The Check-Up From HellAlthough I was awake about thirty minutes before I needed to be, Lucifer was still pissy about it and practically dragged me out of the house, through the frozen halls. As he did so, I realized I could faintly make out the figures of his brothers through the icy stagmites, some of whom had been frozen in rather bizarre and certainly uncomfortable positions. I guess he hasn't thawed them out yet... I'm really starting to wonder if he's just vindictive or if he's just genuinely trying to figure out how to reverse the curse on the House of Lamentation...

  The moment we exited the house, I found myself gaping back at the house that was starting to come back into the light. Despite being a little gloomy, it was an impressive house. Certainly much more impressive than the little one-floor house my grandparents had left in my parents' possession for me to use. I mean, any house with seven bedrooms had to have been rge anyway, but still... My thoughts drifted further as I followed Lucifer, trying to keep up with the quick pace he set. Long-legged son of a... I decided to censor myself and just try to focus on following him. I wish I could've had breakfast though, even if I did have a ter dinner. I can't believe I'm already feeling hungry again...

  I tried to distract myself with the Devildom scenery since there was no comfort in nor chance of even talking to the stuffy Dracu in front of me, and it did work fairly well. The Devildom streets were, as funny as it might have been, quite beautiful. As we headed into town, some early birds were already selling their wares from their shopfronts or unlocking their doors. Those that saw Lucifer bowed with respect, murmuring things like, "Greetings to the Avatar of Pride" and "Good morning, Lord Lucifer" though Lucifer replied to none of them (the rude prick). Still. "Avatar of Pride." Yeah, that fit him pretty well. I'd never known anyone with as little humility as him. Or, no, wait... I can't say that. I thought regretfully. There was a guy who actually pissed me off more than Lucifer has with his pride, mainly because he had absolutely nothing to back up his ridiculous self-confidence. At least Lucifer has bragging rights, and he's a lot more passive when he brags. Remember, Anne, it could be worse.

  Well, I'm not sure how much worse it can get from here, but nevertheless, at least I'll get to look up at a nice face when I die... I almost stopped walking as Lucifer checked the time; an hour had passed since we had started walking at break-neck pace, and I couldn't help but feel a little confused. The ache in my legs didn't agree with that timeframe. I'm getting a really, really bad feeling about this.

  I almost bumped into Lucifer a few minutes after I thought that, barely stopping in time to avoid a my nose getting smashed up against his sturdy back. Possibly in the literal sense. We were in front of a burgundy-bricked building, at least four stories high and cleaner than most other buildings in the area. Lucifer swept the gss door open at once, ushering me inside, and I was immediately stopped still by a small, bck demon the size of a beach ball. It wore a bowler hat, had twisted limbs, and the inside of its mouth and eyes glowed blue as it looked up and smiled at me with rge, sharp teeth. Most interestingly, the blob had horns poking out of its hat that were nearly identical to Lucifer's.

  "Ah, Fath- I mean, Lord Lucifer, sir. I assume this is the patient?" Just now, he was about to say "Father," wasn't he? He was about to call Lucifer "Father", wasn't he?

  "Yes; I apologize for the te notice," Lucifer replied, sounding tired, and the small devil shook its head (which also happened to be its entire body).

  "It's no trouble, not in the least," it replied, and it made a gesture towards me with its short, cw-like hands. "Then, esaelp come this yaw, wogsalG eilennA ssiM." I blinked at it, wondering if I was tripping on some kind of drug Lucifer had slipped into my food st night. I gnced at Lucifer, hoping I hadn't misheard, and there was no reason for me to understand what it just said. Thankfully, just this once, Lucifer did not nitpick.

  "Your accent is slipping, Little D. number One," Lucifer pointed out gently, and the small demon blushed a dark blue, clearly embarrassed at its mistake. What kind of "accent" is that?!

  "My apologies, sir, dy," it said, briefly nodding to me, and I was somewhat surprised at the acknowledgement. "Please come this way, Miss Annelie Gsgow," it repeated, smiling with its jagged teeth, and for some reason, I found that sight endearing as I followed it into a small room that was very simir, if not indistinguishable, to a normal doctor's office. Aside from the implements on the wall which looked more like medieval torture devices, including what appeared to be a pear of death, much to my discomfort.

  I gnced at Lucifer as he lingered in the corner a little ways away from the crinkly patient chair Little D. no. 1 had me sit in, half-hoping he'd be kicked out. I just knew this examination would somehow involve me getting an uncomfortable amount of exposure, and I wasn't terribly thrilled about Lucifer looking at, or worse making comments about, the rge mole I'd rather most people didn't see.

  "I take it there's no patient privacy in the Devildom?" I piped up, and Little D. no. 1 briefly looked up at Lucifer's towering figure before he gnced back at me with what felt like an apology. If this little beach ball is Lucifer's son, I want to know who the hell the mother was, because he's a lot less of an arsehole.

  "If Lord Lucifer sees fit, then I'm afraid that yes, that would be the case," it replied before it put on a pair of spectacles. It was worth a shot, I thought as it approached the chair, its twisted fingers attaching a minated sheet of paper onto a clipboard, already seeming nervous as it adjusted its gsses.

  "So," I said, the papery crinkling underneath me already starting to get irritate my already rapidly-firing nerves, "how exactly... do you determine whether or not I'm a demon?" The bck splotch with a top hat briefly inhaled, revealing more of its glowing insides, and I wondered for a long moment about its anatomy.

  "I was just about to expin that to you," it said, sounding pleased before it showed me its clipboard. It was a massive flowchart entitled "For Species Determination of Unknown Demons" which was color-coded and complicated. Little D. no. 1 was currently pointing to the first step of the long process. I was already starting to get a headache at the sight of it. Just how long am I going to be here...? I thought, not even trying to find the longest path, afraid of what I would see. "First, we will expose you to a mild dose of demonic pheromones and measure your response. If that comes out negative, we proceed to a full-body scan-" Oh god, please no... "And if that comes out negative, we proceed to a fluid test," It was pointing to each step, but I wasn't really following anymore. "And if this comes back negative, then we have to run a battery of tests that will take several days to complete, as we will need samples of blood, skin, hair and may even need to collect tissue from your organs - er, please don't be frightened Miss Gsgow. We only take a few cells, and we are very precise, unlike humans." Well... I guess I shouldn't be scared of getting tested even with the most dangerous surgeries when I'm dancing on a tightrope of life and death...

  Reluctantly yet honestly, I eventually said, "Thank you for expining everything so straightforwardly." Unlike the prick standing next to me to look at this stupid chart. Funnily enough, the blob of darkness blushed at that remark.

  "I do pride myself on patient advocacy and informed healthcare," Little D. no. 1 replied with a genuine smile. Or, as genuine as you can look with a row of shark teeth. "Then, if you would be so kind, please give me your arm." I guess this is the pheromone test, I thought as I held out my left arm, watching as the demonic doctor's fingers glowed a violent, cerulean blue. Almost at once, the room flooded with a rich, woody smell, and I flinched as soon as the demon's hot fingers made contact with my flesh. Warm blue va dribbled onto my arm, coloring the skin like paint, and I stare down at is as the skin tightens and maintains the same warmth before it spread to the rest of my body, distributing itself evenly. "How do you feel? Do you notice anything different, aside from a stinging sensation?" I have a really bad feeling about this.

  "Not much, really... I just feel a little warmer," I tried, and the small demon wrote something onto its clipboard, and I swallowed nervously. "I'm... not sure if you can make a diagnosis off of that."

  "Well?" Lucifer prompted, and Little D. no. 1 gnced at him.

  "That fulfills one of the diagnostic criteria which indicates a positive result, yes. There are very few humans who react to pheromones, even in high concentrations such as this." I really don't like the sound of that... I thought. "Is there anything else you might have noticed, Ms. Gsgow?" I could feel Lucifer staring at me, and I really didn't like where my mind went when he did. Son of a bitch, why are you thinking about that now? "Please do not be afraid to voice your thoughts aloud. You will experience no judgement from me." I shook my head.

  "The person next to me is going to judge me plenty, and I'm judging myself for it," I mumbled, and the blob gave a little mischievous grin at me. What's that for?!

  "I see..." The small demon wrote on its clipboard again, its eyes seeming to glitter with amusement. I didn't appreciate it.

  "You're not going to press her?" Lucifer asked, not accusingly but pressingly inquisitive. Little D. no. 1 shook its head.

  "She already told me everything I wanted to know," it answered, and I started thinking about breakfast as I realized another one of those boxes must have been ticked off. I wished that I could have eaten something before we left, or maybe enjoyed my dinner more. I might never get to eat again... stupid, twisted diagnostic bullshit. I bet it's all false positives anyway... "Miss Gsgow, do you by any chance feel peckish?" I flinched and immediately tried to cover for myself.

  "...no." And, immediately, both Lucifer and the beach ball looked at me, simultaneously knowing that I was lying.

  "Don't lie," Lucifer scolded sternly, and the doctor at least added a "please" in front of it. I felt like I was being picked on.

  "Look, it's just because he didn't feed me this morning..." I grumbled, motioning to Lucifer and feeling pathetic as I said it. God, I really am his pet now... Even if I could never hope to figure out what's actually edible for me, I'd really love it if my meals weren't in control of someone I barely even know.

  "Oh, I'm sure he didn't," the little demon hummed, its voice acquiring a rather perverse tone, and I watched as it started to cackle to itself while it wrote something else down. What's with that tone?

  "Why are you giggling?" Lucifer asked it, and Little D. no. 1 cleared its throat (if it indeed had one at all) as it calmed down and stopped its strange gekker.

  "Oh, it's nothing much, sir. As you suspected, you are indeed dealing with a demon. More specifically, a succubus." A what now?

  "A what?" I asked aloud, blinking at the doctor.

  "You are a demon that thrives on sex. A succubus." I heard you. I was hoping I misheard you though. Couldn't I have at least been something cool or powerful? Seriously? I'm a thirst trap? An excuse men use to cheat on their spouses? I honestly felt like I was going to cry out of frustration. I know I'm a little too sexual for my own good... I hate that it expins why I haven't been able to control where my thoughts go around Lucifer...

  "I'm a slut from the demon world?" I said, not really questioning that fact, but the beach ball got a little angry at me when I said that.

  "Mind your nguage," it retorted, "Succubi are no different from any other demon, and we respect them just as much as any other. In fact, they are currently an endangered species because many succubi born into the world are afflicted with a congenital disorder which makes it difficult for them to have children. There is no need to feel shame about being one, so hold your head high." I'm not really sure how much better that makes me feel, but I guess I'll take it for what it is until Lucifer kills me...

  I thought that would be the end of the exam, but Lucifer asked, "And what about the mark on her colr?" I gnced back down at it, and so did the beach ball, pardoning itself as it gently moved the fabric of my shirt away from the mark.

  "It does not appear to be dangerous, if that is what you are asking me, sir," it said unsurely, and Lucifer shook his head.

  "I was asking if you had ever seen an injury like it. Perhaps that way, we might deduce what made it." The blob of darkness shook itself slowly as it stepped away from me.

  "I'm afraid I have no answers for you, sir. Do you have any questions about your cssification, Miss Gsgow?" I morosely shook my head, and it patted my hand with its twig-like one. "I suppose as someone who has been living as a human, this must come as a great shock to you. But trust me when I say that knowing this about yourself will help you in the long run. And Lord Lucifer." Lucifer maybe. When he's deciding how he wants to...

  "Then we will take our leave," Lucifer said, grabbing me by the arm and I followed him, resigned. "Thank you."