Chapter 2: Experience

  As we walked to the pizza place, my mind was a mess. My emotions were all over the place. Looking back, that was the first time I had actually been interested in someone else. Yes I had minor crushes as a child, who didn’t?

  Anyway, I don’t know how I became infatuated, just by sitting next to her… But, I guess I did.

  The world was filled with vibrant colors. The cold mall air felt good. It was as if my perception of the world became different.

  I remember staring at her back. Every step she took, felt… Far. Distant. As if she had a leash around my neck, I followed her, at a close distance. But somehow, that “close” distance felt insurmountably large. Infinite.

  I’d been talking casually to her, but now, I don’t know how I could speak to her. Yes. Indeed, my mind was a mess.

  We entered the pizza place, and sat down. As she ordered, I kept looking at her. I remember not wanting to creep her out, but I just couldn’t help it. At that very moment, she somehow looked stunning.

  After she was done. She called out my name.

  “Sam,”

  “Hello Sam? You there?”

  “Sam! Snap out of it.” She shouted, breaking my daydream.

  “Huh, what?” I replied, my heart racing.

  “It’s your turn.” She said.

  “It is?” I asked, unaware.

  “Yes?” She said, her phone in hand.

  “Oh, yes it is…” I replied, “My turn for what?”

  “It’s your turn to order?” She said, “Don’t tell me your mind’s been somewhere else.”

  “Oh, yes… I mean…. No… It hasn’t…” I stammered. “Um’ I’m just going to have a normal cheese pizza please.” I told the waiter, trying to regain my composure.

  The waiter who’d been standing there awkwardly, replied, “Anything else?”

  “No please.” I replied.

  “Alright, we will move to the appetizers, ma’am do you want anything?” The waiter asked.

  “No.” Sarah replied, looking at me, “You?”

  “Nah, no appetizers.”

  “Any drinks?” The waiter asked.

  “I’ll just have water.” Sarah replied.

  “Same here.” I replied.

  “Alright that’s all, your food will be out in about five to ten minutes, have a good dinner.” The waiter said, then left our table. Leaving Sarah, and I alone.

  “Sam, you good?” She asked, leaning in.

  “Yeah, I am.” I replied.

  Minutes passed by. The world became warmer. I felt butterflies in my stomach. “Sarah, I’m gonna go to the restroom real quick.”

  She looked at me, “Hey you better not leave me, and go home.”

  “Don’t worry, I won’t.” I replied, heading to the bathroom.

  Part 2: Dangerous Thoughts

  There I stood, in front of the bathroom mirror. Turning on the faucet, thoughts appeared in my mind.

  “Sam, get those thoughts out of your mind.” I thought, running my hands through the water. “This feeling won’t be here by tomorrow, so don’t worry about it.”

  I denied those feelings, those thoughts, those images. Everything about today. I denied them.

  I lied to myself. I tried to gaslight myself. And that was my mistake. Maybe if I didn’t, things might have ended differently.

  Splashing my face with water, I tried to clear my head. Although it didn’t work.

  Minutes that felt like hours passed. And I had to head back outside.

  Part 3: Words

  Heading back outside, my mind still wasn’t clear.

  “Hey, is the food ready yet?” I asked, sitting at the table.

  “Does it look like it’s here?” Sarah asked, her gaze on her phone.

  A bit hurt, I said, “Oh, my bad.”

  We just sat still, no words exchanged, both of us, on our phones.

  The silence was deafening.

  A while later the waiter served us our food. And we ate.

  “Is the pizza good?” I asked, staring at Sarah.

  “What?” She asked, her attention still on her phone.

  “Oh, nothing, nevermind.” I replied, taking a slice of pizza from my plate.

  I just ate, while awkwardly looking at her.

  As we got done eating. For some reason, I was scared. Although we didn’t exchange much words. I still liked it. I liked sitting in front of her. Looking at her, as she ate. As she smiled while looking at her phone. I never wanted this… I never wanted this to end.

  But alas. It did. It ended, and it was time to head home.

  I paid the bill, and we started heading home.

  Walking home was fun. The way the brisk evening wind caressed my hair. Although it was a cool spring night. Everything still felt warm.

  As we came across the crosswalk, she spoke, “Hey, you know about what you said a month ago.”

  What’d I say a month? At that time, I had forgotten. “What’d I say a month ago?” I asked, confused.

  “How do I start?” she said to herself. “I’m sorry.”

  “Sorry for what?” I asked, as the crosswalk light turned green.

  “I started rumors, which ruined your reputation.” She replied, her voice soft.

  “It’s fine.” I replied, “Things happen. Yours was no different.”

  I shouldn’t have overlooked that. A female friend of mine once told me, “Girls are sly. Once they get control of a man, they won't even try.”

  And at that very moment. At that very crosswalk. She just got confirmation that I was within her control, like a dog.

  “Why are you so nice? Like I was rude to you from the very beginning?” Sarah asked, tears welling up in her eyes.

  “I don’t know what to say.” I said softly, while looking at the evening sky. “Thanks I guess?”

  “Well. My house is right around the corner.” She started as we continued to walk. “See you tomorrow, I guess.”

  I looked at her, I didn’t want her to leave, but I had no choice, “Wait before you leave, are we friends or nah.”

  “Do you want to be?” She asked, stopping.

  “Yes!” I said, enthusiastically.

  “Alright. I guess we’re friends.” She replied.

  Part 4: Friends

  “I guess we are.” I said, as I watched her leave.

  “Wow. I guess we’re friends, that’s a start.” I thought, a wide grin on my face.

  The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

  Walking back home, I thought of tomorrow and the presentation.

  “Let’s see how things go.” was the last thing I said, before disaster.

  “Sam, Sarah.” The teacher started the next day, after we finished the presentation, ‘Although I could see how much you guys researched, the presentation was lacking. And for that, you get a B.”

  “Ma’am a B?” I asked, stunned, “But we worked on the presentation for a minimum of 5 hours!”

  “I know, you guys worked very hard, everyone did. But the presentation itself was. Mediocre.” The teacher said, taking her glasses off.

  “Please Ma’am I can’t accept anything below an A, please!” I begged, practically crying.

  “Sorry, no can do. Plus you should be happy, you got higher than almost the entire class combined.” The teacher replied, wiping her glasses.

  “Sam it’s fine, you don’t have to always get A’s.” Sarah said, softly.

  I stared at her. It was all her fault. If I wasn’t infatuated, I would have a hundred percent done better.

  “After working my ass off, I guess, I still can’t get grades higher than my siblings.” I said, dejected.

  “You still did good though.” Sarah kept saying.

  “Well it’s fine, there’s always next year.” I told myself. “Next year, I will have all A's and nothing else.”

  “Anyways, everyone, give a big round of applause for Samuel, and Sarah.” The teacher instructed everyone.

  The class erupted, everyone was clapping. Sarah looked pleased. But I definitely wasn’t

  Part 5: Vanished Rumors

  For the rest of the day, people kept apologizing to me. “Sorry for thinking badly of you, turns out the rumors were false.” They said. “Sorry, for calling you a scumbag, when you didn’t deserve it.” “Sorry, it wasn’t my fault, it was the rumors.”

  At that time, I finally figured out how much control Sarah really had, but I did nothing, I just kept quiet, and watched things play out.

  I shouldn’t have done that.

  Part 6: Highschool Sophomore Year

  After the presentation day, the rest of the school year was stale, so I don’t remember much, except for the interactions I had with Sarah. Which at the time was fun and interesting.

  Then summer arrived. Then it went as quickly as it arrived. And my sophomore year was starting.

  In my sophomore year, I had nothing but honors, so it was pretty much hell for the whole year.

  I didn’t get to interact with Sarah as much as I did as a freshman, because of how busy I was. But I still occasionally did.

  I remember going to amusement parks, hanging out at the mall. Going camping, celebrating thanksgiving, and Christmas. And doing all sorts of things with her, in my free time.

  Then it happened, I accidentally let it slip… When I shouldn’t have.

  Part 7: Telling Her, I Like Her

  It was a warm cold evening, spring was right around the corner, you could tell. Flowers were starting to bloom, cherry blossoms were starting to appear. Birds started to chirp loudly. Animals came out. And bees started pollinating. Yes, spring was truly right around the corner.

  “Yo Sarah, look at this.” I remember saying to Sarah, who was nearby.

  “Wow, it’s a budding flower.” She replied, taking a picture.

  “It’s like you and I.” I muttered, not expecting her to hear it.

  “Sorry, what do you mean by that?” Sarah asked, looking at me.

  Nervous, I stammered, “‘Cuz y’know, our relationship is still budding… and growing…. And…”

  She looked at me, one eyebrow raised, “Go on.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “No, no I don’t, please elaborate, what do you mean?” She asked, her eyebrow still raised, her tone, hiding a hint of suspicion.

  “Fine,” I said, taking a deep breath.

  “Alright, go on. I’m listening.” She replied.

  “Last year, our relationship wasn’t as developed as it was today.” I started to say, remembering the supposed “fun” times I had with her. “Around this time last year, we barely knew each other; if anything, I would say we didn’t even know each other existed.”

  She kept on looking at me, “I don’t get your point.”

  “We’ve come a long way, and if I were to tell my last year self about this, he wouldn’t believe me.” I continued, “And just like this, or these flowers, our relationship is still budding, or growing, whichever.”

  “Like I said, I still don’t get your point, what exactly are you trying to say?” She asked.

  As the breeze blew by us, and the petals dropped from the trees, the birds stopped chirping, and the bees stopped buzzing, and pollinating, as if everything was expecting me to say what I had in my mind.

  “Sarah, I don’t know what else I can say, except…” I started, my heart racing, my body shaking, sweat slowly dripping down my forehead, and my fist clenched. “No, I’m getting too ahead of myself.”

  She just stared at me, no words said.

  I remember this scene very vividly, it was as if the world wanted me to say the three words I would have never expected to say to an ex-enemy.

  I looked at her eyes, it shone brightly under the moonlight.

  Chuckling, I started to remember how Sarah and I were once enemies. “You know, a month before the presentation last year, I hated you.”

  “Samuel, stop beating around the bush, and tell me what you have to say.” She replied.

  “I thought of you as annoying. Self-absorbed. And I thought of you as a manipulative person.” I started.

  “Wow, thanks a lot, you just hurt my feelings.” She said, her face beginning to glow under the moonlight like her eyes.

  “No, sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.” I said, my face blushing from embarrassment.

  “Then what did you mean to say, huh?” She asked.

  My heart was beating, I was sure at that very moment she could hear it. It was louder than my thoughts trying their best to stay together. It was louder than my emotions, trying to stay stable.

  “Sarah, last year, I said, I hated you.” I started after a while, “I said that I thought of you as self-absorbent and manipulative. But I was wrong. You’re anything but that.”

  I could hear music in my ears, I could hear my breath. I could hear my thoughts.

  Looking back, I think the time I fell in love with her—with Sarah, was actually false. I think I fell in love with her, at this very moment. That’s why I could hear music, that’s why I could see warm colors, that’s why, my heart was racing. That’s why, when I stood in front of her, I felt warm… I felt at ease.

  “Sarah, my interactions with you changed my mind. And now, like these budding flowers, I want us to evolve further. I want us to grow as one.” I continued, as she stared at me, “Sarah…”

  “Look, if you don’t want to say it, I’m not forcing you. You can tell me some other time.” She said, turning around.

  “No, I’m not gonna let this chance go away. I mustn't.” I thought.

  With my face bright red, I grabbed Sarah’s arm unknowingly and shouted, “Sarah! I… I…”

  “Spill it out, man, you’re gonna lose your chance, your opportunity.” I thought.

  “Sarah, I Love You!” I shouted, finally letting it out. While clenching my chest.

  Yes, before this, I would throw those words around, not knowing the meaning. But, at this very moment. I remember, my heart being at ease, after throwing it out.

  At this very moment, as if congratulating me, the birds chirped loudly, the breeze blew quickly. The bees buzzed. And the petals stopped dropping from the trees.

  She stopped, and turned around. “What?”

  Part 8: Sarah’s Response

  We both stood there, no words uttered for a solid few minutes.

  Then, with her face showing a hint of red, she asked, “what’d you just say?”

  “You know what I said.” I replied, my face still bright red.

  “No, no I don’t, repeat it.” she replied, her face becoming more and more red by the passing second.

  “I love you.” I replied.

  “Again.” She said.

  “I love you.” I continued.

  “Again.” She said.

  “I love you.” I replied.

  “Samuel, how many times do you love me, and how long are you going to love me for? How much of yourself are you going to give up for me? And what exactly do you love of, and from me? And how much are you gonna say you love me?” She asked, as I heard her heart beating.

  “Sarah, I’m going to love you as many times as there are stars and galaxies. I’m going to love you, till I die. And I will give myself up fully to you.” I started, “I don’t exactly know, but, I do know there’s something about you that just attracts me. And just like before, if you look up. How many stars are up there?”

  She walked closer, “If I remember, there’s an infinite number of stars up there.”

  “Then, I will say ‘I Love You’ an infinite number of times.” I replied.

  “Wait hold on, what makes you different from the number of guys out there? What are you going to do differently? And what if; even if there’s just .099 percent possibility that I might cheat on you, what are you going to do? How are you going to react?”

  This right here, is another red flag. And Ignored it. Just because of feelings.

  “I honestly don’t know what makes me different from other guys out there; maybe because I’m smart? Maybe, because I am tall? I honestly don’t know, and that’s for you to find out, because there’s only so much I might be able to do. I might not be able to give you the world, but I’ll be able to give you My World.” I started, “I don’t care about the .099 percent possibility, as long as there’s 99.1 percent, I’m good. And God forbid you do cheat on me, well, I’ll not be myself for the rest of my life. If anything, I might take it. And I would definitely be downtrodden.”

  She walked toward me. “I’m glad that you’ll always be with me.” Then she hugged me, “Sam, the thing is, I love you too.”

  As we hugged, the world became silent, I didn’t want this moment to end. And although my heart felt at ease, I felt like crying tears. Tears of Joy, and Happiness.

  Part 9: Dating My First Ex

  The next few days felt rather quick. And there were already rumors of how Sarah, and I were dating. But just to hear the words Sarah, and I, and dating together, truly made me the happiest highschooler alive.

  Everywhere I went, people would say, “Congratulations.” Or, “I heard you and Sarah started dating, congrats.” And those added to my joy.

  I would see Sarah in the hall, and think about the time when Sarah and I would pass by each other, not acknowledging each other’s existence. But that’s all changed, we are now dating. When we came across each other, we would say, “Hey babe, Or “Hi. “Hey!” In an awkward tone.

  Anyway days passed by in a blur and it was time for our first date.

  Part 10: My First Date

  On my first date in a relationship, and our first date as a couple, we decided to hang out at the mall where I fell in love.

  At first it was rather awkward, because although we came here, we didn't come here as anything other than accomplices or friends. But now, here we were going to this mall as a couple.

  Soon we started talking, about things like school, how stressful it was. Or family life. Whatever came to mind.

  Soon we sat down at a restaurant that served steak.

  As the waiter got our order we kept looking at each other. I looked at her eyes. She looked at mine.

  And we just stared at each other.

  Yet again looking back at this. I really was a pushover. Glancing over the red flags that were easily readable.

  And all because of that, I got cheated on.