“Why is there a man squatting a tree truck with a bear as his spotter?” I asked incredulously. The mental flashbang forced the words out of me without a care for stealth. Stealth be damned, who are they???

  Luckily, my sheer dumbfoundedness did not register within the ears of the two temporal anomalies in front of us.

  “We go?” asked Haunt. Those obsidian legs were already preparing a zipline away from this scene.

  “As much as that sounds like a good plan, we can’t just head east. We need more coordinates, this is the opportunity we’ve been waiting for,” I replied.

  The figures were too engrossed even to notice our approach. Every so often, the man would squat the tree, pushing it down almost to the ground. The bear beside him stood on its hind legs with its paws outstretched underneath the man’s arms, supporting his repetition.

  Long branches jutted from its brown-furred back. If we weren’t coming from the front I would have assumed it was a bush. We were no more than a few paces away now. The crashing of the tree branches against the ground dulled our approach.

  The man’s figure finally came into view. His face was covered by a layer of hair that grew over his eyes like vines. A thin tunic was wrapped over his towering figure. Was any part of this man not built of muscle? Every fibre and artery was straining under the immense weight.

  We finally arrived next to them. “Uh, hello, my name is Sallix and-—”

  “HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA,” he yelled, “One more rep Lesi! You got my back right?” His face was beet red, and ragged breaths vacated from his mouth. His shout deafened the entire area and blew leaves off of me.

  The bear roared back in response.

  I genuinely hate it here.

  Despite the weight, the man managed to calmly lower himself to the ground. He took a deep breath, his legs tensed once more. “HURRRGHHHH,” he screeched, before explosively catapulting off the ground.

  With a tensing of his back, he chucked the trunk into the forest behind us. Whatever poor animal that may have lived in the area was annihilated instantly.

  “Please, we must go,” Haunt begged. I could never imagine Haunt being sarcastic, but after my twenty-year sleep, I suppose fear shouldn’t be anything new either. Were those tears forming in all eight eyes?

  He turned towards us. Oh no. “Did you see that?!” he shouted. The air cavitated in the presence of his words. “Thirty reps of that tree! Now that’s a new personal record! Wait a second, you’re not Lesi-—Blarghhhhh,” he said before vomiting a white sludge onto the ground.

  “Y-you alright there?” I asked.

  “Damn, I told her not to make me anything for lunch, I always lift on an empty stomach,” he complained. His hair was doused in sweat. Its white hues matched perfectly with the vomit on the ground. Using some of the stray branches growing on “Lesi”, he wiped himself clean.

  “We go now,” Haunt said.

  In between his cleaning routine. His shuffling hair revealed a pair of pointy ears. He turned towards us once more. Please don’t vomit on us. “Well then, hello to the both of you! My name is Basil Datsyr,” he said, reaching a hand out towards us. A hesitant branch grasped his hand.

  “…Nice to meet you too, my name is Sallix and this is Haunt,” I said gesturing at the camouflaged shadow behind me.

  “Don’t reveal hiding place,” he said.

  “It’s a pleasure that a big spirit and the wildlife have come to witness my workout routine! And here is my best friend and spotter, Lesi!” he continued. The bear let out a dull bellow and laid on its side.

  “It sure was something,” I said. Despite the circumstances, not many people can squat a tree…

  “That bear dangerous,” Haunt muttered.

  “Oh, Lesi? Don’t worry about her,” Basil said, immediately shoving his head in between her jaws. “She loves electric eels, so if you want to make friends with her that’s how I did it!” he laughed.

  This guy has no sense of self-preservation! “That’s very cool Basil, I’m here currently searching for a friend right now,” I said.

  “Oh, perfect! I finished with my last set anyways,” he replied, pointing at the collapsed tree lying on its side. “Me and Lesi can help you guys out! She’s a smart cookie with that nose of hers. If you have a keepsake of your friends we can track them down,” he continued.

  Lesi was in the middle of living in an imaginary dreamland. Her drooling mouth occasionally bit at non-existent eels in the air.

  “After she wakes up from her nap, of course,” Basil laughed.

  “Thanks for the offer, but we don’t have anything like that,” I replied. There were no keepsakes from Vila, nothing to remember her by. We should do a Secret Santa sometime. Vila would love that.

  “You wouldn’t happen to know where the fairies live do you?” I asked.

  “Yeeesh, if it’s beyond working out or eating you’re out of luck. I think my mom told me but I chose to forget it. Wastes brain space you know?” he said, scratching his head.

  That’s not how that works!

  “Told you to leave,” bemoaned Haunt. Meeting Basil made Haunt experience the entire spectrum of negative emotions.

  “Whatever keeps you blooming!” His ears flapped as he laughed.

  “Are you an elf?” I asked. Were humans a dominant species here? Do I have to cozy up to a specific race? Despite being turned into a tree, I hope humanity is thriving out here.

  “Huh? Yeah, I sure am, the strongest wood elf in the forest. No one else can squat or lift as much as me!” he said, pumping up his chest.

  This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

  “Just in the forest?” Haunt asked.

  “Just out of the wood elves?” I asked.

  “Life ain’t worth living,” Basil muttered, collapsing to the ground. It took two lines to destroy the heroic ego he had displayed in front of us.

  “Okay, but would we be able to ask your mom then?”

  Basil immediately perked up and proceeded to backflip off the group. “Of course! Denizens of the forest are always welcome to our hamlet! I’ll introduce you to my family,” he cheered. “Come on, follow me,” he said, walking deeper into the forest. Lesi managed to wake up and follow behind him.

  “They. Fearsome creatures,” Haunt said.

  “They’re certainly friendly, this might not be so bad Haunt. Cheer up. You’re terrifying with how big you’ve grown,” I replied.

  “Hey! Don’t make me retrace my steps. I hate doing cardio,” Basil shouted.

  “Walking is not cardio!” I replied. A tree giving workout advice to an elf with lats big enough to achieve flight…laughable.

  **********

  “Look, look, a group of Terror Raptors north of us,” Basil said. Beyond a few trees stood three velociraptor-like creatures foraging in the grass. Without Basil’s directive, their light green plumage would have blended into the foliage. “If I’m lucky, we’ll be having one for dinner, Mom makes a great stew,” he said. His hand gingerly cradled a rock.

  “Don’t tell me you’re gonna try chucking it—he chucked it?!” My whisper morphed into a yell as I witnessed more tomfoolery today. Basil’s arm was like a whip as it swung the rock through the air. It obliterated a tree beside the raptor.

  “Ah shoot, I forgot I have bad depth perception,” he laughed. The three birds began scattering in all directions. Lesi leaped after the nearest one.

  “I’ll eat the one he missed,” muttered Haunt. His figure disappeared under the cover of darkness.

  “Ah the other one’s already gone, but hopefully Lesi and that spider can catch the others!” Basil said.

  “Leave the last one to me,” I said. My roots pierced the ground and conversed with the fungus. No change here…no disturbances over there…there! A stream of frantic and annoyed voices stemmed from the ground underneath a bush in the east.

  A big firebolt should do it. After twenty years of sleeping, the mana reserves expanded quite a bit, let’s give half a try.

  The fire amassed from the resulting magic circle was as big as a basketball now. It was a far cry from the palm-sized ones I could muster practicing with Vehyr. It ricocheted off my circle and slammed into the bush.

  “Were trees able to cast fire spells? You learn something new every day,” Basil said. I can’t cast these spells in front of strangers. Hide my capabilities and find Vila.

  “My tree elders taught me this,” I replied. Basil nodded vigorously in agreement. No thoughts exist in that brain aside from working out. I think he’s safe.

  A terrified Terror Raptor with a head full of fire bounded out of the bush towards us. Its beak the size of the rest of its head, was agape in fury.

  “Ah don’t worry I got it this time,” yelled Basil.

  “You sure? You missed the last time!” I replied.

  “No, I win,” he said. His hand reached for another rock off the ground. Instead of the small pebble in the ground, he pulled out a miniature boulder that we were next to. “Dodge this one!” he yelled, flinging the chunk at the raptor.

  Its head was eviscerated. The rock touched its beak like a lover’s caress and then proceeded to divorce its head from the rest of the body. What was left of it was a gory mess a few meters away.

  The headless body wandered aimlessly a few more paces before collapsing to the ground. The occasional spurts of blood from its neck reminded me of a garden hose. Metal.

  “Good shot…” I muttered. I stared at Basil. His eyes gleamed with pride as he beheld his macabre art piece.

  “Come, let’s blood let it,” he said. Basil swung the corpse around like a helicopter blade as blood showered the trees around us. It took a few swings before all the blood vacated the body. He should not be allowed to smile while doing this.

  Lesi and Haunt managed to return before long. Cradled in her jaws was the corpse of a Terror Raptor. Haunt had his catch bundled in a silk wrap awaiting future consumption.

  “Should we set up camp? We have three corpses to carry,” I said.

  “Nah, my home is right over,” Basil said, pointing to an amorphous brown blob on the horizon. “Let’s have the bodies dry on your branches.” Basil grasped the three bodies and threw them a top of me.

  “You…I…okay let’s get going, I guess,” I said. We hadn’t de-feathered or even taken out the organs. Although Basil clearly was confused about food preservation, he had the right spirit.

  “Are you okay?” Haunt asked.

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” I laughed. Basil and Lesi only meant well. There were a lot worse things one could meet in an unknown forest.

  After a couple of hours of going over streams and overgrown trees, we reached Basil’s home. Looming over our heads stood a wooden palisade with stones and mud interlaced between the fencing. Two watchtowers stood on either end of a closed wooden gate. A variety of foreign letters and imagery dotted the door.

  At the epicentre were two carved roses intertwined with each other. Their obstacle was the line the gate doors made in the middle. The guards in the towers noticed our approach.

  “Basil! Did you finish your routine?” the guard asked.

  “Yup, brought back a couple of friends too,” Basil replied, pointing at us.

  “They are certainly welcome!” laughed the guard. “Here I’ll start unlocking the gate then.”

  “No need,” Basil interrupted, “They need to see my mother urgently. I’m going through the old way.” The guard’s face fell drastically to the ground.

  “No, no, no, wait, wait, wait. Basil, we just recast the magic this morning, the metalsmith just redid the hinges from last time,” the guard cried. He leaped over the wall and started sprinting to Basil.

  “Yeah, Basil it’s fine, we don’t want to make any trouble,” I said.

  “Nah, it’s chill,” he replied.

  The guard did not reach us in time. It was too late. Basil sauntered up the left side of the gate and grasped it with both hands. His legs assumed his prior squatting position.

  “NOOOO!” screamed the guard.

  The guard’s screams harmonized with the grunt Basil made as he proceeded to wrench the gate off its hinges. Dull sparks of mana showered on his hair as the gate was carried off in his hands.

  Behind the gate stood a growing crowd of onlookers. A myriad of elves of all ages with the same white hair as Basil’s stood smiling and clapping.

  “Look at him go!” cheered an old man.

  “This is the fifth time this month!” laughed a young girl.

  “Mamma I wanna be like Basil in the future!” A kid said grasping his mother’s dress.

  “Come on, let’s go in!” Basil gestured. Lesi moved in without pomp and circumstance. I reluctantly moved through as the guard leaned against the wall. He had the face of a retail worker being told he had to come in on a holiday or risk being fired. I think Haunt fainted during the whole commotion.

  “I’m not paid enough for this,” the guard whimpered.

  “Don’t worry, I’ll fix it,” Basil said, walking in behind us. With a dull slam, he pushed the gate back in place, affixing it to the ground. “That’ll do the trick!” he laughed.

  The gate was noticeably off-centre.

  “Whatever, I’ll do the paperwork and call your father here,” the guard said. He looked at Haunt and me with curiosity, his eyes scrutinizing us. He let off a hearty chuckle. “Our town has not yet seen a treant or Nighthaunter enter, much less together, welcome.”

  “Hey, you took my line!” Basil said. He tapped my side. “Welcome to Fleurwind!” he proclaimed. Trees the size of ancient redwoods stood before us. Shops were set up beneath their overgrown roots. Elves roamed the streets surrounding us, with small fireflies lighting up the pathways. Attached to the tree trunks were bridgeways connecting small homes and communities.

  “Thanks for the welcome,” I said. There were still three corpses on top of me.