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Chapter 135: Fallen Graces

  Morning winds fluttered Aurelius' hair as he sat still on the peak of Solomon's mountain, facing south. His eyes were slightly squinted to take in the foggy horizons, but his mind was elsewhere. He rubbed his fingers together for some warmth. He wasn't cold. It was just something to do.

  His eyes blinked, watery and bloodshot. Drowsiness pulled him down. Lying on his back in the snow, looking at the light blue sky, he wondered if the Elite Troop would've been like a family to him. Hatred made a home in his stomach. What would he do with Kendrick? What could he do?

  Aurelius groaned, dropping flakes of snow on his face. He missed Gabriel. What would he say when he met him again?

  He had to ask about the parts that were missing in the last two chapters in Solomon's copy of the Side of Ares. Could he ask that when it revealed his association with Solo—

  Aurelius hopped to his feet and turned.

  "I mean no harm," Solomon said, waving a hand. Aurelius relaxed. "I see your reactivity is returning. Good."

  Aurelius glanced behind Solomon to see that he had left no trail. He'd walked on essence. "So you just sneak up on people to test their senses?"

  "With you," Solomon admitted, coming to stand by Aurelius' side.

  Together they looked ahead. Solomon at the sky, Aurelius at the horizon.

  "I talked with Cade," Solomon said.

  Aurelius ran a hand down his face, whispering, "Fuck."

  "She's worried about you."

  "I know." Aurelius shook his head, gazing at his feet. "I know..."

  There was that same feeling again. A cold touch on his spinal cord that always made him run. He steeled himself against it and met Solomon's eyes.

  "I'm going to kill Kendrick. He's a monster, and chaos is his shadow. His death is the only way this will end." He watched Solomon's reaction but got nothing out of it. The man remained a mystery. Aurelius snarled, "What do you want? What's your aim? Why did you help me, really?"

  Solomon blinked and turned away. "Do I need to want something?"

  Aurelius scoffed, looking away to his right. "You talk like a liar or a saint, but you're neither." Gradually, he brought his gaze back toward Solomon. "You have regrets. You abandoned your duty, so you try to make it up through me." When Aurelius looked back at him, Solomon's unshakable eyes were already on him. "But what is it that you want me to do? You want me to kill him, right? Just say it."

  "Look for your excuses elsewhere," Solomon grumbled. "I've done my part. One is not supposed to live their duty. At a certain point, one has done enough, and it is time for the next generation to take over."

  Aurelius sighed, glaring at the old man. "Even now you could end it all, but you don't. Where is your sense of responsibility?" Aurelius breathed harder, gnashing his teeth. "We are the strong," he said, hitting his chest. "We are supposed to put an end to people like Kendrick, not to 'do our part,' whatever that means. As long as we draw breath, we're supposed to—"

  "Kill? Is that it, Ender of Reigns? Do you plan to live the rest of your life like you have hitherto? If so, your trail of corpses will be much like mine, your father's, and Kendrick's. Is that what you want?"

  Aurelius clicked his tongue. "I don't plan on hiding away like a man afraid of the world."

  "Afraid?" Solomon asked, dead-eyed. Aurelius took an unconscious step back. "Listen, boy. You're right that people like us have a responsibility. That responsibility isn't just to remove evil, however. It is to promote good. And how can we do that if we know nothing of good but only evil? The liveD is not a force for good. The Ender of Reigns is not a force for good. The Conqueror of the West, on the other hand..."

  Aurelius shook, his fists turning white. "What about the Soldier of God, huh? Is he a force for good?"

  "I'm well aware of what I've done," Solomon replied. "However, I am not responsible for it all. I see it as it is. I did things I'm not proud of, but there was a series of events that led to my actions that were not in my control. I bear a burden, but not the burden." Aurelius was about to cut in. Solomon didn't let him. "I'm very willing to face my sins, but taking the sins of others unto myself is not something I feel a need to do. When I die, I will likely find myself in the underworld, but I do not plan to stay there. I am the forger of my own destiny, so I will tread the underworld with courage. That is what reckoning means. Not some pathetic self-pity."

  Aurelius glared at him, his baggy blue eyes gleaming under his disheveled hair.

  "Look at it this way." Solomon laid a relaxed hand on Aurelius' shoulder. "Your misery in your duties itself lowers the world's happiness, so how good of a job can you be doing? Oh, and it lowers Cade's as well." Solomon's grip tightened. Aurelius enhanced. The hand only squeezed harder, though, and finally got a wince out of Aurelius. "Do not take that lightly," Solomon whispered. Then he let go, clapped Aurelius on the back, and walked off.

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  "You have no issue with me killing Kendrick then? You won't hunt me over it as per tradition?"

  "Your choice is your own," Solomon said with a wave. "Do not try to escape it. You won't."

  ***

  Aurelius sank into the fjord, and essence rushed into every part of his body and reinforced it against the freeze. He observed it happen as if he wasn't in his own body. Nothing felt like anything anymore. He contemplated retracting his essence, but his instincts screamed at him, so he let it be.

  He enhanced his sight and took a peek at the long darkness leading to the bottom. It would've scared him in the past, especially when he had no essence. Now he felt nothing. He would've dived in if he thought there was something interesting there, but there wasn't.

  Aurelius came to the surface and floated along with the current. Black birds flew far overhead. The crows flocked, snapping at each other, and for some time, they flew around in a spiral. Ajrelius was consumed by their seemingly never-ending chase. It was pointless, hopeless, miserable. Then they scattered, and floating in the current got boring.

  He spent the following day by himself far from the villa, wandering around. He had gotten enough of a handle on his essence again to run and do some light combat. It all happened so naturally it was hard to control. All it took was a breath to infuse his body with essence even without meaning to, but the infusion dissipated just as easily, making it hazardous.

  It was kind of sad how one of the steps in his path of progress had a habit of negating the ones before. Balgair teaching him mini supplies had negated a lot that he'd learnt from Gabriel, and the motionless magic Cade had taught him had negated almost both of those completely.

  On his way, he'd stumbled upon a village of what seemed to be fishers and hunters near a fjord and an evergreen forest. It occurred to Aurelius that if those people happened to venture toward Solomon's villa, they'd see the massive hole he'd blown in that one mountain. Had Solomon thought that through?

  At the end of the day, Aurelius returned to the villa. He paused in the hallway behind Cade's door but let it go and went into his own room. It was only after he'd settled into his bed that the door to his room opened.

  He sat up and saw Cade there, leaning on the door with her hair all over the place.

  "Hey," she said with a tilt of her head, hesitation in her voice.

  "Hey," Aurelius rasped, rubbing his eyes. "Come in."

  Cade shut the door and walked slowly to the bed. "About last night..."

  "I was emotional..."

  Cade chuckled. "Yeah... I sensed something along those lines." She sat at the foot of the bed, laying a hand on his leg. "Are you all right now?"

  "I don't think so, no." Aurelius said, a smile twitching on his lips as he looked at her. "I can't come to a conclusion. There's this constant pressure, and no matter how much I work at the problem, the pressure is always greater."

  "Look," Cade said, scooting closer, "I won't act like I know everything that's in here." She taped his forehead. "But I know what's in here." She tapped his chest. "I know it's hard, and I know how much pressure you put on yourself. I would tell you it's too much, but I know you won't hear it. Just don't get crazy on me. I'll slap you if you get crazy."

  Aurelius pressed his lips together, his sight getting a little blurry. "Thanks. For always..."

  "For what?" Slapping you?" Cade smiled. "No problem."

  "I'm sorry," Aurelius said, keeping his voice strong, but his shoulders shook.

  "We aren't supposed to say sorry, remember?"

  "I know... I'm sorry."

  Cade laughed and leaned in. Aurelius accepted her comforting even though he didn't deserve it. Only she could make him forget himself and the rest of the world for a while.

  ***

  Wind swept across the curving horizons. Aurelius stood upon the castle wall, his cloak swaying. The air smelled of iron.

  In an instant, Aurelius disappeared into a light blue blur. He did away with the guards, avoided the servants, and finally came to the heavy door. He blasted it open with essence and rushed inside.

  He came into a bedroom with a single man sleeping in silk covers on a large bed. The man woke and saw Aurelius. He tried screaming for help, but his voice was gone. Aurelius came one step at a time.

  The man had no face. He struggled out of bed and cowered in the corner. When Aurelius was within hand's reach, the man lunged at him. Aurelius sidestepped and slit his throat. He tumbled down, holding his wound in desperation.

  Aurelius squatted down and saw the fear in the man's face. Only then did he know who the man was.

  "You killed my father," he whispered.

  ***

  Aurelius lay awake past midnight, his arm wrapped around Cade. He would've thanked the small bed, but he was still reliving the dream. He hadn't woken up with cold sweat. When he woke, he felt relieved.

  He spent the night staring at the roof as his lips slowly curved into a smile.

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