A week later, as night fell, I lay awake a long time. Cervis explained in what terms he could that it was essential I never see him as a man- I asked questions and he answered what he could. But I’d thought of a loophole upon reading a book of a blind adventurer earlier that day.

  His footsteps crossed the floor as he finished eating. Since Cervis and I had confronted that he was the one in the room at night, he had been coming in earlier, and eating after he turned back into a man. We still didn’t speak, but it was easier to sleep knowing there was no stranger lying next to me. Perhaps I trusted Cervis too much, but he’d yet to give me a reason not to.

  He came and laid next to me, and I kept my eyes closed. “Cervis?”

  “You’re still awake?”

  His voice was the same: light, pleasant, somewhat rusty. “Yes. I had a thought.”

  “What’s that?”

  “If I see you, things go badly, right?”

  “Right.”

  “I was reading something earlier about an adventurer who lost his ability to see- so he saw with his hands and kept adventuring. Could I- could I try something similar?”

  “You want to- to what? Touch my face?”

  “Yes. I just- I’m sorry if that’s strange, but I’m terribly curious- you can deny me-”

  “Go ahead.”

  The words surprised me. “Are you certain?”

  “Yes. I… I haven’t felt physical contact in a long time, so I may flinch slightly at first. Forgive me that, and please don’t poke my eyes or nostrils.”

  “I wouldn’t.”

  “Then… Feel away.”

  I reached up a tender hand, but I had my eyes closed still to be on the safe side, and I wasn’t entirely sure where he was.

  Then long fingers took hold of my wrist and lifted my hand. I felt a cheek appear beneath my palm and gasped. He removed his hand from touching mine. My heart pounded as I traced my fingers along his face.

  Sallow cheeks, bold cheekbones- what seemed like a diamond-shaped face. Arched brows. Thin, defined lips, a long mouth. A thin, angled nose. Surprisingly soft skin. A widow’s peak, and hair that seemed to flow to his shoulders or jaw, somewhere in that region. Also soft, and thick.

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  Eyes still closed, I asked in a whisper, “What color is your hair?”

  In his way of answering, he asked, “The moon is beautiful, don’t you think?”

  “White, then?”

  “Pale, shining moon.”

  An image formed in my mind. That day I had met Lady Strigga returned to mind, the blue flashing in his ghostly eyes. Blue eyes, white hair, and thin, angular features, then. My hand drifted back down to his cheek and my fingertips hesitated there.

  “Cervis?”

  “Yes?”

  “How did you end up like this?”

  He sighed and reached up, placing his hand over mine. He moved my hand from his cheek to the bed, but left his hand on it for a moment. “That’s one question you would have to find out from the journal.”

  “So, theoretically- I could be stuck here for decades and never know the truth?”

  He sighed again, and withdrew his hand. “I’m sorry.”

  He turned over, and that was the end of conversation for the night.

  Come morning, I woke alone as always.

  By the time I had dressed, Sol had come to visit me. I wandered out to the bedroom’s balcony and looked out at the towering silver wall, the gardens below us. The marigolds and daylilies had faded, and towering over them bloomed tall lavender and white petals. I wondered what season it was- I had been here moons and the weather had not changed in the least. Would Cervis know?

  I reached the dining hall to find the same man as always- a towering white Stag. My mind returned to the previous night, remembering the face I had felt and the image it had conjured. I tried to convince myself he couldn’t be as handsome as I imagined, and it wouldn’t make a difference if he was.

  “Good morning,” he greeted me. This would have been peculiar on its own, without the fact he seemed more solid than ghostly.

  “Morning.” I sat down with a yawn and my food appeared before me, as always. The Stag’s “salad” appeared as well; I had experimented with food for him over time, but we mostly reserved that for dinner, as he actually liked the leafy abundance for breakfast. “I had a wonder.”

  “You know I’ll do my best to reply.”

  I nodded. If anything, this should be a question he could directly answer. “What season is it?”

  “Oh.” He glanced at the window. “It’s seven dawns till Midwinter Fest.”

  My heart seized. I had missed so much- birthdays, holidays, and so on. I couldn’t miss Midwinter, too. I tried to squeeze down the painful density but still felt it- the ache of homesickness.

  “Oh.”

  Cervis looked up at the hollow sound, concern in his pale eyes. “You miss them, don’t you?”

  My eyes were turned to the tabletop but I didn’t see it anymore. “Of course- I had barely spent any time away from them in nineteen years, and suddenly I was ripped away from everything I knew.” I saw him flinch, a subtle movement I only saw because I’d been around him so much now. “Sorry. It’s not your fault.”

  “Is it not? I pulled you away from them.”

  “It was my choice,” I reminded him. “I’m sure Jana would have been your preference.”

  He looked up at me. “And why are you so sure of this?”

  “She’s of a more pleasant disposition, more obedient, prettier…” I rose. “I’m sorry. It’s just been a long time. I need some time alone.”

  I left the room again and disappeared to the gardens in a fit of melancholy.