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Chapter 67: Hell on Earth

  We had a plan, I had to remember that.

  The most terrifying monster I’d ever seen might be bearing down on us, complete with an unmatched level of size and destructive power that would only grow if we failed today.

  An immense mass of plant matter, made up of all the various invasive plants that had been plaguing Europe for years, and it had minions.

  It was all the same pattern, all a part of the exact same brand-new classification. The names were weird, all being made up of two parts that did not seem to make very much sense at first glance, though Fionn had managed to figure it out in a matter of seconds, explaining around the thumb sitting in the corner of his mouth.

  “All minions are made up of two of the plants that make up the boss, borrowing core abilities from each. Kudzu for rapid growth, Giant Hogweed for filling the air with a caustic and toxic substance, Himalayan Balsam for launching seeds that can likely grow into new minions, Japanese Knotweed for the ability to regenerate from individual root fragments, Tree of Heaven for poisoning the soil and growing through solid stone.”

  … He sounded like Columbo. It had been driving me up the wall, trying to figure out what he reminded me of, but now, in the most unsuitable of situations, I’d finally had a lightbulb moment.

  Fionn and the detective from that old TV show, they could not have been more different, with vastly differing accents and appearances, but Fionn talking with his thumb in his mouth, and Columbo expositing around his cigar, it was the exact same flavor of mumbling.

  And now, despite everything, I could not get that thought out of my head. It was wedged in there good. Until what he’d just said properly sank in.

  These things would fill the earth and sky with poison, grow rapidly and spread freely, and when they were killed but not obliterated, they’d be able to regenerate from whatever was left.

  Not only that, but logic dictated that the boss would have the exact same powers. All of them. Poison the air to fuck with us now, poison the ground to inflict damage that would linger well after it was dead, launch seeds to grow either minions or more of itself, spread like wildfire, and even when we did do damage, recover at an equally ludicrous pace.

  This thing wouldn’t move in to reach us, it would simply grow over us. And the city behind us. And everything else in the state, if not the nation. After all, wasn’t it a Nation Boss?

  But no, we had a plan, I had to remember that. Dietrich and Genghis Khan had put their heads together to make a proper plan for every elemental type, including properly utilizing synergies between Skills.

  We might not have actually known what the bosses would be, but for this wave, it had been eminently predictable that they’d be elemental-themed.

  Fire could be extinguished, air could generally be fired through, water was a pain in the ass but conducted shockwaves extremely well, earth required high explosives, metal was the biggest problem, and wood … well, thankfully, Fionn had figured out the ultimate anti-organic weapon weeks ago.

  When we’d stepped out of the portal, the sky had been clear and sunny, it couldn’t have been any more different than my mood. I’d practically been marching around with my own personal thundercloud orbiting my head.

  After not even a minute, the skies had begun to darken as clouds drifted in or outright appeared from nowhere.

  Then, a deluge of downright biblical proportions began to pour upon the monster as every single magical student cast whatever rain spells they could power, while both Fionn and I used [Century Storm].

  And finally, Fionn cast [Devouring Rain].

  For a brief second, nothing seemed to have changed, clear liquid continued falling from the sky … until the first transmuted drop hit living plant matter.

  In an instant, the forest before us transformed into a scene straight out of hell as the “rainwater” began to boil, burning the trees and obliterating even the monsters themselves in seconds, the liquid turning black as the carbon it ripped from the beasts’ flesh intermixed. Only for it soon to become clear once more as it, too, was burned away into nothingness.

  Or invisible carbon dioxide, at least.

  Were we standing too close?

  Yeah … we should probably get back.

  A couple of seconds later, that point was made moot as a wave of energy swept across everyone as Genghis Khan applied [Elemental Protection]. It protected the recipients from weather, and, well, this technically was still a weather phenomenon. Or so had the thinking been at the planning stage.

  “We’re clear,” he announced after looking at the slowly blackening battlefield, his [Battlefield Analysis] allowing him to see it would work without having to stick his hand in.

  “Wait until all minions are done, so we can see if that changes anyhting,” Dietrich ordered/suggested.

  The chain of command was, as per usual, a titanic mess.

  Dietrich had largely subordinated himself under Charlemagne despite maintaining his own position of “king” and normally took the role of local leader, unless Fionn was there, because Fionn was usually the man with the plan, or at the very least, the man with the most information.

  But Charlemagne usually took over coordination and that almost always turned into actually taking charge even if that had never been explicitly stated, while Fionn still had knowledge that the old emperor might not have, and Dietrich was a very experienced monster hunter with an entirely different skillset and basis of knowledge … and Arthur was Arthur.

  Point was, things had already been beyond complicated before Genghis Khan had stepped onto the field. In Mongolia, it had been easy, his house, his rules, but that wasn’t how it was set up right now.

  And so on. An endless loop of competing priorities between a bunch of very strong personalities who would never actually subordinate themselves to someone of nominally the same rank. Which left us very much in a “let’s debate what’s best” kind of situation, in circumstances that absolutely did not allow for that.

  However, in this case, Genghis Khan just nodded, said “Good idea” and started directing his own people to prepare to intercept anything that made it out from under the deluge. He hadn’t been able to bring too many of his people through the portal, that was a limit of my Skill and it would be for the best if he commanded them. After all, he was the best living cavalry commander, and it was his Skills that boosted his forces specifically.

  So we just stood there, staring into the increasingly intransparent wall of liquid falling from the sky and geysers of boiling acid occasionally erupting up as if to greet it, until it eventually calmed down. As piranha solution always did, when it had devoured all organic compounds it had come into contact with.

  “Move ou- ...” Genghis Khan was halfway through ordering the start of an advance when the corrosive swamp before us detonated as something hauled itself out of the ground.

  What I’d first assumed to be the monster itself, a fairly sizeable clump of unmoving vegetation, turned out to only have been a tiny fragment of the true beast, which had been buried beneath in the ground, revealing a titanic beast at least the size of, well, the fucking Titanic.

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  Oh, it was currently melting, falling apart, small bits of plant matter that might have been minions disintegrating as they launched themselves off it.

  “Seven cores, evenly distributed,” Dietrich announced before swiping his sword through the air, his Sword Art unleashing a ray of light that appeared set to bisect the giant before winking out of existence just as the Nation Boss stuttered. “Six, now.”

  A solid beam of lightning leaped from Merlin’s chest at that, hammering into the Nation Boss’ chest like the wrath of the heavens, burning clean through it and coming out the other side.

  Yep, as long as the casting time was, I had to learn that spell.

  “Five cor- …” Dietrich began to comment, only for Fionn to interrupt him. “Core exposed, [Light]!”

  Instantly, it was as though someone had rammed a road flare into the monster’s flesh, perfectly illuminating a smooth, dark green marble which promptly exploded under Mia’s [Sword Art: A Blade Across Time and Space].

  “Four cores,” Dietrich corrected with a grin. “Nicely done.”

  The monster was continuing to move towards us, however, and its movements were starting to splash more acid our way.

  As it turned out, even with the protections we had in place, it wasn’t exactly pleasant. Granted, even the chlorine-infused water of a swimming pool was more painful than the piranha solution, so the Skill was working, but that hardly made this pleasant … so I hurriedly took a few steps backwards, using [Polite Rebuke] to bat a particularly big glob back at the monster, just to see if it would do anything, considering the technical “lethality” of the attack.

  It didn’t. But it also didn’t slam me with a monstrous cooldown either, so that was nice.

  Arthur and Dietrich charged in then, with Joseph lumbering in front of them, the golem’s rocky body growing with every step as he activated some kind of Skill, allowing him to grow until he was able to reach the monster’s knee.

  Still tiny, but more than heavy enough to trip up the monster when he flung himself at its leg, causing it to fall straight towards the two kings, who met it with twin [Grand Slashes], blasting a titanic hole through it, the combination of gravity, the boss’ own weight and the ludicrous power of the Skills combining to core the monster like an apple.

  Anything else would be dead. This thing, it just rose back onto its feet. I just hoped they’d gotten a core.

  Mia flashed forward in an instant, blurring around the monster as she activated one of her [Sword Arts], tearing off an entire layer of its exterior.

  Bit by bit, they were tearing this thing apart.

  Dietrich and Arthur had retreated several steps while Joseph had leaped into the hole they’d made, ripping into the monster from the inside.

  Mimung cut through the monster’s vines with contemptuous ease, and anything Excalibur hacked off, stayed hacked off.

  Merlin, Fionn, and all the various magic students, myself included, just lumped on whatever we could. Stone bullets, acid bolts that did only negligible damage compared to the ongoing deluge, and, of course, refreshing the spells that made up the acid rain whenever they ran their course. The only thing I did differently, really, was using [Century Storm] to its fullest extent by pulling down lighting as well.

  As for Gae Buidhe and Gae Dearg, the two spears which left wounds that could not be healed, they’d been handed out to Fionn’s son and second in command, respectively, and together, they were pruning that walking horticultural abomination.

  By the time the monster fell, half an hour later, it was practically anticlimactic. It had stopped moving several minutes earlier, and I only realized that it had been entirely finished off when everyone started walking back towards us while its corpse was dissolving in its entirety.

  I dispelled [Century Storm], Fionn did the same, and the lesser rain spells followed soon after.

  “So, where am I transporting everyone?” I asked, using [Ambassador’s Autority] to open a magical video conference back to the Untersberg. The Skill might have been meant to prove my bona fides, but if it let me use it in other ways, I’d be happy to take advantage.

  “We need to reinforce San Franciso as per our treaty with the United States, the Royal Navy found the Water boss in the middle of the Atlantic and requires magical assistance. In addition, the rainforest burning down would be highly problematic. And we should reinforce the African ancient as soon as possible. It’s unlikely that they, whoever they may be, will be able to defeat a Nation Boss on their own.”

  Yeah, that one had really bitten us in the ass. The knowledge of an imminent Nation Boss attack had been deemed more important to address than contacting them, and now, we might never get the chance.

  On the other hand, we needed to reinforce the efforts at San Francisco and the Atlantic to meet existing treaty negotiations, and heading over to deal with the wildfire was likewise absolutely vital, seeing as that could get out of hand very easily. If it caused a fire that continued to burn until after it was dead … I mean, it hadn’t set off [Catastrophe Sense] so it wouldn’t be completely apocalyptic, but chances were, it’d still make a bad situation infinitely worse.

  Which left precious little for …

  “Mr. Vogt, can you send me and my people to Africa?” Genghis Khan asked.

  “Yes, give me a minute,” I replied.

  That would neatly solve the problem, though the offer had come very quickly. Which indicated to me that he’d likely thought it through well enough to realize what an opportunity he had here, becoming the first to greet this new ancient as a true equal and granting the opportunity for an alliance.

  He wouldn’t start anything until the issue of the System had been solved, I trusted in that, but I’d be lying if I claimed that he didn’t still make me uneasy.

  “Who’d going where?” I asked into the group.

  “If possible, transport myself and Merlin onto Vice Admiral Drake’s ships,” Fionn asked.

  “Dietrich, Ogier, Joseph, and I will head to San Fransico,” Arthur declared, only for Joseph to rapidly sign that he wanted to fight the fire monster instead. Which made sense, unless that thing was very hot, he’d be a hard counter to it. Or at least largely immune.

  “Take my students,” Fionn told the golem. “Their rain spells should help ameliorate the situation.”

  “I’m going with Dietrich,” Mia announced, stepping up next to her mentor.

  “Final decision?” I asked.

  Everyone either nodded or, at the very least, didn’t shake their heads.

  “Final decision,” I confirmed, opened a portal to Yamoussoukro airport, the capital of the Ivory Coast, which was close enough to the phantom city to target a second portal using [Ambassador’s Instinct], which I promptly did, making it sit flush to the first and stepping through, only to return an instant later. Having been there, I could now target it directly.

  “As close to the African ancient as I could get it,” I announced.

  Then, I opened a portal onto the Azores, and from there, the Wisconsin. This time, there was no point to stepping through, as the target moved and having the ability to directly portal to a random spot above the ocean wouldn’t help in the slightest.

  Next, I pulled the same trick to reach the fire boss, the first portal appearing in Brasilia and the second at a safe distance from the big bad. This time, once again, I briefly hopped through.

  “Amazon rainforest,” I announced, not having had to introduce the inside of a battleship, that one had been kinda obvious.

  And then, I opened a final portal directly to San Francisco, which I’d actually visited before.

  Dietrich, Arthur, Ogier, Mia and the Fianna headed through that one, leaving me alone.

  Considering how this had been an actual emergency, any portals targetted through [Ambassador’s Instinct] had only used up half a charge, which left me with one and a half charges for the day. Enough to teleport somewhere and make a second, emergency, portal to a point within [Ambassador’s Instinct’s] eight-hundred-kilometer range, or let the people in the target area return through the portal so I could transport them to a necessary spot within the same distance of myself.

  Which meant that for once, I couldn’t spare a portal to remove myself from the middle of nowhere.

  Maybe someone in Regensburg had a helicopter I could bum? Perhaps the police department?

  Either way, I had something I needed to do first.

  Now that it had stopped raining, the full extent of the devastation we’d wrought became apparent, a scorched hole in the middle of the forest.

  Yeesh.

  Now I kinda felt like a bad guy. If that shit wound up in the groundwater …

  I waved my hand and triggered [Restoration of the Old], removing the contamination from the old forest, though the hole remained, a perfectly round area of flat dirt, scoured clean of life.

  Sadly, there were things even I couldn’t fix.

  I stood there for a few minutes, silently staring, before finally turning in the direction of the city while fishing my phone out of my pocket and dialing the most influential police officer whose number I had.

  Polizeidirektor Friedrich Hofmann.

  “Good morning, director,” I greeted. “It’s Tristan Vogt, I was hoping I could ask for a favor …”

  “After what I just saw, I think it’s fair to say you’ll get anything short of the moon,” Hofmann replied immediately, not even bothering with niceties.

  “So, I’m still at the site of the battle, and need a ride,” I said.

  “What kind? And I thought you could teleport?”

  “Helicopter, I just need to get back to the Untersberg without using up any more portal charges,” I told him.

  “How quickly?” Hofmann asked.

  “It’s not urgent, but I need to get there faster than public transport will.”

  “That should be easy enough to arrange,” he said. “Do you want to wait where you are, or do you want to walk part of the way?”

  “I think I’ll just wait in the new clearing,” I replied. “Thank you.”

  “No worries,” Hofmann replied and hung up.

  An instant later, however, the voice of the System informed me of two new Levels.

  [Courtmage of Neutrality Lv. 47 -> Courtmage of Neutrality Lv. 49]

  [Skill Boost gained]

  [Skill gained: Inspect]

  Holy. Shit.

  The ability to see other people’s Classes, even with limits, was going to change everything.

  I mean, I was unlikely to be peeking at any ancient character sheets, but everything else … it would give me a far better overview of what the people around me would be able to do, while also allowing me to swiftly pinpoint potential threats in a crowd. Just look for the strongest guy.

  And considering how high my Level was, relative to the average person, due to all the crazy shit I’d been involved in since the start of this mess, the Skill would be extra effective.

  As for the boost, as much as I hated the Skill, [Catastrophe Sense] really had come in clutch today. So it got the boost.

  And yeah, that was going to be super helpful too.

  Then, I just stood there, waiting for my ride.

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