Agent Drew—or should I say Assistant Director Drew?—came in through the front doors and looked around, casing the scene before entering the crowd. At least that's what he was making it look like he was doing. He could've just been frozen and shy. I decided it was the latter, so I came up to him.

  "Hey there, Officer Drew. Whatcha doing just standing here by the door? Mingle, you Pringle!" I said.

  "Ok, now I know it's on purpose. Call me by my real title. Not 'Officer Drew'. I'm not that guy anymore," he said, narrowing his eyes at me.

  "Fine, fine, 'Assistant Director' Drew," I said, using air quotes.

  "Why did you use air quotes? That makes it seem like I'm not actually the Assistant Director," he said.

  "I don't know. Why am I using air quotes, 'Drew'? If that is your real name," I said, still using air quotes.

  "Stop that!" he shouted.

  "Why don't you 'make me'," I said, once again using air quotes like an asshole.

  Drew grabbed me by the throat and started choking me. He wasn't nearly strong enough to actually choke me, but I made a goofy fake 'being choked' face, anyway. Tony stepped out from behind the bar and walked over to us.

  "Hey! No kinky shit in my bar! That's what the bathrooms are for," he said, wagging his finger.

  "You heard the man. If you want to choke me, you'll have to do it in the bathroom," I said, winking at him.

  "Ew!" Drew said, taking his hands off me.

  "Oh, lighten up, you prude," I said, flattening out my collar.

  "Fine. But you better introduce me to a few people before you leave me to flounder on my own," he said.

  I locked one of my arms with his and said, "Come with me. I have some people I want you to meet."

  "I'll get you back for this, even if it kills me," Drew said.

  "You'll never succeed," I said. "In order to get me back, I'd actually have to care what you do to me. I've been dipped in lava. I rarely care what happens to me anymore."

  I introduced Drew to several of my demonic employees and associates. He was a little tense at first, which was understandable. Humans are taught to believe that demons are dangerous and evil. Of course, he'd be nervous.

  As I introduced him to more and more people, I felt his anxiety lessen, until he met Nigel and completely lost all nervousness and started to enjoy himself.

  I wasn't surprised Nigel was the one to knock the last chip off his shoulder. Nigel was the chillest demon I'd ever met. He's really into coexisting and comingling. He finds humans fascinating, and Assistant Director Drew was no exception.

  When Drew and Nigel were really hitting it off, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see Gilbert looking at me with his head hanging low. "Would it be agreeable with you if we conversed?"

  "Yes, that would be most agreeable with me," I said. I leaned into Drew and said, "I'm going to leave you alone now. You've met dozens of people here. Do you think you'll be alright?"

  Drew was so relaxed at this point, he actually chuckled at that. "Yes, Dave, I'll be fine. You go do Devil stuff. I'm sure you have more important things to do than babysit me."

  "That's what I like to hear, Assistant Director Drew," I said, turning away and walking a few feet away to talk with Gilbert. "What's up?"

  "I've been thinking about the argument we had last week," he said, looking down and away.

  "You mean your lecture?" I asked.

  "Yeah, that," he said. "I wanted to apologize. I understand that you have a lot of responsibilities and I considered what would happen to Hell if all the humans actually did die, and none of the possibilities seemed desirable. So I suppose what I am saying is you were right. I'm sorry."

  I put my hand on his lean, muscular shoulder. "Gilbert. It's alright. I forgive you. It's not a big deal. I'm just thankful you feel comfortable enough with me to express your true feelings and opinions."

  Gilbert raised his eyebrows. "Wow. You are far more understanding than I assumed you would be."

  "Hey, don't get me wrong. I will be docking your pay for your transgression, but I accept that you had valid points and will continue to take your opinions into consideration when making executive decisions," I said.

  "What do you mean? You don't pay me," he said.

  "Exactly," I said, smiling.

  "I see," he said, his shoulders drooping.

  "I'm just kidding. Cheer up, Gilbert. I'll talk to my assistant director and have you put on the payroll by Monday," I said, smiling wider.

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  "Oh, good. That's a relief. I didn't know how I was going to afford sustenance. I was considering going back to Shadow Canyon and wasting away again like you found me," he said, picking at a piece of gold in his forehead.

  Huh. I didn't realize that the gold was actual gold embedded in his skin. I thought they were just skin discolorations. "Yeah, no, don't go back there. But I have to ask, what's with the gold in your skin? And why are you black? Not that I have anything against it. I've just never seen a black demon before."

  "Oh, that?" he said. "Well, a not very well known fact about demons is that we do age. Just not like humans do. The process is also incredibly slow. Our skin changes color the older we get. We start orange and become red as we mature, but then after centuries or millennia, we change colors."

  "Some go purple, some go blue, some even go green or yellow, but after the initial color change, we all eventually go black. Our bodies change colors rather than breakdown."

  "Interesting. But that doesn't explain the gold. What's that about?" I said.

  "Oh, the gold was simply an alchemy experiment that blew up in my face. Literally." he said, laughing nervously.

  "That doesn't quite make sense. Why did the gold come back when you regenerated?"

  "It didn't just turn some of my skin to gold. It altered my DNA. So now I always regenerate with it. I suppose I could fix it, but I don't want to risk something else going wrong and making it worse."

  "Oh. Well, that's a sobering thought about magic. Things can go wrong," I said.

  "You have no concept for it. Things can go far more wrong than you can possibly imagine. That's why you don't see that many demon mages. They often end up removing their existence from reality," he said, smiling and laughing genuinely. It was a little creepy after what he said.

  "That's terrifying. Remind me to never learn magic," I said.

  "Oh I will," Gilbert said.

  After that, Gilbert and I ended up getting a drink together. A virgin Pina Colada for me and scotch whiskey for him. That was my idea. Scotch whiskey had always been my favorite drink when I was still drinking.

  Later on, I bumped into Lilith, but I had the distinct impression she sought me out.

  "Where's Keir?" Lilith said. Oh, she definitely sought me out.

  "I think he's stuck in Heaven right now. A bunch of shit is going down up there and he literally can't get away," I said. "Why?"

  Lilith looked down at her feet and poked her fingers together. "I was really looking forward to 'reuniting' with him. He never called after last time, and I wanted to see if I could clarify our relationship."

  I put my hand on her shoulder. "I understand. I'm sure he's not ignoring or avoiding you. He probably just didn't know you wanted something more. For a guy who's half-demon, he's not much of a player. He's just shy. He puts up this 'all business' front, because he's afraid of being vulnerable."

  "Really? Do you think I actually have a chance of tying him down?" she said, with a hopeful look in her eyes.

  "I don't know if you mean that figuratively or literally, but I'm going to assume figurative," I said. "Figuratively, I think you could tie him down easily. You are way out of his league and he knows it. I think you could tie him down literally, too. He seems like the kind of guy who'd be into that."

  "Ok, thanks, Dave," she said, with a vulnerable smile.

  It was weird seeing the powerful demon queen show a softer side, but I appreciated it. It showed me she wasn't just the ruthless slave driver she was at work. She was a real person with real feelings and worries and insecurities.

  As I was wandering around, I bumped into someone I did not expect to see there. Just like with Lilith, I had a feeling this wasn't by accident. She was wearing a little black cocktail dress that accentuated her body in ways that I was not prepared for.

  "Did you really think you were going to throw this party without me?" Margaret asked.

  "I didn't want to, but I expected you wouldn't be available because you'd be watching Eli," I said.

  "Do you really think it's fair to expect the woman in the relationship to stay home while the man gets to go out and have fun?" she said.

  I thought about it and realized she was right. That was a little sexist of me. "I'm sorry. That was selfish of me. It would've been better to consider whether we should both go or both stay."

  "You're damn right!" she said, looking deep into my eyes and burning my soul. Then she blinked, and the stare was replaced with a gentle smile.

  "But I forgive you. You can be pretty dumb sometimes, but you never do anything with malice. You're kind and you try, which are two things that get you out of a lot of trouble, especially with me."

  I breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you, Margaret. I'll do better next time. I'm not going to ask about Eli because I'm sure you figured something out and to ask would be like falling into a trap."

  She leaned in and booped my nose. She had to reach up to do it. She was a head shorter than me, which was a feature I found very endearing.

  "You are correct, Mister," she said. "Eli is fine. One of my girls is watching him. Accelerated aging aside, he will be fine for one night. That reminds me, though."

  "You need to spend time with him now that the crisis has been averted. You'll regret missing his childhood and you won't be able to go back and do it over. It's one and done."

  "Understood. There is still a lot of crisis left to avert, but I'll see if I can arrange maternity leave. It's only a couple months, right? What could go wrong?" I said, knowing I was tempting fate by saying that, but I didn't care. Everything always went wrong at my job, whether I jinxed it or not.

  "Good," Margaret said, smiling a cute little smile. "Now, let's party." She grabbed me by the jacket. "Where's the bar? This place is a zoo."

  I grabbed her by the dress. "I'll lead you. You only grab someone's clothes if you're the one in front." She looked down at my hand on her dress and so did I. "Yeah, that didn't have the effect I was going for. Now, I just feel silly."

  "Don't worry about it. You look silly often enough that I don't care when it happens. I actually find it endearing," she said. "That said, I really need a drink, so please lead on."

  I let go of her dress and grabbed her hand instead. I led her to the bar, where Tony was waiting for me.

  "Well, well, well. The wise guy came crawling back to old Tony. Well, you know what? I ain't helping you with nothing! With all the disrespect you've paid to my bar, you're lucky I don't throw you out!" Tony said, arms crossed.

  "Hey, Tony. I'm sorry, ok? I really had to get a unicorn drunk? You know what I'm saying?" I was gesturing really hard with my hands.

  "I have no idea what you're saying kid, but I forgive you. Just stop pretending to be Italian," he said.

  "Fine. This is my girlfriend, Margaret. She just had a baby, my baby, and she could really use a drink. Are you going to deny her?" I asked.

  "No, I won't," Tony said, suddenly making a drink.

  It turned out to be an appletini. Margaret tasted it and said, "Hell yeah! Give me five more!"

  She gulped it down and gently placed the glass back on the bar.

  "Hmm. I didn't think I could fall in love with someone who isn't human, but she's testing me," he said, making the drinks.

  "Yeah, you and every other guy who meets her. Get in line."

  "I hate lines," Tony said.

  He finished the drinks, and Margaret downed them all. She didn't slam them. She just drank them quickly, and that was the moment I knew this was going to be a wild night.