The grumpy Dungeon
The dungeon yawned and stretched itself. It had had a good nap, but those terrible little people were going to be back today, it could feel it in its basalt. But it had a plan! Today it would get rid of those disrespectful brats! It began the final preparations for its plan.
-
It was deep into the afternoon as Bob, Rob, and Bert approached the village dungeon. The ground had changed since their visit last week, having become more gently rolling, and less rocky. The three children looked around carefully, to be sure that the teenagers weren’t there yet.
“Alright,” Bob, the leader of the three, said, “none of the older kids are here. Let’s see what the dungeon has in store for us today!”
“Why do you get to be the leader today?” Rob asked, his voice high and squeaky.
Bob smiled his trademark gap-toothed grin, “Because I turned nine last week! And that makes me the oldest!”
“I turn nine in a fortnight.” Bert grumbled under her breath, then louder, “Then lead on, “Fearless” leader.”
Bob whirled around to face Bert, “Hey! You screamed like a little girl when those worms fell from the ceiling too!”
“Yes.” Bert tossed her tightly braided brown hair over her shoulder, “But I am a little girl. You just sounded like one.”
Rob snickered, “Get a room, you two.”
In well-practiced unison, Bob and Bert punched Rob in the gut. The boy stumbled backward, still laughing.
-
The dungeon felt the approach of the three trouble makers, and shifted slightly, the new plan was about to be tested.
-
Bob stopped in his tracks and started to laugh. “Guys. GUYS! Come look at this!” Rob and Bert walked up to Bob, having been previously poking sticks at a spongy rock a few yards back along the road. The two looked at the entrance to the dungeon, and began laughing along with Bob.
-
They laugh! They laugh at my sign! Why? How? It was the proper thing back in the…Back then. The dungeon sighed. On to part two.
Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.
-
There was a sign next to the entrance, a sign with a measuring stick, that read “You must be this tall to enter”. But the line on the stick was only two and a half feet tall.
Bert had slowed her laughing to a giggle, and between gasps for air managed to squeak out, “That would stop a toddler. If they could read!” Then finally collapsed into another fit of giggling.
It would take some time for them to recover.
-
The dungeon glowered at the three small adventurers as they made their way past its first line of defense. It shrugged again, then activated its second line.
-
The children stepped into the first chamber of the dungeon; a chamber that was constantly well lit by magical torches fastened high up on the walls. They laughed in glee as the highly detailed miniature wooden soldiers that had been waiting in formation started forward to attack.
“I call the Green army!” Rob bellowed.
“I want White” Bert yelled, strowing behind the now confused armies.
“I will have Red.” Bob said, stepping behind his men. “Red is the badge of courage, after all.”
An hour later, Bert had been defeated, with her block fortress on fire and crumbling, destroyed by Bob’s fire mages. Another half hour later, Rob’s last soldier, an officer of the calvary*, fell to a very determined army of Bob’s archers. A clear and decisive victory won, three small chests appeared in front of the children, color coded to match their armies.
Bert, first to fall, opened her chest first. A small amount of black licorice, cut into bite sized pieces. She scrunched up her face in disgust, but pocketed the prize anyway; she could trade it at the village.
Rob, second place, opened his chest next. Inside was a piece of pink chewy candy. He popped it straight into his mouth, chewed it a few times, then proceeded to blow a huge bubble.
Last, but certainly not least, Bob opened his chest. There was no candy, but instead there lay a beautifully crafted child’s toy bow. Bob squeed in joy as he pulled the magnificent thing from the chest and held it up to be admired by his friends. He then removed a quiver of properly sized arrows from the chest too. “Wow! Best haul ever!” Bob said, body shaking. “I’m not trading this for anything, so don’t even try, Bert.”
Bert sighed. Next time I’ll win. Then the cool toy will be mine.
-
The dungeon looked on with a combination of horror and anticipation as the children battled with its army. It felt like it was watching an accident on the highway, and just couldn’t look away. At the end of the battle, it shrugged and sighed, and dropped the treasure chests. Surely the poisonous food and dangerous bow would scare the filthy vermin away!
It was half disappointed, half relieved when it did scare the vermin away.
-
The three children, late coming home from the dungeon because the battle took so long, slunk into the village, and on to their homes. Goodbyes were said, and plans laid to break into the second room on their next adventure.
Bob’s father, upon tucking his son in that night, easily noticed the new bow under the bed. A bow that later that night he removed.
He stared at the bow with an appraising eye. “Well, the arrows are padded, and the draw weight isn’t too bad. I guess I’ll let him keep it, I’ll just have to have a talk with him about safety first.” He returned the bow to its place under the bed.
-
The dungeon shifted. Tomorrow would be better. The new defenses had arrived and would be placed in the front room, and the three armies of doom would be held back in the second. That done, it chewed on the problem of how the invaders had usurped its army and turned them upon each other. A problem for another day.
*A Calvary officer that had been named “Captain Douche Canoe” by Bob and Bert due to his recurring ability to escape Bob’s grand tactics and pincer maneuvers.
