Chapter 59: The Big Eater Under the Swing

  "It seems my patient is in a precarious situation, young man. Having relations with a female under the age of 14, regardless of whether it's consensual or not, is considered statutory rape." The melody of the Netherworld Pursuit Soul echoed along with the rhythm of the arrow, striking a chord within the heart of a youth named Kamijou Touma.

  "Is it really okay to stimulate the patient like this, Doctor?" Said Kamon Tsurayuki in despair of this chuuni world, and then shut her mouth and sulked alone, but the unease on her face caused by memory loss seemed to decrease a bit.

  Unlike Kaito, as a doctor, Mei Tora still had some dignity, and his face turned slightly red. He cleared his throat twice, chatted with Ushiro no Tsubame for a bit, then excused himself to attend to other patients, leaving Kaito and Ushiro no Tsubame staring at each other in silence.

  "Whatever..."

  "That..."

  The two of them felt that the atmosphere was really awkward and not romantic, so they spoke up in unison.

  "I'll go first." said Kaiji.

  "You go first." Kamijou Touma.

  "Alright, I'll speak first." Kai Tamaeda cleared his throat and pulled out his phone from his pants pocket under the white-eyed gaze of Ichiraku Ramen's owner. "Based on the overwhelming evidence of your crime, you have to treat me to several meals at a high-end restaurant and buy me at least a dozen large bottles of cola and potato chips as compensation!"

  "What's the crime evidence? And what's the necessary causal link between that thing and inviting you to dinner and buying Coke snacks? Normally, shouldn't it be handed over to the police? What about the connection between before and after? The language teacher will be heartbroken, right? And what's with the typical otaku food set of three, anyway? Can I get a normal one?"

  Sure, here is the translation:

  As expected, as soon as Izaya Orihara's words came out of his mouth, he couldn't help but make a sarcastic comment about Mikado Ryuugamine.

  "Ah, I forgot you've lost your memory. Alright, let me introduce myself properly. I am your creditor, and my name is Intetsu Chouya. My occupation is a Sacred House, and my hidden occupation is the Demon King from another world. You may address me as 'My Lord' or 'Your Majesty the Demon King'. That's all!" Intetsu Chouya stood up straight and introduced himself to Kamado Tanjiro with a serious expression.

  "It's not like I'd call you 'My Lord' or 'Your Majesty the Demon King'! Kamijou Touma retorted in a frenzy: "What's with that creditor? And don't think adding 'Sacred' to your name can change the fact that you're just a NEET, and isn't your hidden occupation being a chuunibyou?"

  "Wasn't the normal cause-and-effect relationship supposed to be handing over evidence of a crime to the police... I get it! That way, our grammar teacher won't be heartbroken, right?" Intending to pretend he didn't hear what Kamijou Touma said earlier, he continued his rant from before and raised his phone to call the police officer.

  "Please, by all means go to the supermarket and buy cola flavored potato chips and instant noodles... Your Majesty, the Demon King..." With a sense of shame that couldn't be compared to anything else, Kamijou Touma said those words, his face suddenly turning bright red: This must be my lifelong shame!

  "It's over, isn't it? Young people just don't understand what humility is." Jie Lü Chu Xiao intentionally scrunched up his face, imitating the old man's emphasis on teaching.

  "Is it?" Kamijou Touma replied casually, his figure on the bed already close to grayish white.

  After satisfying his own sense of accomplishment in teasing Kamijou Touma, he didn't continue to tease him and instead pulled out an MP3 player with a touchscreen from the other pocket of his pants and tossed it at the bewildered Kamijou Touma. He explained, "The MP3 has data that I got from Little Miss Mikoto under the pretext of getting familiar with my future classmates beforehand. You should get familiar with it yourself so you don't mess up again, good-for-nothing!"

  Well, as for MP3s and whatnot, they're naturally items that drop from monsters.

  "Thank you." The tone of Kamado Tanji's gratitude was somewhat complicated, although he was a sadistic and arrogant otaku, but essentially still a good person, right? Are all my friends such eccentric people? (Congratulations on answering correctly!)

  Kaiji Kaito silently waved goodbye to Uchiyama Doma and left the hospital room; after leaving Uchiyama Doma's hospital room, Kaiji Kaito quickly packed up his few personal belongings, completed the discharge procedures, and walked out of the hospital entrance. Kaiji Kaito faced the dazzling sunlight, slightly closing his eyes in discomfort, thinking about whether to take a taxi back home to catch up on yesterday's missed anime episodes or walk back home to save money for next week's release of MIKU's new figurine.

  It wasn't until I was on my way home that I realized money isn't saved, it's earned. When I was about to hail a taxi, I suddenly found myself walking a long distance along the road home without realizing it. Feeling regretful, I muttered to myself: "This is a disease, it needs treatment!"

  "Uh... this... isn't an illness... just a discount, so..."

  A tone devoid of emotional fluctuations suddenly emerged from beside Kiyotaka Ayanokouji and explained in a self-deprecating manner; Ayanokouji turned his head to look, and a black-haired girl with a slender build wearing a red and white shrine maiden outfit was sitting on the swing set, her legs neatly folded with multiple paper bags printed with an M logo stacked on top of each other. Judging from the thickness of those bags, it seems that Akane Tsukino is indeed one of the two big eaters in the Magical Index series. (Another one you know)

  "Excuse me..."

  The tone that came out of Kijin Akatsuki's mouth was as flat as ever, and Keitai no Aya understood the accusation in those three words towards him, who looked at her with a gaze that seemed to see right through her. I suppose it's only natural for two people who are both on the same wavelength?

  "Eating too much can easily lead to stomach problems."

  Although Kaiji initially showed herself to be a non-otaku three-dimensional girl, if it were someone else, she would have flashed out of there already. However, facing the cosplayer-like Miko-dressed Akane Akiyoshi, she still feels somewhat close to her. Daring to wear such clothes and run around all over Academy City, I'm not alone!

  "Discount...can't finish eating...waste..." Kishin Akua looked at him with a serious expression, similar to that of Totsuka Saika, but not quite the same as the dead fish eyes. Although she was a three-nothing (no money, no power, no status), when faced with such misunderstandings, her true nature as a girl still showed through.

  "Okay, why did you come to this sunny swing alone at noon to eat a hamburger? If it's a picnic, wouldn't it be better under the shade of a tree?" Ji Luochi was quite curious about this. In his vague impression, shouldn't there always be many big men in black suits following this girl around?

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