“How do you feel?” Sara's question was the first one asked as soon as they had all escorted Margot to Josh's bed and let her go to sleep—which she had done neigh instantaneously. It was also the first question that Josh had expected to be asked, but fortunately Margot’s collapse had provided him an opportunity to feel how he felt before he was actually asked.

  Rather than answer instantly, Josh took a deep breath and took stock of what existing felt like while the three of them walked back to the kitchen.

  “I think—“ Josh trailed off as he closed his eyes.

  “Glad to hear it.” Connor chuckled.

  Josh ignored the joke. “Pretty much the same, minus the anxiety of whether I should move forward or not.”

  Sara frowned. “I thought you’d worked through that? We had the whole nihilism conversation? I slapped you?”

  Josh put his hand to his cheek and remembered the sensation with mixed feeling. It hadn’t helped a whole lot, but it had shown him that they were both concerned about where his thoughts had been taking him.

  “I thought I had moved past it. But also, you can’t really move past something until you actually leave it behind.”

  “Well said.” Connor grunted as he sat down at the kitchen island where he’d been sitting before blinding light had erupted from Josh’s arm. “But it feels like you just tried to duck out of how you’re actually feeling now.”

  “He said he feels the same.” Sara chided when she sat down across from Connor.

  “No.” Josh huffed as he sat down and formed a triangle around the island. “He’s right. There is something else.”

  A moment of silent waiting passed before Sara asked, “And that is…”

  “Sorry. I'm trying to work up to explaining it.”

  “That’s a bad sign.” Connor sighed and reached back towards the fridge to grab a snack while he waited.

  Sara shot a ‘shut up’ expression at her childhood friend, but it went largely ignored by both Connor and Josh. As kind as the gesture to respect and be gentle about his feelings was, Josh was fine with the poking. And Connor was right, though what he was right about had largely gone unspoken. If Josh didn’t speak up when something became a problem, it would stay a problem.

  “What if I wasn’t supposed to get a mark?”

  “Stop.” Connor said immediately, mouth half full of strawberry and hand held out. “Don’t go there.”

  “I can’t help it!” Josh groaned in exasperation. “I know it’s ridiculous. I know I’ve seen fate, or whatever we want to call it, pushing me into the future I have now. But that light, Margot collapsing, that wasn’t normal. I don’t have to be an expert on marks to say that much. It’s not normal.”

  “Dude.” Connor huffed. “I said stop.”

  Sara groaned at the ongoing stupidity around her that seemed to be ignoring her plaintive and exasperated expressions. “For once, Connor, I think maybe you need to let me explain. Because your three word responses aren’t helping.”

  Rather than stand his ground, Connor held up his hands and pushed his stool back an inch to give him some literal and metaphorical distance from the conversation. His unspoken apology in the gesture wasn't lost on either Sara or Josh.

  “Thank you.” Sara grunted.

  Josh was about to open his mouth to protest, but Sara held up a finger before he could get a word out.

  “I’m sorry for shushing you, but I want you to try and be objective for a second.” Sara waited in case Josh had a response or reaction, and when none came she carried on. “You aren’t an expert on marks. You’ve only ever see one get passed on before this. And while yours was not normal, and I think that is clear, why does passing on a mark and it going weird have to be a bad thing?”

  “What?” Josh was stunned for a moment by the question. “What do you mean? Margot nearly passed out?”

  “Okay, granted, that part is concerning. But, again, you don’t know that much about this kind of thing and your mind immediately went to a negative. I don’t want to be your unlicensed therapist here, because you aren’t paying me and I don't want you to, but why did you make this event a negative instead of a positive?”

  Josh answered immediately, annoyed at the clear downplaying of the significantly bad outcome. “I feel like I almost killed your mom.”

  “But you didn’t.”

  “I’m not even sure that’s true?” Josh's head began to turn back towards the bedrooms on the other side of the apartment, but Sara's voice brought his attention back to the conversation at hand.

  “Josh.” Sara took a deep breath. “My guy. Your situation is weird. Right?”

  Josh paused.

  You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.

  “Right?”

  “Yes.”

  “You have been having dreams that none of us have experienced. You connected to some kind of inter-dimensional alien creature with a fate and mind warping presence that you directly connected to.”

  Josh could see where she was taking her argument now, but couldn’t refute her statements. They were true. All he could say was, “yes.”

  “You have an abnormal foundation, and you didn’t choose to start with that. That isn’t your fault.”

  “Technically it’s your fault.” Connor interjected with a snicker, but was immediately silenced by a glare from Sara.

  “You didn’t choose to have your life upended like this and to have your fate twisted into something you never even knew could possibly exist.”

  “No, I didn’t.” Josh answered slowly before adding, “and I don’t blame you, either.”

  “Thank you. And also, you see where I’m going. Right?”

  “I do.” Josh took a deep breath. “I started this process weird. It does make sense that I ended it weird.”

  “And when things get weird, which they will only continue to do, you have to accept that sometimes things will just be weird.” Sara said, nodding slowly along to her own words.

  “I guess.”

  “You don’t get to control whether things are weird or not. But you can definitely choose how you see the outcomes of weird things.”

  “I guess?” Josh said again. “But Margot collapsing, that wasn’t good.”

  “But we were here. We helped her. She’s resting. Also, she’s built like a tank on steroids, I think she’ll bounce back quick.”

  “And she chose to help you.” Connor added. “Don’t forget that. She knew there’d be risks and weird crap when she agreed to help you. She’s not a kid.”

  “Exactly.” Sara said with a more enthusiastic nod. “She’s easily like a hundred years old. She knows what she’s doing.”

  “Hold on.” Josh narrowed his eyes at the number being told to him. “A hundred?”

  “I dunno, man. She doesn’t tell me stuff like that and I don’t ask. She’s old.” Sara growled in frustration. “And, not the point. The point is she’s responsible for her own choices and we can’t let ourselves get caught up on some semantic maze of who’s at fault for something none of us could have seen coming.”

  Josh took another deep breath, actually agreeing with the argument in his head before letting out a, “you’re right.”

  “Thank you.” Sara said with a bow.

  “Thank you.” Josh corrected her. “I do… I do tend to jump to the negatives.”

  Connor's calm but serious voice jumped back into the conversation. “And I don’t blame you, dude. I met your family. Growing up like has to have had some long-term side effects. You were snapping back as fast as they were, but you can find the faults to tear apart in yourself just as easily.”

  “Maybe don’t put him all the way on the therapy couch just yet.” Sara said. “And Josh... maybe take some time, an hour or two, to just clear your head and figure out exactly how you feel.”

  “Right.” Josh turned to look towards the couch. “I should do that.”

  Rather than move, Josh just kept looking towards the side of the apartment with the couch and the TV. It was where he would end up sleeping that night if Margot didn’t vacate his bed before he got tired. But it was also where the three of them had just spent the night before, tangled together in an oddly comforting pile of pillows and blankets.

  “I don’t suppose—“ Josh hesitated before he could work up the nerve to actually ask the question pricking at the back of his mind.

  No one else was talking, though, so the start of the question certainly wasn’t missed. Sara’s eyebrow quirked up in curiosity, but she also hesitated instead of asking for him to finish.

  “Josh. We just saw you do possibly the most second or third most personal thing you’ll probably ever do.” Connor said, his last strawberry halfway to his mouth. “And that’s after we watched you pull off a sleeve of your own skin. Come on, dude.”

  “You know. It’s a weird that you guys are so… open about things.” Josh sighed. “But you're not wrong.”

  “So…?” Sara finally worked up the courage to ask.

  Rather than ask, Josh announced, “I’m gonna go sit on the couch. If either or both of you would like to join me, I could use physical contact. I think that would help.”

  “Oh?” Connor wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, but he was the first one up and moving towards the couch.

  “Not like that.” Josh sighed.

  “Don’t take him seriously. I know what you meant.” Sara sighed along with him as they both got up to follow, but tilted her head to the side and added, “But, you know… if we all miraculously feel the same compulsion.”

  “Tease me more and see where it gets you.” Josh scoffed.

  “Our boy has threats!” Connor cheered from the couch.

  Josh didn’t respond, he just jumped over the back of the couch where Connor was sprawled out and sat in front of him. It was a little awkward to settle in because of how Connor had positioned himself with his back against the armrest of the sofa and one leg up against the back cushions of the couch and his other foot on the floor. Rather than worry about it, Josh sat directly in front of Connor in more or less the same position and let his back rest ever so slightly against Connor’s chest. Sara copied suit and positioned herself in front of Josh.

  It felt natural. Connor held a book up to the side and read quietly. Sara had her phone out and was absentmindedly scrolling through a social media feed. Josh let his head loll to the side and rest on the couch cushions with his eyes closed. Sleep was the furthest thing from his mind, but closing his eyes off from the room around him helped to visualize the process of sorting through his own head.

  Josh didn’t open his eyes again for a good thirty minutes. Sorting could only do so much. He still wasn’t sure what to feel about the lack of control he still felt about his fate, but it had stopped bothering him as much. Like Sara had said, he couldn’t help the fact that the process he was going through would be weird—and he had a gut feeling that 'weird' would continue to mean more dangerous and more difficult—but he could always choose how to react to anything that happened to him. And, he reminded himself when he opened his eyes to see his roommates and friends around him, he probably wouldn’t be dealing with the weird and the uncomfortable alone.

  “I feel—“ Josh paused to search for the best word, “nice.”

  “Yeah.” Sara chortled as she leaned and tilted her head back to look at Josh and only partly succeeding. “This is nice.”

  “Good.” Connor added. “Nice and good.”

  Josh looked from Sara to Connor. Both of their faces were an unfamiliar shade of red. But neither of them seemed uncomfortable. Neither of them had moved. Josh could feel the slight tension and the strange happy undertone it carried like it was a taut string running through his chest.

  Rather than fight the tension, Josh moved his arms forward around Sara with a “may I?”

  “Go right ahead.” Sara’s voice cracked a little in excitement at the gesture when she answered.

  With permission, Josh wrapped his arms around Sara’s stomach in a loose hug and began to lean further back into Connor before stopping and issuing another “may I?”

  “Be my guest.” Connor responded, his voice quieter than normal.

  Josh pulled Sara back with him as he relaxed completely. There were no complaints at what had become a new sort of comforting pile with less pillows and less blankets. The slight tension remained, Josh could feel it, but it felt less like things pulling apart and more like a weight pushing down on spring. It was a tension that settled in as it lasted. It might rebound at some point, but that felt like one of those weird things that could happen but wouldn’t necessarily be bad.