no matter how you put it, I was a fierce general who had experienced many battles, and nothing could faze me - even if an iron bullet flew over and knocked out all my teeth, I could still command the battle with a straight face; even when the hemorrhoids on my butt were acting up, I could still lead the cavalry in a charge."

  With a molar and a shell that flew head-on, both were injured and endured the pain of hemorrhoids to ride horses and command cavalry charges. These are the two things that old guys like to brag about most in their lives. However, every time the old guy mentions these two things, I can feel that several old soldiers standing nearby are also black-lined, with severe twitching at the corners of their eyes. Damn it, do you think this is a game of cat and mouse? When a shell hits your face, can you ignore physical laws and only manage to knock out all your teeth?

  "But look at me now! This is what happens when you're a scourge to women!!!" The old man puffed out his chest, eyes wide with a deep sense of injustice.

  A group of frightened young noble boys were momentarily chattering about the terrifying lethal power of women, but not everyone was an idiot. At this time, a brave little kid jumped out to expose the old man's lie! That wasn't me, his name was Konstantin, and he was targeted for a particularly long time afterwards.

  "Since you know how terrifying women are, why do you still like to get close to them?"

  "This is where women are the most terrifying! The old man's appearance at that time was exactly like a villain who specialized in telling ghost stories on stormy nights, 'It's terrifying to death, but it has the ability to make men unable to escape, and the more beautiful the woman, the more so. Once you fall into it, you can't get out of it! So, little ghosts, never approach women, this is a warning from an old man who was harmed by women!"

  In a sense, the old man was right, but he may have underestimated just how bad an impression he made on everyone, to the point where it can't be put into words. It's said that the next day, several of the older teenagers among our group of misfits broke up with those farm girls and shepherdesses who had been flirting with them outside the manor. Those village girls, I've seen them, 11 or 12 years old, all quite cute. Ever since they got hooked up with those guys, they hardly paid any attention to the old man anymore.

  It seems that I have roughly understood the ins and outs of it. I must say, the old guy's thick skin has earned my admiration, which is as endless as a flowing river. As for his cleverness in defending his territory and never wearing a green hat, his farsighted strategic vision has made me feel the helplessness and terror of those who were once his enemies.

  As a diligent learner, I firmly kept this astonishing discovery to myself, without telling anyone. Until now, the unlucky devils who used to hang out with that old guy still take his words as gospel truth. Women are terrifying, stay away from them no matter what, and be on high alert at all times, especially beautiful women, they're extremely hazardous. Probably in those guys' minds, women are already on par with nuclear radiation, if they knew what nuclear radiation was.

  The bell stopped ringing, and everything fell silent. All that could be seen were the people around, taking off their hats to pay their respects in mourning.

  Regarding the old guy's death, at the moment we received the news, we all felt very surprised. In our opinion, that troublemaker would have been able to stir up more trouble for several years to come, who would have thought he'd leave just like that? However, in a world where people's average lifespan is less than 50 years old, it's a miracle that the old guy was able to live into his late 80s. Is it really true that good people don't live long, but troublemakers live forever?

  As for the old man's death, it is really sigh-worthy. The cause of his death was an operation. This operation could have been completely avoided. About half a year ago, we had visited his home, and someone mentioned that they hoped he would come out again. The person who said this was more out of courtesy, everyone knew that the old man's body had been getting worse recently, hemorrhoids were severe to the point where he couldn't ride a horse. However, the speaker was unintentional, but the listener was intentional, and the old man immediately indicated that there was no problem, just do a resection surgery for the hemorrhoids.

  We've heard a bit about this surgery, and it's almost as if a young and strong person would die after undergoing it. The recovery process is basically a hellish torment, and more importantly, the recurrence rate is very high. Many people have even thought of death, let alone an old guy like him with his age and physique - he'll probably be left with nothing but scraps.

  "Can an old imperial soldier like me be intimidated by a mere operation?! You underestimate the will of an old soldier and the idea of sacrificing for one's country! Besides, when I was young, what grand scene hadn't I experienced?! You just go back and wait, see how I'll teach you these little devils a lesson!"

  Then the old man underwent a hemorrhoidectomy with the awareness of sacrificing his life for the country. In the more than half a year from the end of the operation to his death, he was recuperating in this coastal town. However, on this battlefield where personal will and physical conditions were competing, the old man lost. After holding on for half a year, he finally died of infection from the postoperative wound.

  The old man must have been very reluctant, after all, his wish had always been to die on a woman's belly. In his own words, the brave general died heroically on the battlefield, and the successful general died miserably on a woman's belly, so someone like him had to die on a beautiful woman's belly.

  What a tragic ideal, but what does it matter that he died from infection after hemorrhoid surgery? Well, probably, he wasn't a successful general, just a very individualistic old soldier. Until his death, the old guy with a high fever was still dreaming of riding horses across the battlefield and boasting to new recruits about commanding cavalry charges while enduring the pain of hemorrhoids.

  "Honor him!"

  At this cry, we bowed to the eccentric old man who had spent five years with us from the age of seven to twelve.

  Then, I followed several others carrying the old man's coffin to the outer cemetery, where a hole had been dug in advance for his coffin. The dust was completely sealed over the coffin in the priest's final blessing, and the glory of his era was buried with the old man.

  Old soldiers never die, they just fade away. The words of that American general now seem unusually weighty.

  A tombstone was placed in front of the old man's grave, with an inscription that was probably the old man's last wish, which might be the most serious thing the old man had ever said in his life.

  "I am both fortunate and unfortunate. I was fortunate enough to have participated in that great war many decades ago, but unfortunately, I did not live to see the arrival of the next great war. Yes, I smelled that familiar smell again, but this time, sorry, my motherland, please forgive me for leaving you before the war."