This was a complete nightmare.

  I should’ve been enjoying the time I had with my best friends, especially because it had been so long since we’d met in person, but the only thing I could focus on was the awful, unspoken tension between Non and me.

  After that night during which I’d dropped his hand in front of Esther, we hadn’t held hands in public since. We still met like we usually did, but the number of times we’d made any form of non-ptonic physical contact in public had been cut down to a grand total of zero.

  Non had stopped initiating physical contact whenever we were outside, and I was too conscious to make any myself.

  We hadn’t talked about it. Then again, what was there to say? It wasn’t like anything would change.

  “Good job!” Melissa cheered as Non pulled out the stuffed koa from the prize chute. “Whoa, you did it in two tries!”

  He gave it to me with both hands. “Here.”

  “Thanks, Non,” I said, hugging it to my chest. “I love it.”

  Non’s smile looked unnaturally big. “No problem.”

  Normally, I would be snuggled up into his side, or under his arm as he operated the controls to catch the toy. We always did everything while cuddled up together, or at least while leaning against each other. Having to stand stiffly behind him until he nabbed it made me even more tense than I already was.

  We were only standing about three feet away from each other, but the distance between us seemed insurmountable.

  At the cw machine beside ours, Cody straightened up from the controls he had been hunched over. Ashley was clutching onto a stuffed giraffe he had gotten her not long ago.

  “Okay,” he said. “I’m out of tokens.”

  “I still have some. Let’s py something else,” she suggested.

  I looked around at the arcade we were in. The crowd of people surrounding us were a fairly even mix of teenagers and adults. Music bred from every game machine in the background, blending into a chaotic but upbeat noise that rang in my ears.

  Interestingly, of all people, Ashley was the one who’d dragged us in here—not Melissa or Derek. We had just been strolling through the mall to kill time before our dinner all-you-can-eat buffet reservation at the restaurant down the street, talking and catching up, when an arcade we were passing by caught her eye.

  “Can we go in for a bit?” she had asked.

  “Since when did you like arcades?” Melissa had asked, obviously taken aback by the request.

  “Since now,” Ashley had replied. “It’s been so long since I’ve been in one.”

  She had gone to a cw machine right away, asking Cody to help her to catch a giraffe plushie she which he’d won after at least seven tries.

  Melissa swung around the medium-sized teddy bear Derek had won her by the leg. “What should we do next?”

  Derek slung an arm over her shoulders. “What do you guys want to do next?”

  I shrugged.

  “Anything’s fine,” Non answered.

  Melissa peered at Non and me. “Are you two okay?”

  “Are you bored?” Derek asked. “You’ve been kind of quiet since we met up.”

  I couldn’t deny that my attitude had been less than enthusiastic when Derek encouraged Non to try catching something with the cw machine. When Non asked if there was something in particur I wanted, I’d just pointed to the first thing I saw inside.

  “That looks nice,” I had said.

  Non had nodded and then fed the coin slot with the required tokens.

  Conscious of the unspoken distance between us that had bloomed in rapid acceleration during the st few weeks, I was too on edge to even try to pretend I was excited about it.

  “No way,” I said. “I’m so happy to see you guys. Why would I be bored?”

  “Yeah, me too,” Non said. “I’ve just never been in an arcade before.”

  “For real?” Melissa said, looking startled.

  “Yeah,” he said.

  Shrugging, Non took a step closer to me. I braced myself.

  It was fine, I told myself. There were a lot of people around in this arcade, sure, but it was so crowded and dim. Apart from our friends, no one would pay us any attention. Nobody would think we were weird. It was fine.

  I was expecting him to drape an arm over my shoulders or put his arm around my waist or lean against me or something, but none of that happened.

  All he did was slide his hands into the rge pocket of his pullover hoodie.

  I didn’t know if I was disappointed or relieved.

  “Do you want to try something else?” Derek looked around as he spoke. Something to his left must have caught his attention because his eyebrows shot up. “Really?”

  “Since when does Ashley like that kind of thing?” Melissa demanded, tucking her new plushie under her arm.

  I followed his gaze to see Ashley and Cody sitting in a racing game machine that allowed for up to four pyers. Ashley turned her head and craned her neck, ostensibly looking for us. When she seemed to finally spot us, she raised an arm and waved for us to come over.

  “Challenge accepted,” Melissa said, looping her arm through Derek’s. “Let’s go!”

  Despite my dark mood, it made me smile. When I stole a surreptitious gnce at him, I saw the corners of Non’s mouth twitch upwards too.

  “Some things never change,” I said, shaking my head.

  “Babe,” Derek said, letting her march him along, “you failed your driving exam. Twice.”

  I winced. “Really?”

  “Arcade racing isn’t anything like real driving,” Melissa said. “I’m great at these.”

  “We know,” I said solemnly. “You always beat me in them.”

  Ashley and Cody were already in a game when we got to the machine. As her car swerved to the left, Ashley squealed.

  “Guys, join us in the next round,” she said, taking her eyes off the rge screen to look at us.

  “Yeah, you know I will,” Melissa said, walking over to the vacant seat beside Ashley’s.

  “I’m going to pass on this one.” Derek tugged the plushie out of Melissa’s arm. “I need water. I’ll hold that for you.”

  “Thanks,” she said, beaming at him.

  “Do you want to py?” I asked Non. “It’s pretty fun.”

  “Yeah, sure,” he said, staring at the busy screen full of competing cars. “I’ll try.”

  Non settled down into the st unoccupied seat. Since I wasn’t pying anything, I offered to help Derek carry the teddy bear while he went to buy his bottled water.

  In the end, Cody won, narrowly beating Melissa by a couple of seconds. Non was in third pce and Ashley came in st. Melissa took the loss graciously, exciming that Cody was really good at this. He expined that he and his friends used to frequent arcades a lot, so he got familiar with a lot of games.

  When Derek came back with a half-empty bottle of water, they pyed a couple more rounds before Melissa decred that it was time to leave. She hustled us out, ciming that she was starving.

  “I’m starving,” she said.

  We got to the buffet restaurant five minutes after our reservation time. The interior was bright and spacious, and it was packed with customers. Despite that, the atmosphere was rexed as everyone spoke quietly and strolled in a leisurely manner to get their food.

  “This is our second time here,” Derek told us. “I really like their stuff.”

  “Really?” I said, trying to sound excited. “That’s good.”

  Ashley stared at me. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, of course.” Confused, I returned her stare. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

  Melissa squinted at me. “That’s the bndest reaction you’ve ever given to the prospect of good food. Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “Of course,” I said, waving my hand at them. “Please, I’m totally fine. Don’t worry! I’m just not that hungry.”

  I didn’t look at Non.

  Ashley opened her mouth, but before any words could escape, she closed it again.

  We headed for our table and put down our stuffed toys on the chairs.

  “Let’s go get food together,” Melissa suggested, putting her arm around my shoulders.

  Derek turned the other way and nodded at Non. “Dude, you have to try their fried chicken. It’s pretty good.”

  Ashley stood on my other side, and we headed off in the direction Melissa pointed to.

  The moment we were out of earshot of the guys, Melissa whispered, “Chels, you and Non have been really quiet tonight. Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “And I’m not trying to be intrusive,” Ashley said, casting me a gnce, “but you guys are usually a bit clingy. You two have been standing at a distance from each other tonight, and your expression looks really stiff. Did something happen?”

  Why had I ever thought that maybe my friends wouldn’t notice?

  “No,” I said, and it was technically the truth. “I’m fine, really.”

  We hadn’t had a fight. Non hadn’t even acknowledged what I had done st week. Our conversations were normal. The only thing that had changed was how I didn’t want to—didn’t dare to—hold his hand in public anymore, and I hadn’t even vocalized that, so there wasn’t anything to talk about. In fact, Non himself behaved normally just without the hand holding, as though everything was fine.

  I wanted to believe that everything was fine.

  I didn’t dare to talk to Non about this again. I didn’t want him to suggest breaking up as a solution again.

  But as each day passed, I realized how this was only the beginning of our troubles as a couple, and there was no end in sight.

  There wasn’t anything I could tell Melissa and Ashley without sounding crazy. ‘I’m starting to realize that we might not be compatible’ came the closest to being accurate without giving the details of Non’s condition, but it would definitely be interpreted in the wrong way.

  Compatible or not, I still wanted to see that affectionate smile Non reserved for me. I still wanted to be able to cuddle up to him on cold days, to borrow his hoodies as long as I wanted to, to know that I could hug him without needing a reason.

  I still wanted to be special to him.

  I still wanted all that, but the thought of one day being mistaken for his aunt—or worse, grandma—while walking along the streets with him turned my heart cold with fear.

  My friends still looked concerned, but I forced the brightest smile I could muster onto my face and dragged them towards the soup section.

  In an attempt to distract them, I drew Melissa into a conversation about her failed driving exams. Within minutes, I had successfully taken their minds off the perceived problem between Non and me.

  We returned to the table to see that the guys were already eating. Non picked at his food, the portion of which was significantly smaller than the other two guys’.

  We chatted as we ate, enjoying peaceful feel of the pce.

  Non had to, of course, leave most of his food on his pte after nibbling a bit for show. Thankfully, he didn’t take much to begin with, so it wasn’t difficult for me to polish off whatever was left for him.

  After a few rounds of this, Ashley leaned towards me and teased, “You can get your own food, you know. It is all-you-can-eat.”

  “I’m just helping him,” I said, scooping up the couple of tater tots on his pte, “since he can’t finish everything.”

  “Wow, you really didn’t find a single thing you liked,” Derek said, blinking at Non’s pte.

  It suddenly occurred to me that they might think that Non was a really picky eater.

  “Sorry,” Non said. “I ate before coming. I guess I’m fuller than I thought I was.”

  “I skipped both breakfast and lunch for this,” Melissa said amid bites of her steak.

  “Thanks, Chelsea,” Non said from opposite me.

  Right at that instant, I felt something touch my foot. Startled, I tilted my head slightly to gnce under the table to check what it was. Non’s shoe grazed mine again. When I snapped my head up, Non was still staring at me.

  I smiled at him, feeling my pulse race a little. “No problem.”

  Upon nudging his foot back, I received another light bump from him.

  We were fine, weren’t we?