I think therefore I am

  Willow leaves flutter gently, gently, gently, and lightly dance.

  Cough cough, this process is simply too torturous, so I won't mention it again.

  In short, after Ye Cai finished vomiting, she mustered up all her strength and got out of bed. What for? To look for toilet paper.

  Entered the toilet, spat a few mouthfuls of water into the toilet bowl, then flushed some tap water, gurgled around for a few laps, and considered it a rinse.

  Her lips still savored the taste, which lingered between her teeth, leaving her a bit dazed, as if she was still suspended in the fragrant breath of just now.

  But to get back on track, she also got satisfaction through Liu Youyou's sweet tongue. At that time, the feeling of being electrocuted in mid-air, stiffening her body as if her soul was convulsing, was etched into her bones. This means that from now on, she and Liu Youyou are les. And if it were in the past, it would be gay.

  This made her feel both embarrassed and annoyed. How could their good sisterly relationship have developed to this point? Could they still play together happily in the future? She felt that it was impossible, because she felt a bit ashamed to face Liu Youyou, always feeling like she was too ashamed, too shameless.

  She snatched some toilet paper with a sad face, and returned to the room with her head down. Her eyes swept over Liu Youyou's slender white body, but she didn't dare look into his eyes. She walked to the bedside, bent down, and stammered: "Let me wipe it for you..."

  Liu Youyou languidly batted her eyelashes, leaning against the headboard with a highly charming posture, and softly cooed: "Xiao Cai~~~ From now on, I'm yours..."

  "Uh..." Ye Cai shrank her neck and blushed as she said: "You... you... just come down already."

  She twisted her waist, and the willow-like figure suddenly pounced over, embracing her neck, tilting up her face, hooking up one corner of her mouth, and said with a charming smile: "I want..."

  With her head hung low, Ye Cai suddenly burst into a mixture of laughter and tears, pushing away Liu Youyou, turning around to leave behind a streak of tears, and resolutely saying: "I'm not playing with you anymore..."

  ……

  After sweeping the battlefield, Liu Youyou and Ye Cai sat on the bed with their knees bent.

  Ye Cai said: "Don't be like this in the future..."

  "Why? Didn't you enjoy it at the time?" Liu Youyou said.

  "Alas, this is the physical body's impulse and desire. Can resist or not? If can't resist, it will have a great impact..."

  "Uh-huh, uh-huh, got it! " Liu Youyou nodded quickly and pouted, saying sarcastically: "What else can be done? Give it to a man every day? Or use your own hands?"

  "Uh..." Ye Cai was speechless, thinking for a long time before solemnly saying: "It's better if I just do it myself, this way is too embarrassing, and I wouldn't dare face you. Think about it, what if our affair gets out, how would others look at us? You say...

  "Shut up!"

  Suddenly, Liu Youyou's eyes narrowed coldly, and she saw Ye Caiyu pouting with a scowl on her face. She left only a white eye and said: "Are you stupid? Whether it's a normal husband-and-wife relationship or solving it yourself, this kind of thing can't be seen in the light, can't be seen! What's good to spread around? Ah? You're still shouting everywhere with a loudspeaker? Fine, I don't sleep with men, and even if I come to you for comfort, it's not allowed? Then what do you want me to do? Use my hands? Good, then I'll ask you, can you bear the taste of that? Can't bear it, right? Good, you want me to mix with you, sing songs with you, make money together, and create a chaotic paradise... Paradise, right? Hmm, okay, all okay, you're the general, you're the boss, take me forward, but you have to feed me full...

  The two of them avoided eye contact, both girls pursed their lips and smiled.

  Ye Cai Tian shamelessly leaned in close, curled up her lips and smiled, saying: "You want to eat your fill?"

  Liu Youyou's face turned red this time, and she sulkily pouted her mouth to avoid Ye Cai's playful gaze.

  Coughing, Ye Cai sat down in front of her with a serious expression, raised his right hand, and analyzed it one by one: "This thing called love, it's inherently filthy, a kind of degeneration. It has already deviated from the meaning of reproduction. Otherwise, people wouldn't feel ashamed, would they? Ah, you see, like... this person is like a fallen traveler in the mud pit, wanting to transcend, must persist in resisting and struggling until the end. You think it's tiring to resist, you want to relax, want to indulge once, okay, as soon as you slack off, you'll sink immediately! If you fall too deep, you'll be completely trapped, beyond salvation. Even if someone pulls you out, your body will still stink, and people won't even look at you with a straight face. Why? Because it's too dirty, smelly. So, you must keep yourself clean and pure, think less about that direction, right? You say, is this the logic?"

  It seemed that she was used as a metaphor, which made Liu Youyou feel dissatisfied. Her face turned impatient and she snorted, saying: "Even if someone in the mud wants to struggle out, they should rest for a while, shouldn't they?"

  Ye Cai was stunned, rubbing her teeth, looking around, thinking that it really made sense.

  Liu Youyou saw her eating, immediately changed to a delicate smile, hugged her neck, and smiled: "I understand, I understand everything, I'm only good to you, okay? I understand..."

  "You don't know squat!"

  Ye Cai rolled her eyes and said disdainfully: "If you understood, would you still be playing so revealingly?"

  "I... I was just..." Her face turned red as she stuttered, pursing her lips, and Liu Youyou said with a hint of annoyance: "Anyway, I won't do that again in the future."

  "Really?" Ye Caiqiang asked.

  "Mmm, it's true... from now on, I'm yours......" Liu Youyou's body went limp and she melted into a spring of water, collapsing into Ye Cai's arms.

  Ye Cai gently stroked her smooth and delicate back, with tears in her eyes, smiling foolishly, thinking "damn it's too late".

  "Xiao Cai, I've changed my name to Liu Youyou. From now on, you should... "Liu Youyou's expression suddenly turned gloomy and she paused for a moment before continuing in a low tone: "Ai Ziyu is dead..."

  Ye Cai's body stiffened, and in her trembling pupils, a gentle big boy seemed to be waving goodbye to her. She suddenly wanted to call out to him, and her lips moved slightly. Then, the slender figure disappeared with the sparkle in her eyes.

  She lowered her head and let out a long sigh, saying: "Don't mention it... I'm guessing my mom will find an opportunity to tell my dad about me, and with his temper, he'll definitely make me change my name. Then I'll have to deal with dating, getting married, having kids... damn, so annoying..."

  "What's going to happen then?" As soon as Ye Cai mentioned the future, Liu Youyou hugged her tightly, as if afraid someone would snatch away her little Cai.

  Ye Cai gazed quietly at Liu Youyou's delicate face, then closed her eyes in silence, as if mourning the departure of that gentle big boy. Yes, to her, she could truly feel that Aizi Yu and Liu Youyou were two completely different people.

  It was as if Ai Ziyu had already died at that moment.

  She couldn't help but pucker up her mouth, took a deep breath with a quiver, and opened her slightly reddened eyes, only to see that Liu Youyou's eyes were profound and dim, shaking his head gently.

  After her initial shock wore off, she smiled wryly, looking a bit guilty as she lowered her eyelids and slightly raised an eyebrow, saying: "You've noticed it too, haven't you?"

  "Ah, that's no longer him......" Liu Youyou also smiled bitterly and shook her head.

  Taking a deep breath, she gazed out the window, as if seeing a very distant place where three boys walked side by side towards the darkness in the distance. She sighed and murmured: "Then... who are we, after all?"

  Liu Youyou heard this and lowered her head, also feeling a sense of disorientation that couldn't be put into words. Yes, different ways of thinking, different bodies, and even physical and mental changes that gradually took place until the shadow of their former selves could no longer be seen. Then, did it mean that they were no longer the same people as before? At the same time, these transformed women, even in their subconscious, denied their previous identities. So, who would they become then?

  For some reason, Ye Cai choked with sobs, hanging her head low, her face filled with bewilderment and helplessness.

  Ai Ziyu took a deep breath, his eyes sinking into the depths of his soul as he shook his head and said: "So, I feel like I've never existed in this world, there's an empty feeling..."

  Ye wiped away her tears, raised the corner of her mouth and said: "Some things can't be thought about too deeply. Like me when I was a kid, I always wondered how big the universe is and what's outside it? But if you think too much, there's a feeling of collapse and madness. I think this should be human helplessness. And now we're thinking about these existential problems again, I don't think it's necessary!"

  She propped herself up on her knees, suddenly got up, jumped off the bed, turned on the computer, looked back, and a faint smile appeared at the corner of her mouth: "No trace, just walk out with your own footprints."

  Liu Youyou hugged her knees and looked at him with a calm gaze, slightly lowering her eyelids, thinking to herself for a moment, then shrugged and shook her head: "Hmm, overthinking."

  Ye Chai lit a cigarette, put it to his lips, and then tossed one to Liu Youyou, narrowing his eyes with a sly smile: "Might as well think about the look on your face when you're about to die, this person doesn't need to live anymore, heh heh..."

  She lit a cigarette, took a deep drag, and then blew out smoke rings, tossing the lighter to the side of Liu Youyou's feet, who was also smoking.

  "Cough...cough..."

  Ye Cai coughed and shook her head, covering her forehead and furrowing her brow: "It's been a long time since I last smoked..."

  Leaving a playful gaze, Liu Yuanyuan lit a cigarette with ease, took a deep drag, and elegantly raised her neck, the smoke swirling up and dancing in the air, exuding an aura of a fallen girl lost in a garden of peach blossoms.

  Leaf Chai stared blankly, then came back to her senses and admired him excessively, curiously asking: "How can you be so good at fighting?"

  Liu Youyou tossed her hair and pouted: "No way, being alone at home is too boring, can't get through it without smoking a bit..."

  "Oh——lonely and cold." After a joke, Ye Cai squinted his eyes as if savoring the lingering nicotine in his lungs, opened Cool Dog, clicked on "Glorious Years", called Liu Youyou to come and watch the stage performance.

  "Today there is only a residual shell"

  Embracing the glorious years

  Embracing freedom in the storm...

  （……）