Lolita Rescue Mission (4)

  Let's not talk about how Xiao Xue and Leng Xiaoyu planned the Lolita rescue operation, but our noble and elegant proud princess Liu Youyou has returned to the empty classroom with a heart full of sadness and confusion.

  She sat in her seat for a while, completely unaware of what to do. She was stunned for a long time before realizing it was lunchtime now. She complained about the cold little girl who wasted her time and hurriedly rushed to the school cafeteria with quick steps.

  Once she blended into the crowd or entered the sight of outsiders, the dispirited and lost Liu Youyou seemed to have been reborn. She flicked her bangs a few times, adjusted her appearance, slowed down her pace, and walked with an elegant and refined demeanor that was warm and gentle to the extreme. This attracted passersby, regardless of gender, to glance at her sideways, most of whom were astonished by her proud eyes.

  After becoming a girl, she seemed to have no entanglement or suffering, perhaps it was her fate, but she was indeed lucky. At the first time, she was discovered by her parents, and then her parents took an extremely wise measure - that is, they locked her in the house, hiding her in a private space without any external factors directly interfering with her sex, allowing her thoughts to be unrestrained, giving her enough time to re-recognize herself.

  During that period of seclusion and simplicity, her thoughts were thoroughly led by the nose by the needs and feelings of her body, ultimately leading to a complete change in self-awareness as a girl.

  Because she doesn't have to worry about the gaze of outsiders for the time being, she is absolutely free from pressure and constraints. As a result, she doesn't need to self-monitor, which leads to unbridled thoughts, enjoying dressing up and packaging her new self, falling into an endless cycle of self-love, subconsciously acknowledging her female identity, leading to unrestrained self-seeking, ultimately reaching the pinnacle of self-experience.

  When she came to her senses, she was shocked to find that her self-awareness had completely transformed into a narcissistic and arrogant girl. The feeling of self-awareness when she was a boy now seemed vague and unfamiliar, like an illusion.

  But that memory still exists, telling her she used to be a boy, which makes her fearful and even doubts whether her self-recognition is wrong. So she urgently verifies her identity. On the internet, she gets those men's fiery gazes, this is the most straightforward and certain proof. Yes, proud of it, she gets temporary comfort and satisfaction - yes, she's not only a girl but also an especially excellent one!

  Deep down in her heart, she is often uneasy and fearful, but she always presents herself in the most beautiful and outstanding posture to the world, using the admiring eyes of others towards outstanding women to prove her own identity.

  So in her opinion, even if she were a girl, she would be far more excellent than any other female!

  Perhaps in some way, this is pride, looking down on others, but her original intention was just to gain a sense of self-recognition and peace of mind through the recognition of those around her.

  At least, she will still be proud of herself, actively facing life and doing better than any girl, being more attractive. She will bloom with even more brilliant colors, transforming into a radiant phoenix, all this relentless effort, just to better conceal that incongruous patch, hide that unbearable past.

  But she was always lonely, and all she needed from the outside world was a nod of recognition, because of the deep-seated fear and unease in her heart, she couldn't treat people with ease, only Ye Cai, symbolizing the soulmate who had no secrets between them.

  Whether queuing or eating, she has always been numb to her inner feelings, indifferently enduring the various gazes from people around her, in order to maintain an elegant and dignified demeanor, to be a standard and perfect girl.

  This is indeed exhausting, her numb body and mind made her lose the patience to feel more, making the whole world seem simple in her eyes, and making the people around her seem vulgar and mediocre, so that she was self-proclaimed superior and isolated.

  She, lonely and desolate, has a blind and dependent thought on Ye Cai. Yes, Ye Cai, who knows her secrets and loves her unconditionally, is her emotional sustenance, as well as the outlet for the intense emotions pent up beneath her icy exterior.

  In front of Ye Cai, she can be her true self without any reserve, being a delicate and soft girl, a flower idiot, a lazy good-for-nothing, a coward, a foodie, a young married woman, or even a little vixen. Yes, she doesn't need to hide anything at all. By Ye Cai's side, she feels carefree and happy, without any worries, that is a blissful and warm time.

  Sitting alone in the corner eating, she bore the gaze of men from all corners, feeling suffocated and oppressed. Then, she yearned for the warmth of being with Ye Cai again.

  After some thought, she took out her mobile phone and sent a tentative text message to Ye Cai.

  Soon, Ye Cai called over the phone, which made her ecstatic. A faint smile of joy and shyness appeared on her pale face with beads of sweat, as if a dry and barren old well had suddenly gushed out clear water.

  "Hey~~~?" with an exaggerated tone, sounding mischievous.

  She pursed her lips and smiled, looking a bit shy, biting her lower lip, and muttered: "Where are you now? Xiao Cai."

  "I'm at home, hum, you have to come back early tonight, I've left some delicious food for you, like steamed beef, braised pork, and that stir-fried pheasant, it's really tasty..."

  She smiled softly and weakly, quietly listening to the murmurs of the cute little loli on the other end of the phone, just the tone of her voice made her deeply immersed in a warm and peaceful atmosphere.

  ……

  At the same time, off-campus.

  Perhaps from the perspective of educating and treating Ye Caizhi's stubborn extreme thoughts, Xue Xiao, who is dedicated to instilling positive energy into her and making her attitude more optimistic, and Luo Li, who has always hoped that she would face reality, put down the past and start a new life, are comrades on the same front line.

  So the two girls opened their conversation and chatted very smoothly, finally chatting about a small restaurant near the school. Xiao Xue waved her hand to call the waiter to order food, which made Lang Xiaoyu feel a bit embarrassed and awkward.

  Xiao Xue ate while chatting with her, but Leng Xiaoyu didn't even move her chopsticks, only repeatedly explaining Ye Cai's current mental state in a low voice, glancing around, and not daring to look at Xiao Xue eating. However, every time Xiao Xue opened her small mouth to take in the delicious food, she couldn't help but swallow a mouthful of saliva, and sometimes the conversation would inadvertently go off track.

  Xiao Xue finally realized that her behavior of inviting someone to dinner without explanation was inappropriate, not only hurting Leng Xiaoyu's self-esteem but also putting her in an awkward position of self-struggle and restraint. However, she didn't dare to tell Leng Xiaoyu to just eat, as such words sounded arrogant and lacking in refinement, like a country bumpkin. Xiao Xue thought that if she said so, it would not only make Leng Xiaoyu feel embarrassed but also make herself lose face and dignity.

  So for the rest of the time, Xiao Xue neither responded to Leng Xiaoyu nor took the initiative to find a topic, but instead focused on eating silently, telling Leng Xiaoyu that they would talk after finishing dinner.

  However, Leng Xiao didn't catch her explicit meaning, so she just sat there staring out the window, using the corner of her eye to sneak a peek at Xiao Xue savoring the delicious food, and fell into a state of entanglement and constant suspicion.

  Xiao Xue finally thought of a good idea, and with a smile on her face, she sent a piece of spicy beef into Leng Xiaoyao's bowl. This made Leng Xiaoyao feel deeply moved, and with a slight bow of her head, as soon as Xiao Xue looked away from her, she quickly picked up her chopsticks and began to eat the rice and vegetables, drinking the soup, and swallowing hard, letting out a soft sigh, shaking her head slightly, unable to express the comfort and satisfaction.

  A pair of watery eyes with a hint of mischief lightly lifted up, Xiao Xue raised the corners of her mouth, and smiled with a sense of relief.

  Leng Xiao Ya was taken aback, lowered her head to touch the tip of her nose, pursed her lips and forced a dry smile. Then she noticed that a spoon had been placed in front of her, scooping up steaming hot wood ear meat threads.

  Her eyes widened and she swallowed her saliva, unable to help but laugh out loud. Xiao Lian's face turned serious as she tried to compose herself, picking up her chopsticks to prepare for eating. Just then, a pair of chopsticks holding a piece of spicy shrimp appeared in front of her bowl, causing her to pause, her mouth still half open.

  Xiao Leng was taken aback, Xue's face showed a shy smile and she shrugged her shoulders. Xiao Leng glared at her with wide eyes, shaking her head in feigned shamelessness. With a snort, Xue lowered her head to cover her mouth, raised her eyes, and the two sisters looked at each other and burst out laughing together.

  So the dinner party started like this, and without some boring cover-ups, Leng Xiaoyao thoroughly let go of her hands and feet, eating while chatting with Xiao Xue.

  She explained her understanding and speculation of Ye Cai's current mental state to Xiao Xue.

  It's roughly the same, that transforming cigarette gave Ye Cai an ideal future that was within sight but out of reach, like a lush oasis suddenly appearing in the distance while struggling to survive in the endless desert. This elusive oasis gave Ye Cai, who was hopeless and helpless, a glimmer of hope, she carried her heart full of longing and yearning, undaunted by difficulties and dangers, finally stumbling and staggering to the destination, only to find that it was a mirage.

  Of course, it's also possible that one might collapse along the way, but perhaps this outcome is still much better than arriving at the destination.

  Yes, the transforming woman must go through self-redemption and rebirth in fire, otherwise she will be destroyed in the vortex of excessive sensitivity and self-deception. After going through self-redemption, the dual life experience will make them stronger in their later lives.

  Of course, the trans woman herself has no guilt, strictly speaking, she is just a girl with special growth experience, but the gaze and pressure from the objective world make her sensitive and suspicious, inferior and fearful, so she puts on the appearance of a former man and flees in panic into the desert that symbolizes self-deception.

  But eventually, whether passively or actively, they will face reality and know the unbelievable or curious eyes of people around them. They are simply unable to adapt to such changes, but in fact, there is no malice. In the end, they will get rid of their past shadows, turn back from the desert of self-escape and deception, bring a brand new female image, walk out of this desert, with a relieved smile, and welcome this world.

  And Ye Cai, who escaped into the endless desert of self-deception, was lost in the smoke of transformation. She blindly avoided the survival hints given by her own flesh and blood, heading in the wrong direction, facing more and more intense pain and suffering that made no sense, deepening into the desert, stumbling towards a vague and elusive oasis.

  If there hadn't been the transformation of cigarette butts, Ye Cai wouldn't have had beautiful expectations for the consequences of self-deception. Without that wrong direction, she would have lost the terrifying conviction and motivation to charge into the thorns and flames, and in the end, whether it was herself turning back or being led out of the desert by the hand, it's all the same.

  However, assuming is just an assumption, transforming into a cigarette has made Ye Cai infatuated and bewildered, unable to face the facts after transformation, and self-deceptively categorizing this process of adapting to change as a normal characteristic of a new gender group outside of male and female, deeply trapped in the process of change, so that even he himself is unclear whether he is male or female.

  What is the fact? That's the change that has already taken place, and it's a fait accompli. And what is meant by facing the facts is not evading them or distorting them, but rather bravely confronting them head-on, shouldering the burden of "being a girl", taking on the responsibilities that come with being a woman towards oneself, one's family, and society, allowing all those affected by the change, including oneself, to gain peace of mind and liberation.

  Ye Cai, however, was misled by the transformation into a cigarette and suffered hardships in the wrong direction, silently enduring the pain and suffering brought about by the psychological adaptation process, but no matter how strong and stubborn she was, her efforts were meaningless, and ultimately would only lead to destruction.

  The so-called "New Paradise" is actually Ye Cai's inferiority and fear of the outside world, under the magical power of transforming into a cigarette, intending to reverse the world's view of the transforming girl and her existence, forcing the world to recognize and acknowledge the transforming girl's existence. In simple terms, it's just finding an excuse to escape or even abandon that problem.

  What's the issue? It's recognizing the actual existence of self, accepting the fact that I'm a girl, rather than coming up with an unrealistic new gender definition to put on my head as an excuse for escaping psychological packaging of normal characteristics.

  So, Leng Xiao basically understood Ye Cai's current situation clearly. In short, Xiao Xue understood the theme of the conversation, which was that Ye Cai had been misled. She was willing to dedicate herself to a path of suffering and hardship in pursuit of happiness, but her direction was wrong and her destination was an illusion. The rescue plan was to ruthlessly destroy the hope she had been deceiving herself with, and get rid of the cigarette pack that had changed shape.

  After dinner, Leng Xiaoyao and Xiao Xue solemnly shook hands, reaching a consensus on the decision. Then, under Xiao Xue's arrangement, a room was opened on the second floor of the restaurant to form the "Loli Rescue Special Operations Group", which conducted in-depth discussions and research on the operation to destroy the transformation cigarettes, aiming to complete the task before alerting Ye Cai.

  （……）

  PS: Color is the eternal non-toppling doll, rising! Ah, that... cough, seeking recommendation votes, thanks for saying too much is both tender and unrealistic, let's get to the point, come on!