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Chapter 17 - Broken sales

  I followed behind Zack as he took me around the city. He didn't say a word as to where we were going, but I knew it had something to do with Queen. Eventually, we went to the woods and found what looked like an abandoned house. Beside the building was a huge water wheel that looked like it hadn't moved in ages.

  “Ummm…” I mumbled.

  “Welcome! To the Knight and Wizards' secret base!” Zack cheered.

  I blinked a few times. “Secret base?”

  “Yeah, we're doing this hero crap, right? Gotta have a place to talk and set our hero junk. Can't have Lux finding your mask, or hero hoodie.”

  I nodded. “Yeah, that makes sense. Are we sure no one's gonna stumble upon this, though?”

  “Yeah! It'll be fine.” He said and walked over to it. “We can set some traps, you're good at crafting. Besides, last person who had this place was one of those, end-of-the-world coots. He made sure it was hard to find it. As you saw from our walk.”

  “Well, if an emergency happens, we should at least set some masks closer to home.”

  “Exactly!” Zack said and snapped his fingers. “Which is why today, we're going to see Queen. He's got all sorts of stuff.”

  “You sure we can trust him?”

  “Nope,” Zack said and tossed me something.

  I jumped and just barely caught what I now saw was his mask.

  “That's why you're gonna dress up as me, and I'm gonna guide you there. So he thinks I'm not the Wizard.”

  “Wow, that's a good idea,” I said and looked down at his mask.

  “Yeah, but first,” Zack said and walked over. “You gotta copy my swagger.”

  “Huh?”

  “You walk like you get no girls, like you got no game. Girless, a chump, a dork, a”

  “I get it!” I snapped. “Does that really matter, though?”

  “Uh, yeah! If he sees a chump. He'll treat you like one.”

  I grumbled. “Why can't you just dress as me and I go?”

  “Because I set up the meeting dummy! No reason to add you in and make it obvious!”

  I sighed. “Fine! If it'll help, I guess.”

  “First, we'll go over verbal rules,” Zack said and held up a finger. “One, always say below the price you're willing to pay. So when you haggle, they go up. You're still winning, and if they happen to agree to the below price, you've made a profit.”

  “Okay, that sounds easy enough.”

  “Two! Never mention how badly you need something. Always act like you can just get it elsewhere, especially if he's pushing our price load. If he sees desperation, he'll pounce and try to take more.”

  “But aren't we desperate?”

  The author's tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

  “No, I can easily rob one of my dad's friends. Not a big deal. This is just easier, and having a guy to rely on for supplies is helpful. Upgrades all that junk.”

  “Okay, that…makes sense. And it's not like I know any way we could buy weapons and not have it be suspicious. Or lead a trail to use to connect to us directly.”

  “And the last rule, the most important one possible.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Do what Zack would do. Because Stryder is a dork.”

  I huffed. “Uh huh, yeah. I get.”

  “See! That right there is what I'm talking about. Cuck behavior, loser response, no swagger at all! It's no wonder Alexis-”

  “What was that?” I asked.

  Zack looked around as if he wasn't aware of who I was referring to. I walked over to him, and he started to laugh nervously.

  “Y-you know I was just….speaking hypothetically! Yeah! Hypothetically!” He said.

  “Oh yeah, and hypothetically, if I were to pretend to be someone else? Someone I don't know. Is annoyed by his gopher-brained friend who's built like a mini fridge!”

  “This mini fridge got more of Alexis's attention than you ever did. So I guess that means I'm just stocked better, Strydork.”

  I walked over to him, and he looked up at me with a confident smirk. Then I reeled my arm back and bashed my fist into his stomach. He croaked and dropped to his knees.

  “I try to teach you, and you hit me.” He groaned.

  “You just made fun of me for ten minutes!”

  “Liar, home wrecker, Calvinist!” He screamed.

  “Just shut up.” I sighed.

  This is gonna be a day, I can already tell…

  …

  Zack strolled ahead and guided our way as we snuck through the back alleys. I tried to adjust his mask to my face, but it was shaped weirdly, like it wasn't meant for my face or something. Even when I got it on, I hated how much of my face it covered. This mask would hinder my ability…

  Zack soon stopped at an alleyway entrance. He turned back to me and nodded. Which was my cue to get ready. I stood up straight and looked, and attempted to prepare the ‘swagger’ walk.

  Zack walked ahead, and I followed. I let my arms swing and tried to relax my body. Zack yelled at me for being too stiff all the time, but I didn't even know what walking relaxed meant. Here goes nothing…

  “Queen, this is the guy I was telling you about,” Zack called out.

  I walked forward and leaned back a little while trying to keep my chest straight. Then I swung my arms at my side and honestly, it felt like I was gonna poop myself. I strolled down the alleyway, doing my best to fit this ‘swagger’. However, as my eyes met Zack's, I could see a look of disgust in his eyes. Oh crap! I'm doing it wrong. I panicked and stumbled a bit, and my heart suddenly turned into a jackhammer against my chest. My eyes scanned around and soon I froze once I spotted the other figure in the alleyway.

  A man with a white tank top and dark pink ripped jeans with Tomagachi's dangling from them stood there. Their obsidian hair was in pigtails, kept together by fluffy pink hair ties. And to top it off, he was wearing white bunny slippers. It was all made even more bizarre by his built form and scattered cuts all over his arms.

  “What kind of freak did you bring me this time!?” The man roared and looked at Zack.

  Zack waved his hands innocently. “Hey! Hey! Easy Queen, it's not like I asked for background checks for freaks who want stuff.”

  Zack started to walk past me, and as we made eye contact, he shook his head.

  “Clearly…” Queen huffed. “But at least he's got style.”

  “And he’s your problem now!” Zack called out and ran out from the alleyway.

  Silence met us as it was just Queen and I. Screw the swagger, I just need to focus. The most important part is the deal.

  “Queen?” I asked

  “Yeah, what's it to ya?”

  Remember, you're different now. You need to step up. No games. Let him know you mean business, and remember most of Zack's rules.

  “Gotta list, heard you could fill it,” I said and pulled out the small bundled-up piece of paper.

  “Mmm, I ain't Santa Claus.”

  “And I'm not a kid setting out cookies,” I said and held out the paper.

  He walked over and grabbed the paper from me. His eyes danced over the paper, then he looked back at me.

  “Hmm, okay, okay.” He said and pulled a sucker out of his pocket. “What's all this gas for?”

  “Need to know basis. The less, the better for you.”

  He chuckled. “Oh yeah? I like that response. Well, everything on here is cool. Except the sword is gonna fetch ya way more than that fifty. I'm thinking of a hundred. So that'll raise the total to five hundred.”

  “No dice.” Let's see if I can haggle. “Let me get the first for seventy if it's good. I'll buy a new one directly from you, or better yet. I'll get it sharpened.”

  “Oh? The promise of future pay? Still, that's not a win for me for real.”

  “Yeah, because plenty of people are buying swords.”

  “You'd be surprised.”

  “Yeah, I would. So, my offer stands seventy, and a promise of future business.”

  “Seventy-five, and I'll throw in a scabbard.” He said.

  “If it straps to the back, I'll accept.”

  “Got yourself a deal.” He said and put the sucker into his mouth.

  “Great.” I went into my pocket and pulled out a stack of cash. My stomach dropped as I remembered all the stuff I sold and cans I collected for this. “When will I get it?”

  “Don't stress, about a week. I'll talk through Zack.” He said. “That work?”

  I shrugged. “If I see him.”

  “That guy will find a way. He always does.” He said and snatched the cash from me. “Oh yeah, if you got friends. Tell’em about me. Don't care what the job is.”

  I nodded. “Sure, as long as you don't ask.”

  He held up his hands. “As if I need to know. Anyways, will be in contact.”

  “Yeah,” I said and turned around. “Oh yeah, don't try to screw me either. I'm not an enemy you want.”

  “Yeah, tall, dark, and masky.” He chuckled. “Not my type of friends. But hey, if you ever wanna share clothes, I like that mask.”

  I chuckled. “Will see.”

  I walked off with that, and as soon as I turned the corner, I dropped and started to pant. My shoulders slumped, and all this weight suddenly hit me.

  Holy crap that worked! We sold for less than what we had! I actually saved us two hundred dollars!

  I chuckled. “Look at that, I did fine just being me.”

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