“Princess.” the commander says while pointing at me.

  “What? Do I look like a princess to you!” I yell while pointing my crowbar at it. “Take a good fucking look at me and say that again.”

  “Princess;” he repeats.

  “Are you confused or something.” I feel the little lizard trying to escape my pocket, so I take it out so it can't get away. As I do, the commander tries to scramble to his feet, but a kick to the chest puts him down again and he yells, “Princess!” while pointing at my hand.

  I look at the small lizard that is still covered in tomato sauce and use Identify on it.

  “Not that one.” I wipe the lizard off a bit before trying again.

  “Ah fuck, this is your princess?” I say, holding the little lizard princess.

  The general nods vigorously and says, “Yes, give princess now.”

  I pull the little lizard closer. “Not so fast. If you want her back, go get your queen. I'll make her a deal. But first, drop your gear.”

  It looks at me unimpressed but does what I tell him, leaving a bunch of his items—his spear, his necklace, and the various pieces of jewelry he had on. After dropping his items, he goes off to get the queen, but before leaving the loading bay, he turns to me.

  Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

  “Stay while I get queen.”

  Now all alone in the loading bay, I look at the little lizard in my hand and say, “You are pure trouble, aren't you.”

  I look around for something to put her in and find a glass display case. I turn the glass covering upside down on a crate and put her in it. With the lizard princess in a box she can't escape from, I begin to look through the stuff the commander left behind. But the moment I touch one, the dungeon sends me a notification.

  I look at my new title and let out a snicker.

  “I guess I did just mug him. Gonna try to mug a goblin next.”

  I pick up the first item from the commander and use Identify on it.

  “That's pretty good,” I think as I take the spear to the forklift and place it there. Then I take the necklace and use Identify on it.

  “This might be good for Monty,” I think to myself with totally selfless motivation. The necklace definitely didn’t make me want to vomit when I used it.

  The rest of the jewelry was just regular gold, so on the forklift they go. When I am done binding my new loot to the forklift, I turn around to find the T-Rex looking right at me from the entrance of the space exhibit.

  “Oh no.”