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Ch. 44: The Smart Dumb Plan

  Zeke sat on a rock, staring out at the lake. The pit fiend paced.

  “Shouldn’t we be moving?” The pit fiend asked, “The kobold will find us.”

  Zeke pointed to his head, “He’ll expect us to be moving. But he won’t expect us to be at the exact same spot we just were. Smart, huh?”

  “Not really,” Said the skeleton head, “Kinda sounds like a plan a dumbo would come up with. You a dumbo?”

  "I can flap my ears if I cover my nose.” Zeke proceeded to plug his nose and flap his ears.

  The pit fiend sighed, “Not sure what he sees in you.”

  “What’d you say? I can’t hear when my ears are flapped closed.”

  “Nothing, Zeke,” Said the Pit Fiend, “I’m glad you didn’t start lifting off just now.”

  “Me too. I’m afraid of heights.”

  Mason scanned the horizon from his position atop the elder tree. He would scan for the enemy team but occasionally his eyes drifted toward the great holographic scoreboard in the sky. He saw that the time said 26 minutes remained and the other team was it. The cells with their name on it lit in red. There was a nasty wind at that height but Mason’s stony body prevented him from feeling much pain. His nerve endings were located deep beneath the thick outer shell. He took out a sandwich he’d packed and ate in peace. A noise came from his pocket.

  “Mason!” Mason looked down and pulled out his slightly mangled chlorophone. High up in the ridges of Mad Mountain there was a beautiful flower. There was a thick bulb surrounded by white petals that looked like they’d had their ends dipped in purple paint. These flowers had a sort of alarm system. They could receive sound through their anther and project it through other flowers’ stigmas. This defense mechanism allowed them to project the voice of a predator to other flowers and keep vermin away. Even after they were cut there would be a short while that they maintained connections from a short distance away, “Mason!” It was the pit fiend’s voice

  “Akun,” Mason said, “What’s up?”

  “Zeke has us waiting at the lake. Says that Kip will never find us at the place he just tagged them. Dumb, right?”

  “This dudes an idiot,” Said Mason as he took another bite out of his tuna sandwich.

  “Not our call, right?” Said Akun through the plant, “Let’s make sure we wreck the weaklings.”

  “Yeah.” Mason looked up and saw the score again. Something had changed. Mason felt the tides of his stomach shift as he looked up at the altered scoreboard.

  “Wait.” Said Mason over the phone.

  “I have. I think it shoulda been one of us that-”

  “Shut up.”

  “Sh-shut up? What’s your p-”

  “Shut up. Please shut up.”

  Mason got up, no longer sitting on the elder tree’s branch. He looked around him and then out of the corner of his eye saw the flicker of a pink forked tongue.

  The board showed Mason’s cell as red. He was it. Jasssper’s cell was now green.

  The gargoyle turned to see Jasssper on his shoulder. He wrenched his hand toward the snake so quickly that he inadvertently chucked his tuna melt. Jasssper flung himself off the gargoyle and off the elder tree.

  A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

  The gargoyle grabbed nothing but his own shoulder as the snake said, “SSSSayonara!” and flopped toward the far ground below.

  “I gotta go,” Mason said as he leapt off the limb and outstretched his wings. The snake barreled downward, the wind whooshing by him. He had his belly turned up so he could look. His papal hat fell off his head but his tail quickly reached out and grabbed it. The cloak flapped above him as he fell further down. Liike a striking hawk, the gargoyle shot toward him at an alarming rate. The curvature of his wings boosted gravity’s pull. Mason reached his hand out.

  “Are you crazy?!” Mason screamed out, “You’re going to die!”

  “Can’t tag me if I’m dead!” Said Jasssper as he fell further. Mason tried to grab the snake. His hand closer and closer, suddenly the vision of the snake was ripped away from him.

  He looked up and saw Kip and Swiff fly like a blur away through the forest, and Jasssper steadily clutching to Kip’s shoulder.

  Mason could not correct himself fast enough, he plummeted into the ground. Dirt exploded everywhere as he collapsed into the earth.

  Jasssper wrapped himself tightly around Kip’s neck as they raced away from the gargoyle.

  “Sire,” Jasssper said, “The pit fiend mentioned that Zeke is still at the lake. Ssseemsss he thought he could evade you by staying at the same location.”

  “Wow!” Kip said, “That’s smart! I would have never thought of that! Let’s go back to the lake!”

  And with that, the three streamed toward the lake, one person tagged, two more to go.

  Blademan’s blades were pressed to the two girls’ necks.

  “Now, let’s just calm down.” Said Locke, “Let’s try to handle this rationally.”

  Blademan chuckled, “Sure. How about a trade? You tell me who you are and I won’t slice your neck,” Bladema’s blade pressed against Keelie. As he continued, he pressed against Locke’s neck “And you tell me why you’re here and I won’t slice your neck.”

  “Moves, Locke?” Keelie asked.

  “Moves and Locke?” Blademan asked.

  “Compliance, Keelie.” Said Locke.

  “Locke and Keelie. Army? Bounty hunters? Adventurers?”

  “We’re done for Keelie. Maybe before we die we can remember that beautiful villa we summered in last year for our approved two-day vacation.”

  “Ahh, army. Okay, now you tell me why you’re here.”.

  “Fine,” Keelie said, “We’re beat. We’re surveying the land. We both work for a local real estate development firm and we thought this land had good soil.” Keelie knocked on the ground like ‘Clickity Click clack,’ and placed her hand back to flat on the ground.

  “It’s got good bones for a casino or-” Keelie felt the cold of Blademan’s blade draw blood.

  “Lie to me again, Kylie. I only need one of you alive.”

  “Truly, we just thought we’d show up and knock on some doors. If you could open the door for us with the owner that would be a big help,” Keelie said.

  Lock’s hand drifted surreptitiously over to where Keelie’s hand was, she grabbed Keelie’s palm and pushed it in. Keelie’s neck dug further into the blade but she managed to open the door she’d made. The vicious vines of the Black Eyed Susan plant shot out of the portal door, wrapping themselves around Blademan and pushing him up off the air. He was held high as Keelie and Locke both rolled out of the way.

  “Ho-ho!” Blademan said, “A boon! Splendid, but hardly combat appropriate.” Blademan merely flexed his blademuscles and ripped the susan plant to shreds. Keelie and Locke both pulled out their blades.

  “Keelie! Go follow the plan.” Locke said, “I’ll handle him from here.”

  Blademan fell to the ground and looked at the open door, “You can knock on the ground and open portals.” Said Blademan “Fascinating. What’s your thing?” He looked at Locke.

  “I can’t go until that door is closed!” Keeliee said, pointing to the spot where the mad vines were still attempting to crawl out of the interdimensional space. Keelie and Locke both looked at each other. Blademan observed both of them.

  “Something tells me… whatever kingdom you belong to wants a clearer picture of what’s going on around here. Allow me to put a stop to that,” He yanked his body and began spinning in himself as a bladewheel toward the door. Locke made her way to the door. Blademan attacked her. She jumped and just barely missed him as her shoulder slammed the interdimensional door shut. Blademan wasn’t done. He wheeled toward Keelie. She knocked on the floor but with Blademan coming her way, she had to stick up her sword to defend herself. As Blademan’s foot came down, she stuck up her blade and blocked his right leg. It did enough to stop the motion of the wheel, but then his other leg came down as well. That force knocked Keelie down. Blademan stuck up his right arm to strike.

  “We’ll tell you!” Locke shouted out, “We’ll tell you.”

  “I know enough.” Blademan sliced Keelie across her torso, a stream of blood shooting out.

  Keelie gasped in pain, then opened the door, a torrent of water came shot out and hit Blademan like a high powered hose. Keelie tucked her shoulder into the door, braced her foot against the ground and pushed the door closed. Keelie knocked again, opened the door and slipped through, escaping.

  Blademan shot back up, with Locke standing right in front of her.

  Locke said, “Look me in my eyes.”

  Blademan’s blade head stared back at her. But he had no clue what she was doing staring at him so intensely, “I’m a ride you wouldn’t survive, sweetheart.”

  Locke sighed and said, “Right. No eyes,” she readied her sword, “Okay. Let’s do this.”

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