I blinked, turning quickly. The room was large and had what looked like a natural turn towards the right, as well as a tunnel leading down. That tunnel was where the noise was coming from. I blinked, only to gape at what I was seeing.

  I’d seen a lot of weird things in Vega City, but still, I’d never seen a… was that a humanoid toad man?

  I stared as he stared back at me. His skin was a very dull green, dry looking, with small brown streaks. He stood on two legs and had two arms, but the similarities with humans ended there. The legs looked like he was a professional gymnast, his thighs thick and his feet webbed things with three long toes. His arms followed suit, looking like he regularly went to a gym, with his hands being five nearly equally bulky fingers.

  And his head, well. Eyes and mouth check, but his face was a bit flat with two small holes for a nose and no hair anywhere to speak of. The top of his head was just smoothish toad skin.

  He looked less like a real creature and more like an action figure come to life.

  [8]

  Oh no.

  He saw me and immediately frowned. A toad man’s frown was horrifying. He may not have eyebrows but his face could certainly narrow and bend the same way. His mouth was just so huge for his face, it looked like if he really tried he could bite my head off.

  And he was unhappy.

  And he was looking at me.

  My mind raced, thinking hard. This thing was going to kill me. I had moments before it decided it didn’t like me and then I was dead.

  Even with moments to spare… my mind came up blank.

  I couldn’t run, I couldn’t fight, I couldn’t hide. It was staring right at me. What was left to do?!

  Against all better judgment… I chose to hiss. I raised my hands, the meager fists I could, prepared to go down swinging. I didn’t know how but I’d been absolutely sure I was going to survive the rat. That I’d find some way to victory.

  I wasn’t confident here and now.

  This might truly be it.

  It didn’t like that. It didn’t like that at all. It stalked forward, murder in its eyes. Cautiously, slowly, I backed away. For a brief, fleeting moment, I thought I could make it. That it would just let me go. That maybe I seemed too strange, awkward, and deranged for it.

  It disabused me of that notion shortly.

  One second it was slowly approaching, the next it was rushing me so fast it was a miracle I even saw it coming. I threw a punch, aimed for its toady face and it dodged. It pulled back its own arm, lowered, and-

  All at once, my world seemed to break and shatter. I puked immediately as all the breath in my body left me heaving and gasping like a fish. Air refused to come in. The pain radiated in the same way getting hit in the balls did, affecting my whole body. My whole torso spasmed as it punched me in the gut. My pupils shook as my world broke.

  And then, like a horrible breath of fresh air, the pain really hit. Sharp, searing, burning, cramping. My eyes rolled into the back of my head and all I could do was fall to the ground in abject misery. The toad was long forgotten, the pain and misery all consuming.

  I groaned, moaning and weeping, as my whole body tried to pull itself together. It failed.

  The toad wasn’t done however.

  I felt its slimy hand grip my ankle but I was in too much misery to even pay attention.

  Until I was airborne.

  With a grunt of exertion and a silent scream from me as my body was forcefully moved, it hoisted me over its head and shoulders… and slammed me into the ground.

  I felt my nose break, my teeth shatter, and blackness pulled at my vision. The pain and intensity were so all consuming, so total, that I could do nothing but stare lifelessly my mouth agape. The toad reached down, grabbing me by the head.

  Whatever look it found must’ve been enough. It dropped my head, stood up, and spit on me.

  Then… it walked away.

  I lay there, broken, blood leaking out my mouth, mixing with the thin sheet of water on the ground.

  An eternity passed and at the end of it, blackness finally took me.

  *****

  I woke up screaming.

  Every fiber of my body hurt. Then multiplied. Then again and again. Every wound from the rat, every bite, every broken bone, all at once.

  I laid there, crying, wanting it to end.

  Wanting for it all to end.

  There was only pain.

  Hours passed, all miserable. I thought the toad would come back and finish me off but I never got that luxury. It was just pain and more pain.

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  Sleep came and went in spurts. Time was an illusion of hell. My mind spun and turned and in those depths a clarity unlike any other finally hit me.

  Why? Why did they have to die?

  Why is my life like this?

  Why?

  Paradise then hell, paradise then hell. Am I doomed? What cosmic deity hates me so much?

  Why… why is this world so cruel?

  The darkness threatened to consume my soul. I could feel it, the blackness, rising up within me. Spreading and leeching all. My revenge, my hatred, my pain, it was all consumed in the inky void. In all the ways that mattered, Mutai was dying. My body, my mind, my soul.

  The world was cruel. It was hell. It was darkness and evil. So what? Why should I be any different? Why should I care?

  Rage swam up, like a dull red energy spreading through the darkness.

  I wanted to rip and tear and destroy. To kill, to rage against the heavens and my fate. But even it was consumed by the growing avalanche of darkness in me. The blackness threatened to swallow me whole. I should have stolen and killed. I could’ve done more. I could’ve poisoned a family and taken their money. Used it to buy a healing machine. Could’ve kidnapped someone, another weak homeless person, and used them as a training dummy. Why was I even trying anyway? Master’s words wrung in my ears. Vega killed my family. So what? Why does it matter. Why does anything matter? Should’ve just bought that car and worked and moved on. I’d still be alive.

  The dark thoughts continued as both my blood and emotions seeped out of me.

  In that terrible way, a rat entered my vision. It began to head towards my face, slowly, cautiously.

  [3]

  This was how I was to die. Eaten by rats. My eyes plucked out and swallowed.

  Fitting.

  I stared, watching the worst and slowest form of death I could imagine come for me. I didn’t care. I didn’t care… about anything anymore.

  It doesn’t matter.

  The blackness, the depression, the hollowness. It encompassed me wholly.

  I closed my eyes.

  This was The End.

  .

  .

  .

  I love you Mutai.

  A glimmer in the black.

  Your father made meatloaf!

  Did not. I made Meatpancakes.

  Father! That’s not a thing!

  Haha. Then explain how we are having it!

  A spark in the darkness.

  Mutai, I hope Tuwa doesn’t find us.

  Don’t worry Maui! She’ll never know-

  What are you kids doing to my vegetables?!

  Run!

  A brightness that began to grow.

  Hey… Mutai?

  Yeah Suma?

  I think uh… I think… I love you. But uh, like, a sister?

  Oh. Haha!

  You’re… are you okay?

  Suma… I’ve never had a sister before!

  You’re so weird! I thought you’d be upset!

  Huh? Even if it's as siblings, at least you still love me!

  Growing more and more.

  Fetch me those planks Mutai!

  Y-Yes Juak! Why are they so heavy?!

  U-Uh, oh. We… got… heavier ones.

  …We got heavier trees?

  Y-Yes!

  Juak, you’re so weird.

  Just help me build this house you little jerk!

  Exploding brightness echoed outwards.

  Happy Birthday Mutai!

  W-Why are there so many people?!

  Come on Mutai, you only turn ten once!

  Yeah, cheer up brat. Enjoy your day already!

  It was Tuwa’s idea. To get the whole village together.

  T-Tuwa? But… I thought you hated me.

  Brat… I’m only going to say this once. I love you.

  We all do Mutai. The whole village does.

  We love you Mutai.

  I was a fool.

  I could feel the darkness breaking. The light shining through, past the misery, past the pain. I was loved once. I was loved once by so many people. So many friends and family, so many. But I’d… I’d forgotten about the good. It had only been about the pain, the revenge, the mission, the duty, the brokenness.

  I’d forgotten the good times. The happy times. The times to be cherished and always remembered. My dad making meat pancakes, the time me and Maiu raided Tuwa's vegetable garden, the time Suma had let me down gently only to make my heart grow happier, when I’d built a treehouse with Juak, and even my tenth birthday.

  I’d forgotten so much. I’d let Vega take even that from me. I’d let my family only weigh me down and hurt me, when they would be appalled at the very idea. The whole village had loved me and I’d loved them. They were gone now. Gone, but never forgotten.

  The rat inched closer, hunger clear in its eyes.

  The pain was still there, the agony, all the terrible misery hadn’t left me. My body was broken, I wanted to scream, and I was stuck in a dank and dangerous sewer.

  But the most important problem had gone away. My soul felt lighter and even through my broken face, a smile stretched across it. A determination lit up inside me. Live for myself and for others. I wasn’t going to die here. I was going to keep going, if only so I could sit down and remember them again. So that I could enjoy the greatest gift they’d left me with.

  The memory of them.

  The rat inched closer and finally, it was within range.

  Fierce blinding determination flowed through me. Not just for survival but for something even more worthwhile. To truly live. I was alive and that meant more than a heartbeat or a brain. It meant to strive, to grow, to experience, and to enjoy.

  And I wasn’t going to get there lying down in the muck and dying. It was a kill or be killed world and I had made my choice.

  I lunged, the rat trying to back away, but it was too late. I bit down, the rat frantically trying to free itself, but I bit down hard. Once, twice. And finally, a third. It stilled, its head torn off. I swallowed quickly, along with the rest of the rat, barely chewing.

  This world was cruel… but it could also be beautiful.

  I’d embrace both.

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