Rocco sat in his car next to the stage at the skatepark patiently awaiting the other members of the band to show up for practice. He and Mike were seeing less of each other since Mike had started baseball practice. He missed sneaking into his room late at night almost every night. These days, Mike was almost always too tired from practice. They tried a couple of times, but Mike either fell asleep out of exhaustion or was not in the mood. Baseball practice was at least two hours after school. Mike would have supper and then do his homework. By the time he was finished with his homework, Mike would be in bed by 10.

  His appearances at Rocco’s shows were also starting to become spotty. Sure, the shows were late enough that Mike could theoretically make it to the show. However, he was often so exhausted after games that he would stay at home. With baseball on his schedule, Mike’s parents often demanded more of his time as well. His parents always wanted to take him to a celebratory or conciliatory dinner depending on the outcome of the game. With Joe leaving for college soon, the family wanted to have more events together.

  In any case, Rocco was getting a sense that there was no room in Mike’s schedule for a boyfriend—at least one who wanted so much of his time. Not wanting to be desperate, Rocco silently complied with the idea that Mike’s time was limited. He could only fulfill his duties as boyfriend when Mike would allow it. The last thing Rocco wanted to do was to spend the remaining weeks of high school in an argument with Mike. The only thing Rocco wanted to do was to spend what little time he had together with Mike in bliss.

  Rocco was starting to regret giving Mike his skateboard. It was during his idle time without Mike that he could benefit from some carefree shredding. Despite his regret, he wouldn’t dream of asking Mike to return his skateboard. However, he was starting to feel bitter that Mike couldn’t find the time to practice. The intention of giving Mike his skateboard was so they could possibly skate at the park together. With baseball in Mike’s schedule, Rocco’s skateboard was sitting in Mike’s room—abandoned and unused.

  As Rocco stared out the window thinking about all of this, there was a tap at his car window. It startled Rocco out of his meditation. It was Pete. He had not noticed Pete’s car and had no idea how long Pete had been there. Rocco rolled his window down.

  “Hey Pete,” Rocco said in a flat tone.

  “Hey, get out,” Pete said and stood back so Rocco could open the door. He got out of the car and stood before Pete. “You look sad. What’s going on?”

  Rocco scratched his head and looked off to the side. “Meh, I guess I’m just feeling a little melancholy.”

  “About what?” Pete asked with an unusual amount of empathy. Pete had started to change into quite the shoulder to cry on this year—something Rocco did not anticipate.

  “I’m just thinking about me and Mike,” Rocco blurted out—unafraid to be fully open with Pete.

  “You guys having issues?” Pete asked.

  “It’s not even that. The only real issue is time. We haven’t been spending as much time together as when we first met. When we first started, it was like I was at his place almost every night. Now, I’m lucky to see him once a week aside from in class,” Rocco explained.

  “Ah, he’s been absent since he started baseball,” Pete responded.

  “Yeah,” Rocco replied. “I’m glad he is doing something he really enjoys, but I’m not so glad that it’s taking him away from me.”

  “You guys started out hot and heavy at the start. Like a fireball. And now it’s died down to embers,” Pete replied.

  Rocco gave Pete a look of surprise. He was not expecting such an apt analogy from Pete. “Yeah,” Rocco replied slowly. “But my feelings for him haven’t lessened. I still love him just as much as that first time we kissed at Tiffany’s party.”

  “Oh man, you got it bad,” Pete said. Rocco started to tear up.

  “I love him even more now that I don’t see him all the time,” Rocco said letting a tear fall down his cheek. Rocco wiped the tear away and hardened up. Even though he would have no problem breaking down into tears in front of Pete, Rocco wanted to hold his composure together. He didn’t want to ruin practice.

  “Hey, big guy, it’s okay. You don’t have to pretend to be macho here. You can let it out,” Pete said putting his hand on Rocco’s shoulder. Rocco nodded and started to let out his sadness. Pete pulled him in for a hug and let Rocco weep in his arms.

  “I knew the time would come when things would change,” Rocco sobbed. “With me going off to college, I knew it would be practically impossible to keep dating. I wouldn’t expect Mike to give up his social life for the next two years for me. I wouldn’t ask him to do that. So, I knew we would have to end it one day. I just didn’t expect it be so soon.”

  “Yeah, I know,” Pete consoled Rocco by patting him on the back as he wept.

  “It kills me to know that someday someone else is going to look into his eyes and have the same feelings for him as I do. I can’t stand the thought of someone else loving him,” Rocco continued to sob.

  Pete pulled away. “Look at me,” Pete said intently. Rocco looked up at Pete. “That moment hasn’t come yet. What you do is make every effort you can to spend as much time as you can with Mike.” Rocco stared at Pete blankly. “It may not be a lot of time, but you try to squeeze yourself in.”

  Rocco nodded. “Yeah, you’re right.”

  “You go to as many of his games as you can. You go do your camping trips as often as you can. You make it a point to be there and savor every fucking second,” Pete spoke with a fire that Rocco had never seen. “You don’t know what’s going to happen after graduation, so you have to cram a lifetime of love in a few weeks. And when it’s over, it’s over.”

  Rocco wiped his tears away and gathered his composure. “Yeah.”

  “I’m not done yet,” Pete continued. “And during that time, when you are feeling sad about it like you are right now, I want you to take all that sadness inside of you and let it all out in your music. Every shred of melancholy you have, I want you to give it to your guitar. Let your guitar be your megaphone. We are going to be in the talent show and we are going to win because you will let your guitar speak your pain.”

  Rocco laughed. He had almost forgotten about the annual talent show. Pete was making perfect sense. Rocco had thought about backing out of practice tonight because he was feeling blue. However, after hearing what Pete said, Rocco knew that it was a necessity to practice tonight. Playing guitar tonight with the band was as important as breathing.

  When Rocco got home that night after practice, his mom was in bed. There were two letters on the coffee table addressed to him. Rocco picked up the letters and promptly sat down. One of the letters was from the University of Tennessee. The other letter was from Vanderbilt University. He held the letters in his hands and stared at them for a few minutes. They were both light—maybe one page each.

  He thought about waiting until his mother was awake to open them. However, if she wanted that to happen, she would have just placed them aside and gave them to him personally. Putting them on the coffee table was her way of giving him permission to open them alone. He closed his eyes and shuffled them over and under each other. He picked one and placed the other on the cushion next to him. He opened his eyes. It was the letter from the University of Tennessee.

  Rocco placed his finger inside the lip of the back flap of the envelope and tore it open. He pulled out the tri-folded letter and opened it up. The paper was thick and textured. He began to read:

  “Dear Mr. Rocio…Congratulations. We are happy to accept you into the Freshman Class of 1992…We are happy to offer a grant in the amount of your full tuition…”

  He was in. He was going to college somewhere. Even though the University of Tennessee was his bottom pick, he still squealed at the fact that he was admitted into a college. There was a panel of people out there that wanted him and were willing to pay him to be there. His insecurities about the fall started to melt away. He had at least one option.

  He placed the letter down and picked up the letter from Vanderbilt. He exhaled and tore open the envelope. The letter he pulled out had a similar feel to it as the other letter. He unfolded the letter and started to read:

  “Dear Mr. Rocio…You have been accepted into the Freshman Class of 1992…Vanderbilt University would like to offer you a grant for your full tuition…additionally, as a minority student, we would like to offer a stipend of…congratulations….”

  Rocco’s heart pounded. He let out a whispered shout. He couldn’t believe it. He had to now choose between two schools. He had to spend time weighing his options and determining which school offered the best package. The letter from Vanderbilt was a huge deal. He knew his grades were good for UT, but they were also good enough for Vanderbilt—so much so that they were willing to pay his tuition and provide extra money. Of the three schools he applied to, Vanderbilt was his top pick, so his decision was already made. It didn’t matter that a letter from the University of Chicago came a few days later offering him admission and a portion of tuition. Rocco was going to Vanderbilt in the fall.

  “Batter up,” someone in the outfield shouted.

  Mike stood on the pitcher mound awaiting the next batter to step up to the plate. He was on a strike-out streak and was ready to keep it going. Chris attentively watched Mike’s signs and interpreted them properly. He edged closer in expecting Mike to pitch a close ball. The batter took his stance and Mike reared back his arm and pitched the ball. The batter swung without hitting the ball—strike one.

  As Mike assessed the angle of the second pitch, Rocco slinked into an empty seat in one of the sparsely seated sections. Rocco had a cup of hot chocolate that he placed on the bleacher before him. His gaze fixed on Mike standing on the pitcher’s mound. He watched affectionately as Mike reared up and made his second strike.

  For as fervent as Mike was about baseball, Rocco was expecting a larger crowd to attend the game. It was a home game, but it was also Saturday during the day. Most of the crowd were parents of players and a few random adults from the community. Rocco saw very few people his own age at the game. This was a sharp contrast from football games in the fall where the game itself was a small piece of the overall event. Rocco was proud his boyfriend was the pitcher, but he was also saddened by the lack of fandom present. His shows at the skatepark drew a much larger, more engaged group than Mike’s ball game. Comparisons aside, he was still proud that his boyfriend was the star of this show.

  Mike threw the final pitch resulting in a strikeout and a switching of the teams. Rocco stood and cheered as Mike started to run into the dugout. His cheer must have caught Mike’s attention. Rocco saw Mike stop and wave at Rocco. Mike pointed to a spot next to the dugout indicating for Rocco to meet him there.

  Rocco picked up his hot chocolate and walked down to the spot where Mike was waiting. A wall of chain link fence separated the two. Mike was grasping the chain link. Rocco placed his hot drink to the side and grabbed Mike’s soft hands.

  You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

  “You came to one of my games,” Mike said perking up exponentially.

  “My boyfriend’s the pitcher,” Rocco smiled locking eyes with Mike’s.

  “I’m happy you are here,” Mike said grinning ear to ear. “Don’t you have a show tonight?”

  “I do,” Rocco said. “But that’s tonight. Today, I’m here to watch you at work.”

  Mike made a tender face. “I’m sorry I’ve been so tired after practice.”

  “I know, I get it,” Rocco said. “I kinda gave up on the sneaking out after the first couple of times it didn’t work out.”

  “Yeah, I know,” Mike said. “It still nice if you keep trying though. One of these nights, I may be persuaded.”

  Rocco hadn’t felt Mike’s body against his since the first week of practice when Mike came to one of Rocco’s shows after their first game. That was three weeks ago. It had been three whole weeks since they had a night together. It hadn’t dawned on Rocco until Mike spoke.

  “So, the lesson is that if I keep pressuring you, you’ll cave in?” Rocco teased.

  “Persuade…not pressure,” Mike said firmly and then laughed.

  “Then, how about I sneak over tonight after the show?” Rocco asked with a smirk.

  Mike returned the smirk. “Call me later and try to persuade me better than what you are doing now.” Mike caught sight of his mom and dad sitting in the audience.

  “So, who am I routing for—the blue team or the purple one?” Rocco asked poking fun at his own ignorance of baseball.

  “You idiot!” Mike laughed. “Hey, I hear you guys are playing the talent show next week.”

  “Correction,” Rocco stated. “We are going to win the talent show next week.”

  “Oh yes! I hear you are going to win the talent show next week,” Mike giggled.

  “You heard right,” Rocco said. “I persuaded the guys to play your song.”

  “’Here Comes Your Man’?” Mike asked excitedly.

  “Just for you, bubula,” Rocco said.

  “It’ll be like butta,” Mike asked in a thick New York accent. “I’m going to get verklempt. The Holy Roman Empire…it wasn’t holy, it wasn’t Roman, it wasn’t much of an empire…discuss.”

  “You’re looking hot out there by the way,” Rocco said.

  Mike heard the coach call for him. “I better get in there. You going to stick around?”

  “I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Rocco said as Mike ungrasped his hands from Rocco’s and went into the dug out. Rocco took a sip from his hot chocolate and started to go back to the seat he was in before. As he was going, Mike’s dad waved him over. Rocco was initially hesitant but made his way over to the spot next to Dan and Emily.

  “Hey Rocco!” Dan said.

  “Hi Rocco,” Emily said. She had her head on Dan’s shoulder watching the game.

  “Hello Mr. and Mrs. Barber,” Rocco said.

  “Join us!” his mom said.

  Rocco sat down and watched the remainder of the game with Mike’s parents. There was not much conversation among the three of them. They focused on the game which Mike was winning. During the sixth inning, Dan went to the restroom leaving Rocco and his mom alone. The silence was slightly awkward.

  “You two have become quite close this year,” Emily said out of the blue.

  Rocco panicked not knowing how to react to this. “We’re good friends. We’ve spent lots of time studying.”

  Emily looked at Rocco. “Surely you don’t believe that you have convinced me that the two of you only study.”

  Rocco felt a rush of heat go through his body. Did Mike tell his mom about the two of them? “We talk a lot. We have a lot in common.”

  Emily stared at him coldly. Rocco felt an icy discomfort shoot through his soul.

  “You and Joe are graduating in a few weeks. Both of you will be leaving Mike behind. I don’t want him to be heartbroken when both his brother and his…friend leave,” The way his mother said friend let Rocco know immediately that she had her suspicions about the two of them.

  Rocco nervously took a sip of his hot chocolate. “I know it’s going to be hard on him losing Joe and me. I just want to spend as much time as I can with him.”

  Emily continued her cold stare. “I see. Well, try to remember him when you’re away, sweetie.” The way she spoke these words instantly made Rocco nauseous. The toxicity in her voice gave Rocco the impression that she thought he was using Mike for his own entertainment—like a plaything to be tossed away. Dan appeared from the stairs and started to make his way to their seat. Rocco had never been more relieved to see someone’s dad.

  “Did I miss anything?” Dan asked the two of them.

  “Nothing at all,” his mom said in a suddenly chipper voice. The abrupt change in her tone made Rocco close his eyes. He was afraid he was going to pass out.

  “Oh, Rocco, what do you think of Mike being in the school art show next week?” Dan asked.

  Rocco had not heard anything about Mike being in an art show. This was something Mike would have told him. Why hadn’t Mike mentioned this? Not wanting to appear out of the loop, Rocco looked in the distance and gave a quiet response. “Yeah, how about that.”

  “I know, I can’t wait to see what he puts in it. He’s so guarded with his art,” Dan replied not picking up on Rocco’s distance.

  Rocco watched the rest of the game sullenly. He hadn’t felt so unwelcomed as he did right now in quite a while. All this time feeling like he belonged was snatched away in one evening with the Barbers. Those old feelings of otherness emerged again with a vengeance.

  Rocco barely paid attention to the fact that the home team won. He was too consumed with his self-pity to enjoy Mike’s win. Mike’s parents cheered. Rocco gave a halfhearted cheer and saw Mike out in the field crowding around home plate with the rest of his team members.

  “Let’s go round up Mike and go to dinner,” Emily said. “Sorry, Rocco, it’s a family event. I hope you understand.”

  That was the final spear to the heart. Rocco nodded and slowly exited the field without saying goodbye to Mike. Mike was too busy with his teammates to be concerned with Rocco.

  That night at the performance, Rocco poured all his pain and alienation into his guitar. He played one of the best performances of his short high school band career. The entire time, he had no idea where he was or even what he was playing. He didn’t have to think about finger placement or rhythm. It just sweetly and naturally came to him. A few times during their performance, Raz and Pete looked at Rocco in surprise at the skill he displayed that night.

  After the show, Pete took Rocco aside. “Holy shit, dude. You were rocking tonight!”

  Rocco looked Pete square in the eyes. “I took your advice. I poured my pain into my performance.” Pete nodded and took him by the shoulder. No further questions were asked. Rocco did not call Mike after the show. He spent the night getting the highest he had ever gotten with Pete.

  Mike sat woefully at his desk that morning. He wondered what happened to Rocco over the weekend. He didn’t stick around after the game to say anything. He didn’t call after his show or on Sunday. Had he done something wrong? It didn’t seem as if he and Rocco left on bad terms at the dugout. Sure, his demanding baseball schedule had put a dent in their late night get togethers. They were managing it however—or so he thought.

  Rocco wondered into first period with his head slightly down. Rocco knew he had done wrong by not calling Mike over the weekend. Perhaps, he overreacted to his mother’s tone. Her issue was between Rocco and her. Mike did not deserve to be punished because of his mother. He was used to offhanded passive aggressive dismissals from adults. Why did this one hit so hard?

  Rocco looked up and locked eyes with Mike. Mike gave him a wistful smile. Rocco returned the smile but quickly returned to a neutral expression. He walked past Mike and slid into his desk. Mike usually couldn’t wait to turn around and see Rocco. This morning, Mike kept his back turned. Several times, Rocco reached up to tap Mike on the back but stopped himself. He didn’t know what to say to Mike. When he finally gained the courage to get Mike’s attention, the bell to start class rang. He would have to wait until class was over.

  The entirety of class was excruciating. Rocco spent the hour desperately wanting to talk to Mike. Once the bell rang that class was over, Mike packed up his things and remained in his seat. He usually had to leave quickly to make it to his art class. Today, he sat there with his back towards Rocco.

  “Mike,” Rocco finally said after a few more moments. Mike turned around in his seat and met Rocco’s eyes. Mike was silent waiting for Rocco to say something. “I’m sorry I never called after the show. The guys and I got to talking about the talent show and I lost all track of time.” This was a clear lie on Rocco’s part. Raz and Austin left a few minutes after the show.

  “It’s okay,” Mike said quietly. “I understand.” There was an awkward pause between the two of them.

  “It’s a shitty excuse,” Rocco said looking off to the side.

  “It’s alright, Rocco,” Mike said. Rocco looked over at Mike. His anxiety slowly melted away as he took in Mike’s face. Mike had a sweet vulnerable expression on his face which instantly made Rocco feel guilty for projecting his alienation onto Mike. There was nothing in the world that Rocco wanted more than to have Mike in his arms.

  “I want to make it up to you,” Rocco said giving in to Mike’s sweetness.

  “You think you want to get away soon and go to the cabin?” Mike asked with puppy dog eyes.

  “There’s nothing I want more than to go camping with you,” Rocco replied with a smile.

  Mike’s expression lit up. “I’ll see if I can get it set up.” The bell rang which meant Mike was going to be late for class. People taking psychology started to filter into the room.

  “I’ll make myself available,” Rocco replied. Mike started to go to his class but took one last look at Rocco. He gave Rocco a smile on the way out.

  It was the day of the talent show. It was to take place towards the end of the day. Classes were starting to wind down, so administrators were looking for ways to keep students engaged until the end of the year. The talent show was one way of doing that. There were going to be 20 or so acts in the show that year. Most acts were popular kids getting on stage and talking to each other under the guise of a “skit”. One sophomore who played piano wrote a song and was going to sing it. Another kid, a junior, was going to do a soliloquy. A group of females were going to do a dance number. Of course, Fred was performing a song.

  The acts were gathered in the gym to await their turn to perform. The show had already started. A couple of acts bailed pushing the remaining acts ahead of schedule. A couple of acts did not pan out as anticipated and ended earlier than expected further pushing up the show. Because Fred required some extra time to set up and tear down, the Talent Show Committee wanted to put them on last so the show would not be delayed too much. There would only be dead time for Fred to set up. The tear down could happen when the show ended. The Committee let the band preassemble the drums on a rolling platform behind the back curtain which would save an immense amount of time.

  Mike and Jared meandered around the various acts to find the band. The show was already half over at this point. Their services as band assistants were going to be needed today for a quick set up. Jared spotted Fred and made a dash. Mike kept his pace steady.

  “Hey, guys!” Jared exclaimed. “You ready to rock?”

  “Hell yeah!” Raz shouted getting the attention of a couple of teachers.

  “How’s things going with you and Meigs?” Jared asked.

  “We’ve decided to keep it casual right now. We both decided that with me graduating, it would be best to just be occasional boyfriends,” Raz replied. Jared gave him a look of concern. “Don’t worry, it was a mutual decision.”

  Mike saw Rocco and ran up to him.

  “Hey there!” Mike exclaimed. “Are you ready for this?”

  “As ready as I’ll ever be,” Rocco said casually, more excited to see Mike.

  “Do you think you can go to the cabin next weekend?” Mike asked shyly.

  “I will make it happen,” Rocco said and nodded.

  “It’s been a while,” Mike smirked.

  “Yeah, I know,” Rocco returned the smirk. God, he missed snuggling under the covers with Mike. “I miss your warmth and scent,” Rocco whispered into Mike’s ear. Mike blushed and snickered. The desperation in Rocco’s voice unexpectedly aroused Mike.

  “You have a minute?” Mike said and eyed over towards the locker room.

  “Hey, guys, we’ll be back in a minute,” Rocco said to the band.

  “Make it quick,” Pete said.

  Mike took Rocco by the hand and led him into one of the stalls in the locker room. Mike started kissing Rocco with such a ravishing fervor that Rocco’s breath was taken away. He couldn’t remember the last time they made out so intensely. Rocco put his arms around Mike’s body and almost lifted Mike off the ground. He wanted to devour Mike’s soul at this moment. He missed Mike’s soft lips.

  They paused for a moment. “We better get back,” Rocco said.

  “One more minute,” Mike said pulling Rocco back towards him. They continued their ravenous behavior for another few minutes before the sound of the door opened.

  “Rocco, we’re about to line up to go on stage,” Austin yelled from the outside.

  The two parted and gathered their composure. Mike straightened his glasses and smoothed his hair down. Rocco straightened his clothes. They locked eyes and smiled at each other.

  “Coming!” Rocco yelled. They both chuckled and went back to the gym.

  The band was lined up in the hall next to the stage entrance of the auditorium. Rocco joined the band members in line while Mike and Jared waited for their cue to start setting up. Rocco held Mike’s hand while they waited for their turn.

  The act before them finished. Mike and Jared promptly went into action getting the mic stands and the portable amplifiers set up. They rolled the drum set into place. It took both less than two minutes to get everything set up. The emcee patiently waited for the cue to make the announcement.

  “And now our final act, Fred,” the emcee announced. The crowd in the auditorium cheered loudly as the members of the band took the stage and got in their places. The committee looked at each other in surprise. None of the other acts had such a crowd reaction. To them, Fred was just another act in the show. To the kids in the crowd, Fred was their very own high school garage band.

  Once Rocco and Raz plugged in their guitars, Pete let the crowd die down waiting for the moment to dramatically scream, “We’re Fred. We’re here to rock!” The crowd went into a frenzy.

  “2…3…4…” Pete counted before the band started playing “Here Comes Your Man”.

  Rocco went into his meditative state. Even though Mike was off the side behind the crowd, Rocco imagined him front and center admiring his playing just like he had that night at Tiffany’s party so many months ago. He knew that Mike was swooning to every chord Rocco strummed. This song was purely for Mike’s enjoyment. The pain that Rocco had put into his previous performance was replaced by his love for Mike. The result was equally impressive to Pete and the rest of the band members.

  Before he knew it, the song was over. The crowd broke into a crazed fever of cheers and applause. The members of the Committee made notes and quickly collaborated amongst themselves.

  Third place and a $10 bill went to the dance group. Second place and a $20 bill went to the sophomore singer/songwriter. Fred took the grand prize of $50 and a trophy as the winner of the talent show to no one’s surprise. The best prize for Rocco was the kiss that Mike blew him from off stage.