“With every ounce of due respect sir,” I spat, glaring at the director. “What the fuck do you mean I’m suspended from patrols?” Higgins blinked.

  “You’ll address the director properly, Amaranth,” Miss Militia demanded, drawing my next irritated look.

  “I’ll address him properly when he starts making sense,” I retorted, turning back to the director.

  “You violated your probation,” he said simply, unruffled. Fucker. “Not to mention maiming another suspect. It’s clear you’re not ready for field work, and I’m sorry we’ve put you there.” I felt my eye twitch.

  “’Not ready’?” I echoed incredulously. “We’re just...ignoring that I’ve been handling villains fine since day one? You know my first cape fight was against Hookwolf, right?”

  “That’s part of the problem, I believe,” Miss Militia said, her tone iron. “I’ve tried to be clear about this Amaranth, and you need to understand: we exist to protect people, first and foremost.”

  “Five dead,” I retorted, making both their eyes widen. “That’s what I heard before coming in here. How many more if I’d followed the rules huh? So what if some arsonist is crippled, people are alive because I did it.”

  “That isn’t up for discussion,” she replied, no give. “I fully agree with the director in suspending you from patrol. Until you’re able to actually follow the rules and prove it, it’s the best decision.” I clenched my fists and took a deep breath, shutting my eyes, counting to ten, twenty, thirty…

  “Fine,” I sighed at last. “Whatever. Just don’t fuck with Vista, I made her come with. She tried to stop me.”

  “We’ll speak with Vista later,” Higgins said flatly. “She’s a young adult capable of making her own decisions.”

  “Okay,” I said, barely avoiding rolling my eyes. “Then can I go shower off the smoke? Or you do you want to debrief right now while I still remember their faces?”

  They dismissed me after a brief lecture on ‘appropriate conduct’ and finally I was out. Vista was sitting on a chair in the hall, looking shell-shocked. I gave her a brief pat on the shoulder, she’d really helped out, then headed to the elevator and down. I was tired, I really just wanted to fall into bed and sleep for ten to fifteen hours.

  Unfortunately I still reeked, so first was a trip to the showers after dumping my costume to be cleaned. No one else was here tonight, so at least I wasn’t going to have Dennis jumping down my throat til tomorrow. The shower barely panicked me, I had too much on my mind to worry that much about the water crashing down all around me like it was Leviathan’s echo.

  I spent too long in there, judging by how shaky my legs were when I got out, but at least I didn’t smell like a constant reminder of not being fast enough. I toweled off and changed into a more comfortable sweat suit, then sat on my bed. I was tired, sure, but I wasn’t actually sleepy. I felt raw, like I’d scraped a layer of skin off my whole body. It wasn’t a burn, my projection kept me safe but… I shook my head and sighed, then froze at a knock on the door.

  “Lia?” Amy’s voice came through. “It’s just me. Um, can we talk?” I rose and hit the button to open the door, then sat back down on my bed. She joined me a second later.

  “I know I’m a fuckup,” I said after a moment. “You don’t need to get on me for it too, the PRT and Protectorate have you covered.”

  “It’s…” She sighed. “Well it’s kind of about that. You really hurt that lady, Lia; she’ll be walking with a cane the rest of her life.”

  “And yet she’ll be walking,” I said bitterly. “And five other people won’t be, because of her.”

  “We can’t just go around maiming people,” she said. “Even if they’ve done bad things, we can’t just—”

  “Just what, stop them?” I cut her off. “There were more of them you know? And when it started me and Vista heard gunshots, and some of them had guns. They set that fire Amy, I won’t apologize for getting at least one of them.”

  “You can’t do this Lia,” she said, almost pleading. “Please you… You’re supposed to be a hero.”

  “I wish I knew what that meant,” I said, running my fingers through my damp mess of hair. “I watched the heroes carpet bomb my home, make another part of it uninhabitable and I don’t even know the body count; and I doubt they do. They brought in half the Protectorate to publicly out a sixteen-year-old, and when she finally got arrested they couldn’t stop someone from killing her. And now we have some monsters burning churches with people inside and barring the door, and they wanted me to stand by and do nothing.”

  She clung to me in silence, an awful, sick feeling churning in my guts. I shouldn’t have blown up like that, shouldn’t have done any of this really. If I could just stick to the fucking rules, I could be fine. I had Amy, I had my friends in the Wards, I still stopped criminals but… Why wasn’t it just enough, why couldn’t I just let the big boys and girls handle this?

  Because they weren’t, or at least they weren’t doing nearly enough. The south had always been a shitty place to be if you were anything but white, but it hadn’t been this bad. I couldn’t only hope at least the Undersiders would do something. What a fucking joke, praying to the villains because the heroes just didn’t cut it.

  “Sorry,” I said at last. “You don’t deserve this. Just go home and get some rest, I’ll be fine.” Her hand rested on top of my balled fist atop my knee.

  “I healed them,” Amy said quietly. “The survivors they… Most of them were still homeless because of Leviathan, just living there. I think the woman was a Nazi, or a wannabe, because she didn’t feel a bit of remorse when I told her.” I glanced over and saw a scowl on her face. “I don’t… If I had been able to heal her completely, would she have done it again?”

  “I’m just glad we don’t have to find out,” I replied. “If you want my opinion though? Yeah, she would have. That’s not...it wouldn’t be blood on your hands Amy, but it wouldn’t be my first choice either.”

  “Fuck,” she cursed. I saw tears gathering. “But I can’t… We can’t just decide who deserves it.”

  “When I’m watching them cheer at a burning church? Yeah I think I can at least.” I swallowed and leaned against her. “Does that make me a bad hero, a bad person?”

  “I don’t know,” Amy whispered. “But...but you don’t want to be like your mom, and I don’t want to be like my dad. I don’t think that’s enough.”

  “It’ll have to be, until I figure this out.”

  “Just listen to the heroes,” she said. “For me.” I grit my teeth.

  “I’ll try.” Her fingers lifted my chin and her lips met mine.

  “Thank you,” Amy said softly.

  “Can I...come over?” I asked hesitantly, looking at the mattress. “I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

  “Neither do I,” she said, wrapping an arm around my back. “Come on.”

  “Damn, that sucks kid,” Hooks commented.

  “Whatcha expect, she took out a guy’s knee,” Bailey, the other trainer, said blithely.

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  “Fucking...deserved it,” I huffed between swings. I’d been hitting the heavy bag for ten minutes, and I didn’t feel like stopping.

  “Well…” Bailey said hesitantly.

  “Maybe,” Hooks hedged. “But we all gotta play nice with the rules, even shit kickers like me and Bailey here.”

  “Shit kicker corp? I’m wounded,” he replied in mock offense.

  “Well you’re sure shit at kicking open doors,” she drawled. “Mara, take a break and breathe chrissake.”

  “Who the fuck’s ‘Mara’?” I asked, panting heavily as I lowered my arms.

  “Your name’s kind of a mouthful,” Hooks said with a shrug. “Shortens nice to Mara though, doesn’t it?”

  “I guess,” I muttered, glowering at the bag. “Still wanna hit something.”

  “Get some water, we’ll do some pad work,” she said, heading over to the ring. “Bailey, get the pads.”

  “Why am I the kit bitch?”

  “Maybe because you’re a bitch,” she bantered back.

  I snagged my water bottle and headed away to get a drink in peace. Even spending the night at Amy’s, I’d barely slept and was feeling it. I was going back over as soon as I was done today, after my console shift. We got a debriefing done earlier, where I learned again and again how stupid what I did was and how awful it was that I’d hurt some Nazi.

  And they were Nazis, apparently that was confirmed now. They hadn’t said which group, but I had my doubts Stormtiger and Cricket gave a shit about anything beyond their illegal fight pits. The Pure were bastards, but an all-cape group, no lackeys. That meant either they were Werwolf, Krieg’s band of monsters, or Brockton Bay’s Nazi problem was getting worse.

  I could only pray it wasn’t the latter.

  “Mara, hustle up!” Hooks called across the gym.

  I sighed and jogged over to the ring, ducking under the ropes, and grabbing the pair of gloves hanging off them. Hooks was already standing in the center, pads on both hands, and Bailey was standing next to her. Whatever conversation they were having paused as I approached.

  “Hey kid you wanna learn how to take down a palooka like Hooks here?” Bailey asked with a grin, getting a chuckle out of Hooks.

  “She’ll learn the day you actually beat me in the ring,” she drawled, rolling her eyes.

  “I mean in theory, corp,” he clarified, his grin shrinking.

  “This that in-fighting you’ve been talking about?” I asked, getting a nod from both of them. “Cool, where do we start?”

  I still just wanted to hit something.

  “Here to replace you, Amaranth,” an officer said, shaking me out of the stupor I’d fallen into staring at the screen.

  “Oh, thanks,” I said flatly, removing the headset and setting it on the desk. I rose and stretched with a yawn. “Not much going on right now, but wait for the sun to go down.”

  “Yeah I know,” he replied with a sigh.

  After a brief rundown of the patrols currently out, hotspots, and other minor details, I finally got to head back to my quarters to change and get ready to head over to Amy’s. It had become almost...regular, the one thing the PRT didn’t get up my ass for. I could probably thank Yamada for that one, pressuring them to let me have some nice things.

  I packed my mostly finished homework into my bag, since I was finally back at school tomorrow. With any luck I could avoid getting into too much trouble for my last year and a bit. Just had to grin and bear it, and not break anymore Nazi noses...at least where security could see. Easy stuff, at least if I wasn’t an idiot.

  “Oh, hey Lia, heading out?” Chris asked as I walked through the common room.

  “Yeah, over to Amy’s,” I replied. “Been feeling all cooped up in here, and since they haven’t confined me to quarters yet I figured I’d take the chance.”

  “That’s fair,” he said, nodding. “You um, are you doing okay?” I gave him a look.

  “What do you mean?” I asked warily.

  “Just, well, uh…” He scratched the back of his head. “I heard about...the fire and stuff.”

  “Come on man, I’ve gotten enough shit.”

  “Not giving you crap!” Chris said quickly, holding out his hands. “Just like, I want to make sure my teammate’s okay, you know?”

  “I’m fine,” I replied with a shrug. “Pissed that I’m getting in trouble for helping people, but whatever; that’s been basically my whole career, so why stop now you know?”

  “Sorry,” he offered.

  “Not your fault,” I said, shaking my head. “Anyway forget it, what’re you watching? Looks...energetic.”

  “Oh, uh, it’s called ‘Scraplords’, new cape show,” Chris explained as several people in bright costumes rushed around the messiest looking workshop I’d ever seen; and Chris had shown me his. “Four Tinkers get access to a junkyard and nothing else, then compete to see who can put together something that actually works. It’s uh, honestly pretty interesting, seeing what they can cobble together from junk.”

  “Inspiring?”

  “I guess a little,” he said, chuckling. “Mostly like...it’s cool seeing what people can do with basically nothing, you know? I mean I’ve got plenty of stuff because I’m a Ward, but Tinkers have to do a lot of scavenging or spend a lot of money otherwise. I probably couldn’t do what they’re doing though.”

  “Pretty cool then,” I said. “How are things out there on your own?”

  “Oh pretty quiet,” he replied. “Stopped a robbery the other day, but nothing that crazy. Um, I...won’t ask.”

  “Appreciated,” I said, giving him a small smile. “Really. Have a good night, Chris.”

  “You too Lia.”

  “Lia…”

  “I see him,” I said tensely, trying to ignore the idiot with two black eyes glowering at me. “Not gonna start something, don’t worry.”

  Back at school, and of course the Nazi prick was waiting at the front when I returned. It was only him and the scrawnier one, the bruiser nowhere to be seen. Maybe that was why he let us walk past without a snide remark, he knew his boyfriend wasn’t around to take a hit for him anymore. I couldn’t help but throw a snide grin his way as we headed into the school.

  My first stop was the office, where Amy gave me a kiss and headed off to class. It was a little irritating, but I was sort of just happy to be back. Not because I wanted to go to class, but because it was a chance to be just...normal. Relatively of course, I probably had a bit of a reputation now; but that was as a scrappy kid, not a cape.

  Not that it made much difference. The principal, vice-principal, and one of the counsellors all seemed to want their pound of flesh from lecturing me. It was nothing I hadn’t heard before, practically verbatim what the PRT had been berating me about but toned down for a kid without superpowers. They seemed satisfied when I promised not to fight on school grounds again, so at least there was that.

  Then it was back to the dullness of class, most of which I spent zoned out. It wasn’t that I had anything else on my mind to think about really, more like some kind of malaise had settled in to just make it that much harder. I gave up trying to follow along after my first class and just coasted through my next. Finally though, I had to go and hand my work in.

  “Ah, welcome back Amelia,” Mrs. Flowers said, offering me a smile. “How are you doing?”

  “Fine,” I replied, setting the stack of papers on her desk. “Here. I don’t know, most of it’s probably wrong because I wasn’t here to get help. Sorry.”

  “These things happen,” she said with a shrug, taking the first page and scanning it. “But at a glance, it doesn’t seem too far off the mark. Would you like me to grade them now, maybe give you some feedback?” I shook my head.

  “Feel like crap, wouldn’t take it in,” I mumbled.

  “I’m sorry to hear.” It sounded like she meant it. “Go on then, I’ll speak with you tomorrow. I hope you feel better.”

  I nodded and headed out, joining Amy to go down to the cafeteria. As usual, we got our food and grabbed the most empty, out of the way table we could. I wasn’t sure what the coming school year would look like, or whether I’d even make it to the next grade. Hopefully, with a lot of focus being put on rebuilding schools since September was looming, it wouldn’t be so damned crowded.

  Unlikely though. Even with the relative peace through most of the city, things just weren’t ready. So many ruins to be razed still, there were almost as many demolition crews as construction. And of course in the less peaceful parts, more ruins were still being made, more lives destroyed. I sighed and took my half-finished meal to the trash, no longer hungry.

  “You okay?” Amy asked when I returned.

  “Just not feeling good,” I said. She took my hand and frowned.

  “Okay the good news is you’re not actually sick,” she mumbled. “Do you...do you want to talk about it?”

  “I don’t want to ruin your day too.”

  “Talking with you doesn’t ruin my day,” Amy retorted. “I mean, it might bring down the mood sometimes but that’s fine, it happens. I… You’re my girlfriend, you’re always there for me so like, I want to be there for you too.” Despite my churning guts, a smile wormed its way onto my face.

  “Thanks Amy,” I said, squeezing her hand. “You’re sweet. Still just getting all messed up about Saturday and everything, stuff we already talked about so...don’t worry about it.”

  “I’m going to worry about you, dumbass,” she said, planting a kiss on my cheek. “My place tonight?”

  “Is that okay?” I asked. “I’ve been spending a lot of time and don’t want to crowd you, and we’re not like...doing stuff so is it really—”

  “Yes,” Amy cut me off, prodding my arm as her cheeks turned red. “I like having you around, even if we’re not doing...you know. I mean, not that I don’t want to but I can like, deal, it’s fine.” Wow she could get really red.

  “I l—” I squeaked and stopped the stupid shit that had tried to come flying out of my mouth. “Uh, thanks. I like you it’s just, you know? I don’t want to fuck everything up…”

  “You won’t,” she said, her hand leaving mine and coming up to rub the back of my neck. I sighed and leaned into her touch.

  “Thank you,” I murmured. “You’re too good for me.”

  “Definitely not,” she said with a chuckle. “But...you make me want to try.”

  “Well you’re succeeding.” I took a deep breath, the smell of stale food and a hint of floral undertones. “So...keep it up, if that’s okay?”

  “As long as you keep being a hero.”

  “Deal.”

  Easiest one I’d ever made.