Ode to Madeline: After-Party
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How many dots do you think I can make before it reaches Lucy’s favourite number?
Ya hear me?
AY!
Madeline!
Are you there?
Madeline…
MADELINE!
YOU SHITTY BRAT THAT EVEN THE HELLSCAPES WILL SPIT THEE OUT!
WHAT SAY YOU, SINNER!
MADELINE! mADliNe!
Madeline…
Please.
Just say something.
I am a birthday planner
I’m here to plan your birthday.
So.
UGHHHH! SAY SOMETHING, DAMN UNGRATEFUL BRAT!
“I—”
NO! NO! NO! SHUT THE HELL UP! I DON’T WANNA HEAR IT!
“You can—”
NAH UH! I DON’T FUCKING WANNA HEAR IT. MY IMA TAUGHT ME NEVER TO HEAR FROM STRANGERS
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“But—”
HELL NO!
“Come o—”
OVER MY HEAVENLY-HOLY-INCORRUPTIBLE SEXALICIOUS BIRTHDAY-PARTY-COMPATIBLE BODY!
“Wh—”
DO NOT TRY ME Y—
“I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU!!!!”
What?
“You are a not-cool guy who do STUPID things and I HATE you for ruining my favourite day of the year! Now if you don’t turn my papa and mama and sis into normal recognizable-shaped people, I swear you will never hear the end of my wrath, and it’ll make the crusades look like a mock battle and the witches will feel glad that they didn’t have to take it from me!”
Where did you learn those words? Oh, wait… fuck you, shitty brat! You ordered MY SERV—
“AND IT SUCKED! I am NOT happy with your service. AND I’m gonna be the only voice of reason here to say out loud that YOU, Mr. “Birthday Planner,” needs to work on not being such a darn creep!”
YOU GOT LOTS OF GUTS, BRAT. I GOT BIG LUCY ON THE PHONE HERE!
“OH YEAH? CALL HIM FOR ME! TELL HIM THAT HE NEEDS TO WORK ON HIS WORKERS AND I DON’T LIKE HIS SERVICE AND MOST OF ALL YOU MADE MAMA HURT AND I DON’T LIKE YOU!!!!!”
What?
“Sniff.”
Are you crying?
“...”
YOU ARE!
“Go away…”
Sigh.
Alright.
You made me use TOO MUCH energy today, little “lady”
I am going to have SUCH a sweet time being away from you (for another year, at least)
And I’m gonna binge all six seasons of Lucifer while munching sweet and delicious top-grade snacks!
“Can I have some? I’m hungry…”
WHat?
“I can’t eat mama…”
NO! YOU rejected my “cooking!”
“Please, I’m hungry! Oh, oh! And if I die, you will LOSE a loyal customer!”
HOLY SHIT! YOU’RE RIGHT! WHAT WILL MY REPUTATION BE?!
Madeline, Madeline, you’re ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!
Madeline, madeLINE! It’s time to COOK!
YOU. WILL. ASSIST. ME!
(‘cuz I’m hella tired and all this satanic acting is kinda making me hungry, too)
BUT MOST OF ALL!
I WANT TO CHALLENGE YOU!
TO MAKE A BETTER CAKE THAN ME!
“But I cannot make a better cake than you, Mr. BP.”
Haha! So you recognize my BRILLIANCE!
“Mama has a recipe book though. Let’s go home…”
SURE! YOU WILL CRUMBLE BENEATH MY DELICIOUS HEALTHY HOLY-BLESSED HOMEMADE WITH LOVE CAKE!
“Can you pick my family up, though? They can’t really walk after… y’know…”
Now you’re asking for too much, Madeline.
